


Rewrite the Stars

by Chronicles_of_Scout



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Aliens, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/F, Fluff, High School, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Xenophobia, they're dumb teenage lesbians trying their best ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 92,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23918035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronicles_of_Scout/pseuds/Chronicles_of_Scout
Summary: Kara crash lands on an Earth where aliens are being identified by an alien detection device created by child genius Lena Luthor.  Aliens have all of the same rights as humans but they're forced to enter into the alien registration and there's still a lot of vitriol about their arrival.  That means no Superman; no going to stay with the Danvers; and most tragically, it takes Kara nearly four years to try pot stickers!Or:Just a winding road of Kara's junior year where she meets Alex, discovers who she is and her own worth, learns a new meaning of family, and saves a bus.  Cause there's always a bus.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 318
Kudos: 459





	1. The One I was Meant to Find

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes:  
> Clark and Kara don't know each other exist. Because of the xenophobia, Clark never came out as Superman. His parents hid him very well and there is no trace of him in the system. He's off living his best human life unaware that Kara is a thing. 
> 
> And, because he never became superman, he never found Kara and took her to the Danvers. Which means when Kara lands, the government finds her, registers her and puts her in the child welfare system. Aka Foster Care.
> 
> My use of Foster care in this one is very limited in hard facts and is very anecdotal so don't take any of Kara's experience as fact.
> 
> Cat is a House mom: She is basically like an Resident Assistant but for teenagers who have passed the point where they might be adopted or have run away too many times. Basically, the place where there's no where else to go. She is also just starting CatCo Worldwide. At the moment it's just a small paper that she's running almost all by herself.
> 
> Jim Harper and Dirk Armstrong are characters from Season 1 who I hated.
> 
> J'onn is an alien but it's not public knowledge. He is not registered.
> 
> Uh... I think that's it? I hope I got the gist of it. Lena will not be in this story. Not because of any hard feelings but honestly just couldn't fit her character in to the fluff since she made the device that ruined Kara's life. So. yeah.
> 
> Song: Rewrite the Stars- Zendaya and Zac Efron The Greatest Showman

Kara’s first meeting with Alex Danvers was completely unexpected.

She’d been minding her own business, executing the prank of the year, when her entire life’s trajectory had been changed.

High school was… tough. And, despite what much of America’s population seemed to think, having your planet explode and then needing to seek refuge on Earth did not make someone a lazy freeloader. And Kara was kind of sick of being treated like a second class citizen. For four years she’d had to live with the status of “alien immigrant” and had been bounced around enough foster homes to know that there were a lot of shitty humans in the world.

And a good chunk of those shitty humans happened to reside in her new eleventh grade gym class.

As far as new group homes went, Kara’s was pretty ok. Her current counselor, Cat Grant, could be a little strict: Kara had found a stray cat that she’d named Streaky that Cat was both terrified of and allergic to and had banned from the house. But she was fair: she’d helped Kara source some supplies for Streaky that she could bring him every morning before school. And though she hadn’t quite gotten Kara’s name right yet, at least she treated Kara like she had value. Like her thoughts and opinions were worth being heard.

And she did _not_ make Kara run.

Kara hated running.

Why run when she could fly? Literally.

Her gym teacher called it an unfair advantage and her classmates called her a cheating abomination. Because her wonderful gym teacher had “accidentally” let spill that Kara was an alien. The entire class had had to have sensitivity lectures and sign a contract not to reveal Kara’s status to the school but that was little more than a pinky promise honestly. A lot of Kara’s life was now held in the rather fickle nature of a bunch of teenage girls.

She was really enjoying her experience at National City high school so far. Real crème de la crème.

On this particular day, the day Kara will probably always remember as “How to Earn Yourself a First Class Ticket to Kryptonian Heck”, Belinda had been particularly cruel by spreading green paint all over Kara’s gym clothes. Mr. Harper, the gym teacher, had been largely unsympathetic. He’d actually laughed.

With Belinda and her cronies.

And he’d made Kara run laps for not having the proper attire because of course he wanted to punish the alien. The interloper. The invader. The little green man from mars.

Which was honestly just insulting.

Martians may be green but that’s pretty much where the resemblance between them and their Earthly caricatures ended. On top of that, there was also the glaring fact that Kara was a Kryptonian not a Martian and that she clearly looked as human as humans came.

Any differences between their two species were all internal… mostly.

Sadly, there weren’t that many people that Kara had met that understood that and, as she completed her last lap, the bell signaling the end of the period blaring in the background, Kara realizes that trying to change their minds and educate them like Ms. Grant had suggested was a lost cause.

Instead…

She could just show them that it would be best to leave her alone.

~*~

Sneaking into the chemistry lab had been easy. The teachers almost never remembered to lock their classrooms and Kara had enough of a reputation as a do-gooder that no one even looked twice as she entered the deserted hallway. It was lunchtime for the Freshman and Sophomores which meant that their lab would be empty and now was Kara’s perfect chance to strike.

The doorknob pushes down without issue and she glances around the hall one more time before entering the dark room.

She swings her backpack from her shoulder and quickly removes the two ketchup bottles from the inside pocket. Placing the stolen items on the countertop, Kara immediately set to scanning the shelves for the last required ingredient.

Well… not _exactly_ the last ingredient per se. At least not in a plan completion sort of way. Kara would still need to trick Belinda and her friends into using said ketchup for this to work. Which should be easy. Kara was still the new girl in school—and in town, yay her for reaching the land of kids no one wants—and hadn’t made any friends yet. Heck, even the kids at the foster home hadn’t completely warmed up to her yet. Although there was this one kid, Winn, who seemed pretty nice. Unfortunately he was a Sophomore and therefore didn’t share Kara’s lunch period.

Which meant that for the last month Kara had been in this school, she’d had to eat lunch alone.

And, even though there were plenty of spots for her to do that, if she chose to sit in the lunchroom Belinda would inevitably find her and bully Kara enough that she just left the room altogether.

Kara was ashamed to admit that, even though she hated Belinda and everything she stood for, and even though she understood completely that the things Belinda said had absolutely no strands of truth, she still couldn’t help but feel hurt by it all.

And it makes her feel even smaller that she can’t tune it out and ignore it. That a small part of her actually believes what’s being said, no matter how untrue she knows it is.

Idly, her hand trails down the wall of the last shelf, disappointment trailing through her when she’s failed to find what she’s looking for. An emotion that only lasts a second when she realizes that, lost in her thoughts as she was, she hadn’t noticed that the bottles were alphabetized in this lab and thus she had been looking in the S-V section.

Chuckling under her breath, she turns lazily towards the opposite wall and promptly freezes.

The first time Kara sees Alex Danvers, her heart literally stops.

Alex’s does not.

Instead of gaping at Kara like a fish out of water, she eyes her curiously. Lazily. Like a Cat.

She’s sitting near the back of the room at a lab bench measuring out some sort of red liquid into individual test tubes. There’s a white lab jacket hanging over the back of her stool, but she’s got on gloves and a set of goggles pushed back over her hairline.

Kara’s first impression of Alex is that she’s heart stopping-ly ethereal with that look on her face.

Her second is that Alex looks kind of like a badass.

The short sleeved t-shirt she’s wearing is of Blink 182 and Kara’s never had music she’s identified with more but also: the short sleeves reveal incredibly toned arms. And on Alex’s left arm, running along the inside of her bicep from just below her elbow to under the shirt is what looks to be a tattooed chemical equation. Like someone had turned Alex’s arm into their own personal notebook.

It was intriguing.

And Kara’s staring was starting to freak even her out.

Trying to think of what to do, Kara is surprised when Alex glances amusedly between her and the ketchup bottles before pushing back from her seat and standing up. Third impression: Alex’s body is perfect. She looks to be about the same height as Kara but, when she reaches into the cabinet behind her, her t-shirt rides up a little and Kara is treated to more muscles and adorable little dimples at the small of Alex’s back.

Then Alex turns back around, and Kara feels her face flood with heat.

Embarrassingly, Alex seems to _know,_ and she smirks as she sets a box on the lab bench Kara’s standing in front of before sauntering back to her own station and the work she was doing before Kara had barged in unannounced. Alex gets back to her measuring but she’s smiling and that makes Kara want to smile.

She gives in to the urge.

And a quick look confirms that yes, Alex had just handed her the baking soda she was looking for.

Biting her lip, Kara lifts the box and runs a finger over the edge before going back to the ketchup to complete her plan. She steals looks of Alex during the short process though, her grin growing as she caps the ketchup and returns it to her bag.

A smart human?

Who’d have thought.

~*~

Kara makes it a point to grab a seat near the back of the cafeteria, closest to the lunch line and furthest from the door. She’s one of the first people in the lunchroom so it’s not a hard ordeal to set her plan into motion. She gets a tray of fries and an apple from Ruby, the lunch lady, and happily plops down onto the empty bench.

She doesn’t even have to falsify her happiness. For one, she _loves_ French fries. Of all the things humans had invented, she thinks this is her favorite one. And pizza. And pot stickers. And crullers. And—Kara just really had an appreciation for Earth food.

But for _two,_ more notably and even more surprisingly was that Kara had met that girl in the chem lab. The girl who had somehow known without even speaking what Kara had been looking for. Who’d helped Kara without even asking what she was going to do or why.

Dangerous? Yes.

Hot? Also yes.

Was Kara kind of crushing? Yeah, for sure.

Would there be a ‘no’ in this internal monologue she was having? Probably not. Unless, you actually counted that one. Cause that could count as—

Kara reaches for the ketchup bottle at the same time that Belinda slams her lunch tray down in front of her. Sometimes, having super hearing was a gift.

“Oh. Hey Belinda.”

“This is our table Troq. Why don’t you scuttle along and leech off of someone else?” Belinda is a big girl. She’s large, taller than Kara by at least three inches and built on the athletic of a wiry wrestler frame. If Kara didn’t have her super strength, she’d actually be intimidated by her. Luckily, she was an alien and didn’t have to really worry about a physical altercation. “Did you hear me Troq?” Belinda sneers, brunette ponytail bouncing behind her head. “Move.”

“Or,” Kara grits, reminding herself that she did not want to get kicked out of this home; she liked this home; she was sick of moving around. “You could find your own table? I _was_ sitting here first and—”

“Move,” Asia, one of Belinda’s shorter and more nagging cronies chirped. “Or Belinda will move you. Those are your options.”

_Stick to the plan Zor-El. Just stick to the plan._

Forcing a smile on her face, Kara grudgingly stands, grabbing her backpack on the way up. “Sure. It’s all yours.”

She grabs her lunch tray and carefully closes the container of fries she’d purchased, gently placing the delicacy in her bookbag. She didn’t want any mishaps and wouldn’t leave anything to chance. The apple she bites into, chewing patiently as she makes her way to the exit.

And then, like Rao himself had come down and turned her head for her, Kara glances to the right and sees the chem lab girl from before watching her walk away.

It’s the second time she sees Alex Danvers and she looks even more beautiful in a fully lit room than she had been in the dark lab. She’s leaning over a table of girls, all of them wearing varsity jackets and drinking from cartoonishly large water bottles. And her hair that had been pushed back by goggles before is now free to hang down around her face, a moderate cut that just barely passes her shoulders. It looks like silk; like each individual strand moved independently of its siblings just to brush along Alex’s cheek and tempt Kara.

And, Kara notes, Alex has brown eyes. Really enchanting brown—

_Bang!_

**_Boom_ ** _!_

The two noises, although they occurred simultaneously, actually have very little to do with each other. The ‘bang’ came because Kara was so distracted by Alex that she managed to walk face first into the reinforced metal doors that closed off the lunchroom. Nothing was damaged but her pride, but it was still pretty loud.

The ‘boom’ however, was caused when Belinda and her friends shook the ketchup bottle that had so kindly been placed at their lunch table. When the bottles had burst open… well, now they had all been coated in ketchup and were shrieking something fierce. Baking soda.

Who knew?

Kara watches the chaos with almost giddy excitement and then almost has a mild panic attack when Alex grabs her elbow.

“Hey, are you ok? That looked painful.”

“Uh…”

Oh. Alex’s eyes are even more beautiful when she’s looking at you up close. Intense. Drowning.

“You’re dead Troq!”

Crap.

Eyes widening, Kara gently extricates herself from Alex. “I’m so sorry I gotta go!”

Alex looks shocked but doesn’t protest when Kara takes off out of the doors. Belinda’s gang will never be able to catch up to her but for some reason she feels like she’s running for her life. Her heart won’t stop pounding and she doesn’t stop running until she’s on the roof.

Her elbow burns where Alex had touched her and, not for the first time, Kara feels completely confused.

What _was_ that?

~*~

The varsity jackets lead Kara to actually grab a copy of the school newspaper and track down Winn after school. They’re walking to the bus stop while Kara explains the gist of what had gone down today to her friend, Winn listening with rapt attention while he stares at the picture of Alex that Kara had found.

Apparently she’s captain of the Soccer team.

“Alex Danvers? Dude, she’s a genius.” Winn gushes. “Like not literally but her parents are rock stars. Or were. Her dad died two years ago so it’s just her and her mom now, but she’s got NASA genes in her. She’s a halfway student; she’s taking college classes while she’s here as part of an accelerated program. She’s already been accepted to Princeton, Columbia, Brown, Yale _and_ Harvard. And she’s like a beast at soccer.”

Impressed, Kara takes a second—re:10th—look at Alex’s photo. “What year is she?”

“She’s a senior. She was probably in the lab setting up for the Freshman; she works as a TA for her chem credits since she already passed her regents and AP exams.”

“Let me guess she also volunteers at soup kitchens?”

“No. But she _does_ play guitar.” Winn wiggles his eyebrows. “Why you interested?”

Yes.

“In a human? Please.” Rolling her shoulders, Kara sighs and fights the urge to grumble. “Your kind is not exactly receptive to interspecies relationships Winn.”

“It’s high school Kara. Teenagers aren’t receptive to anything but boy bands and video games.”

Kara grunts. “Not helping.”

“It’ll be different when we get to college.” Winn insists. “I’m working on that blocker so the Luthor’s alien tech won’t be able to reveal you this time. You’ll be just like everyone else.”

When Kara lies in bed that night, still unable to sleep despite already having spent literal years on this planet, she can’t help but to replay Winn’s words in her head.

It’s a nice thought that one day Kara will be able to be normal, but not one Kara is holding out much hope for. Lena Luthor, a real genius and child prodigy had followed in the footsteps of her older brother Lex and created a device that would show the user the species of person they were talking to. It wasn’t completely accurate given there were more alien species than known to mankind, but it definitely did a good job in sorting out aliens from humans.

The government had bought them by the truckload and there was now an alien registration list that was required for anyone wanting to enter into the public education system. Given that Kara was an orphan with no prospects and no money, she’d had to be scanned and the paperwork that followed her would always read as non-human.

Less than.

Little more than an animal in some circles.

She wonders if that includes Alex’s circle. What Kara was wasn’t a secret; did Alex know she was an alien? Had she helped Kara even while knowing that?

And if the opposite was true… Kara would rather just leave it as it is. A nice day that had revealed once again humans weren’t all bad. A lesson she constantly needed to be reminded of with Belinda around.

Alex Danvers had at least served that purpose; there was no need to ask for more.

~*~

So.

Turns out not asking for more doesn’t necessarily mean not getting more.

A sad fact that Kara has to learn the next day when she is immediately summoned to the Principal’s office. They know that the ketchup incident was her, but they can’t exactly prove it. Ketchup and baking soda are after all extremely easy to come by. It’s not like the chem teacher kept an inventory of exactly how much baking soda he had at any given time. And besides that, Kara could have just walked to the store and got some herself.

She hadn’t but again they can’t prove it.

It’s her word against Belinda’s.

Belinda wins.

Kara isn’t frustrated at all.

Still, when they try to suspend her Cat Grant shows up and rains down hell.

“You’re saying that you called me down here because you _suspect_ Keira was involved in a prank?”

“A very serious prank Ms. Grant. There was ketchup every—”

“Keira,” Ms. Grant interrupts Principal Armstrong mid-sentence, sweat already beading on the paltry man’s pasty forehead. “What is your current grade in chemistry?”

“A C minus Ms. Grant.” A point of contention for Kara since she’d once been the youngest member _ever_ inducted into the Guild of Science.

“And how,” Cat continues without removing her gaze from the Principal despite two of his staff members standing behind him for backup. “Would this man expect you to know that mixing a diluted form of acetic acid with a base would result in a buildup of carbon dioxide gas?”

“No idea Ms. Grant. Just yesterday Mr. Harper said aliens were too dumb to run let alone know the chemical makeup of ketchup.”

“Hmm. I think this school is very confused about your skillset dear. Mr. Armstrong?”

The man is red now, his lips pressed thin in anger. Kara can hear his heart beating furiously against his chest. He wants to say something but apparently is too afraid to do so with Cat in the room. Her caretaker can be a fearsome opponent.

“Yes Ms. Grant?

“Can I ask why you think Keira would do something like this?”

“I… Kara and the group of students involved have been having eh altercations if you will and—”

“Bullying.”

“Excuse me?” Mr. Armstrong prompts, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“I believe the word you were looking for was bullying. As in, Ms. Zee and her merry gang of imbeciles have found great entertainment in making Keira’s life here incredibly difficult and, despite multiple attempts at reporting this behavior, your staff has done nothing to curb it.”

“Now Ms. Grant—”

“But now you want _me_ to sympathize with these teenage terrorists and grant you the ability to punish the child in _my_ care on a baseless accusation of which you have absolutely no proof? Did I get that right?”

Principal Armstrong looks like he’d kill her if he could.

Kara would like to see him try.

With a pinched mouth, Mr. Armstrong inhales noisily and folds his meaty hands on the desk. “Kara was at the scene and she fled. Explain that.”

Ms. Grant doesn’t even blink. “Keira?”

“After the ketchup exploded Belinda and her friends got mad and whenever that happens, they take it out on me. I ran before they could catch me.”

“Well,” Cat says, pasting a falsely bright smile on her face. “I believe that settles it. Anything else Dirk?”

“Ms. Zor-El, did you or did you not put baking soda in the ketchup bottles?” It’s a last ditch effort from a desperate man and Kara’s already prepared herself for the question.

“I did not.”

Cat hums and rises from her seat, Kara quickly following suit. “Please don’t call me down here for something so foolish again Dirk. I’m a very busy woman.”

Fighting a smirk, Kara follows her new hero out of the cramped office. They’re almost home free when Mr. Armstrong catches up to them again, a pleased sneer on his stupid face that Kara very much wants to wipe off.

“There is just one more thing Catherine. Kara still hasn’t chosen her extracurricular and well, the deadline is in two days.”

Lifting one perfectly plucked brow, Cat turns her inquisitive stare on Kara. “I thought you said you put in for Art club.”

“They said were already full.” Kara mumbles, ducking her head and scuffing the toe of her shoe on the ground.

Which had been a lie. One in a long list of lies actually since Kara had asked to join a dozen groups who had all turned her down. Kara wasn’t the only alien in the school by a long shot, but she was the one with the most popular arch nemesis and no one wanted to get on Belinda’s bad side. Belinda Zee was a local celebrity. At least on social media.

Her accounts had roughly fifty thousand followers a piece and, if any student crossed her, she would be sure to blast them all over Instagram, snapchat, and tic-tok. 

Cat’s lips thin.

Dirk’s stretch into a smile.

“Well if Kara can’t find a group to join, I’m afraid we’ll have to assign her to the girl’s wrestling team. They’re always looking for new players and I’m sure they’d be happy to have Kara.”

Yeah, to get in free hits.

The wrestling team was Belinda’s domain and once there, she’d have Kara in the palm of her hands. Or she’d think she would. Public ridicule aside, if Belinda truly tried to get physical with Kara, she would be the one getting hurt and Kara could face charges even if she hadn’t played an active part in the altercation.

Humans _sucked._

“She could join our team.” They all swivel their heads as one to see Alex Danvers casually closing her locker and hefting a duffel bag over her shoulders. The silky hair Kara had been admiring before is damp and hanging limply around her ears. She smells like a garden of flowers. “Coach was just saying that we needed some extra hands and I wasn’t looking forward to recruiting anyone new but, if you’re available Kara, we’d love to have you.”

“Oh.” Oh, the way Alex had just said her name like that. Casual and laced with warmth. Had her name always been that pretty? Did Alex always smell like th—a rude nudge from Cat jerks her back into the present and she quickly nods her agreeance. “Yes! Yes, I will um join your team. Thank you… Alex.”

Alex grins and pulls out her phone. “What’s your number? I can text you the details and explain everything at tomorrow’s practice.” Kara rattles it off nervously, hoping her voice isn’t squeaking too much in front of the evil principal and her newfound crush. “Cool,” Alex says, giving Kara a wink. “I’ll see you tomorrow Kara. Later Principal Armstrong, Ms. Grant.”

And then she’s gone, leaving as easily as she had come.

Kara is left staring after her like a gaping fish.

“I suppose she will have to do.” Cat mutters under her breath, taking Kara by the arm and leading her out of the school. “You could do much worse, that girl definitely has a bright future ahead of her. A bit reckless but who wasn’t at that age?”

“Huh?”

Her head is too full of thoughts to put together Cat’s puzzles right now.

“Keira,” Cat prompts, now that they’re safely out of the building and headed towards Cat’s car. “Did you mess with the ketchup?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm. A smart trick; simple. Wholly beneath you.”

“But she _started_ it.”

“And you could have finished it with class. Poise. Now, you’re little more than the class clown. How did that make you feel?”

“I—” she _had_ felt pretty good until now. “I’m sick of people messing with me.”

Stopping at the car, Cat places both hands on Kara’s shoulders and squeezes gently. “People will always mess with you Kara and they will always try to make you feel small. Whether or not they succeed is completely up to you. By stooping to their level, you’ve only shown them that your people— _your people_ Kara, are capable of just as much malevolence as they are. How does that improve your standing?”

Kara shrugs and scuffs her shoe again.

“Come on, let’s go brainstorm on better revenge tactics. Starting with the rules of soccer; it’d be a shame if Dirk tried to pull you off the team because you were bad at the sport.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is actually around 24k now but this was all that I had SOLID. As in no need for editing or changing locations or inserts. But I thought I could do with some fresh air from SWRD so I thought I'd peek my head out. Also to see if this is even something anyone's interested in reading. I know WFLHP did really well but the premise of this one isn't sick parents so much as Kara learning to live her own life despite the terrible people around her. In other words, do tales of overcoming ones bullies tickle your fancy?
> 
> Also, I promise there's a LOT more to it than bullying. It's almost all Kalex with the rest sprinkled in. This IS a love story. My heads just all over the place maybe... I'm overthinking this. I'm gonna go drink some tea and go night night.
> 
> If you guys like it, updates will probably be really quick. At the very least once a week.


	2. You Know I Want You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're just gonna see where this goes yeah? And I'll update as I edit.

Soccer, as it turns out, is not Kara’s forte.She, Cat, and Winn had stayed up most of the night reviewing the basics of the game and Kara could honestly say she could not care less about the sport.

That opinion had only solidified after watching the first half of a game on YouTube.She’d been bored out of her mind!

But soccer was better than wrestling and it would get Principal Armstrong off of her back so she makes sure she’s promptly at practice anyway.Cat had even taken her shopping for new workout clothes.

Lulu Lemon was the current “in” designer but Kara couldn’t really afford those and she refused to let Cat pay out of pocket so she’d settled for some simple off brand ones in a soft lilac and blue.

Watching the other girls on the field in their more basic black and white and yellow clothes has her fidgeting near the bleachers with anxiety.Stupid colors.Why had she thought “pretty” rather than “useful”.Clearly no one else was super concerned with how their clothes looked.Also, very clearly, the girls were all wearing _shorts_ rather than leggings and now Kara had probably just wasted forty bucks on something she didn’t even like!

Her only defense was that she’d watched the soccer game _after_ she’d gone shopping but… still.Foster kids didn’t get a whole lot of money as it was and paying for lunch took up a lot of Kara’s already scarce budget.Losing money on this was not something she’d needed right now.

And not fitting in _again_ was sure to send her into the deep end.

“Hey.”Startled Kara jumps and spins around to see Alex and another much shorter girl carrying a cooler over from the locker room.Alex grins at her as they approach.“You made it.”

“Um… yeah.Yes.I uh wasn’t sure where to go though so…”

“Just stick with me.”Alex reassures, jerking her head at her companion.“This is Vasquez, she’s co-captain.”

Falling into the step with them, Kara nods past Alex at Vasquez, pulling nervously at her sleeves.“Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“Normally I run practice with coach but today Vasquez and Maggie are gonna take over while Coach and I get you acclimated.”

“Oh, right.Right.Um…”Kara bites her lip, unsure if she should admit this but not wanting the first person to show her kindness at this school to be embarrassed.“I’m not really good at sports.”

Vasquez laughs.“No kidding?The giraffe arms and legs totally didn’t give that away.”

Cheeks burning, Kara can only pull harder on her sleeve and focus on her feet.They’ve made it to the player’s bench now and Alex sets her end of the cooler down, sending Vasquez off to the field to start practice.

“She was joking you know?”Alex says as she finishes setting up the cups and towels for her team.“It’s just, and I mean this with absolutely no offense, anybody would be able to tell you weren’t athletically inclined.”Alex stops and rubs her chin, eyes skating over Kara’s form with renewed interest.“Although I will say with how fast you are, you might have done well on the track team.”

Not a good idea.

Besides the fact that participation in sports was still fairly controversial for aliens, Kara had yet to meet anyone who’d even come close to running half as fast as she was able to.It would be an unfair advantage and the morality of it didn’t sit right with her.

The more competitive side of her wanted to run some laps and show Alex just how athletically inclined she was.An ill conceived notion since Alex wasn’t exactly wrong; Kara may be stronger and faster on Earth than she had been on Krypton but that didn’t mean she was any more coordinated.A fact that is only reinforced when Alex tries to toss her a ball and she fumbles the catch and nearly takes out the whole bench in the process.

“Hm.”Alex sounds, planting her hands on her hips as Kara grabs the ball off the ground and tries to act normal.“Yeah, how about we just sit down for now?”

“I—ok.”

Alex pulls out a thick notebook and takes the seat next to Kara, flipping through the pages idly.This whole experience is one of the most nerve wracking Kara’s ever had to go through.

“Um… Alex?”

“Hm?”

“If you don’t think I’m uh athletic than what am I doing here?”The question sounds a bit antagonistic and Kara immediately flaps her hands when Alex begins to look up.“Not that I’m complaining!I’d much rather be here than a part of the wrestling team I just… I don’t get it.”

With her mouth pulling to the side, Alex turns her head this way and that.“To be honest I hadn’t really completely thought it through when I offered.”

“Oh.”

“That doesn’t mean we don’t need you though.Coach is looking for some help on the bench and I thought that’d be a good fit?Do you um happen to like math at all?”

Like?It’s the only subject on this planet that makes even a little bit of sense to Kara.It’s archaic sure, but it’s also still pretty universal in it’s concepts.Not like chemistry and history and _English!_

“Yeah I do.”

Alex grins and scooches closer to her, bringing a waft of her scent that hits Kara dead in the face.“Cool.I helped Coach with last year’s plays but we’re gonna need some new ones to stay ahead this year.”Pointing at her notebook, Alex draws a line around a set of little stick figures with “x”s for bodies.“We’re the X, the other team is the Y.”

And that’s pretty much how Kara spends the rest of her first day of practice.Turns out Alex is a much better tutor than either Cat or Winn had been, and Kara actually becomes interested in soccer miracle of miracles.That could also be because Alex seemed to love it _so_ much and it showed but Kara wasn’t going to complain.This was good.

And Mr. Jones, Alex’s soccer coach, was actually way better than Mr. Harper.He only taught two of the specialized gym classes: weight management and ESL.Programs that Mr. Harper wanted no part of so the odds of Kara having him regularly were slim.Especially because there was very little chance she’d be able to pack on an unhealthy amount of weight under a yellow sun.

Still… she could dream.

~*~

The next time Kara’s at lunch Vasquez grabs her arm and drags her over to the “soccer” table.

“You’re a part of the team: you eat with team.”She declares, shoving Kara down next to Alex.

And that pretty much settles that.

As nervous as this makes Kara feel she can’t help but to internally crow with laughter at the pinched look on Belinda’s face.It’d be a lot harder to bully Kara when she had a group of athletic popular kids surrounding her. 

~*~

Turns out Kara is actually really good as John’s assistant.

Her evenings had quickly become consumed by soccer; she was either at practice or redrawing the team’s playbook at the dinner table while Cat tutted at her not to forget her actual homework.

Kara doesn’t it’s just that she’s already kind of given up on any real success in academia and this soccer thing has become a sort of refuge for that.

She’s always had a knack for drawing and so it’s easy to turn Mr. Jones and Alex’s ideas into much more refined pieces that can be easily deciphered.The whole X and Y bit could get confusing with Alex’s chicken scratch.

Cat said it was the mark of a scientist.

She’d said it sarcastically and with more than a little disdain but Kara had latched onto that new fact like a woman in a desert.She could totally see Alex as a scientist, wonders what kind she’d be.

There’s a twinge in her chest as she wonders what path her father would have recommended for Alex.Near the end he’d been into biology himself, almost mastering the cloning process single handedly.Her uncle hadn’t been too happy about that though and it had caused a major rift in the family.

Staring up at her ceiling one night, her new playbook clutched to her chest, Kara can’t help but wonder about Alex’s family.Winn had said her dad had died and Kara feels a kindred sort of… grief.Had they been close? Had Alex’s dad nurtured her supposed love of science?And had he done something so horrible in the eyes of his family, that they’d almost disowned him and Alex both?

Rolling onto her side, Kara hopes with only a touch of bitterness that that answer is no.

She hopes Alex only has fond memories of her father; that they’d been happy and that his passing had been a simple thing if such a thing were possible.

The complications surrounding Krypton’s destruction and Kara’s losses… she wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

~*~

“You should start letting Maggie control the ball more.”

Mr. Jones grunts.“Alex sets the plays.”

“Yeah but Maggie is small; I don’t think Alex can always see her but she’s the best striker we have.If we can get her the ball more than I think we’ll have better odds.”

“What are you suggesting?”Kara shows him a new play she’s worked up that will have Alex straying a little further from her midfielder position than she’s used to.Mr. Jones raises both eyebrows.“Interesting.”Then he picks up the whistle around his neck and gives two sharp blows.

When the team comes in, they’re already sweaty from running drills and starting their wind down scrimmage.Then they see the play Kara’s outlined and their crankiness becomes apparent.

“Hell no.”Maggie says, already trying to step away from the huddle.Luckily Vasquez grabs her before she takes more than a step and all she can do is whine about it.

“I can give the opportunity to someone else.”Mr. Jones says thoughtfully, eyeing the eager looking junior in the yellow practice jersey.

“Hell no.”Maggie says again, crossing her arms grumpily but otherwise seeming to be willing to pay attention.

“It looks solid.”Alex huffs, breath still coming in pants.Then she lays a hand on the small of Kara’s back as she steps in closer to get a better look.“It’ll leave an opening if they get the ball back though.”

Forcing her brain to think past the heated sensation of Alex’s hand searing her through several layers of clothes, Kara nods and swallows.“Yeah I thought of that too which is why I thought you could rotate like this.”

She draws out the rotation, both nervous and amused when Alex tilts her head, drops her jaw, and lifts her brow. “Huh.”

Maggie scowls.“ _Hell no.”_

~*~

Their first game is an away game and it’s the first time Kara sees Alex in all of her soccer glory.She’d seen her play before and knew she was skilled but wow.Watching the confidence that falls over her like a suit of armor, the near cockiness of her movements?

Just _wow._

Then Alex leads them into Kara’s play and Maggie scores an easy goal, the result of which is the soccer team running onto the field to celebrate and Alex running _off_ field to give Kara a hug.Like a full hug.

Arms wrapped tight around Kara’s waist in a brief squeeze before she’s giddily running back to her teammates.

Oh Rao.

“Breathe.” Mr. Jones counsels.“That’s important here.”

Kara blinks and nods but isn’t sure if she’s actually able to follow his orders.Breathing seems pretty unnecessary right now.

Unsurprisingly they win the game and Mr. Jones treats them to dinner at a diner.

They all squeeze into one of the big booths reserved for large parties and Kara finds herself sandwiched against Alex who doesn’t exactly smell like roses right now.Not that she smells bad per se but her more natural scent is almost overpowering and doing _things_ to Kara’s head.

She barely knows what she orders.Has no idea how she’s faring in the group conversation and gets distracted every time Alex so much as smiles at her.

“A toast.”Vasquez cheers, lifting her glass of soda over the table.“To Kara for coming up with the most bomb ass play I’ve ever seen.”

Maggie reaches over and ruffles Kara’s hair amidst more cheers and a chorus of “thank you”s and congratulations.Unfortunately, on Krypton casual touch was frowned upon and Kara hadn’t exactly received a whole lot of affection since she’d gotten here.She’s pretty sure Alex has touched her more in the past few weeks than she’d been touched in the last year alone.So when Maggie reaches for her hair, she allows the touch for all of a second before she’s pressing back and away and somehow winds up almost in Alex’s lap.

Mortified doesn’t even begin to cover how she’s feeling but Alex just casually moves her arm along the back of the booth seat to give her more room.

How someone can be so cool is beyond Kara.

“You’re seriously a genius for that play.”Another girl gushes, shoving a handful of fries into a mountain of ketchup.“The Canaries didn’t even know what hit them!”

“Exactly how smart are you?” Vasquez questions suspiciously, leaning forward and dropping her chin onto her fist.

“Um… not very?I’m pretty sure I’m gonna fail English and History.”

“Ah the written word.”Maggie bemoans with a sympathetic nod, “it truly does make fools of us all.”

“Maggie’s ESL.”Alex confides, breath ghosting over the shell of Kara’s ear and nearly sending her into cardiac arrest with how close they’ve somehow become.“She was going through the same thing last year.”

Something in that sentence seems to turn on a light bulb in Vasquez’ head because she wastes no time in elbowing Maggie and giving her a pointed look.

Subtle score zero but Maggie seems to get the message.

“Until Alex tutored me.”Maggie says, eyes wide and full of mischief.“You should get her to tutor you.”

“Oh.”Kara blinks, her heart quite suddenly racing and leaving her feeling more than a little faint.“I um I wouldn’t um really have any place to go.”There was no way she was inviting Alex back to the group home.“And I wouldn’t want to be any trouble.I mean how important could English be really?”

As a collection, the team all send her blank looks.As if they aren’t certain if she’s joking or not.

She’s not.

“I have a car.”Alex says after the silence has stretched for a bit.“We can study at mine if you’re up for it.I don’t mind, tutoring counts as studying and I like studying.I can drop you off at your place after we’re done.”

Which seems to be the answer everyone else had expected and Kara is left scrabbling for a piece of herself in the aftermath.What had just happened?

Should she say no?

More time with Alex sounded pretty great; Alex was nice and she was so cool and assured.

But more time with Alex meant more of these weird _feelings._ Kara had had a crush on Krypton, and it had _not_ felt like this.Her Krypton crush had faded after a few days; her crush on Alex didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.

Distance should have been able to put an end to that, but it seemed Alex had found a way into every facet of her life.

Kara saw her at school, practice… her dreams.And now she’d have to see her after all of that too.

The worst part was that she looked _forward_ to seeing Alex.At least until she actually saw her or had to endure her touch and the feelings got worse.Before that it was a whole lot of daydreaming and reminiscing about how it had felt before.

Maybe it’ll make sense when she’s older.

Maybe it’s the puberty hormones.

Or not.

Kara isn’t even sure if she goes through puberty in the same way humans do.

There’s still so much she doesn’t know.

Alex is grinning at her teammates, chewing on a mouthful of fruit salad as they talk about their victory.

She wishes there was someone she could talk to about this.

~*~

Ask and you shall be given.

Kara decides to bite the bullet and talk to Cat.She figures embarrassing herself in front of her counselor would be a better idea than embarrassing herself in front of Alex.The effects wouldn’t be nearly as detrimental or long lasting.

Cat probably had like twenty years left in her whereas Alex was a healthy young teenager.The odds were on the soccer player surviving forever over the adult who Kara was fairly certain had multiple mental health conditions considering the amount of medication she was on.

“I just don’t understand.”Kara is saying to Cat that night as they lock of the house.All the other kids have already gone to bed.Or at least their bedrooms.Cat said they had a curfew not a bedtime.“Why does my stomach feel like lead every time I’m around her?”

“Did you know I have a Masters?In Fine Arts and Journalism.I was a world renowned journalist and now I’m listening to the love struck ramblings of an alien adolescent.Perry White would have a field day.”

Kara decides to ignore most of that.“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?I don’t think it’s love obviously; we’ve only known each other for a few weeks and love is supposed to feel good not nauseating.”

The exhale Cat releases is _almost_ visible.“There is nothing wrong with you.Why aren’t you in bed?”

They move from locking down the living room to the kitchen.Mick tended to leave the stove on, and Cat was constantly afraid of blowing up in her sleep.

“I can’t stop thinking about this.I won’t be able to sleep otherwise.”

“I think it’s love too.”Winn chirps, poking his head around the doorway and ducking back around when Cat turns to glare at him.“And I think it’s cute!”

“Why are _you_ awake?”

“I can’t sleep when my best friend is troubled!”Winn complains, peeking around the frame again.

A sudden unexpected warmth fills Kara at his words.Best friend.She’s not sure the last time she’d had one of those.

Cat groans and pinches the bridge of her nose.“If— _if—_ I talk you through your feelings do you both promise to go to bed?”

“Yes ma’am.”They chorus.

Cat rolls he eyes and grabs a bottle of red wine from her locked cabinet.“Fine.Let’s see how well my education prepared me for this.”

~*~

“Could it be constipation?”

“No.”

“What about heartburn?”Winn questions, “I hear that’s painful.”

“No.It is hormones.Brought on by the rapid changes in your body as you prepare for womanhood and your glaring attraction to the confident jock.Congratulations.”

“But my stomach—”

“Does it feel like a stone dropping in your stomach or does it feel like your stomach is falling out of your body?”

“Um.The second one.”

Cat sips her wine.“And that my dear is called falling in love.”

~*~

Turns out Alex looks just as good driving as she does doing almost anything else.Kara hadn’t even known driving could be distracting in this way; watching the play of tendons and muscles as Alex uses one hand to control the wheel and the other lays dormant near the gear shift.Which is weird in itself because Alex doesn’t even have a manual car, it’s automatic and clearly leans more towards safety than power but the way she drives it one would think otherwise.

It leaves Kara wondering if there’s ever been a moment where Alex hasn’t been completely in control and sure of herself.

“This is me.”Alex chimes, pulling Kara from her thoughts as they maneuver into the driveway of a pretty two story house.It’s a basic white but there’s a tree with pink flowers out front and a porch with a swing that gives it a very homey vibe.It’s nicer than the group home to be sure.

Alex parks and turns off the engine, already opening her door to get out.Kara scrambles to follow after her.

“Mom won’t be home for a while, but I figured you’d be ok with pizza?”

“Uh yeah. Yeah that sounds good.”That sounds perfect actually; Kara is _starving._ Her increased metabolism on earth meant that she had to eat nearly four times as many calories as the average human.Which got to be very expensive.The after game meals that the soccer team provided were turning out to be a life saver but this wasn’t an after game meal.Mentally, she subtracts what her half of the pizza will cost and tries to figure out how to make the rest of her stipend stretch through the rest of the month.

“You ok?”

Jerking out of her calculations, Kara looks up to see Alex holding her front door open for her and hurries to catch up, following her new friend into her house.

“Yeah.Yep.”

“You sure?You looked like you were trying to figure out if the dress was gold or blue.”

“What?”

Alex laughs, kicking off her shoes and making a sharp left to the stair and up to her bedroom.“It was a color illusion that came out a few years ago.The internet went nuts.It was like literally world war 3.”

“Like literally?”Kara teases amused, taking a moment to survey Alex’s bedroom while she sets her bag by the desk.

It’s fairly simple as far as bedrooms go.A lot of band posters, a crap ton of textbooks, and random articles of clothes scattered throughout.There are a few scratches on the wood floor that mark heavy use too and makes Kara think that Alex is a bit more rough around the edges than she’d originally thought.

And messy.

She appears to be a little messy.

As if on cue, Alex starts gathering the clothes quickly, throwing a sheepish smile over her shoulder.“Sorry about the mess.I swear it was clean this morning but then I had this thought and…” Shaking her head, Alex dumps the clothes into her closet and shrugs.“I change outfits when I’m thinking.”

“You what?”

The idea of such an odd behavior on such a non-anxious person seems to be a bit farfetched but Kara still feels bad for prying when Alex grabs one elbow and ducks her head, a red stain traveling from her cheeks all the way up to her ears.

“That’s weird huh?”

“No!”Rushing forward, Kara reaches out to Alex and gently places her hands on her shoulders.Touching humans is not her forte and she has no idea if she’s even doing this right but Alex doesn’t flinch away in pain, so she relaxes a bit and allows her voice to gentle.“No, changing clothes is better than… I don’t know, biting your nails.”

“I uh… I do that too.”

“Of course you do.”Nodding, Kara steps back and drops her hands.“I’m just gonna stop talking now if that’s ok with you.”

Alex catches her hand before it can fully drop, squeezing gently and stepping back into Kara’s personal space.“I wish you wouldn’t.I like talking with you.”

“Oh.”And her heart was trying to escape her chest again.Just like that.

Geeze these hormone things sucked.

Alex clears her throat.“So um English?”

And the moment disintegrates, leaving Kara kind of shaky as Alex steps passed her towards her bed, grabbing a notebook from her desk as she goes.

“English.”

~*~

Eliza Danvers is very nice and she really likes to feed Kara because apparently, Alex doesn’t eat a lot and Eliza loves to cook.Even though they’d already had pizza, Eliza had started preparing her own meal when she’d gotten home and asked the girls to join her for dinner.Alex had agreed but said she wasn’t hungry.

Eliza had shrugged and patted Kara’s shoulder.“More for us.”

Kara is now in love.

“Your mom is really nice.”Kara gushes, Eliza having left the room to grab them dessert.Dessert!Well, dessert for her and Kara, Alex had a game tomorrow and refused to eat sugar.

Alex grunts from where she’s fiddling on her phone.Vasquez had sent her some video and she hadn’t been allowed to watch it while they were eating.As soon as Eliza had disappeared around the corner, she’d whipped her phone out to watch it and respond to her friend.

“She probably thinks we’re dating.”

“What?Why?”

“Because I never bring anyone home.We’re not real big on change here.”

“Oh.”The thought makes Kara a little hot under the collar and she tries to find something else to focus on.There’s a plant in the corner.It’s green.Dating Alex?As wonderful as that sounded, she seriously doubted it would ever happen.But that Eliza maybe thought it was a possibility?That was thrilling.And confusing.I mean, she was Alex’s mother wouldn’t she know better than most who Alex would be attracted to?Did she think Alex was attracted to Kara?

“Here we are.”Eliza proclaims, breezing in with the most delicious smelling pie Kara had ever known.Her eyes land on her daughter and her smile widens.“I’m sorry Alex, was I interrupting something?”

Kara looks up in time to see Alex rip her eyes away from her, face flaming as she coughed uncomfortably and slid her phone back in her pocket.

“No.Nope.Just uh, texting.Like a delinquent.”

“Ha ha.”Eliza says, setting the pie down and winking at Kara. “At least someone knows how to be a good dinner guest.”

Kara smiles back but her mind is awhirl.Alex had been staring at her.

Alex had been staring at Kara.


	3. Not a Secret I Try to Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More clarification:  
> in this story the Foster Care Administration sneds supplimental income to the families that take in the foster kids. But in the home, that money goes straight to the kids and in this story, it's somewhere around 250 a week. For Kara that includes clothes, more food, school supplies and the like.
> 
> While aliens are "out" in this story, you could only really tell someone is an alien if they look it or are scanned in front of you. Other than that, you can usually assume anyone who looks like a human is human. A notion that became popular at all the aliens with tusks and odd bones and colors.  
> So, while Kara's classmates know what she is, they're all sworn to secrecy. Alex doesn't know about the alien thing and neither does the team.

Alex tutors her for four days straight before even she seems to be running out of ideas to get Kara to understand the concepts. And Kara tries really hard, but somehow all of the restraint that she’s been carefully crafting for the past few years comes crumbling down in the face of Alex’s obvious frustration.Or maybe that’s just Kara projecting because she’s certainly frustrated enough for the both of them.

She hates this.

On Krypton she’d been considered a prodigy.

Here on Earth she’s barely passing any of her classes except for math!How someone could go from the youngest member ever inducted into the Science Guild to a walking talking moron is beyond her.It’s all made worse by the internal pity party going on in her head.

She feels pathetic.

The pen snapping in her hand only serves to make her feel angrier.Yet one more thing she can’t control.

“Why don’t we take a break?”Alex suggests, taking Kara’s hand in hers and gently dabbing away the black ink with a napkin.It smears more than lifts and Alex cringes in guilt at the mess she’s made.“You’re doing a lot better than you think you are.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“I’m serious.Your comprehension is above grade level, you can pull the concepts of all the works we’ve gone through and you’re grasp of characters and stakes is really good.”

“But…?

Tilting her head, Alex reluctantly admits to Kara’s glaring flaws.“It’s the structural stuff that they’ll be looking the most at.Your vocabulary; your grammar; metaphors; symbolism…it’s…”Alex releases a frustrated breath, dragging a hand through her hair.“It can be _difficult_ for people with uh… with learning disabilities to—”

“You think I’m dumb?”

“What?! No!”Alex squeezes her hand, tugging until Kara looks up into those imploring brown eyes.“No, I do not think that you’re dumb, but I do think that you having this level of difficulty grasping… It could just be pointing to an underlying issue is all.”Kara bites her lip and looks away, focusing on the soft feeling of Alex’s palm laying over hers to fight the sudden burn in her eyes.“I know that’s probably not what you want to hear and I’m probably overstepping but…”

It's only moderately soothing that Alex doesn’t think her dumb, just incompetent.

“I’m trying.”Kara bites out.“It’s just harder for me because…” Because I’m not from around here.She can’t say that.“I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Alex says, face softening in sadness.“Just because you find something difficult doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong _with_ you.Everyone has difficulty with something.I actually suck really bad at like anything artistic.And I can’t do trig without a reference to save my life.I’m a terrible dancer…”Alex rolls her eyes and Kara releases a small laugh, a stroke of adoration filling her at the gesture that only grows when Alex then smiles at her.“You finding this stuff hard isn’t a mark against you; I’ve seen your plays Kara.You’re not dumb.”

“Thanks.”

After a rough exhale, Alex is suddenly standing.“Come with me.”

“What?”Kara asks, startled at the sudden change of conversation and Alex pulling her towards the door.

She pauses at the threshold, turning only to gently frame Kara’s face between her hands.Her warm, soft hands.

“Come with me?”

Kara nods.

~*~

They wind up on the beach behind the Danvers’ house with the sun just beginning to set in the distance.It’s beautiful and sunsets happen to be one of the things Kara likes most about Earth, but it takes a turn for the weird when Alex begins pulling off her clothes.There’s no one else here and it being the beginning of October the temperatures are still pretty high in Southern California but _they’re in public!_

“Alex!” She tries not to sound so scandalized, but Alex still smirks at her as she lifts her shirt over her head in a single really hot, really coordinated move and immediately reaches for the button of her jeans.

“What?”

Slapping a hand over her eyes, Kara tries not to let the vision of Alex in a sports bra with her abs completely on display become too ingrained in her brain.“What do you mean what?You’re naked!”

“I show a lot more than this in the locker room.”

“That’s—I mean— _what_?”The range of emotions she goes through from incredulous to confused to _jealous_ leaves her more than a little dizzy and extremely irritated.Enough so that when Alex approaches and tugs at her hand, she easily drops it.It is so not her fault that her eyes stray to Alex’s waist and the boxer briefs that rest on her hips.“Oh my god.”

“Come swimming with me?”

What!?

“I can’t.”Kara manages to breath out, trying to keep her eyes away from the apex of Alex’s thighs.“I don’t know how.”

But she still doesn’t protest when Alex reaches for her dress, giving an experimental tug to gauge Kara’s reaction before going around her back to unzip it and let it drop to the sand.Kara isn’t sure but she thinks Alex’s heart beats a little oddly too.At least she isn’t alone in that.

Despite her underwear being very plain and very much from the local Walmart.And Alex’s being… not that.

“I’ll teach you.”Alex starts pulling her towards the water and Kara follows like a puppet even though every instinct in her is telling her to run far away.On Krypton, the water had been acidic enough to burn your flesh.Her survival instincts are not liking this one bit.“The water helps me clear my head; sometimes we have trouble focusing because there’s too much going on mentally.This calms it down a little.”

She’s completely helpless to Alex’s thrall.

“I’m scared.”

That stops Alex short and she cups Kara’s face again, still as gentle as ever.When was the last time someone had been this soft with her?

“Kara I’m not going to let anything happen to you.We’ll stay in the shallow end, just to get you used to it ok?”

When was the last time someone had been this soft with _her?_

Kara doesn’t want to be the desperate girl; the one who jumps at the first sign of affection but Rao… Alex truly was amazing.And Kara didn’t want to mess it up, she didn’t want to lose this even if that did make her an idiot in the long run.Selfishly she wants to experience what it’s like to _have_ someone again.To feel like… like someone worth loving.

So she follows Alex into the water even though she’s so scared she can’t feel her body.She lets her pull her in until they’re waist deep and then something must happen because Alex stops and places her hands on Kara’s thighs.

“Hop up.”She whispers.

“What?”

Alex tugs her a little and Kara almost stumbles, doesn’t—can’t.She doesn’t want to hurt Alex.

“Jump up a little.”

Kara does and the next thing she knows, Ales is leaning back and pulling her legs around her waist while crouching low in the water.Then Kara’s in the water up to her neck even though they’ve barely moved a few inches, sitting comfortably in Alex’s lap.

“Oh my god.”She hisses, panicking and trying not to squeeze Alex to death.Literally.

“See?”Alex quickly tries to assure her, “it’s safe.We’re safe.”

Kara doesn’t say anything, chooses instead to bury her face in Alex’s neck so she won’t see how much this is affecting her and hang on for dear life.Alex lets her, just floats them around a little, one hand a reassuring presence on her back and the other twirling in the water.

It’s… comfortable at least, the sounds a nice balm on Kara’s overactive senses, and Kara eventually finds herself relaxing, much of her earlier tension releasing into the soft waves lapping around them.The water doesn’t feel acidic.It isn’t burning her skin from her body.

On the contrary, it feels like nothing she’s ever experienced before.Where her body lays below the surface is sort of warm?Not overtly so, it’s a barely detectable thing that sort of feels like a loose hug.Part of that could be the way Alex is holding her too, the fronts of their bodies nearly completely squashed together, but the sensation is not unwanted.

And then where the water meets her shoulders and neck feels like… the tiniest fingers in the world trying to strangle her.Like a seal closing in with the most insanely weak pressure imaginable.It tickles a little.

By the time she opens her eyes the sun is almost setting on the horizon and she watches it sink further, her chin resting on the hand she’s got clutching Alex’s shoulder.

This isn’t so bad.

“Hey,” Alex murmurs near her ear, “come ‘ere for a second.”

Kara pulls back a little, just enough that she can see Alex’s face.In this light her eyes are more golden than brown, almost like honey.She’s so beautiful.

“I really like you Kara.”Alex whispers, that blush staining her cheeks and ears again.It’s kind of adorable up close like this.“I… I want you to… know that.”

Ok.

A flurry of questions goes through her brain.“Like” how?Like as in friends like?She liked her as a person?Would a human know that?Did Alex know what she was?Should she tell her?No, she should probably just play it cool.

“Um I like you too.”

Nailed it.

Alex releases a breathless laugh as if she isn’t quite sure what to make to do now.“Yeah?”

Harmless question: answer it.

“Yes.”

“Cool.”Alex winces and shakes her head at herself prompting a small laugh from Kara.Rao was Alex cute.“Sorry uh, just um would you mind if I… kissed you?”Alex asks, bringing them to a full stop and laying her wet hand on Kara’s cheek.“Would that be ok?”

The unexpected request, that honestly shouldn’t have been so unexpected, renders Kara incapable of speech but she still forces her head to move.A nod.She can nod.Please don’t mess this up.Please don’t mess this up.

Alex leans in and Kara forces herself not to move, to just let Alex’s mouth meet hers but then it’s like lightning goes off in her body the minute she makes contact and she gasps.Little tingles shoot along her arms and legs… along her scalp.Kara feels like she’s floating, which technically she is but this is different.She’s never felt like this before except for the few times she’d managed to fly.Kissing Alex feels like flying.

And she can’t help when she presses back, hesitantly at first because she has no idea what she’s doing.But when Alex doesn’t protest, doesn’t scream at her or yell in terror, she does it again.And again.

And again.

She feels silly for ever thinking anything bad could happen.

~*~

Something terrible happens.

“Mrs. Danvers come quick!”

“Kara it’s—”

“What happened?!”Eliza barrels through the kitchen as Kara bodily hauls Alex over to the sofa and tries to force her down into it.

“Whoa!”Alex yelps, “not on the couch!She’ll kill me!”

Feeling her panic rise Kara turns helplessly to Eliza who looks extremely lost as she takes in her daughter.

“Alex?”

“I’m fine mom.”Alex assures, lifting her foot.“I just got a little—”

“It attacked her!”Kara yelps.“It was buried in the sand and it just—just _bit_ her for no reason!”

Eliza lifts her brows but doesn’t move and Kara wonders what is _wrong_ with these people.Alex had just been attacked!She was bleeding!She could _die!_

“It was a crab.”Alex says, shifting her weight awkwardly before nodding and hobbling towards the stairs.“I’ll wash it out and put a band-aid on it.”

“But—”

“I’ll be fine.”Alex assures, “mom could you make us some hot chocolate or something?”

“Of course.”Eliza wraps her hands around Kara’s damp shoulders and leads her back into the kitchen.“Why don’t you throw down some dry clothes while you’re up there?We don’t want Kara to catch a cold.”

Catch a cold?What was _wrong_ with these people!?Kara’s heart is beating fast for completely not-loving feelings.One second, she’d been getting the hang of the kissing thing and the next Alex had gasped and they’d been under water.It had only been for a second, Alex had lurched up pretty quickly apologizing profusely for inadvertently dunking Kara, but Kara hadn’t really been too concerned about that when she’d seen Alex’s grimace.It was clear that Alex was in pain and Kara had quickly dragged her to dry land where she’d been able to see the blood seeping out of a gash as long as the knuckle of her pinky finger!

Alex had tried waving it off but, when Kara had insisted they get back to her house, she’d requested they at least put their clothes back on.A request that Kara had only complied with to get Alex _moving_ and now that they were back, even Eliza wasn’t reacting the way Kara had expected.

“Mrs. Danvers—”

“She’ll be fine Kara; why don’t we sit down and try to relax hmm?I’ve been taking this meditation class, they say if you breathe in and hold for three seconds and breathe out and hold for three seconds, it tricks your body into returning to a more authentic state.How about we try it together?”

It sounds stupid.

Eliza putters around with her pots and does it on her own until she notices the way Kara is nearly tearing her dress in half and reaches for her hands.

“In.”She commands, waiting for Kara to copy her which takes an inordinately long time since Kara does _not_ want to play this game.She does though because she doesn’t want to disrespect Alex’s mom.On Krypton, disrespecting an elder was sacrilege and disrespecting the elder of a House you wanted to join was just plain idiocy.Earth may be different, but Kara is quite sure they must have similar rules.Such things were only common sense.

Embarrassingly, Eliza’s technique works and then Alex is hobbling back downstairs in dry clothes with a bundle in her arms for Kara.She immediately shows off her bandaged foot.

“Crisis averted.We’re all good here.”

“My little doctor.”Eliza coos, pinching her daughter’s cheek until Alex paws her hand away.“Kara dear why don’t you go clean up?Dinner is almost ready if you wanted to stay.We’re having a roasted chicken.”

Somehow, through no conscious effort on her part, Kara had drifted to Alex’s side and was fighting the urge to check her over herself.Even the allure of food wasn’t enough to curb her worry and she’s trying to wrap her mind around how Alex and Eliza are acting.

Obviously, this was a normal occurrence on Earth.

This getting attacked by wild creatures in the ocean.No such thing had ever happened on Krypton though so the merging of the worlds is… disconcerting.

But she forces herself to nod, to give Alex her space and not embarrass herself any further.

“Um sure.That sounds great Mrs. Danvers.”

Alex grins and takes her hand.“I’ll show you the bathroom.”

A short walk later and they’re standing in front of the biggest bathroom Kara’s ever been in.Besides the ones at school at least.But this bathroom only had the one toilet and added a large shower/tub combo off to the side.There’s a double vanity and a mirror wall hanging over it and just… shelves stuffed with fluffy towels, little knick knacks scattered along the surfaces.A plush rug covering white tile.

It's decorated in little seashells and other aquatic items and, even though Kara can honestly say she isn’t fond of the ocean, this room still manages to feel… comfortable.

Warm.

Alex sets the clothes she’d gathered for Kara on the vanity and reaches passed her for the shower nozzle.

“It’s an older shower so we only have the one nozzle, turn it this way for hot and then pull it towards you for the shower.”Alex says as she demonstrates.“Pushing it in is for a bath which I’m totally cool with you taking if you want but… well dinner might be ready before your bath is.”

“A shower is fine.”Kara says, still feeling a little out of sorts.

“Cool.”Alex says with another smile.She reaches under the sink and pulls out a package wrapped in plastic, removing a loofa, and handing it to Kara.“Here, mom likes to buy in bulk so we always have extra.Uh… if you wanna drop your clothes outside the door I could put them to wash for you?”

“Oh.”That was nice of her.“Yeah, that sounds…”Kara reaches behind her for her zipper and is a little shocked when Alex goes scarlet and immediately looks up at the ceiling.Humans were so _weird._ But Alex had asked that she drop them outside the door which implied that she’d be more comfortable if Kara undressed in private.Despite them having been nearly naked together less than an hour before.“I’ll just…”Kara waves awkwardly at herself and Alex nods sharply.

“Yep.Yeah.I’ll just be um right outside.”

And then she’s gone, still hobbling a little, but somehow, she takes Kara’s worry with her.

~*~

Alex drives her home after dinner, Kara pleasantly almost full and actually sort of tired.Feelings she’s become unused to on Earth.She wonders if she’ll actually get to sleep tonight.

As it is, she’s slumped dazedly in Alex’s passenger chair, watching the streetlights play over Alex’s face as she drives.The windows are open a little and Alex’s hair keeps fluttering around her face, her scent easily reaching Kara’s nose as some alternative rock song plays in the background.It’s the most comfortable Kara can remember being in a long while.

With the warm sweatpants and cotton t-shirt Alex had lent her, she can only guess that being surrounded by Alex has at least a little something to do with that.

By the time Alex pulls into the short driveway of the group home, a lot of that is gone.It’s not that she thinks Alex will judge her it’s just… she kind of thinks Alex will look at her differently.Which are two completely different things in her head.The group home isn’t for aliens alone and so Kara isn’t too worried about the mere location revealing her identity but… it will be clear to Alex that Kara was an orphan who no one else had wanted.

“Sooo.”Alex huffs, putting the car in park and rubbing her palms over her thighs.“Today was nice.”

She looks so nervous that Kara wants to laugh, only barely manages to contain her smile.“Yeah.I had fun.”

“Good.”Alex nods.“Good.”A grimace.“Kara, about earlier I just… I shouldn’t have said that stuff I did.That wasn’t my place.”

And just like that Kara’s good mood evaporates.

Because of course that’s how this would go.

“It’s fine.I—it’s fine Alex.”

“No, it’s not.I’m not an educator or a psychologist.I’m not qualified to say if you have a learning disability or not and I definitely never wanted to offend you.”Alex sighs and drags a hand through her hair.“I just… I wanted to help.”

Whiplash.Kara’s got whiplash.

Feeling a tension headache coming on, Kara rubs at the aggravated area between her brows in a bid to organize her thoughts.

“Wait, you’re apologizing about the tutoring?”

“Uh yeah?What else would I be—oh shit.No.No, no, no, no.I did _not_ mean about kissing you.I would never—shit.”Dropping her face in her hands, Alex shakes her head in clear frustration.“I fucked that up.Can I try that again?”

She’s back to blushing, her cheeks a brilliant red from between the openings in her fingers and Kara is seriously wondering how someone can have such cute ears.Taking pity on her friend, she gently pries Alex’s hands from her face, grasping them in her lap loosely.

“No need.You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Alex looks at her, eyes focused on Kara’s before she pries a hand away and slides it into Kara’s hair to cradle the back of her head.Then she’s kissing her again, her lips sliding against Kara’s with much more confidence than her face had shown.But she’s just as gentle as she had been in the water, as if Kara were something… precious.

This is terrifying.

Whatever this is has barely even begun and Kara is already worried she’s going to lose it.Her hands come up of their own accord to wrap loosely around Alex’s raised arm, fingers fluttering around her wrist.She wants to hold her.

Is too scared of hurting her to do anything more than kiss her.

Multitasking had never been her strong suit.

Alex alternates her kisses between lingering caresses and soft pecks, her own fingers massaging the nape of Kara’s neck.Everything about this is electrifying, sends Kara’s mind into high alert, is the first time she can remember feeling safe.It’s such a strange dichotomy but Kara still wants more; can’t help the soft sound she makes when the tingles spread to a low heat in her belly.

And then Alex presses harder into her and licks at the seam of her lips.It’s instinct to open up for her but Kara’s still shocked when Alex’s tongue winds up in her mouth.Enough so that she jerks back against the door, her hand immediately covering her lips from any further kissing.

Alex looks alarmed, eyes wide and hand hanging in midair, mouth a little shiny.

Kara wonders if she looks like that.

Then she’s wishing she’d sped the hell out of there when a sharp knock on the window behind her interrupts the uncomfortable silence.Alex jumps again, fumbling with keys and buttons until the window is down and Cat sticks her head in.

“It’s getting late Clara, why don’t you come inside?”

It’s not really a request and Kara doesn’t treat it like one, scrabbling at the handle to get out of the car.Cat steps back to let her out, waving at a still flustered Alex.

“Goodnight small child, thank you for bringing her home.”

“Of course.”Alex stutters, lifting a hesitant hand at Kara.“I’ll see you tomorrow Kara.”

And Kara feels so terrible; whatever had just happened must have been yet another normal human occurrence that Kara just wasn’t used to, and she’d embarrassed Alex with her reaction.Alex shouldn’t be embarrassed; _Kara_ should be embarrassed!

“I’ll see you tomorrow!”She calls out quickly, ducking back into the car with her knee on the seat so she can place a quick kiss on Alex’s reddened cheek.“I’m sorry about… yeah I’ll—I’ll see you tomorrow.”She backs out of the car again, waving quickly and then practically running up the drive to the house.

~*~

Kara still doesn’t sleep that night.

She comes close—she _is_ tired, it’s just… she can’t stop thinking about Alex.About swimming with Alex and kissing Alex and touching Alex and having her close.She lifts the collar of the shirt she’s wearing up to her nose and inhales, giggling quietly to herself at the mixture of Alex and laundry detergent.

There’s a little bit of her too and Kara revels in how easily even her and Alex’s scents blend.

It seems like everything about them just fits.

She can’t wait for tomorrow.


	4. Streaky is as Streaky does

Kara does not go to school in the morning; instead, she and Winn run back to the house, an injured Streaky in Kara’s arms.They’d found him meowing pitifully with his neck trapped in a six pack plastic ring holder full of orange soda cans.He’d been pulling so hard that the plastic had cut into his skin and caused some bleeding.

Thankfully, Cat doesn’t freak out about having a cat in her presence, though she does look close to throwing up.

They call around to the local vets and even the animal rescue shelter, but they all say that they’d need at least three hundred dollars to get treatment.

And Cat is sympathetic, but she isn’t wealthy.Owning a local paper does not equate to vast amounts of richness where she can just get three hundred dollars on a whim.Not with the luxuries she brings to the group home like actual fresh produce instead of the canned stuff, real branded toothpaste, and other necessities.

Kara certainly doesn’t have it.

So Cat gives her the first aid kit and lets her stay home.Winn she sends to school with a note.

And Kara spends her day trying to clean green and yellow pus from an incredibly angry cat.She’s respectful enough to do it in the backyard, she doesn’t want to send Cat into anaphylactic shock, but it means she has to be extra careful that no one sees her not getting scratched to bits.Eventually, Streaky tires himself out though and it’s easier to care for him.She gives him water which he drinks greedily and food which he ignores and sends a prayer to Rao that he not take yet another person she cares about.

Which is how Alex finds her sometime around noon.Kara hears her coming before she sees her, can now identify the steady thrum of Alex’s heart from the masses.Because Kara’s _is_ hearing the masses right now.She may have been on Earth for a while now but that didn’t mean she had complete control of her abilities.Abilities that tended to act up when she was especially upset or stressed.Both of which she was.Her head is killing her with the amount of noise she’s channeling but she can’t calm down, not when Streaky is clearly suffering and she has no way of fixing it.

So she tries to focus on things she knows.

Like the steady beat of Alex’s heart.

Not that it’s very steady right now.It’s kind of fast.A little fluttery.And, when Alex comes into view, vaulting over the railing of the back porch in lieu of coming around to the steps, her cheeks and ears are red again.

“Hey,” Alex calls nervously, hands immediately going to the pockets of her jean jacket as she walks closer.“I didn’t see you at school, thought I’d swing by and make sure you were ok?”

“Yeah.”Kara mumbles with her fingers quaking in Streaky’s orange fur.“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Alex narrows her eyes.“Well… clearly not.You’re crying.”

“Oh.”A quick swipe of her cheek proves that.There does appear to be copious fluid coming from her eyes.“Oh.”

Alex kneels in front of her, taking in the terrible bandage job Kara had done on Streaky’s neck and quietly reaching her hand up to his nose.Streaky sniffs at her halfheartedly before dropping his head again with an annoyed meow.Alex laughs.

“Who’s this little guy?”

“I… um Streaky.Cause of the uh… streaks in his fur.”With the mottled orange and tan tones in his fur, Streaky kind of resembled a housecat/tiger hybrid.“I thought Stripey would be lame.”

The grin Alex gives her is only mildly annoying but she’s here and Kara doesn’t know what else to do.She can hear how tired Streaky is, can see through the bandages that the pus is already reforming.And she winds up spilling everything about the cat to Alex in a pathetic sniffle filled speech that ends with her lamenting about how utterly useless she is and how he’s going to die.

When all Alex does is hum, Kara wants to throttle her.It’s actually a struggle to remind herself that they’re not on Krypton and Kara has to control her reactions even more now.The last thing she wants is to kill the girl she really likes because she annoyed her.

Alex stands up and offers her hand.“Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with me?”Alex asks again, a soft smile on her face.“I think I can help.”

~*~

Alex drives her out to a farm looking house with nothing but green fields and cows in the background.Midvale is about a forty five minute drive from the city but it’s a world difference in terms of locale.National city was a mix of suburbs and urban life and Midvale was straight rural.Alex brings them down a gravel road that wraps around to the back of the house, directing Kara to wait in the car while she goes to see whoever lives here.

Streaky is sleeping now, lulled by Alex’s rather skilled driving and Kara’s pets.

But he sounds like he’s in pain, his little chest heaving with effort as he fights off whatever this infection is.

Kara sends another prayer to Rao.

Alex is careful when she opens Kara’s door, allowing the tall dark woman that followed after her to stoop by Kara’s side this time.

The woman grins, a pretty display of teeth and bunched cheeks as she offers Kara her hand.“Hello Kara, my name is Myriah.Would it be ok if I looked Streaky over in my office and Alex showed you some of the horses we have?I think you’ll be very fond of our stallion Krypto.”

“Um,” Kara hedges, eyes darting between Myriah, Alex, and Streaky.But then Alex gives her an encouraging smile and Streaky releases a pitiful meow and her mind is made up.She can’t help him, but Alex thought that this Myriah could and Alex hadn’t led her stray once.“Ok.I—just, he doesn’t like it when you touch his back.And he doesn’t like loud noises or anything.And—”

“Kara, honey I’ll take good care of him I promise.”Myriah holds out her arms.“He’ll be just fine.”

Kara sniffles, nods, and hands over her first ever friend on Earth.

~*~

Alex brings her to the large pasture in the back of the house, a well-trod path meandering a ways down until they reach a wooden fence and a paddock full of grazing horses.Alex easily climbs the fence until she’s sitting astride the wooden beam on top and offers Kara her hand so she can do the same.

“This is Coach’s farm.”Alex says after a small stretch of silence.“He teaches gym and coaches more as a hobby.And sort of to give his daughter Kim more responsibility.She graduated college three years ago and has been on him to hand everything over and he finally caved.They wanna keep it in the family you know?”

“Mr. Jones has a daughter?”Kara asks, wiping at the last of her tears.She’d stopped crying while they’d been walking, and the moisture is starting to feel uncomfortable.“I didn’t know that.”

“You didn’t?He’s such a _dad._ ”

“To you.”

“ _And_ you.You think he’d just let anyone change the play book?You better be careful he doesn’t start grooming you to be the next soccer coach.”

Kara laughs, the feeling and sound strange to her after the day she’d had.“No thanks.”

The pounding in her head has gotten significantly worse and her eyes feel weird; hot and dry and kind of like something’s pushing against them.It’s impossible to hide the wince and Alex is watching her so closely that she very clearly sees when it happens.

“Sorry.”Kara mumbles, although she isn’t really sure what she’s apologizing for.“Headache.”

Thankfully, Alex doesn’t say anything, just watches her for a few seconds before nodding decisively.

“Hey come ‘ere.” Alex pulls a wad of tissues out of her pocket, some fast food restaurants logo printed against the white material.She uses one hand to steady Kara’s face and the other to wipe her cheeks and eyes.“ _John_ has two daughters.Kim and Tanya.Him and Myriah, his wife, have been running this farm since I was in grade school.My dad and him were really good friends and when he died, John was a pretty big part of keeping me sane.That’s why he’s such a dad with me, he saw me through my worst years.”

With how little Kara feels like she actually knows about Alex in terms of history and things outside of soccer and school, this small glimpse into her life is like a drug.Either Alex is nefariously dangling this small bit in front of Kara’s face as a very welcome distraction or she’s just that clueless as to how Kara feels about her.

“Worst years?”Kara snorts, unable to help but to want to know more, to dig in.“Did you smoke cigarettes or something?”

“I tried.”Alex confesses with mock seriousness, finally satisfied with Kara’s face and releasing her.“I spit it out the second it touched my tongue.It was like battery acid.”

“How would you know what battery acid tastes like?”

“Because I have an imagination.And having an imagination made me a not so great person to be around when my dad died.”

Kara bites her bottom lip, tentatively reaching out a hand and placing it on Alex’s knee.She’s comforted when Alex slips her hand on top of hers.“I wasn’t so great to be around when I lost my parents either.I think that’s… normal I guess?”

“Yeah… gave my mom a few grey hairs at least.”

“I’m pretty sure Cat dyes her hair.”Kara confides, even more soothed when Alex scooches even closer.At least Alex isn’t the only one blushing now.“I think she’ll feel better when I’m eighteen and out of the house you know?Pretty sure we all will.”

“You don’t like living with Cat?”Alex asks, pushing Kara’s hair over her shoulder and reminding her that she’d forgotten to put it up in its signature ponytail.

“Uh,” it’s hard to think with the way Alex is touching her neck.“Yeah, I mean I do but… when I’m eighteen I can leave on my own you know?Hopefully for a college where no one knows me.”

“Why wouldn’t you want anyone to know you?”

“I… it’ll be… easier to be me.I’m hoping.”

Somehow they’d skirted from light teasing into seriously uncomfortable territory.Alex must sense it too because she drops her hand to Kara’s now clenched fist and starts rubbing, a frown marring her features.

“You don’t feel like you can be yourself here?”

“No.At least, not often.”

“Because of Cat?”

“What?No!No, because…”Kara grimaces, feeling her face flush with embarrassment and trying to hide away by covering her cheeks with her hands.“High school just sucks.”

Alex huffs.“Yeah.I get that.”

Which is unexpected.Kara had been expecting way more pushback there.Alex never seemed to have any of the issues Kara dealt with.

“You?”And dammit, she hadn’t meant to sound _that_ skeptical.

Luckily, Alex just laughs.“Yes me.”

“Sorry.”Kara squeaks, “it’s just… you’re always so confident.Unbothered.Even today… you always know what to do.”

One of Alex’s eyebrows lift indignantly.“You think I have any idea what I’m doing?I’m just as lost as you are.”

“Hardly.”Kara mutters.“I’m a disaster.”

Kara’s looking down at her sneakers now but that doesn’t mean she can’t feel the heat of Alex’s glare on her face.She knows without being told that Alex is annoyed right now and, having never been on the receiving end of said annoyance, she’s unsure of what to do.Ever since Alex had invited her to be a part of the soccer team, Kara has worried that she’d mess things up.That eventually, Alex would see in her what the rest of Kara’s year seemed to see, what Belinda saw.

It seems they were reaching that point a lot quicker than she’d anticipated.

“Do you know what the Navier-Stokes equation is?”

Confused at the seeming topic change, Kara can only shake her head.

“It’s a math problem that came about in the eighteen hundreds.”Alex says, “basically it calculates the movement of viscous fluid.Wind over an airplane wing, water into a trap, that kind of thing.And it works mostly but there are certain fluids like foams and gels that just make the math crumble.When I was nine years old, I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which… my parents don’t really censor books unless there’s obvious sex on the cover but…”Alex makes a sound in the back of her throat, clenching her eyes and shaking her head in frustration.“The point is that I wanted a tattoo more than anything after reading that book.And I asked my dad for one.You know what he said?”

“No?”

“He said yes, if I was able to solve that stupid problem just a little then he’d let me get a tattoo.I told all my friends; we were all so stoked over it.”

Unprompted, Kara instinctively reaches for Alex’s arm where the jean jacket is covering her tattoo from sight.She almost jerks away but Alex doesn’t look angry at the touch, more contemplative.Kara scooches herself a little closer too.Maybe this wasn’t going as badly as she thought.

“That’s where this came from?”

“Yeah he—I solved a part of it.Got an award and everything but… when it came time to get my ink, my mom threw a fit.Yelled at my dad for promising something like that even though there was no way he could have known that I’d actually work on that thing for the next five years.He—they got in a huge fight.My mom and dad. Dad wanted to keep his promise, set a good example he said.And I was so pissed because I’d already told everyone I was gonna get a dragon tat and now my parents were being jerks. And then dad left for a work trip and just… never came back.There was an accident.Died on impact.I was fourteen.”

Kara bites her lip, focuses with everything she has and gently squeezes Alex’s arm.No pained yell follows, and she cautiously allows herself to lay her head on Alex’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“After that,” Alex whispers, “me and mom got closer, went to therapy to… figure shit out and… and eventually I got this.It’s the equation my dad had been so proud of. And I didn’t get it because my friends were teasing me; I got it because this meant something to me.Working on this with my dad, having him be proud of me, having him want to keep his promise: that all means something.”Alex sighs and gently kisses the top of Kara’s head.“Whoever told you that you’re a disaster or made you feel that way isn’t worth your time Kara.You shouldn’t have to wait until you’re eighteen to experience life.You should do everything you can while you have the ability to do it.”

“’s easy for you to say.”Kara says, voice muffled by Alex’s shoulder.

“It’s not.I have no idea what I’m doing half the time and the other half, I’m scared shitless.I’m not confident Kara; I’m just as lost as everyone else.”Alex sighs and nuzzles against Kara’s temple.“How’s your headache?”

It takes a while for her mind to make sense of that question, but when she realizes what Alex is asking—

“Oh.”Kara had almost forgotten.“It’s… it’s gone.”

“Good.”Alex says.“I’ll get some water from Myriah before we leave.That should help too.”

Kara squeezes her eyes shut and presses her face to Alex’s neck.She does this because she wants to hug Alex.She wants to hug Alex, but she isn’t sure she won’t break her if she does it right now.

So she settles for this.

“ _Thank_ _you_.”

~*~

Myriah returns Streaky without the pus and with a tube of antibiotic ointment.She promises Kara he’ll be just fine and says she’d be happy to look in on him when she comes to the city.

~*~

The next day had been a fairly positive shift from the norm.Ever since she’d joined the soccer team and struck up a friendship with Alex, she’d been eating lunch at their table.Though not drinking the insane amounts of water they seemed to consume on a daily basis.Kara much preferred juice; orange, no pulp.But she also understood that human bodies had different needs and so she supported her new… friends.

Alex is sitting next to her as usual, arguing with Maggie over whether the Freshman JV team actually find Alex intimidating or not with Vasquez lending very unhelpful commentary every now and again.Underneath the table, out of sight of the rest of the team, Alex has a hand on Kara’s knee, her thumb stroking along the bone absentmindedly.

It's distracting.And wonderful.

They hadn’t kissed since that day on the beach, when Alex had startled her with tongue in the car, but Kara’s been doing some research so she’s better prepared for next time.If there’s a next time.Alex touching her right now is making her think that there will be a next time.

She really hopes that there’s a next time.

According to the teaching AI her mother had left behind for her, tongue kissing was quite normal and to be expected from romantic relationships.Her mother had been sure to emphasize that it was what Kara wanted and not what society expected of course, but the _details_ she’d gone into had been graphic enough for Kara to not want to revisit the topic.

Besides…

What Alex had done hadn’t been _bad_ per se just… unexpected.And Kara knows what to expect now.She just needs to maybe give Alex a reason to kiss her again.

Problem is, she isn’t sure how to do that.

And, upon doing more human research through Seventeen magazine, when one’s romantic interest doesn’t kiss you on their own it could be because of several reasons.The first and most daunting being that Alex was waiting for Kara to kiss _her._ The second being that Alex didn’t like kissing in front of other people which meant Kara should wait until one of their tutoring sessions or find an excuse when Alex was driving her home.The third being that Alex was super depressed or temporarily going through something and that talk at Mr. Jones’ farm _had_ been pretty emotional.And the fourth, and the one that was making Kara want to bang her head against the wall, was that Alex simply wasn’t interested anymore.

That last one was… had Kara screwed this up before it’d ever really begun?Had her shocked reaction made Alex think that Kara wasn’t interested?Or worse, that Kara wasn’t worth the trouble?

She hopes not.Remembers Alex’s words from yesterday about not being a disaster and wondering if that translates into this moment as well.

She’s thinking herself into circles, which only makes her hungrier, but she’s already finished her daily supply of French fries.

Her good mood is rapidly declining when Alex gently pushes her own container of mozzarella sticks over to Kara.There’s a small smile on her face when Kara looks up and it’s the deciding factor for Kara to actually listen to the Seventeen Magazine advice column.Or… mostly listen to it.

If listening to it is gathering all of her courage to dart in and kiss Alex’s cheek.

The results are… adorable.Alex coughs into her hand, her palm covering the lower half of her face as her cheeks color and Alex turns back to her previous conversation.Her hand on Kara’s knee squeezes tightly though and under the table, Alex’s leg starts to jump.A quick listen also reveals a much faster heartrate than before.

So…

That sort of seemed like a success?

Happily, Kara turns to the mozzarella sticks.Success indeed.

~*~

“Hey!”Kara chirps, hand tightening a little on her shoulder strap.

After school, Alex meets her at her last class, her gym bag already slung over her shoulder.

Kara is glad to see her; history hadn’t been particularly strenuous on her thinking today, but her teacher’s benevolence had been thwarted by none other than Belinda.For no reason other than to piss Kara off, Belinda had decided to go into a monologue about the Vikings.They were learning about them right now and Belinda clearly sided with the Anglo-Saxons.

_“Why should those freaks be allowed to live without proper restrictions?Barbarians don’t belong in a civilized world.No one wants them there.”_

She’d looked at Kara as she’d said it and, although Ms. Haley had tried to dissuade that line of thinking, Belinda’s friends had picked it up with glee.

Seeing the face of someone who didn’t currently hate her was a welcome relief.

“Hey,” Alex replies, clearly distracted by something if the pinched brows and unfocused eyes are anything to go by.“Can I walk you to your locker?”

“Yeah.Of course.”

They walk mostly in silence, Alex fiddling with the strap on her bag as they walk through the crowd of thinning students and teachers.Kara’s just started to think that maybe she should ask if Alex is ok when her hand is unceremoniously grabbed, and she’s pulled into an empty classroom.

The Freshman chemistry lab to be exact.

“What—”

Alex kisses her, the hand that had grabbed Kara’s had dropped to her waist and hauled her in while the other had went to her cheek to hold her head steady.And… oh Rao.The _confidence_ in this woman.Kara didn’t care what Alex said, there was no way that Alex wasn’t cool.Not with the way she had just moved.

And it was a huge “turn on” as Seventeen had said.

Kara’s been learning all sorts of new things.Phrases, words… behaviors.

Tentatively, she pokes out her own tongue, swiping at the seam of Alex’s lips this time and waiting for her response.It is, as Kara had hoped, immediate and guttural.Alex groans, the hand on Kara’s waist tightening as Alex pulls her even closer and deepens the kiss.Uses her own tongue to sweep inside Kara’s now very willing mouth.

It's like a starburst behind her eyes, like every brain cell she has, has suddenly flipped on the lights and she can see into the future.Can see herself doing this, and only this, for the rest of her life.She’d be happy doing this she thinks.What else could she possibly need?

The sound of a door slamming in the hall startles them apart though, not far but enough that their mouths part with a wet smack.

Alex’s chest is heaving and she’s watching the door like she expects the principal to run in and catch them at it.No one is coming this way though, not that Kara can hear much over the sound of her own raging heart, but her senses detect only her and Alex left in this corridor.

Still… she’s kind of afraid of doing that again so soon.

There’s no way she won’t start flying or vibrating or both if Alex makes her feel like that again.

So instead, she buries her face in Alex’s neck, breathing in deeply and doing nothing at all to stop the silly and uncontrollable smile from blossoming on her face.

“I’ve been trying to think of how to get you to do that all day.”Kara admits, not even embarrassed at the squeaky tone of her voice.

“Yeah?”Alex isn’t much better, the croak from before is back but she still wraps her arms around Kara’s waist, holding her both tightly and loosely if that made any sense to anyone not in Kara’s head.It seemed her brain was still misfiring.Her thoughts were all over the place.“I um I was kind of scared to after um… well I thought I’d overstepped in the car the other night.”

“No!No. I just… I’ve never kissed anyone like… like _that_ before.”

Alex’s chest stutters and she laughs but it’s breathy and unsure and still _everything._ “That’s surprising.You’re um… you’re just so beautiful I kind of assumed that you uh you had…”

“Experience?”

“Yeah.”

“No.Not a lot.”Kara admits, wanting to come clean here and now and tell Alex that the other humans she’d encountered mostly all knew she was an alien and so kept their distance and also… Kara didn’t _feel_ exceptionally beautiful.Alex was probably the only person who thought that.Yet another reason to keep her secret.Best to not ruin this too soon.

She’s pulled from her thoughts when Alex clears her throat, arms tightening nervously around Kara’s hips.Alex eases back a little, nudging Kara’s cheek with her nose until they’re looking at each other again.This close, Kara can make out the different colors in Alex’s eyes and she can’t help but think that if either of them is beautiful, it’s Alex.

Kara tells her so, but Alex snorts and shakes her head.At least whatever tension had fallen over them seems to have dissipated, and Alex has regained at least some of her confidence.

“There’s this like bar downtown.Um you have to be over fourteen to get in and they have this “teen time” which is a play on tee time and it’s like three hours where we can just… hang you know?”

“That sounds nice.”Kara says, idly playing with Alex’s hair where it curtains her hands.It’s so soft.

“Yeah… yeah I um…I was wondering if you’d like to go with me sometime?As like on a date.”

Kara wants to squeal.Uses every ounce of self-control she has to not.“Yes.”

Alex nods but there’s a frown on her face.“I understand.We can just go as friends if you want?It’s still a really cool place to just relax.”

What?

Mentally rewinding the last few seconds, Kara verifies that she had said ‘yes’.Feels her stomach sink.Feels her mind doing mental gymnastics to try to figure out where she’d gone wrong.

“I don’t understand.”She tries not to sound so meek, body already tensing as she prepares to pull away.“I said—”

“Yes.”Alex’s eyes go wide.“Shit.You said yes?”

“Yes?”

“You want to go on a date with me?”

“I… yes.”Kara bites her lip.“Is that not what you want?”

“No!I mean yes!I mean I _do_ want that!I—shit.”Closing her eyes, Alex shakes her head and starts over.“This Friday after practice, will you go to Al’s bar with me on a date?”

“Yes.”Kara says again, narrowing her eyes as she waits for Alex’s second reaction.This one is better.This one is Alex’s face breaking out into a relieved smile and nodding quickly.

“Ok.Ok cool.I’ll um… I’ll see you then.And tomorrow.And today and just please ignore me right now I’m just… I’m really excited and my words aren’t working.”

It’s Kara’s turn to laugh but when Alex’s ears go red, she doesn’t even feel weird leaning in and kissing her.Seventeen had assured her that kissing could be an act of reassurance for humans and Kara didn’t ever want Alex to feel embarrassed about what they had.

~*~

Despite having had the intention of walking Kara to her locker, Alex has to hurry off to practice before she forces the team to run laps for her lateness.Team rule: one person is late, and everyone runs.Mr. Jones hadn’t extended that rule to Kara since, for obvious reasons among the staff, Kara was often held up by teachers looking for an excuse to harass her.Or Belinda.

A lot of the time it was Belinda.

Although… Kara _hadn’t_ really experienced any of Belinda’s ploys in a while. Crap talking yes?But actual physical altercations or stupid pranks? No. Maybe Belinda really had been scared off by Kara’s new alliance with the soccer team?She had seemed to be rather intimidated by them.And, if Kara’s being honest, even _she_ wouldn’t want to mess with Maggie.She may be small, but she was a firecracker.

Alex probably wouldn’t hurt a fly since she was such a softie, but Maggie… yeah.Belinda had every right to be scared.

When she opens her locker and is immediately assaulted by a wave of falling and exploding orange soda cans, she realizes how inaccurate that assumption was.Belinda may not want to mess with the soccer team but that didn’t mean she had forgotten her hatred of Kara.

Streaky.

Belinda couldn’t get access to Kara but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to go after the things Kara cared about.

A lead weight drops in her stomach and all of her good day feelings disappear.

She had no idea what to do here.


	5. You Think It's Easy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys,
> 
> Some answers to your questions:
> 
> So a LOT (re: all) of you were upset about what Belinda did to Streaky. I am too but I want to make it clear that she was just being a stupid kid. It's not an excuse but teenagers do stupid things. Also when I was writing that scene I was watching Annie and it took so much for me not to have Kara sing dumb dog. In case you haven't noticed, musicals are my jam. So in my headcanon, Belinda didn't forcefully put the cans on Streaky's head, she lured him in with sweet soda-ey goodness and the poor little guy accidentally got caught up. Which, if you know cats, is way more realistic. If I tried to put my cats head in anything small, he'd claw me eyes out and he loves me. Streaky doesn't know Belinda. She'd be sliced meat.
> 
> Also, I mentioned before that Alex is a halfway student. I'm actually not 100% sure how that works. I know you go to high school and college at the same time but I'm not sure if its for advanced classes in reality. In this fic it is and Alex is a sophmore in college and senior in high school.
> 
> Then someone asked if J'onn knows that Kara's an alien. He does. And so did Myriah. Even if the school hadn't told them, they'd be able to sense it what with the complete lack of thoughts coming from her. Remember they're ancient, they'd know what that meant.
> 
> And per the rest of her year not knowing or even the upperclassmen: no idea why upperclassmen would know since they're still not faculty. And Kara's classmates are bound by a contract not to tell. There was a meeting about it and everything. Now they *Are* teenagers and they will do dumb shit as we all do, but right now it's only been like a month and a half maybe? They've got time to mess this up, trust me.
> 
> Also, I know the rumors about small town gossip but they're in national city. I was born and raised in NYC so I'm largely basing my experiences off of that. And, at least where I grew up, when someone told you to mind your business, you minded your business. Eventually someone would break though and then you could gossip to your hearts content but woe on the person who did the breaking. Your social life was over. You were forevermore the snitch.
> 
> And that's all I got I think?
> 
> On to the show!

She texts Mr. Jones a quick picture of the cans, some exploded and hissing soda like jet fuel for a rocket, others just rolling around in the sticky muck.

This is gonna take a while to sort out.Especially since Kara can’t use her powers.

Looks like soccer practice is off the table today.

Gritting her teeth, she hangs her bag in her locker—Belinda would be at wrestling practice and she and her cronies take that _very_ seriously—and carefully picks through the mess to go find a janitor.She finds one in the next corridor and after explaining the situation, he allows her to take his garbage can and promises to come back up with a mop.

He hadn’t even looked exasperated when he’d left, just sort of relieved that _he_ wouldn’t be the one cleaning it up.

Kara isn’t relieved.She’s frustrated.And really, really angry.

Krypton hadn’t been perfect; after a few years of maturing and having some distance, she can more readily detect the glaring flaws in her culture.The complete lack of any form of intimacy in most households was probably a leading factor in her species’ inability to have compassion for others.

Her parents had been some of the biggest culprits of this.Her mother had sentenced her own _sister_ to the Phantom Zone and her father had disavowed his own brother because he’d told him the truth about his inhumane science experiments.They’d come through in the end; at least for Kara, proving once and for all that just because they didn’t have experience with compassion and love didn’t mean that they were incapable.

Which is why this is so aggravating.Kara had done _nothing_ to justify this sort of treatment besides being born on a different planet and that was something that she couldn’t help!Her DNA wasn’t something that she had any control over and somehow, it had still led to her being so hated that a group of girls had decided to try to make her life a living hell.

Belinda was part of a species where intimacy was normalized, where there were commercials with Sarah McLachlan singing about animal rights and charities.Doing something like this to Kara was the exact opposite of what her people were supposed to stand for but going after Streaky was just inexcusable.

Belinda was capable of compassion she just chose not to employ it.

As she picks up the soda cans, chest tight with all of the feelings she can’t express, she thinks of how to tell Belinda that she’d just won.That Kara gave up.That she didn’t want to _do_ this anymore.

Kara was tired of this.She was tired of dodging around corners and being watchful and wary every second.She was _sick_ of wondering what she could be doing to make this better because the truth is there isn’t anything she _can_ do.

And besides that, it won’t work.Kara’s tried waving a white flag before and Belinda only laughs at her.

She hates this.

Hates Belinda and her friends, hates the teachers, hates Principal Armstrong, hates Earth and Humans and _everything!_

When the sound of running reaches her ears, Kara is tempted to just slump down in the soda and not move.Surely Belinda would have pity on a dead alien, right?If Kara just pretended she’d lost her life to the soda cans?

But then she smells something, something distinctly not Belinda and she lurches to her feet, eyes wide and alarmed as the soccer team rounds the corner.

Vasquez looks just as shocked as Kara does, though her mouth is pinched with concern.

“Dude.”

Alex pushes passed her with a blank look on her face, uncaring of the soda covered tiles underfoot and immediately steps up to Kara, framing her face in her hands.

“Are you ok?”

Kara can only nod, eyes a little blurry now as Alex pulls her into a tight hug.Unfortunately she can only allow that for a second.Any longer and she’ll certainly start bawling in the middle of the hall.Sniffling, she gently pushes Alex away though she doesn’t protest when Alex continues to rub her shoulder.

“I—” Her voice cracks and breaks, the shame jamming through her throat and cutting her words before she can push them through.She tries to swallow that down.Tries again.“What are you guys doing here?”

Mr. Jones had started giving out gloves to the girls and raises his eyebrow imperiously when Kara voices her question.He could really give Ms. Grant a run for her money with his stone face.

“We are a team.”Mr. Jones says.“If one of us needs help, then we help.”

“But—”

Walking past Kara, Maggie swats at her arm with the blue latex gloves in her hand.“Bop, bop, bop.You heard Coach.Stop yappin’ and get to work Troq.”

Ice floods Kara’s veins.“What’d you say?”

“She said we’ve got work to do.”Alex says, squeezing Kara’s shoulder once before putting on her own set of gloves.Movements a bit more aggressive than is completely warranted, Alex jerks her head towards the trash can.“Come on; the faster we start, the faster we finish.”

“Yeah,” Kara says, swallowing the hurt again.“Ok.”

~*~

Alex had remained angry the rest of the afternoon.Even with all of the girls, it had still taken a half hour to get the hallway back to pre-soda standards and then Alex had leant Kara some more of her clothes because she’d been covered in sugar and syrup.They’d been her “going home sweats” as Alex called them, but they’d been comfortable and clean, and they’d smelled enough like Alex that Kara had calmed down significantly.

For some reason, Alex’s scent has had that effect on her.

For some reason, Kara’s scent does not have that effect on Alex.

“The person who did that,” Alex prompts as she drives Kara home, “they went after Streaky too?”

“Probably.”Kara mutters although she feels like the answer is more likely certainly.

“Who was it?”

Kara sighs, closes her eyes, for some reason the events of the day, the past few years, have all caught up with her and she’s bone tired.She can’t remember the last time she’d actually slept.The last time she’d needed to sleep.

“You remember that day at lunch?With the ketchup?”

Alex’s fingers tighten around the steering wheel.“So this was payback?”

“Something like that.”

Alex is silent for several minutes, jaw working like she’s chewing something exceedingly distasteful.And, when she does break her silence, she sounds even angrier than she was before.

“Kara… look whoever you’re messing with… maybe you should back off.High school is hard enough without borrowing trouble you know?”

Well.

There went her calm.

And here came the tears.

Crap.

“Yep.Ok.”

When Alex sighs it sounds full of disappointment.Yet another person in Kara’s life who was sick of her.Just perfect.

“Kara…”

“No.You’re right.I’ll lay low.”She keeps swallowing, keeps blinking.Does everything she can to keep her insides _inside._

“I’m not saying this is your fault.”Alex insists as she pulls into the Home’s driveway.“I’m—I’m trying to say that you shouldn’t be poking the bear.”

“Yep.”As soon as they stop, maybe actually a little sooner, Kara is shoving her way out of the car, forcing herself to remember that there’s a handle and she has to pull first and not to break anything.“Thanks.I’ll see you tomorrow Alex.”

“Kara.”Alex tries calling after her, Kara even thinks she tries to follow her but between the seatbelt and the car door, Kara’s already inside by the time Alex rounds the hood. 

~*~

“Unfortunately, we don’t have proof.”Cat says when Kara tells her what happened.She’d meant to avoid Cat all together but after her altercation with Alex, her feelings had been a lot harder to hide.

As in, Kara had had a breakdown as soon as the front door had closed behind her.

“So, what do we do?”

“I despise adulthood.They never really tell you the truly stupid things you’ll have to deal with.”Cat is frustrated and taking long pulls from the wine in her glass.A dangerous combination.She keeps her eyes on the faux stone countertops she’d been working on all day, nails dirty with concrete paint.Kara remembers that Cat’s Home Improvement section of her newspaper had needed some fresh ideas.Maybe this was one of them?“I’ll talk to Dirk in the morning but I—there isn’t much we can do Kara. Not without the support—” Cat sighs again and pinches her nose. “I’m sorry Kara.”

Oh.

Cat straightens her spine, corking the wine bottle and storing it safely back in the locked cupboard over the fridge.“You can keep Streaky in the yard.We’ll build a hutch for him and just hope Belinda tries to get at him.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“Doesn’t try.”Cat corrects, tapping a finger against her chin.“I meant doesn’t try.I would never condone violence against children.”

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Kara asks again, “what?”

“Streak can stay in the yard.Hopefully he’ll recognize this as his home now if we make it comfortable enough and that will protect him from the scum of the world.”

Which is a marked improvement to Kara’s normal routine of finding Streaky in his usual alley.She’s not even that worried that he’ll run off. Streaky was meant to be a fat cat; he went where the food was.If Kara could keep him fed, he’d stick around.

“Ok.”

“And I want you to stay with the soccer team as much as possible.If they’re scaring her off, then I want you to take advantage of that.”

“Ok.”Less easy given that her new nickname was seemingly Troq amongst the team.Which was less fun.

“And… maybe you should open up to them?Not all of them but just a few so that you have some people in your corner.”

“Yeah.”Kara huffs, crossing her arms and slouching down in her seat.“Like that’d go over well.”

“Why do you insist humans are evil?”

“Uh… because of the various instances of evil behavior.”

“Belinda does not count.”

“It’s not just her!”Kara exclaims, leaning forward when Cat rolls her eyes and opens her wine bottle again.“I saw what the Street Prophets did to the Viking Raiders!”

“The _who?_ ”Cat asks, eyes narrowing in abject confusion.

“They’re wrestlers.”Kara explains.“Winn was showing me so that we could learn some moves for if Belinda—”

Cat waves a dismissive hand that immediately goes to her forehead at the end of the gesture.“Please tell me you are not referring to the WWE?”

“Of course I am!They’re the best wrestlers in—”

“They are not real.”Cat says, voice sounding dangerously close to a whine.“It is a television show made for children and men who have not yet realized that Santa Claus isn’t real.”

A stone drops in her stomach.

“Santa Claus isn’t real?”

“Yes he is!”Winn’s yelp is followed by thundering footsteps as he runs down the steps to Kara’s side.Her best friend points a threatening finger at Cat.“Yes he is Kara and so is wrestling!You stop it right now Ms. Grant.Stop it!”

Cat drops her elbow to the counter and runs a tired hand over her face, the other hand tipping her refilled glass to her mouth.

Satisfied that their caretaker isn’t going to spew more lies, Winn turns to Kara and squeezes her shoulders.

“Ms. Grant was right about one thing though: you _should_ think about opening up to the team.I like them.They’re good people.”

Kara’s shaking her head before Winn’s finished his sentence.“They’ll leave.”

As much as her future with the team is uncertain, that doesn’t mean Kara wants to prematurely exile herself.This is her first time having actual friends besides Winn.She wants to hold on to that a little longer even if that does make her a coward.

Predictably, Cat won’t allow her to hide away.She never has.

“No, they won’t.”Her guardian says, sighing with both exasperation and fondness as one of her hands moves to cover one of Kara’s across the table.“They’ve already seen how wonderful you are.”

~*~

Normally, Kara and Winn walk to the bus stop seven blocks away and catch the bus to school.Free public transportation for students was one of the best perks about city schools and it was one less financial worry for Kara.

But this morning, with it’s too bright sun and too strong wind, has brought Alex to her doorstep.Or more accurately, the driveway.

Alex is leaning against her car looking like she hadn’t slept so great the night before.Kara hadn’t slept at all.Winn had and perks up as soon as he sees Alex waiting.

“Dude,” he whispers out of the corner of his mouth.“Do you think she’s gonna give us a ride?”

Because, although Kara loves the bus, Winn _hates_ it.

It would be a nice gesture though, and Alex would be the kind of person to extend it but… Kara doesn’t really want to be around her right now.Whatever it is she’s feeling—the tangled mess of anger, frustration, and hurt—Alex had gotten mixed in with it and Kara hadn’t quite sorted herself out yet.

It felt like a bad idea to get in a car with her when she was feeling… bad.

“I don’t know Winn.”Kara grumbles, trying not to be too grouchy as she walks down the steps towards Alex who has straightened up and lifted a hand in greeting.Kara nods at her.“Hi.”

Even looking dead tired, Alex still looks _good._ She’s wearing a hoodie under her jean jacket and Kara tugs at her own sleeves, happy she’d listened to Winn when he said it was a bit nippy this morning.

“Hey.”Alex whispers, eyes darting between Kara and Winn before she steps back and gestures at the car.“I thought… um if you want, I could drive you to school today?”

“Ugh!Thank you!”Winn exclaims, already running for the backseat and sliding in.“Life saver.”

Kara fights the urge to scowl.Weren’t best friends supposed to read the room better?Winn sucked!

“Sure.”She says instead of fighting it.“Thank you.”

The smile Alex gives her is small, but it still sends flutters through Kara’s chest and belly.Stupid feelings.

~*~

By the time they get to the school, Kara isn’t even angry anymore.At least not at Alex.Winn had spent the ride peppering Alex with questions about herself, questions Kara had never even thought to ask.What was her favorite color?Blue.What was her favorite band?My Chemical Romance.What did she like to do for fun?Surf.

The more she learns, the more slippery her anger feels until it’s left her grasp completely.And she isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore because she’s still upset, and she isn’t sure what to do with that.

She wants to cry again.

She won’t though because they’ve just pulled up to the still mostly empty parking lot behind the school.Winn slides out of the back with a happy sigh.

“Thanks so much Alex!You’re the best!”

“No problem.”Alex says, chewing on her lip as she turns her attention back to Kara.“Do you mind if I borrow Kara though?I wanted to ask her something.”

Winn’s eyebrows wiggle and his smile nearly splits his face in half.“Oh sure.You kids have fun.”

Laughing at his own joke, he turns and heads towards the main building.

Jerk.

Alex clears her throat, blowing out a loud breath and shaking out her hands.

“Uhhh…” Shaking her head, Alex does the weird routine again.Kara’s kind of worried about a seizure.“Um.Right.I just—fuck.I’m sorry.About yesterday I’m sorry.”Now that’s she’s started, Alex starts speaking much quicker, words tumbling into each other as she speaks her truth.“I was angry and—shit Kara.I wasn’t—it wasn’t about you.I wasn’t _angry_ with you but the words I said were just shit.I shouldn’t have said that.I should have listened to you; I should have let you… I should have been a safe space.”Alex pauses, her jaw working for a second before she turns the full weight of her gaze back to Kara.“I _want_ to be a safe space for you.But I can’t do that if I’m just jumping to conclusions and giving you bad advice so: I’m sorry.I’m really really sorry.”

Kara feels her lips tremble and presses them together in a thin line, looking anywhere but at Alex.The car provides her some privacy and there aren’t enough people here yet since they’d beat the bus but still… she feels unmoored.This is unfamiliar territory.Kara can’t think passed the pressure in her chest.

“Kara… I’m so sorry.I never meant to hurt you.Please I… if… if you need time or—” Alex touches her arm and she flinches, presses a hand to her mouth as her shoulders hunch and stomach tightens.“Hey, come ‘ere.” Alex whispers, her grip firming as she pulls Kara’s body towards her.“Please.Please honey just…”

She spins, nose burrowing deep in Alex’s neck as she breathes her in.Hides her face as the tears she can no longer contain start to fall rapidly and without prejudice.

This is different than last night though.

Last night she’d felt like she was falling apart.

This feels like putting herself back together.

And it feels even better when Alex wraps her up without question.Without hesitating for even a second.Alex exhales like she’s releasing a weight and then holds Kara like it’s all she’s ever wanted to do.

“It’s ok.”Alex breathes, kissing the top of Kara’s head, her temple, her ear. “I’ve got you.It’s ok.”

~*~

Alex follows her to the bathroom, helping Kara clean her face before also escorting her to her locker and then her first period.

The door is locked so they wait outside, Kara keeping a death grip on Alex’s hand.

“I’ll see you at practice?”Alex asks, “and if you’re still up for studying later?”

“You’re not coming to lunch?”

Blushing, Alex ducks her head and slides her free hand into her front pocket.“Um, I’m actually supposed to be on Campus right now.I’ve got a genetics lab in like twenty minutes.”

“Oh.”Campus?Campus!Alex was a half-way student.Winn had told Kara that weeks ago!She had _college_ class!“Oh!Go!You have to go.”

“No.”Alex shakes her head, waving a dismissive hand.“It’s fine I—”

“Alexandra! Turn around and get back to your car.Now.”Kara puts on her best no nonsense face watching as Alex rolls her lips to fight a smile.“I mean it.Your education comes first.Now _go!_ ”

“Ok.”Alex mumbles, taking a quick look down the empty hallway before darting in for a kiss.“I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you later.”Kara promises, kissing the back of Alex’s hand before releasing her completely.

Watching Alex go brings a measure of peace to Kara’s heart.She’d been so devastated when Alex had said those things last night and, while they still hadn’t really talked about it too much, this felt like a good place to start.Talking that is.The door had been opened and well… maybe Cat hadn’t been completely wrong.

Maybe Kara _could_ trust Alex.

Maybe she wouldn’t leave.

~*~

Despite feeling better about Alex and their relationship, the small bubble Kara had been enclosed in for the past few weeks had already been burst.It’s a stark reminder of the real world Kara had been submerged in the moment she left Krypton.In the real world, aliens were seen as third class citizens, the bottom of the barrel.And Kara passed for human, she was as normal looking as they came so in a space where no one knew what she was, she was safe.

But Belinda knew.

And a lot of her classmates knew.

The small chasm of peace that Kara had cultivated crumbles down around her but, despite the familiar hollowness in her belly, she walks into her class with her head up.Cat would tolerate nothing else and her opinion of Kara was much more important than Belinda’s.

Speaking of… Belinda looks positively giddy when Kara walks in.Looks less so as the day progresses and Kara ignores her very existence.Moreover, Kara isn’t sure if Alex had somehow gotten word to the team but throughout the day, it looks like they keep popping up out of nowhere.Maggie’s at the water fountain when she leaves English.Vasquez just has to say hello to Ms. Haley the history teacher.Mr. Jones had even shown up at her gym class.“To observe.” He’d said.

Mr. Harper had not been pleased.

It's like a weird meeting of the worlds.

The before that had been terrible and bad and the after which was… good.It was really good so far.

~*~

“I don’t understand,” Kara whines and drops her face in her hands.“Why can’t it just be a story?Why does everything have to have a meaning?”

Sitting next to her, Alex pushes up the sleeves of her Henley and makes Kara’s stomach lurch.“Let’s not question the why; you should never question the why.Just… What do you think Dorothy symbolizes?”

“I don’t know…”Alex’s forearms are majorly distracting, especially because now that Kara can see the strong muscles and tendons flex under Alex’s skin, her ears also now want to _hear_ the strong muscles and tendons flex under Alex’s skin.Which is much less attractive.A lot more weird.Kara _hates_ her abilities. 

When her eyes start trying to _see_ through those tendons, Kara grabs her pencil and glares at the tip.Lead, she found, was a very good way of putting her body’s antics on time-out.

“Well what’s her character like?”

“Hopeful?No matter how lost she is, she still tries.”Something Kara herself has been struggling with.

“Exactly.That’s what “Americans” are supposed to be like.Hopeful, hardworking, willing to go after their dreams.But to fully get this you have to know some history as well…”And then Kara’s English tutoring becomes a history lesson of the 1900’s and the wars and culture therein.

It's mentally exhausting keeping all that information in her brain.Not because she’s incapable but mostly because… she just doesn’t care.None of this matters to her.But Alex actually looks a little excited by this and the way she’s telling it is like she was actually there; like it’s a story she’s relaying to a friend.It’s cute how bright her eyes are right now and, if Kara didn’t know these were stories from way before Alex was born, she’d swear she was gossiping about her neighbors.It should be a crime, she thinks, for someone to be this adorable.

And it’s because of that, that when Alex drops her off that night, Kara goes up to her room and continues her own research.If Alex could find something of interest in the humans of old than so could Kara.Besides it’s not like Kara was actually going to sleep anyway and she would like to not have to repeat any classes if she could help it.

Except, what she finds is actually kind of aggravating and she can’t keep that aggravation off her face when she tracks Alex down the following morning.

“I looked it up.”She says, spooking Alex where she was carefully eyeballing some liquid in a graduated cylinder.In her defense, the Freshman chem lab was the only place she could actually think to look for Alex without invading her privacy and listening for her.“Baum said he wrote that book for kids _not_ politics.”

Alex’s lips thin and her face goes deadly serious.“I told you to never question the why.Knowing symbolism is all made up only makes you angry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate symbolism. I hate it; hate it; hate it!
> 
> If I'm ever published and they use my book to teach then please remember that the fucking dark room was just a dark room. Maybe the character didn't pay their electricity that month. Maybe they're poor. Maybe they're best friend is the boogey man. gah!
> 
> Also, Ms. Grant is my *Mood* around my nieces. I love them but they can be slow as hell. I watched one of them breakdown like the end was nigh because her sister was gargling in her ear... My mom should be so happy I slept through puberty.


	6. I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When in doubt, always wear blue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Note:
> 
> Soccer team doesn't know what Troq means. I'll let you decide if J'onn knows. I mean I already know if he knows but... just the team doesn't know. (You probably don't either and don't look it up, it's part of the suspense.)

Of course, along with that bubble popping comes a lot of flak from Kara’s inner demons.Logically, she understands that she’s lost a lot.Losing your entire planet isn’t exactly a recipe for a mentally healthy teenager.But she had kind of been hoping that her feelings of… _abandonment_ wouldn’t interfere with her budding relationship with Alex.

But it was.

Big time.

They were well into the regular season at this point and the team was doing really well.They hadn’t lost a game yet and with that undefeated record came a lot of scrutiny.Kara hadn’t even known boys could be such… _fanboys_ until she’d seen it in action.

And at first, she’d wanted to laugh at the uncomfortably queasy looks that the attention garnered from Maggie but, when Alex didn’t have the same reaction, she’d admittedly gotten a little grumpy.

Then like a real adult, she’d quashed it down until it’d inevitably almost exploded in her face.

During her and Alex’s date of all places.Because Kara was that self-destructive.

It’d started off well; the bar is actually very casual, and Alex takes her right after practice.Kara had decided on a pretty blue shirt dress that day and had gone through great lengths to keep it clean and out of Belinda’s grubby hands.When Alex steps out of the locker room, Kara sees that she’d changed from her earlier clothes into really tight blue jeans and a loose green sweater.And, instead of her normal converse sneakers, Alex has put on black moto boots that make her look incredibly badass.

The sight nearly sends Kara into a panic.

Should she have brought a change of clothes?Was Alex expecting her to have another outfit?Kara didn’t have a lot of clothes as it was—she tended to accidentally rip them once they’d reached a certain age—and so she hadn’t even thought of bringing an extra set.It was so easy to forget that normal people didn’t have to ration something so simple as their clothing items.It’s another reminder that Kara isn’t normal, and she needs to try a lot harder to _be_ normal if she wants to hang on to Alex and what they have.

That thought is in her head the entire drive over.

It’s there when Alex rushes to her side of the car so she can open the door for her and help her out.

And it’s even there when Alex takes her hand and leads her to a secluded table near the back of the room.No one would really be able to see them back here and at first, for like a microsecond, Kara is pleased that they’ll have a little privacy.But then her thoughts turn dark as she remembers the dress she’s been wearing all day and how it’s very unoriginal and not at all what one should wear for a date and she thinks: Alex is maybe a little ashamed and is trying to hide her.

So, of course like an adult, she buries her face behind a menu and pretends to be reading with great interest. So that Alex won’t see the tears in her eyes.

One date.

Kara couldn’t even make it through one date without crying like a child.

“You can order whatever you want.”Alex says from behind Kara’s menu.“I know it’s just bar food, but I was thinking we could start with the sampler?And they make these really good virgin pina coladas if you like coconut.”

“Uh…”Kara hedge, swallowing to clear her throat and make her voice sound passable.“I’ve never had coconut but whatever you recommend.I trust your judgement.”

She should have just changed the stupid dress.

A waiter comes over and Alex gives him their initial order, he taps his notepad with a smile and promises to be right back to take the order for their mains.

Then it’s just her and Alex again and Kara has an overwhelming urge to bury herself back behind the menu.Before she can, Alex reaches across the table for her hand, the tips of her ears a brilliant red as she runs her thumb over Kara’s knuckles.

"I've um been meaning to tell you how you beautiful you look all day.”

Kara blinks.“You… think so?”

“Of course.”Alex says, brow pinching in confusion.“You’re gorgeous.It’s just… and I mean you can wear whatever you want I’m not like trying to control you or anything but I just really um like you in blue.”

“Oh.”Pleasure and heat flood her system and Kara actually giggles.Giggles!Like a schoolgirl in those old movies Cat likes to watch!Secretly, Kara enjoys them too.“I… thank you.You look pretty too!”Kara rushes to assure, scolding herself now for not telling Alex how amazing she’d looked when she’d come out of the locker room.“You look incredible Alex.”

Alex smiles and squeezes her hand before regretfully letting go.“So how was your day?Did your physics teacher give you a hard time again?”

And just like that Alex had once again saved Kara from herself.The rest of the date is spent eating, drinking, and playing pool.Kara had never played before and Alex takes great pleasure in both teaching her and teasing her endlessly.Miraculously, the deities take pity on her and Kara even manages to get through the night without breaking anything.Although she _does_ accidentally hit the white ball into some jerk’s stomach when he makes a snide comment about them.

Completely accidental.

By the time the night is over, Kara can’t stop smiling, nearly doubled over as Alex tells her stories from her childhood.

“You tried to apply for a job when you were _five_?!”Kara is wheezing, just the mental image of a tiny Alex all serious and confident marching up to an adult and trying to get an interview enough to send her into conniptions.

“It was at the Aquarium!”Alex insists, although her own smile is wide and happy.“I wanted to feed the penguins!I’ll have you know I spent a _really_ long time on that resume.It was very impressive.”

Kara can’t answer, can only wait for her laughter to allow her to breathe again.By the time she’s calmed down they’ve been sitting in her driveway for ten minutes and Alex is watching her with nothing but fondness.

“Come ‘ere.”Alex whispers, cupping Kara’s cheek and tugging her over the arm rest.

Kara goes easily, her mouth eager as she responds to Alex’s kiss.It’s their first kiss of the night and Kara isn’t even disappointed.The whole experience, minus her near meltdown, had been perfect.Enough so that, when Alex pulls away, Kara groans in protest and tries to chase after her.

“We shouldn’t get too carried away.”Alex chuckles although she does kiss Kara again.“I don’t want Ms. Grant banging on my windows again.”

Jerking back, Kara blushes and groans.“I’m so sorry about that.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.My mom’s protective of me too.”Alex presses one last kiss to her mouth before pulling away completely.“You’re really lucky to have her.”

“Yeah.”Surprisingly, Kara finds herself agreeing.There’s not a whole lot she’d say she was “lucky” for, but Cat? “Yeah I am.Thank you.For tonight.It was amazing.”

Alex blushes again and Kara fights the urge the swoon.“You’re welcome.I’m glad you had a good time.I—I mean if you wanted, we could do it again sometime?Next week maybe?”

“Yes.”Kara rushes to agree.“I’d like that.”The porch lights flicker and she groans again, palming her face.“Sorry that’s…”

“Ms. Grant?”

“Yeah.”Kara shakes her head and grabs Alex’s face to press one last lingering kiss to her mouth.It’s been easier to control her strength the more she’s practiced with Alex and she’s barely scared of herself anymore.“Yeah.I’m gonna…”

“Uh huh.”Alex mumbles, looking a little dazed and dopey.

Kara bites her lip to fight her own grin and makes her escape before she spends the rest of the night in that car.

That night she lays awake reliving the entire day, even the bad bits.She wants to remember every single second of the best day of her life.

~*~

As wonderful as her date with Alex had been, it still doesn’t reverse Kara’s new reality.

For a short time she’d been able to forget that Belinda even existed but that all goes away now.With Kara’s nonreaction, comes Belinda’s increased microaggressions.No one will readily work with Kara on group projects anymore and, when the teachers manually assign her to a classmate, the other kid tells her that she has to do all the work.

There are a few teachers who are sympathetic and who Kara can convince to just let her work alone, but there are still others who refuse to believe her and force her to continue the project.Her workload suddenly increases exponentially.

Despite previous failures, she tries to call a truce with Belinda _again_ and again she fails.

“Listen freak: no one likes you.No one will _ever_ like you.So just stay out of our way and do what you’re told.”

Kara’s headache had been particularly bad after that episode.Alex had found her on the bleachers before practice and spent a good fifteen minutes giving Kara a head massage.

Admittedly, the headache had gone away pretty quickly after Alex’s arrival, but Kara _may_ have kind of milked her pain to keep Alex’s hands on her.

It had felt that good.

Alex only stops when Vasquez shows up and asks if they’ve seen Maggie.Obviously they hadn’t, but the moment is over, and they go back to setting up the field.

When Maggie doesn’t answer Alex’s phone calls or texts, Kara’s bad day only gets worse as Alex’s irritation increases and she spends the rest of the day spoiling Alex with kisses and compliments and even her own improvised head massage on the drive back to the Home.

Alex is adequately mollified.

Still, despite her good deed any flirtations Kara had been having with sleep go away very quickly.

And still more surprisingly, the longer she keeps this up, the more tired she actually gets.

Cat starts to worry.

Winn always worried.

And Alex gets a lot quieter, the stress of the season already bad enough without Kara adding to it.

Eventually even Mr. Jones pulls her aside to question her one day, Alex taking over the practice with wary eyes and a set jaw.Things are tense enough since Maggie had skipped practice _again_ without so much as a word to anyone and wasn’t answering calls, and now Mr. Jones was holding personal therapy sessions on the side.Kara could definitely see how that would upset Alex.She’d have to apologize later.

“Is your classmate still giving you trouble?”Mr. Jones asks.“I can talk to Principal Armstrong and set up a mediation if you’d like.”

Kara smiles and fights the urge to rub at her tired eyes.Mr. Jones is worried enough without physical evidence of her turmoil.

“Thank you, Mr. Jones but that’s not necessary.”

“Ms. Zor-El. Your health is not something I take lightly.”

“My counselor already tried mediations and going to Principal Armstrong _and_ calling Belinda’s parents.It’s not going to help.But I really appreciate you trying.”She pats him on the shoulder because he honestly looks like he’s the one who’s just been harshly disappointed.“It’s fine.I can handle it.”

“Ms. Zor-El.”

“Come on Coach.”Kara says, already backing away towards the field.“Gotta make sure our girls aren’t slacking off.”

Mr. Jones’ face looks like a storm cloud for the rest of practice and, at the end, he demands Kara stay with the team even though she doesn’t really need to use the locker room.

“It’s bonding.”He practically growls out.“Go bond.”

So Kara had mostly leaned against Alex’s locker talking to her while she’d gotten her things together for a shower.Alex hadn’t touched her, but she had pulled off her shirt and that had been enough to get Kara flustered and fixated on the ceiling pretty quickly.The cheerleaders had also finished their own practice and were also in the locker room.In this environment, with the soccer team as her buffer, Kara found that the squad wasn’t so bad.None of them directly spoke to her but they didn’t heckle her either and the team did a pretty good job of keeping Kara included.

Vasquez whacking her with a wet towel was apparently friendly behavior.

But then Alex comes out of the shower in a fresh pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt, wet hair dripping down onto a towel and Kara’s attention is once again pulled.So she sees when Vickie Donahue, the head cheerleader, pulls Alex off to the side and offers to braid her hair for her.And she sees when Alex just lets her.

The feeling that grows inside of her for the next fifteen minutes is completely unidentifiable, but Kara relates it to something like anger.She’s not sure why though; Alex is allowed to have friends.She’s allowed to let people… Earth was different, she tells herself.Touching and physical affection weren’t so personal here.Humans touched each other in the same way that animals sniffed each other’s butts.It was a greeting of sorts.

This wasn’t Krypton and Alex’s body was not a sacred thing she was meant to share only with Kara.

She tells herself this, but she can’t help what she feels, and she can’t help that her eyes feel like they’re going to explode out of her head.

It’s best, Kara quickly decides, to wait for Alex outside like she always does.Alex has started driving Kara home after practice, citing the dangers of Kara taking public transportation so late at night.And kisses.

Alex had been pretty honest about wanting kisses too.

Kara had been happy to give them.

And tonight she’s even more grateful for the gesture since the reason both practices had ended early was due to an emergency storm warning.

Being caught in the rain right now would _not_ help her mood.

Kara’s barely been in the hall for five minutes before Alex comes out looking a little flustered with her jacket half on and her bag hanging precariously over one shoulder.

“Hey,” Alex breathes, eyes wide with concern.“You ok?”

“Yep.”Kara chirps.“Just needed some air.”

Alex doesn’t look convinced, but she also doesn’t question Kara.At least not while they’re still at school.As soon as they drive off though, that’s another story. 

The storm has already started, so they’d had to run to the car and had _still_ both been nearly drenched by the time they’re inside.Alex turns on the wipers full blast and still leans a little closer to her windshield to get a better look at the streets outside.

And somehow, even with all of that, the cold and the rain and the questionable road visibility, Alex still glances at Kara and tries to prod.

“You seem upset.”

“Not upset.”Kara immediately lies, looking out the window and trying to appear chill.“Super fine.”

“Yeah.That’s not something someone who’s super fine would say.”

Kara grunts and they pass the next few minutes in a tense silence.Which makes Kara feel guilty instead of angry.She should talk to Alex—she _wants_ to talk to Alex she just… she doesn’t know what she wants to say.She’s not sure how to explain what she’s feeling without also explaining the differences in their cultures and outing herself.Would a human think it weird that their… potential mate didn’t want them letting other people touch them or flirt with them or—

“Shit.”Alex whispers, pulling to a stop in front of flashing lights.Kara startles, blinking at Alex as she rolls her window down a bit to allow an approaching person to talk to them.

“Good evening.Where are you girls coming from tonight?”

“NC High.We were at soccer practice.”Alex says, eyes flickering between the officer and the road in front of them.“Is the road closed?”

The officer, a woman with a heavy yellow raincoat and a wide brimmed hat, nods.“Whole south side.If you didn’t make it in before the flooding, you can’t get in now.You live down there?We can get a truck up, see if we can drive you down but you’d have to leave your car.”

“Uh…”Alex’s fingers drum nervously on her steering wheel and chews on her bottom lip a bit as she turns to Kara.“Would Cat be ok with you staying at my place?Just for tonight?”

As simple as the question seems, Kara draws a blank.She’s never actually asked the rules on sleeping outside the house.She’s never had _friends_ outside the house.

“Um can I call her?”

The officer nods.“I’ll give you a second.Flash your lights if you need me, otherwise you girls have a good night.”

Alex waves her off and Kara pulls out her phone.

But…

“I can just walk.”She offers, has to; feels wrong not to.“You don’t have to—” She cuts herself off at Alex’s glare, holding up the phone as a peace offering and pressing on Cat’s contact icon. “Yep.Calling.Calling now.”

Cat picks up on the first ring and basically falls just short of calling Kara an idiot for even thinking of trying to get through the flood waters and tells her to take shelter with the Danvers until the storm blows over.

“And Keira,” Cat had insisted.“If _anything_ happens over there that you don’t like or that makes you uncomfortable, you call me and we’ll figure out a new plan, ok?”

“Yes Ms. Grant.”

And then they’re on their way to Alex’s place.

Eliza is waiting at the door with towels when they drive up, not at all surprised to see Kara who for some reason feels the need to apologize to the woman.She is, after all, intruding on their space and making her own wet puddle in the entrance way.Eliza tuts at her.

“Stop that.”Eliza says, rubbing a towel over Kara’s shoulders and hair.She’d originally tried drying Alex off, but her daughter had bent over backwards like she was fending off a vampire and shooed her away with a heavy scowl and a hissed “ _mom!”_ so Eliza had turned her efforts to Kara.Kara doesn’t mind the treatment; it actually feels nice.“Of _course_ you’re welcome here Kara.Now, can I trust you girls to share a bed or should I make up the couch?”

Alex’s face turns redder than Kara has ever seen it and it’s on the tip of her tongue to accept the couch, she doesn’t want Alex to feel awkward, but Alex beats her to it.

“It’s up to you.”Alex says shyly, unable to meet Kara’s eyes as she pulls on the ends of the towel hanging over her shoulders.“But I uh wouldn’t mind sharing my bed.If you’re comfortable with that.”

“I am.”Kara says, also blushing much to Eliza’s amusement.

Pinching Kara’s cheek, she nods towards the staircase.“Then why don’t you both get settled in?Shower and then dinner.Alex can lend you some clothes.”

They both nod and move towards the staircase but Eliza holds Alex back.Because of her enhanced hearing Kara can still hear her when she warns Alex to “keep the door open young lady.”At this point, Kara’s worried Alex’s face will never return to its normal coloring.

~*~

It's only when she’s laying on Alex’s bed later that night that Kara realizes a small problem in her staying over.Alex is puttering around the room, setting her things out for tomorrow and going over the mental checklist Kara knows she keeps in her head. The door, as Eliza had commanded, remains cracked open.

They’d both texted Maggie to see if she’d respond but hadn’t gotten a reply.Alex had even tried to sneak back out to look for her, but Eliza had put an end to that real quick.

There’d been some grumbling, but Eliza reminded Alex of how anti-people _Alex_ was when she was upset over something.A compromise had been reached that if they hadn’t heard from Maggie by tomorrow _than_ Alex could freak out and worry.

So now Alex was freaking out and worrying in the privacy of her room while Kara watched from the bed.

Alex had told Kara to go lay down when they’d knocked into each other a few too many times, Kara unsure what to do with herself in a room that wasn’t hers.Alex said she didn’t have a side preference, so Kara had chosen the wall; she liked to feel the cool surface against her back since it helped to ground her thoughts as they rambled through the long nights.

Which brought her back to her problem: Kara hadn’t been able to sleep since she’d crash landed on Earth.And humans slept.All of them.It was a very glaring sign of alien-ness if one did not sleep.

Luckily, Kara was a really good actor.

“I know you’re not sleeping.”Alex whispers a short while later, one finger coming up to trace Kara’s hairline.“I can go sleep on the couch if you—”

What?!

“No.”Kara blinks her eyes open to a dark room, swallowing the fear that brings and catching Alex’s hand in hers and squeezing.“No Alex, I want you here.”

Alex’s eyes search hers and Kara tries to look as honest as possible.It seems to work; Alex is sliding in next to her in short order, one arm slipping under her pillow and the other dropping to the mattress in between them.

“Is this about whatever was bothering you earlier?”

“Nothing was bothering me earlier.”

“The same way nothing’s bothering you now?”Kara isn’t sure what to say.The feelings from earlier are back now that Alex has reminded her of them, and she is also annoyed that Alex is pushing this.But Alex’s next words also make her mad at herself, mostly because Alex sounds so worried and sad.“Kara… if I did something or—I don’t know, if something happened you can tell me.You can tell me anything.”

Kara snorts: she doesn’t mean to, it’s honestly just a gut reaction to the idea that she can be completely honest with someone.But it still seems to hurt Alex’s feelings because her lips thin and she rolls onto her back and crosses her arms.

“Forget it.”Alex huffs, swiping a hand down her face.“Just… forget it.”

_No._

This was so not what Kara wanted.

Crap!

“I—” Kara grimaces and clenches her hands, forcing words out of her mouth even though she has no idea how they’ll be received.“Who was that girl to you?”

Alex pauses for a moment and then turns her head to her, brow furrowed in confusion.“What girl?”

“The—” The stupid one, Kara wants to say, doesn’t because she actually doesn’t know if the girl was intelligent or not and it doesn’t matter.Shouldn’t matter.It’s an effort, to bite back her anger and talk about this with some level of rationality.“The girl who offered to braid your hair.”

The confusion and lingering annoyance fades from Alex’s face and Kara thinks she sees her fighting a grin.“Vickie is my best friend.Or was.We’re not as close as we used to be, but we’ve known each other since we were in diapers.”

“So she’s a…” Mate, Kara almost says.She doesn’t know what the earth term would be.On Krypton, betrothals had been done as soon as the child was entered into the Matrix.Her own partner, Jal-Ren, had been a fine selection and she’d even grown fond of him over time.Perhaps Alex had not desired her chosen—no!This was _not_ Krypton.

“Friend.”Alex says before Kara can work herself into a tizzy.“Vickie is just a friend.You don’t have to be jealous, I’m not—” There’s the blush again.“I um really care about you Kara.I don’t want anyone else.”

Oh.

Oh, for two reasons.

Kara _was_ jealous, which was new and terrible; and Kara was also elated.

Alex didn’t want anyone else.Just Kara.She’d said so herself.Kara tries not to look too giddy over it and very obviously fails.

“I could braid your hair for you.”Kara offers shyly.“If you wanted…”

Biting her lip, Alex cups Kara’s cheek, thumb stroking the skin in front of her ear.“You… I already like you Kara, you know that right?You don’t have to try to be… I don’t know.You just—I like _you._ Just the way you are.You don’t have to copy Vickie for that to be true.”

It's Kara’s turn to blush and she turns her face into the pillow to hide her smile, her words getting lost in the fluff.

Luckily Alex just laughs and leans over to kiss her, holding Kara’s chin like it’s something precious as their mouths move together.

“Did you think I wanted Rick too?”

“Who?” Kara mumbles, chasing Alex’s mouth and not really caring all that much about whoever this Rick person was.

“The boy that comes by after practice.I saw you glaring at him, but I thought he might have been a friend of Belinda’s or something.”

“Oh.”Kara’s breath hitches when Alex misses her mouth and spreads her kisses along Kara’s chin and then along her jaw… her ear.“I don’t know.”She squeaks.

“I don’t like boys.”Alex says with finality, catching Kara’s ear between her teeth.And oh, Rao _her tongue._ “What was the other thing?”Alex husks between kisses, completely distracting Kara and rendering her incapable of proper critical thought.“You looked scared earlier.”

Oh, uh…

“I don’t like the dark.”It reminded her of Krypton; of the phantom zone and space.

Alex stops kissing her, thumb rubbing over Kara’s chin thoughtfully before she’s pulling away and leaving the bed.The whine Kara releases is completely embarrassing, and Alex laughs again, flicking on the small lamp on her desk and rummaging through a drawer.She retrieves what looks like a small surfboard a little bigger than her fist and smiles triumphantly, walking over to the wall and plugging it in.The board gives off a soft glow and, when Alex turns out the desk light again, the room isn’t quite so shadowy.

“Thank you.”She murmurs as Alex slides back into the bed, scooting forward a bit before stopping herself and realizing she was being weird.

“What?”Alex asks, halfway in the bed and half out.“Is it still too dark?”

“No, I—” Alex _had_ said anything. And touch had been important on Krypton and Kara— “Um… would you mind if we—I mean if I or like if we um slept like close…er? Closer?”

Alex lifts an eyebrow.“You want to cuddle?”

“Um…”Abort.Abort mission.“No?”

Ignoring her, Alex resumes her earlier position on her side, but this time her free hand finds Kara’s waist and tugs her until they’re tangled together.Then Alex dips her head and captures Kara’s mouth again.Somewhere in the kissing, Kara actually gets tired.Enough so that she yawns straight into Alex’s mouth.

Which makes Alex laugh _again._

“Sorry.”Alex murmurs, massaging the back of Kara’s head and making it feel fuzzy.“Go to sleep.”

Kara wrinkles her nose.“’m not tired.”

Alex gifts her with a laugh that is so soft it’s more a huff of air, and her lips feel like little clouds against Kara’s skin.

“So many thoughts up here.”A kiss lands on her nose, her cheeks, each eyelid.“Turn it off for a little a while.”The last thing she remembers is feeling a soft press on her forehead and warmth.

She feels really warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets some rest...


	7. You Think I Don't Wanna Run to You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day! Oh, the cleverness of me.
> 
> Homophobia mentioned in this chapter.

Kara wakes up with the sun in her face and a steady thump under her ear.

Which is weird because waking up means that she’d fallen asleep, an activity she’d kind of given up on in the past few years.Still the fully rested feeling she’s got going on can’t be denied and she nuzzles deeper into the pillow under her head.

Turns out… not a pillow.

Alex sighs in her sleep, Kara laying on top of her like _she’s_ the mattress, knees tucked up and straddling Alex’s waist.It should have mortified her, but Alex is nuzzling her cheek on Kara’s hair and she’s got both arms wrapped around Kara’s body like she likes this so… maybe not so bad?Either way, it’d be rude to wake Alex up now.Especially as she looks so peaceful asleep like this.

It'd be kinder of Kara to just rest until Alex wakes up on her own.Totally not because she wants to soak this in as much as she can.Definitely not.

~*~

Alex wakes up with a smile but that leaves her face pretty quickly when she sees the time.Kara had accidentally fallen asleep again and so they both wake up very late.Luckily for Kara, the high school has closed since it’s still raining, and the school busses can’t reach the South Side.

Alex isn’t so lucky with her college class and she rushes around the room to get ready.

“I can drop you home.”She’s insisting as she shoves her legs into her jeans.

“The roads are still flooded.”Kara disputes from the bed, watching the chaotic dressing in amazement.“I can take Bleeker since it’s on a hill and walk back down that way.Cat already text that it’s clear.”

Mr. Jones had also text that practice was cancelled today which had soured Kara’s mood a little.It looked like this was the last time she’d see Alex today.

“I don’t like the idea of you walking in this.”Alex says, stomping into her boots and grabbing her messenger bag.When she gestures at the window it’s less impressive than Kara is sure she thinks it is.It’s still raining but it’s barely more than a drizzle at this point.“I can take you.”

“Alex.” Kara insists, rolling up to her knees on the bed and grabbing Alex’s hand so she can pull her close. Eyeing her warily, Alex allows the motion and even relaxes when Kara bands her fingers behind her neck, thumbs stroking along the underside of Alex’s jaw. “I’ll be fine.If you try to drive me we’ll be swept away in a makeshift river and I’ll insist only I can fit on top of the car while you shiver to death and I make a false promise to never let go.”

“Seriously?”Alex deadpans, fingers flexing on Kara’s waist.

Kara has to bite her lip to keep from smiling too hard.“I’ll be fine.”She says again.“You can take me to Bleeker if you really want but it’s a one way so that is where we have to part.”Alex scowls and Kara kisses her.Once, twice, she loses count.“Please.”She mumbles between pecks.“Please, please, please.”

“Fine.”Alex growls, pulling her in for a firmer kiss.“But only because arguing with you is going to make me late and we’re starting on bioreactors today.I’m gonna build one to pull greenhouse gases out of the air.”

Unable to help herself, Kara kisses Alex with a wide smile on her face, a giggle falling out of her as she too stands and slips on her shoes.“You’re such a nerd.It’s so cute.”

“Yeah, yeah.”Alex mumbles.

~*~

Kara finds Maggie by complete accident.

Alex had dropped her off at Bleeker St. as promised with an umbrella and a breakfast sandwich, and Kara had started the short walk back to the Home.It’s not in the _best_ neighborhood but it’s daylight and raining so Kara isn’t really expecting any trouble but then some commotion over by a stand of tents catches her attention.

The homeless population in National City has ballooned in recent years and people have taken to setting up tents wherever they can.This particular section of the city has a small lot of tents where an abandoned factory lies and there are several people shoving someone out the gate.A man near the back is yelling something about Jesus and brandishing a knife and Kara just reacts.

She’s across the street before she really thinks about it, her instincts leading her to the larger group of people rather than the man.For all that he seems the most dangerous, he’s mostly by himself yelling.The people pushing the person, girl, are not.

“Woah,” she calls out, trying to get between them and keep her umbrella up.“Hey, what’s the problem?”

One of them blinks at her, obviously shocked someone was interfering.The other, a short guy with the jawline of an Abercrombie model steps up with a cautious hand.

“Look,” he says, “she can’t be here.I can help her find another place, but she can’t stay here.Colville is seriously wacked and she’s making him antsy.”

Kara frowns, looking back at the man and then turning towards the girl behind her.

When she sees _who_ the girl is, she’s floored.

“ _Maggie?!”_

Maggie looks horrible.There’s a handprint on her face and her eyes are swollen and bloodshot from what looks like crying and lack of sleep.The clothes she has on are filthy and wet and she smells like a… well a sewer honestly.All she has on her is the clothes on her back.

Well.This explained a lot.

When Maggie doesn’t say anything, Kara turns back to the people who were apparently trying to _protect_ Maggie and tries to convey her gratitude.

“Thank you.I don’t… I know her.I can take her back to my place and… sort this out.But thank you for looking out for her.”

Abercrombie looks relieved and ushers his people back in the gate so he can go calm down the religious fanatic.

Kara lifts the umbrella over her Maggie’s head and gives her a kind smile.“Want a sandwich?”

~*~

Cat takes one look at Maggie and sends Kara off to bring her to a shower and some clean clothes.

“Throw down the old ones.”She demands.“There’s nothing left but to burn them.”

Kara is very careful to give Maggie some of her own clothes and none of the ones she’s steadily been stealing from Alex.Not to bolster her own wardrobe but because… she likes the smell.The closeness.

It’s like a semi-permanent Alex hug.

After Maggie is cleaned up and dressed, Cat takes her into her office with another plate of food and doesn’t emerge for more than an hour.

Kara doesn’t really mean to listen in but… she’s really curious and she can’t always control what she hears.Even planting her pillow over her head doesn’t filter out Maggie’s story of having a crush on a classmate and slipping a note in her locker telling her of her feelings.They were friends so Maggie hadn’t really been too concerned with a harsh let down, but she’d still been too scared for a face to face.Turns out that girl had taken Maggie’s note to her parents.Who’d then taken the note to Maggie’s parents.

The results of which had been a large argument, Maggie “coming out”, and subsequently being thrown out on the street.

Kara stops listening after that because her mind is too busy trying to make sense of what she’d heard to process new information.

Maggie’s parents had been upset with her for… liking a girl?

Enough so that they’d thrown their only child out like… Kara startles, swallowing past the old pain in her throat as she realizes for the first time what finding Maggie like that meant.Maggie’s parents had treated her like she was garbage; the same way Kara had been treated since she’d landed.

“Kara?”Cat asks from her doorway when she’s done, Maggie hovering in the background.“Would you mind if Maggie borrowed your bed for a while?She needs to get some rest.”

“Of course not.”Kara isn’t even on the bed; she’s moved to her desk because she’d needed to work and liked to sketch to occupy her mind.Still she stands up to vacate the room and give it to Maggie.“Do you need an extra blanket?”

Maggie shakes her head and closes the door behind her.

Kara hears her start to cry and tries to shut it out, slaps her sketchbook against her thigh in agitation.

Cat places a hand on her shoulder and leads her downstairs.

“I need your help.”She says.“It will take a while for social services to find a home for Maggie; a suitable home anyway and I’m afraid by the time they do, she’ll have already aged out.She’s turning eighteen in a month and still has her entire senior year ahead of her.”

“What can I do?”Kara asks, eager to help.She hates the idea of Maggie feeling like she does.She’d never want _anyone_ to feel like she does.

“I sealed the basement last month as part of my home improvement DIY, so we thankfully didn’t experience any flooding.”Cat is still walking, pushes open the door to said basement and leads Kara downstairs into the small space.The windows, although plentiful, are all smudged with dirt and the cement floor is dusty.“The problem is it will need to be insulated and remodeled if we’re to move Maggie down here.”

“She can have my room.”Kara offers, looking around the space and thinking of how to best make it livable.“You know I don’t sleep, and I won’t get sick from the things humans do.I can rough it down here.”

“No one is “roughing” anything.I still get inspected by the authorities and I’d like to not have you all homeless because we skipped steps.”

Walking to the closet under the stairs, Cat pulls out several boards of pink foam.

“What’s that?”

“Insulation.”Cat huffs, taking out another stack of boards before settling her hands on her hips.“Now, since everyone is upstairs and doing their own thing and no one can see us… I give you permission to use your powers.”

Kara perks up and Cat immediately wags a finger at her.

“Just your speed.”She insists.“The last thing we need is the neighbors complaining before I’ve been able to secure Maggie’s place here.”

Between the two of them, and several YouTube tutorials, they have the basement insulated in less than an hour.

Then Cat calls her friend, a Leslie Willis who apparently owns her own construction company, and asks her if she can get them some drywall and wood.A brief explanation later and they have a delivery scheduled for an hour.

In that time, Kara also lays down the foam and base for the floor.

Leslie’s haul arrives in two trucks with massive wheels that have Kara’s eyes widening to saucers.

Cat is less impressed.

“Could you attract any more attention Leslie?”She tuts, stepping out of the way as two burly men carry the supplies down to the basement.

Leslie, a tall willowy woman with white blonde hair and dark eyes, smiles saucily and bops Cat on the nose.“How else was I supposed to get through that river of yours Kitty Cat.Is this the kid?”

“No.This is Kara.”

“Oh.”Leslie’s eyes light up.“It’s _your_ kid.”

When her face flushes with heat, Kara understands why Alex always tries to run away when Eliza talks about her.

“Stop that.”Cat demands, swatting at Leslie’s hands.“You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Eventually, the unloading is completed.Leslie had brought a lot more than Cat had ordered, including nails, screws, really huge drills and toolkits, floor tiles, and paint.Kara actually gets a little excited until she realizes that Leslie has no intention of leaving.Which means human speed.

And strength.

Less fun.

She’s sulking; grudgingly dragging a wooden board into place, trying to pretend it’s taking effort when Leslie laughs at her.

“Hey kid.”She calls and snaps her fingers, a bolt of electricity jumping from her thumb into the palm of her other hand.Leslie juggles the electricity like a ball before suffocating it between her palms and smirking at Kara.“Close your mouth and get to work like a real alien would ya?”

Kara grins and does just that.

~*~

Between the three of them, the floors and walls get done in four hours because they’d had to allow time for things to dry and settle.

Maggie’s been asleep for two of those hours.She’d spent the first one and a half crying, oblivious to their work a few floors below.Winn had poked his head in at one point with an offering of food.He’d made some sort of casserole for everyone and had saved them all plates.Kara gives him a hug for his efforts.

“You should always paint the walls first.”Leslie is saying as they sit around the paint cans and try to select the best color.“It saves you the headache of having to cover a finished floor.”

Kara nods dutifully, a nagging thought on her mind that’s been there since Maggie showed up.Cat had had to go take a call so that leaves Kara with Leslie to finish what they can.

It feels safer to talk to Leslie about this stuff.Cat was great but… if Maggie’s own parents could abandon her that didn’t really bode well for Cat’s loyalties.

Leslie was different just like Kara was and she didn’t seem to care what anyone thought of her… maybe she’d be a good resource.

And it’s not like Kara had to reveal much about _herself_ with the question.

Just… general knowledge.

“So…” She starts, wincing at her own awkwardness.Leslie eyes her as she finishes laying out the paint panels and taps at a pink one.Kara quickly shakes her head.Alex _hates_ pink.“Uh… that girl?The one who came here?”

“Yeah?What about her?”

Cat had already told Leslie the basics so it’s not like Kara was betraying any confidences here.

She still feels dirty.

“She… her parents they kicked her out because she liked her friend.”

“Uh huh.”Leslie taps at a green shade and Kara purses her mouth and counters with a much warmer and lighter sea foam.

“I just don’t understand why that was bad.”Kara mumbles feebly, trying and failing to stop the urge to pull at her shirt sleeves.“I mean Ms. Grant doesn’t seem to mind that I like Alex.”

“Alex is a chick?”Kara nods and Leslie hums.“You get cooler the more I learn about you.Look,” Leslie swipes up the seafoam card and matches it to the paint she’s brought along, selecting the three cans, and placing them in front of Kara.“This is really a conversation you should have with Cat because I am _shit_ at talking to kids but… there is nothing wrong with your friend liking that girl.Just like there’s nothing wrong with you liking your girl.People are just shit sometimes.”She waves her fingers and they spark.“We know this already.”

“Yeah.”Kara whispers.

“Cat isn’t gonna put you out if that’s what you’re worried about.I’m pretty sure you’re her favorite person in the world right now.”

Kara blushes, palms slapping over her heated cheeks.“Really?”

“Whatever.”Leslie hands her a brush.“Base coat first.You can’t speed your way through this one.Not completely.Painting is a science and we still have to take lots of pictures for Cat’s stupid newspaper.”

Despite her words, there’s absolutely no bite in anything Leslie says.It kind of reminds Kara of Ms. Grant and she wonders idly over what their relationship could possibly be.

~*~

“We used to date.”Cat admits candidly when Kara asks her later that afternoon.Cat had given Maggie the option of the basement or Kara’s room and Maggie had chosen Kara’s room.Kara hopes it’s not because she’s seen Kara’s face and how much she actually _wanted_ to move down there.She kind of suspects it was.

“You dated a girl?”

“I have dated many people Keira.When you get to be my age you find love where you can, when you can.”

“…You’re thirty-nine.”

A frantic knocking at the door pulls both of their attention.It’s barely five and everyone that should be in the house _is_ in the house.But then Kara listens and she can hear Alex’s heartbeat, frantic and panicked and she speeds to the door to open it.

“She’s here?”Alex asks as soon as the door opens.“Maggie’s here?I was in labs all day and—”

Oh.Right.She’d forgotten she’d text Alex when she’d found Maggie.Before she’d actually found out the reason Maggie was on the streets.

Maybe not her best work.

“Alex calm down.She’s upstairs.She’s—”

“Mags!”Alex brushes passed Kara, heading towards the steps where Maggie is standing at the top.She doesn’t react at all when Alex crushes her in a hug.“Where the hell have you _been_?I’ve been calling you for ages.”

“Lost my phone.”Maggie says, shrugging out of Alex’s arms.She glances between Alex, Cat, and Kara and glares at her feet.“What’re you doing here Danvers?”

“I was worried about you idiot.What the hell?”

“Well I’m fine.You can go.”

“ _Maggie_.”

Groaning, Maggie grabs Alex’s wrist and hauls her up the steps, Alex stumbling along behind her and leaving a bemused Cat and a confused Kara in their wake.

And, for some reason, Kara takes that opportunity to blurt, “would you kick me out of the house for liking girls?”

Cat rolls her eyes and reaches for her wine cupboard.“Darling at this point, I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t even kick you out of the house if you weren’t a Democrat.”

“…I don’t know what that means.”

Cat sighs.

~*~

Alex comes down to the basement an indeterminate amount of time later while Kara is putting the finishing touches on one of the walls she’d been painting.The regular layer had been done ages ago, but after talking to Leslie, they’d decided Kara’s new room would need a little… flare.

Cat had still been worried the State wouldn’t approve of her keeping a minor in her basement, but Kara had pointed out that she was an alien.The State would probably expect it.

Cat had not been amused.

Kara smiles when Alex comes down the stairs, her beau’s eyes tracking over the small room; the faux wooden floor, the air mattress tucked into the corner with just a pillow and a sheet set, and the sea foam walls.Kara’s also brought down her school supplies and journals, but she’s left her clothes upstairs until she can figure out storage.Cat is thinking they should convert the closet.

“Hey.”She steps down from the ladder Cat had forced upon her when Alex came over and wipes her hands on her paint spattered jeans.“How’d it go?”

Alex nods, throat working for a bit as she looks anywhere but at Kara.

Walking closer, Kara hesitantly takes Alex’s hand, startling terribly when Alex abruptly turns to her.It’s clear she’s been crying.

“Alex…”

“Why’d you stop?Those people… Maggie said they were all a lot older than you.”

“I… don’t know.I just did.”

It had felt right at the time and honestly, Kara wouldn’t change anything even if she could.The likelihood of Maggie getting assaulted was a worse outcome than Kara getting in trouble for being an alien.

“That was dumb.”Alex says, a frown pulling at her lips.“You could have gotten hurt.”

Kara can’t tell her how untrue that is.

“Sorry.”She says instead beginning to release Alex’s hand until Alex squeezes and Kara can only look up with her own frown.

Alex isn’t looking at her.Is very interested in her socked feet.

“Thank you.”She whimpers, sniffling a little.“She’s my best—shit.Just: thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”Kara whispers back, wanting to comfort Alex more than anything.She isn’t sure how except to hug her.Kara always felt better after a hug.“It’s ok.”She whispers against Alex’s ear, rubbing her hands up and down Alex’s back as Alex tries to squeeze the life out of her.“Everyone’s ok.”

It takes a while for Alex to calm down, but when she does, she pulls back a little so she can kiss Kara properly.It’s short but extremely sweet.Leaves Kara unable to do much more than press their foreheads together after.Alex seems content to trace her face in the meanwhile and they just… breathe like that.

Unfortunately, Kara is still a little worried about something.

“Does Eliza know about us?”

Alex’s frown deepens and she pulls back a little more.“What?”

“I don’t want you to tell her.”Kara rushes out thinking of how happy the Danvers family was and how much she did not want to be the reason they lost that.“You don’t have to tell her anything.Leslie said we don’t owe anyone our truths.”

“Ok…”Alex drawls, sniffling a little and wiping impatiently at her face.She isn’t crying anymore but the remnants are still a little messy.“Well whoever Leslie is she’s right but also… my mom _does_ already know about us.We slept in the same bed Kara.”

“Oh.…is that not normal?”

Alex laughs.“Me and my mom are in therapy.After everything with my dad, my mom was a little lost on how to deal with me but, thankfully, rather than ignoring the problem she got us help.We go to family therapy every other week to check in.It’s helped with the communication side.I’ve been out to her for about a year now.”

“What does that mean?”Kara asks, biting her lip and hoping Alex doesn’t think she’s an idiot.“Being “out”?”

“It means like… most cultures are extremely heteronormative so when someone is anything _but_ heterosexual and it’s not a secret to everyone, then we say they’re “out”.You could just be out to your parents or you could be out to everyone _but_ your parents. It’s up to the person.”

“Oh.” Kara bites her lip some more and adds so that Alex doesn’t worry about her, “Cat knows about us.”

Alex laughs again and wipes away the last of her tears.“I know honey.What were you working on?It looked intense.”

That perks Kara back up and she grins impishly as she darts over to the light switch.Leslie had installed one at the bottom of the stairwell before she’d left.“Watch this.”

She flicks the switch and the lights go off but, rather than being dropped into darkness, the room lights up with the glow in the dark paint Leslie had gifted her.Kara had painted what she could remember of the observatory in her father’s lab, the swaths of stars and swirling patterns of gases.It illuminates her now in a soft blue glow.

Takes her back to when she was still a girl and she had her parents and her Aunt Astra and her Uncle Jor-El.They’d been happy once; pleased to point out everything they knew about their solar system to the eldest El heir.

Kara’s grin only widens when Alex’s jaw drops.

“Wow.”

“Right?”

~*~

Kara spends her night continuing to paint the night sky.She’s floating on her back so she can get access to the ceiling and thinking over the events of the day.

She’d learned a lot.Like how humans were cruel to even other humans.She’d already known that of course, but that they could be so harsh to another person simply because that person loved the same gender?It was baffling.

But Cat wasn’t like that and neither was Eliza.

Neither Alex nor Kara had to be worried about losing their home or their loved ones because of something they couldn’t control.

Cat had tutted at her when she’d pointed it out, sounding more frustrated with Kara than usual.“How about, instead of worrying about adding to your pile of loss and pain, you use those big eyes of yours to appreciate everything you’ve _gained?_ ”

Which is what Kara’s trying to do now.

She’s gained Alex for sure and she wouldn’t trade that for anything.

She and Winn have gotten really close too and he’s actually a really good friend.

They’ve recently taken to studying romantic relationships on a site called Reddit, a place that Winn swears by.Kara is a bit more skeptical of the advice they’ve read so far, but she’s happy to try to make Alex happy.And she’s happy to spend time with Winn laughing over the truly ludicrous ideas some people have.

… she likes the soccer team.They’d been the biggest surprise of the year in their unwavering support.They said some weird things and sometimes they were even kind of offensive, but they never aimed to be hurtful and—

“Oh my god.”

Kara falls to the floor with a dull smack, scrambling onto hands and knees as she turned to the top of the stairs and saw her worse nightmare come to life.

At the top, Maggie stood with a mug and slack jawed expression.

There was no question as to what she had seen.

Kara was so so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In canon, Maggie's parents take her to her aunt; I eliminated the aunt to get Maggie to Cat.


	8. But there are mountains

Somehow they wind up sitting on the air mattress, knees bent and backs against the wall.

Maggie’s pressed the mug she’d brought into Kara’s hands and is no longer talking her through what had been a pretty massive panic attack.Kara’s still shaking from it; the liquid in her cup sloshing around dangerously when she tries to take a drink.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Any joy she’d felt in helping Maggie is gone and in its place is a near all-consuming amount of shame.For what she is mostly, but also because… what kind of person does it make her that she kind of wishes she’d taken Maggie somewhere else?The police station; Alex’s house…; Quebec.

“You doing ok?”Maggie murmurs, eyes tracing the star pattern on Kara’s ceiling.She’s keeping her voice low so she doesn’t wake up Cat.Kara imagines she’s probably afraid of getting kicked out for stirring up trouble.Little does she know Cat isn’t a monster.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?You look like you wanna puke.”

Kara’s eyes widen.“Do you want to puke?”

“No.”Maggie chuckles, “no I’m good.”

“I feel like you should be freaking out more.”

“Me too, a little.”

“But you’re not.”

Maggie’s head thumps against the wall and she braces her arms on her knees.“So much has happened lately that… no offense, this isn’t even a blip on my radar… Makes a lot of sense though.”

“Are you going to tell anyone?”Kara asks instead of continuing to poke the bear of Maggie’s tolerance.If she needs to say goodbye to her life as she knows it, she’d prefer to make peace with that now.

“No.”Sighing, Maggie rolls her shoulders and lets her head hit the wall with a dull thump.Lazily, her head rolls on her shoulders until she’s looking at Kara with dark eyes and a pinched mouth.“I know what it’s like to have your insides exposed.It’s pretty shitty and I wouldn’t do that to someone else.”

“This isn’t about me liking girls.”

“No.That doesn’t mean it’d be any easier for you… does Alex know?”

“No I… No.”

“She wouldn’t care.”Maggie says, eyes going back to the stars.“For what it’s worth she’d probably get a kick out of it.”

Kara feels her shoulders hunch, her spine curling away from the comfort Maggie was trying to offer.“You don’t know that.”

Maggie grunts and they sit in silence.

Which sucks because now Kara’s thoughts are whirling again.She feels so sick.Now that what she was doing was out in the open, she couldn’t shove it back down.She was lying to Alex; withholding pretty crucial information from someone she cared about in a vain attempt to keep her.Like Alex was—Kara feels like a _terrible_ person.

“Is that why your classmates bother you?”Maggie’s voice breaks the silence and when Kara looks up, she sees she’s looking at her again.This time though her face looks more concerned.“How long has that been going on?”

Kara shrugs and Maggie scowls.

“Shit.”Maggie whispers.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s _not._ How—how bad is it?”

Kara thinks of the mountains of homework she’s had to work through; the complete isolation from the rest of her peers; the precautionary locker scans she’s taken to conducting before each opening.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Shit.”

The little hairs on Kara’s arms and legs are standing at complete attention and she rubs her arms to try to soothe away her anxiety.She’s never felt so exposed in her life.

Maybe she _was_ going to throw up.

“Drink the hot chocolate.”Maggie commands.Kara does.“Do you know what I’ve learned in the past two days?”

Uh…

“That people suck?”

“Nah the opposite.Those people at the warehouse were trying to protect me from Colville.He got upset because he heard me mention I’m gay and rather than join him in ridiculing me, they all circled around me so he couldn’t get to me.I didn’t even know them, and they were trying to make sure some psycho with a knife didn’t hurt me by using their own bodies as shields.”

Kara blinks, sure her face looks stupid with the confusion she’s feeling.“Oh.”

“Then you came out of nowhere, prepared to fight them all off with just an umbrella and you bring me back here.And Cat turns out to be great.She’s not super affectionate but I like that; I’d have probably ditched if she’d tried to hug me but—my point is that even though my parents were jerks, the people I’ve met since _haven’t_ been.”

“Oh.”She should really find a new vocabulary.Something less stupid.“Neat.”

Rao take her.

“I was thinking before coming down here that I’m not really scared anymore. I mean I was but… what else can possibly happen you know?I’m out now and that is… freeing.Despite all the shit and me being homeless, I don’t feel _suffocated_ by who I am anymore.I don’t have to choke back what makes me _me._ ”

Kara reaches a hand out, grasps Maggie’s and squeezes.

“You’re not homeless Maggie.This is your place now.”

Maggie ignores her words but squeezes back and her eyes are a little glassy when she looks at Kara this time around.“I’m not saying you should tell people who you are Kara; but I am saying that the people who matter shouldn’t care.You shouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who _would._ ”

Kara swallows and looks away.Those words had hit a little too close and she very desperately wishes she could unhear them.

Crap.

“This was the view from my father’s observatory.”Kara whispers, falling back on what she can see.Besides, Maggie knows she’s an alien now.It can’t get much worse right?“I used to hide under his desk and just stare at the stars.I’d spend hours under there listening to him work.”

“I’m sorry.”Maggie mumbles.“You don’t have anyone?”

“No.”The old hurt balloons in her chest and Kara rubs the afflicted area like she can actually soothe the emotion away with her own touch.“I had a baby cousin but… my pod got knocked off course and… I was late.I looked but I could never find him.I don’t know what happened to him.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kara shrugs, trailing her free hand up the necklace her mother had given her and fiddling with the pendant.

“I don’t know what’s worse.”Maggie says.“Having a family that’s alive but that thinks you’re an abomination or having a family that loved you but that… died.”

The ache that follows that nearly sends her into another panic attack but, this time, Astra is there in her mind’s eye with an exasperated expression.

_Really little one?I think we’ve had enough tears for a lifetime.How about some happy memories?Remember the Clondician?_

Kara nearly snorts in laughter, wipes at her eyes to erase the mild evidence and gently shoves Maggie.“I think we’re too young to be talking like this.Winn said human teenagers only talked about boy bands and—”

“I hate boy bands.”

Kara feels her brow jump.“Girl bands…?”

“Gross.”Maggie snorts.“I like _girl_ bands but not that weird pop stuff that’s out.I’m into rock.”

Face heating up again, Kara nods and meekly mumbles her reply.“Yeah.Totally.”

“You like pop, don’t you?”

“Only Taylor Swift!And Justin Timberlake.And Beyoncé…”

“Everyone likes Beyoncé.”Maggie scoffs.“She doesn’t count.Where’s your phone?”

Kara digs it out from under her pillow and hands it over.“What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna give you a music education Troq.Kind of weird that Alex hasn’t already.She’s usually all about… what?What’d I say?”

Her face must be doing something that Kara isn’t aware of, or maybe it’s her whole body but Maggie’s gone from amused to concerned in less than five seconds.Kara just feels sick again.

Like there’s a small baby trying to work its way up her throat while hauling the contents of her stomach over its shoulder.

She slaps a hand over her mouth to keep it contained.

Ugh, she feels terrible.

“Do you want me to get Cat?”Maggie asks quietly.Kara shakes her head slightly, trying not to move too much.“…Alex?”It takes her a little longer, but she shakes her head on that one too.Alex can’t come over here and besides that it’s like two in the morning.“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Blowing out a slow breath, Kara lifts her hand slightly so her words won’t be muffled.If she’s going to say this, she doesn’t want to have to repeat herself.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Call you what?”It clicks a second later.“Troq?But your friends… right.Not your friends.That’s an insult.”

Kara nods.

“What’s it mean?”

Kara shrugs.

“I won’t say it again.”Maggie promises after a brief pause.“You up for learning about the Bare Naked Ladies?”

_That_ grabs Kara’s attention.

“The _what?!_ ”

~*~

Adding Maggie to the Home is a fairly smooth transition.

There are a lot of days where Maggie doesn’t leave her room; where she’s probably sulking or processing or both.

But there are just as many where she’ll join Kara and Winn in the living room and play on the raspberry Pi Winn had retrofitted into a gaming console.When Winn manages to get Mario Party to work on it, the foundations of their collective friendships is almost broken.

Kara’s never seen humans get so competitive.

Not even Alex.

Who they also start inviting over for what Maggie calls “game nights”.Kara really likes game nights; she likes learning the rules of things and being _good_ at them.Alex helps.

They’ve become so in tune with each other that they win most of the team games and Kara gets rewarded with kisses, cuddles, and cookies that Alex brings from her mom.

Maggie does not like game nights.

Maggie is probably starting to hate Winn.

Kara partners with him sometimes just because she’s afraid for his life but she always winds up feeling bad about it because Alex and Maggie just end up snarking at each other.

Alex says it’s their love language.

Maggie tries to punch her in the shoulder.

Most nights inevitably find Kara sharing a cup of hot chocolate or tea with Maggie in her new room, just listening to her vent about her parents or about the girl who’d outed her.She’s out in school now too and, although most people don’t seem to care, there are enough that Maggie’s got new fuel almost every night.

Other nights Maggie talks about the _before._ Her parents had seemed like really nice people in the before.

Kara kind of hates them in the after.

Sometimes Maggie asks her about Krypton and Kara fills their heads with stories about her people; stories she’d been told as a child, songs she still remembers her mother sung to her.She tells Maggie about her friends and the antics they’d gotten into.Maggie calls her a hopeless nerd and wonders how anyone could ever be afraid of her.

Sometimes Maggie asks about Alex and Kara will blush and stammer over her feelings.

Speaking of…

Kara still hasn’t told her.She wants to it’s just… they’ve gotten so close and they’re only getting closer.But the closer they get the more Kara feels like it’s a betrayal not to say anything.And the more she thinks that, the more she’s convinced that Alex will just leave if she _does_ tell her.And the more she thinks _that,_ the less inclined she is to tell her the truth, so she just acts like everything is fine.And they get closer.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Recycle.

~*~

They’re sitting on the hood of Alex’s car today; on their second date which is a picnic lunch Alex had planned for them somewhere between an islet and an airport.Every now and again an airplane will fly by overhead, roaring and blowing a gust of wind over them.Kara almost feels like it’s her flying.

Like she’s on her way to a place where she can just exist as herself.In a mountain somewhere maybe where it’s just her and Streaky.

…maybe Alex.

Speaking of…

Alex had gotten them sandwiches, fruits, and a decidedly thoughtful gift of tiramisu for Kara.Alex herself was abstaining from desserts for the rest of the season.The team was still undefeated, and they were getting ready for the playoffs in two more weeks.With just two more games left in the regular season, Alex wasn’t taking any chances.

Re: Competitive.

“Can I ask you something?”Kara asks, breaking the peaceful calm they’d been enjoying as she watches Alex watch a seagull swoop down towards the water.Alex’s long legs are stretched out, ankles crossed and she’s leaning back on one arm while eating her sandwich with the other.

“Shoot.”

“What do you like about me?”Maybe if she could figure that out, then she could see if her pros would outweigh the very large alien con after her reveal.

Alex, however, grimaces and flops her head back dramatically with a loud groan.“That’s a terrible question!Gross.”

The question was gross, or Kara was gross?Definitely the question, right?

“It is?”

“Can I get away with saying it’s cause your pretty?”

“If that’s how you feel.”

“No,” Alex dismisses immediately.Her nose wrinkles as she pushes herself up completely and folds up the rest of her sandwich.“It helps but… how I feel is lame…”

Kara certainly doesn’t think so.

“Tell me anyway?”

Alex’s cheeks go red and then so do the tips of her ears, all of her focus turning to the sandwich in her hands.“I just… the things that I want to be, you already are without even trying.You’re kind and you’re brave and you feel _so_ much for people—You make it look easy and it… it makes it easier for me somehow?I don’t know I think it’s just that the world is such a shit place that sometimes I feel like I need… permission to be better?You give me that.I don’t feel so tense around you; this is…you make me feel like I’m…”

“Safe?”The word falls out of Kara’s mouth without her meaning it to, feels foreign and weird on her tongue.But true.

Alex seems to agree because she looks up with the most earnest expression that Kara’s ever seen.She feels trapped by Alex’s eyes, like one wrong move will make her shatter into a million pieces.

“I get angry a lot.Really easily and—my therapist says it’s anxiety but… I don’t feel angry when I’m with you.And you make me feel like I can be less angry.Like I don’t have to react the way I do.It’s easier with you.”Alex grins ruefully and corrects herself.“Safer with you.”

Kara swallows.“…you make me feel safe too.”

Which was true.And everything Alex had said was true for Kara too.Everything she’d felt… Alex had never given her any reason to not trust her.Kara should tell her.She should just lay it all out there.She remembers Belinda and Mr. Harper and she can’t.

She’s not brave.

She’s a coward.

“Kiss me?”She requests instead, suddenly feeling that if Alex doesn’t touch her right now, she’ll die.“Alex can you—"

The kiss is just as earnest as Alex’s face had been, sure and purposeful.It soothes the raging of Kara’s heart, warms her blood until it’s vibrating in her veins and echoing in Kara’s ears.She feels so completely out of control.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”Alex whispers later, as they lay on the car.Somehow Kara’s wound up between Alex’s legs, her back pressed to Alex’s front while Alex presses kisses to her temple and cheeks.

Kara’s still trying to breathe, still fighting every alien part of her that is demanding to be made known.

“Yes.”

She feels Alex smile, feels those soft hands close over her own and stretch their arms out as a plane glides by overhead.

“Cloud nine right now.”Alex laughs, bringing their arms back around to hug Kara properly.“You’re so amazing Kara.I like you so much.”

Kara isn’t sure what to say to that so she doesn’t respond; she pulls Alex’s arms tighter around her and just… tries to be human.

Just for this one moment.

Just this once.

~*~

Of course, things only get worse after that.

Kara’s kind of gotten used to the roller coaster her life seems to want to mimic.A series of good things followed by the implosion of everything she knows and loves.It’s simple in its elegance.

The game today is at home but it’s against the team’s biggest rivals.

And the team is popular enough that the local new station even interviewed Alex since she was the team captain.

The questions had made Alex more than a little aggravated.Now that Maggie was out, there were apparently new concerns among the parents.

When they’d asked Alex, “what’s it like in the locker rooms with LGBT players?” Alex had snorted and shook her head.

“It’s not a problem.That’s… not a thing we worry about.”

Then she’d partnered with Cat to expand on the ridiculous opinions surrounding female sports.Even setting aside that no one had ever asked a guy if he was comfortable undressing in the men’s locker room, the idea that every girl who played sports was potentially gay was still prevalent. _And_ the idea that that was a bad thing seemed to really send Alex into conniptions.

Fortunately, after speaking with Cat, Alex had just gone back to focusing on the soccer side of it.Practicing and studying nearly every day in preparation for today’s game.

Alex has been holed up with Mr. Jones and Vasquez since right after school which leaves Kara to get the stands ready with the coolers and balls.She’s dragging the wagon with the coolers in one hand and has a soccer ball filled net in the other when Belinda shows up.Because of course Belinda wouldn’t miss the biggest game of the year.

Or you know, miss out on a chance to make Kara’s life hell.

Kara can only watch as Belinda lifts the lid of one cooler, hocks up a wad of saliva and spits it straight into the team’s water.

It’s disgusting.

“Drink up Troq.”Belinda laughs, high fiving her friends and walking off.

There’s nothing Kara can do but fight the anger in her chest.Obviously, she can’t let anyone drink from that container, but experience had already taught her to prepare for more than she expected.Which is why there were two more coolers back in Mr. Jones’ office that she could easily swap this one out for.

Steeling herself to go back, Kara is a little shocked to see a few girls from the other team watching her from the guest locker room with open curiosity.It sets off alarm bells in her head and she quickly turns back the way she came.

Then one of them step into her path.

“You heard that girl Troq; drink up.”

Kara walks around her and is promptly blocked in by another girl.“You don’t look like an alien.Hell, my brother might even fuck you.”

Gross.

“Excuse me.”Kara mumbles, switching her weight and considering abandoning the wagon all together.She could get passed them easy without it.

“What’d you say Troq?You’re gonna have to speak up.”

Her cheeks feel hot and her eyes feel very hot and she has to get out of there!Now before—

“Move the fuck out of her way.”Maggie hisses, coming up behind the girls and shoving them away from Kara.“And get your troll asses back to your side of the school.”

They laugh at her.Honestly laugh and Kara is a little worried that Maggie’s going to explode out of her skin and beat them to a pulp.

“Look,” the first one jeers, “the Troq has a friend!”

“Don’t call her that.”Maggie hisses.

The second girl laughs.“A small friend.This is what we’re supposed to be afraid of?A pint sized—”

“Is there a problem here?”Mr. Jones is now standing behind all of them, flanked on either side by Alex and Vasquez.He’s tall and intimidating and Kara certainly wouldn’t mess with the no nonsense look he’s got on his face.She can hardly blame the girls when they mumble their excuses and take off.

Vasquez scowls, “what the hell was that about?”

“Later.”Mr. Jones dismisses, nodding at Kara’s cart and gesturing to the field.“Those should have already been set up.We’re behind schedule.”

Nervously, Kara shifts her weight.“I have to switch one out.It’s… contaminated.”

Pinching his nose, Mr. Jones nods.“Very well.Danvers.”Alex drags her eyes away from the other side of the hall, her expression blank as she switches her focus from the retreating girls to her coach.

“Yes Coach?”

The way she looks and the way she sounds makes something tighten in Kara’s stomach.But Alex doesn’t do anything, just stands there waiting for Mr. Jones’ lead.

“Get the team started on drills.I’ll assist Kara with the supplies.”

“Yes Coach.”Alex walks past all of them, Vasquez and Maggie falling in behind her.

She doesn’t look at Kara once.

~*~

Alex is a demon on the field that day.

The other team doesn’t even stand a chance.Between Alex and Maggie, the NCHS Dolphins are up 3-0 by the second half.It’s kind of sad actually; Kara can see how miserable the other team is and it’s makes her feel a little guilty.She isn’t sure why Alex is playing so aggressively but it’s making her worried.

There’s even been a few altercations _on_ the field; as the clock winds down the frustrations of the players only mounting.And Maggie is a cocky showoff who doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut.

Alex keeps out of most of them, but Kara can see how absolutely livid she is.

Still, she’s keeping her cool.

Maggie’s the one causing the problems.Or… not causing but attracting.Kara watches Maggie do a backflip as they block another goal.Yep.Definitely attracting.

The girl who had cornered Kara yells something at Maggie and Maggie flips her off.

The ref points a warning finger at her, and she drops her hand.

“I’m going to pull Alex.”Mr. Jones says out of nowhere.On the field one of their girls is setting up to kick the ball back into play.The plan is to get the ball to Alex and play down the clock.They don’t need to score again but they definitely don’t want to give the other team a chance.

“What?Why?”

Mr. Jones looks agitated and Kara can tell he’s lying when he says, “we don’t need her.We’re already ahead and she needs the rest for the next game.”The statement might be true, but Mr. Jones is way too tense for that to be the only reason.“Get me Reeves, tell her to sub in.”

Then the balls in play and it’s like a slow motion massacre. _Kara_ knows the girls who’d stopped her in the hall, but she wasn’t sure Alex did.She’d been unsure if Alex had gotten a good enough look or heard enough to really know what was going on.Even with Maggie’s taunting those girls specifically, Kara had somehow thought that they could get through this day without bloodshed.

She’d been very very wrong.

Alex gets the ball in a perfect overhead throw that bumps her chest.She’s converged upon immediately, Kara already signaling for a substitution when Alex spins away from her contenders, juggles the ball high and sends it flying with an explosive kick.

It hits one of the other girls straight in the face.

The one who’d kept calling Kara a Troq.

And there’s no way it had been an accident.

The girl had been defending Brookes to Alex’s right who was in no way an option for a pass.

There’s so much blood Kara thinks she’s going to faint, and the field is suddenly flooded with medics, players, coaches and referees all shoving and yelling at each other.

Pretty quickly, Mr. Jones gets the team under control, ordering everyone back to the bench and Alex to the locker room.Alex still has that same blank expression and obeys him without question.

The refs throw out a red card.

“What’s that mean?”Kara whispers to Vasquez.She wants to follow Alex.She wants to fix this.Somehow she knows it’s her fault.

“It’s a foul.Unnecessary force.”Vaz whispers back.“Alex will be ejected from this game and suspended from the next.”

Crap.

~*~

The game is over pretty quickly after that.

There’d only been a few minutes left anyway and Maggie seems to know to cool it after that debacle.The girl is thankfully ok, no serious damage but she’s got a broken nose that will take a few weeks to heal.No more soccer for her.Shame.

Alex is already showered and dressed by the time the team gets back to the locker room.Mr. Jones drags her into his office and Kara can’t help the nervous fluttering in her belly.

“Just talk to her at dinner.”Maggie says.“Coach already said we’re going to Noonan’s so you can stress eat a sticky bun and calm Alex down all at the same time.”

That did sound appealing but when Alex and Mr. Jones do emerge from his office, it is very clear that Alex isn’t going to dinner.It’s very clear that both her and John are very very angry.

Kara’s got to be a masochist for chasing after her like this.

“Alex.”She huffs, running after Alex and catching her arm as she turns a corner.Not to stop her just to try to touch her.To ground her back in the here and now.“Alex wait.Don’t—”

Alex whirls on her.“What does Troq mean?”

The question echoes in the deserted hallway and Kara realizes Alex had been heading _away_ from the celebrating crowds and adoring fans.

“What?”

Eloquent.

“What. Does. Troq. Mean?”

Kara bites her lip, closing her eyes for a second before steeling herself.Alex is pissed off enough without Kara jerking her around too.Honesty it is.

“Nothing.”

“You’re going to stand there and lie to me?”Alex hisses, face red with anger now.It’s a lot less cute when it’s anger.“To my _face_?”

“No!”Kara insists, hands fluttering in front of her before she forces herself to still, clenches them into agitated fists at her side.“I’m not lying.It means nothing.”

“Kara—”

“It means nothing!”Kara shouts, drowning out Alex’s anger with her own.“It means _I_ am nothing.”

Alex deflates.“What?”

Licking her lips, Kara tries to keep her voice even, eyes darting around the hall since she can’t look at Alex for this part.Can’t see the way her caring turns to disgust.“Troq is a word used to describe aliens.The Vernathians created it a long time ago to describe anyone who wasn’t them.They were some of the first to come to Earth so by the time I got here from… from space… the word was already popular.When people call me Troq, they’re calling me _nothing_.”

“You’re an alien.”Alex states, voice hollow.

Kara can’t look at her.“Yes.”

“And you didn’t tell me.”

“No.”

“You lied to me.”

Kara swallows, blinks rapidly to dispel her tears.“Yes.”

“You… you let the whole _team_ call you that.You let Maggie—”

“I didn’t know what to do.”Kara cries.“You were—I just wanted to fit in for once!You were being nice, and I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“So you lied instead.”Alex scoffs and Kara _still_ can’t look at her.“Get a ride with Coach.”Alex growls.“I’m done with this.”

Kara watches her retreat and can only stumble backwards blindly.

Her chest hurts.

Her throat feels like it’s closing in on itself and her eyes—

Eliza catches her when Kara lurches back around the corner, face as blank as Alex’s had been.

She helps Kara right herself, opens her mouth as if to say something before seemingly thinking better of it and walking after her daughter.

Kara’s left in the hall by herself.

Chest stinging.

Throat closing.

Eyes burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few Notes: Alex's interview was pulled directly from a USWNT interview I saw. I think the player involved was Kelley O'hara but I can't find the damn quote anywhere. I swear it happened though.
> 
> Troq was taken from the Teen Titans CN show: episode title appropriately being "Troq". The original prejudice was against Tamaranean's (Starfire) but I reshaped that to be all aliens not Vernathians (Val-Yor). And it does literally mean "nothing".
> 
> Also, yes J'onn can still read minds in this one. Just not Kara's.


	9. And there are doors that we can't walk through

“That girl called you a… a bunch of not nice things.That’s why Alex kicked the ball at her face.”

Maggie’s come down to Kara’s room for some reason, slumping against the side of the mattress and speaking her confessions to no one.

Kara doesn’t care.

“Go away Maggie.”

“No, listen: I know this looks bad but I swear, me and that girl were going at it the whole game and Alex kept her cool for the most part.The second she said something against you, that’s when Alex went nuts.”

“I don’t care.”

Maggie shuffles and Kara feels the air mattress shake, buries her head in her pillow to try to ignore it.

“Alex doesn’t care that you’re an alien Kara.That wasn’t why she was mad.She was trying to protect you.I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think she’s just pissed because you didn’t—”

**_Pop!_ **

Kara’s fist remains clenched in the sturdy material of what was once her bed, the hissing sound only increasing her agitation as the cushion deflates beneath her.

Great.Just great.

Hurried footsteps sound above their heads and Kara has to take several calming breaths.

All she’d wanted was to be left alone.

That was all she’d asked for.

To be left _alone._

“Kara?”Ms. Grant calls, rushing down the steps in her nightgown and a hastily thrown on robe to take in the scene.She actually looks worried and, for a second, Kara feels bad.She honestly hadn’t meant to wake anyone up.“What happened?Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.”Kara bites out from her new position on the floor.She pulls the blankets further up until they’re over her head.“Can you please all just go?”

There’s a brief moment of silence before Cat speaks again.“Maggie, would you excuse us please?”

A sharp intake of breath indicates that Maggie tries to speak but Kara can only guess that Cat gives her _the_ _look_ because the next thing she hears is Maggie retreating to her room.

Finally.

Except, Cat _doesn’t_ leave.

She stays and she sighs and her mere presence manages to send Kara’s heart into a rage filled gallop.

“You can’t sleep on the floor Kara.”Cat tries softly.“I think there are patches in the—”

“I don’t _care._ ”

“Kara—”

“Leave me alone!”Kara yells, throwing the blankets off and lurching to her feet.“Leave me alone!Leave me alone!Leave me alone!Don’t you understand?I hate it here!I don’t want to be here!I don’t care about where I sleep because this will never be my home and you will _never_ be my mother!”

Cat takes a step back, as if Kara’s tirade had been more of a physical blow than a verbal assault.Her guardian’s mouth opens, closes, opens, firms into a thin line.

Smoothing a hand over her robe, Cat nods slowly.“What happened today was—”

“It wasn’t just today!”Kara sobs desperately, slapping both hands over her suddenly smarting eyes.Rao, everything hurts.Why can’t Cat just see that?Why can’t she just leave like everyone else and just get it over with?“It’s _every_ day!It’s every second that I’m—I don’t _belong_ here.I’m a freak!Everyone _hates_ me!”

“I don’t.” Cat says firmly.“You are not a freak Kara I—”

“No!Stop it!I don’t wanna hear another one of your stupid speeches!They never work!I just want you to leave me alone!”

Exhaling slowly, Cat lingers for another minute before Kara hears her leave too.

Only then does she allow herself to break down, curling into a ball on the floor and wishing with everything she is that she could just be with her family again.

When a soft purr sounds near her feet an indeterminate time later, Streaky bounding over her legs to nose at her hair, she only cries harder.

~*~

The next day is as terrible as Kara’s days before soccer.

Maybe worse.

Everyone at the school hates her.Somehow (Belinda) it had gotten out that the reason behind the soccer fight had been Kara and now the whole school hated her because Alex was suspended.The good news was that the soccer team knew what really happened and didn’t seem to care at all.

“We’re already in the playoffs.”Vaz had dismissed as she’d walked Kara to class that morning.Kara’s pretty sure her secret is out with the team but none of them have brought it up to her and there’s no way she’s going to talk about it.“Even _if_ we lose the next game without Alex, which is a big if because I’m still playing, we’re not going to lose our spot.Everyone just needs to calm down.”

The bad news was that Kara had lost the best thing that had happened to her on Earth.

That morning Winn had met her at the door with a toasted bagel and had haltingly told her that Cat had offered to let her stay home if she still wasn’t feeling well.Cat herself hadn’t been in the house but she’d left an absence note for Winn to take in just in case Kara took her up on the offer.It _had_ been tempting and Kara had almost accepted but, the longer she’d stayed in bed, the heavier her chest felt until she’d been unable to breathe.There was a crushing weight on every part of her body and somehow she knew that if she stayed at home in that bed, she’d never get up again.

So she’d gone to school.

This alternative was only slightly better than the bed.

When the soccer team wasn’t protecting her from the jeers and snide comments, then Winn was.Kara wasn’t even certain if her friend had made it to any of his classes on time that day.He seemed to be running back and forth to Kara with some new detail he just needed to share or some new accomplishment he’d thought she’d enjoy.

It was sweet.

Kara wishes she could tell him how much she appreciates him.

Maggie is the one who finds her hiding in the bathroom and drags her to the cafeteria.“We don’t run from our bullies Kara; we eat them for dinner.”

It’s a struggle to remember that humans just said weird things and that Maggie was indeed not a cannibal.

Hopefully.

Of course, lunch turns out as Kara had feared.Alex hadn’t been around all day, so Kara wasn’t really expecting to see her at the table, and she isn’t.The first strike to her heart.

The second comes when Belinda—of course it’s Belinda, it’s _always_ Belinda— marches around the lunchroom with a poster.Mr. Harper is supervising this period as usual and doesn’t even look up from his magazine as the students start buzzing about whatever Belinda is showing them.

Then Belinda reaches their table and Kara feels sick again.

It’s a photo of one of those stereotypical green alien bodies that isn’t Kara’s, with a head that _is_ Kara’s, and genitalia that looks like a swarm of snake heads laid out on an operating table to be dissected.

Belinda’s got little note cards around the poster, but Kara can’t take her eyes off of the repulsive image.

“Do you all have time to listen to my presentation on the future of zoology?I wanted to make sure it’s been properly researched and—”

“Belinda.”Vaz says calmly.“If you don’t want us all to beat your ass, I’d suggest you walk the fuck away.”

When the rest of the team backs that up with glares and more curses, Belinda sneers but does just that.

But of course, it isn’t that easy.

“This Troq is fucking gross.”Belinda calls out, standing on an adjoining table and smiling when those students cheer her on.“Look at this shit.”She points at the picture.“No one in their right mind would wanna touch this shit.I hear aliens can be very convincing.She’s probably using her mind tricks on the whole fucking team.”

And there went Kara’s secret.

Although she supposes the poster had been pretty damning as well.

The funny thing is Kara isn’t even angry.It still hurts but, for whatever reason, when she looks at Belinda right now she mostly just feels pity.How someone could live with that much anger in them isn’t beyond Kara.It’s the need to disperse that pain onto others that leaves her baffled.

She expects an uproar.Maybe, just maybe, she thinks, Mr. Harper will see that this has gone too far and finally step in.He doesn’t.He adjusts his headphones and ignores them.

Not that he needs them necessarily since there also isn’t a flood of noise following Belinda’s statements.

Instead a hush falls over the room, whispers slithering between students until Kara turns her head to see what’s got them excited.

Her heart stops.

Lodges in her throat.

Alex walks straight up to Belinda, climbing onto the table with her and examining the photo with a clinical eye before shaking her head.

“Yeah no that’s not right.”

Belinda shifts her weight, glancing around at her friends nervously.“How would you know?”

“Because I had my face buried in a pussy a few days ago and that is not a pussy.”Alex’s eyes harden and she looks up at Belinda with that same blank expression from last night.“You perving on my girl Zee?”

“No!”Belinda shrieks, swallows and takes a step back.“I—you’re _gay_?”

“Yeah.”Alex confirms with a head tilt.“Why?You wanna fight me over it?”

Not even Belinda could be that stupid.

“No.”

Clasping her hands behind her, Alex leans in closer, presumably so no one can hear her except Belinda.But Kara hears every word.

“The _only_ reason I haven’t dropped you on your ass is because I’ve already used up my intolerable outburst for the week.But I swear to God, if you come near her again, I’ll do a lot worse than break your nose.Do you understand?”

Admittedly, Alex looks and sounds pretty unhinged so Kara doesn’t fault Belinda when she just swallows again and nods.

“Good.”Alex says snatching the poster out of Belinda’s hands before turning to address the lunchroom.“Does anyone else have a problem they’d like to share with the class?Now’s the time.”No one says anything and Alex nods.“Didn’t think so.”Then she pulls out a lighter and sets the poster on fire.“I don’t give a fuck what your petty views are, but you will treat Kara with respect.”She holds up the enflamed board for the lunchroom to see and nearly gives Kara a heart attack with how close the fire is to her body.“This shit ends right now.”

_That_ garners a reaction from Mr. Harper.

“Hey, hey, hey.No lighters.Put it out Danvers.”

Alex rolls her eyes but dutifully hops off the table and stomps the flames into submission.It doesn’t matter anyway; the image is completely gone and the poster unrecognizable.

Once that’s done, Alex walks over to team’s table.“Kara,” she whispers.“Can I talk to you for a second?”

~*~

Alex takes her out to field, and they sit at the very top of the bleachers.Kara’s already made up her mind that she’ll endure whatever Alex wants to say to her; isn’t quite sure what that is.She’s pretty sure she and Alex had broken up but then Alex had called her _her_ girl.Was that just to keep Belinda off her back?And why had she lied about… her face in Kara’s privates?Just the thought makes Kara want to hide away.

…And also peek out from the under the safe confines of her blankets.

But answers aren’t exactly forthcoming.Alex is just sitting next to her straddling the bench and tapping her hands on the metal sides.She hasn’t looked at Kara once, her eyes trained on her hands and the odd rhythm she’s creating.Kara isn’t quite sure what to make of it, so she just sits in silence.

When the bell rings, she cautiously reaches for her bag but one of Alex’s hands grabs her wrist.

“Skip?”Alex asks, eyes still pointed down.“Please?”

Kara sits back down.

Alex starts the tapping up again.

It’s a little annoying.

“What are we just going to skip the rest of our classes so you can improve your music skill?”Her snark surprises the both of them, guilt immediately settling into her belly when Alex finally looks up at her with a frown.

Then she’s standing up and grabbing Kara’s hand.

“Will you skip the rest of your classes?We need to talk but I—” Alex blows out a breath.“I can’t do it here.”

Which is how Kara finds herself in Alex’s car driving away.She isn’t even sure why she’d agreed.Alex had hurt her; had done the very thing Kara had thought she would and left as soon as she found out what Kara was.

But she came back, a nagging voice whispers in her head.She’s here now.

The question was, for what?

“I’m calling Cat.”Kara declares as they pull out of the school.“And I have to text Winn and Maggie.”

Alex blinks, sparing Kara a quick glance.She looks more relaxed now, less like she’s teetering on the edge of sanity.“Why?”

“The school will call Cat to try to suspend me and she’ll want a heads up.Maggie and Winn will worry if they don’t see me in the hall.”

Kara sends them a text first, it being the faster of her tasks.

“What would the school try to suspend you for?You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m skipping class.”

“Yeah for like the first time.That’s not really a punishable offense.”

Kara hums and calls Cat, watching Alex’s fingers twitch in agitation against the steering wheel.The conversation is short and extremely awkward, Cat only really wanting to know why Kara was skipping.When Kara explains that she and Alex are going to talk, Cat just warns her to make sure she gets her schoolwork from a teacher or classmate.

It's pretty obvious at this point that neither of those are an option so Kara just texts Maggie and offers to do her chores in exchange for picking up the work.

Then she puts away her phone and it’s just her and Alex, alone near the airfield Alex had taken her to for their picnic a few days ago.

When she’d asked Kara to be her girlfriend.

“What are we doing here?”Kara croaks, eyes very suddenly stinging with tears.

“Do you remember when you asked me about my tattoo?”Alex is speaking very quickly, as if she racing to get her words out before she loses her nerve.“When my dad gave me that equation to solve, he wrote it down in my notebook.I still had it when he died and, when I got the tattoo, I just ripped out the page and had them copy everything on there, onto my arm.It’s… everything.His writing, his belief in me, his encouragement, his support, his pride.Everything he gave me is represented by this and its—I wanted it to remind me of how shitty I was to him.That last time I saw him I was so angry I wasn’t going to get a tattoo that I yelled some real shitty things.That’s what he was thinking of when he died.”

“No, Alex he knew you loved him.That isn’t—"

“I hate that I do that.”Alex continues, speaking as if Kara had never interrupted her.“I—you said that you liked me because I was confident.Calm or sure or some bullshit but I’m the exact opposite.I’m scared all the time Kara and when I get angry or blindsided like that—I can’t control how I react.It’s like some other part of me takes over and I turn into a fucking bitch and the way I treated you last night was unacceptable.”

Oh.

This was unexpected.

“Alex…”

“I understand if you’re mad at me.You have every right to be but I—when I heard them in the hall and Maggie jumped in, I didn’t understand but I knew it was bad.And I knew that Maggie knew it was bad and I got angry because… because it seemed like you trusted her and not me.And I hated that you were hurting; that _they_ were hurting you and that I couldn’t protect you because I didn’t get it so I just felt so useless and you looked so sad and everything just felt… so out of control.”

“I…”She isn’t sure what to say, how to address that and fix the damage she’s caused.She’s such an idiot.“I do trust you.It wasn’t about that.”Kara clenches her hands in her lap, rubbing them together anxiously.“Maggie found out what I was by complete accident.”

Alex nods, swallows, nods again.

“I’m sorry.”Alex says.“And Kara if I _ever_ called you that please know that I—”

“You didn’t.Not once.”

“I’m still sorry.”Slowly, Alex turns to her.The brown eyes that Kara has come to love so much are sparkling with tears and, for the first time, Kara realizes that Alex hadn’t been trying to be annoying.She’d been trying to psych herself up.Alex was scared.“Can you forgive me?”

Easily, Kara thinks.After all, Alex had every right to be angry with her.She _had_ liedand withheld vital information from her; Kara would have been angry if Alex was the one keeping secrets.

But she still doesn’t know what that means for them.If she forgives Alex… then what?

“I’m not angry.”She starts, watching Alex’s face carefully for any clues in her expression.“And I don’t think you did anything wrong, so I don’t need to forgive you.”

Alex drags a hand through her hair.“Are you sure?The way I left things—”

“You were upset. _I_ was the one who lied to you Alex.I’m the one who’s sorry.I am _so_ sorry Alex.”

“Shit.”Alex mumbles, dropping her head to the steering wheel and closing her eyes.

Kara lets her sit like that for a while before another burning question enters her mind.She figures she should get these all out now before things are awkward again.It would be better to do it while they were both civil; Kara had seen a few break ups at the school, and she didn’t want to have to deal with any of that while there were still uncertainties.

“Do you want me to give you your clothes back?”

Alex jerks up.“What?”

“Your clothes?”Kara fidgets in her seat, pulling at her sleeves and trying very hard not to rip through the cloth.“And your notebook you lent me; I still have that and—”

“Kara stop.Why would you give that stuff back?I—you said you weren’t mad.”

“I’m not.”

“So…”Alex makes a helpless gesture with her hand that makes Kara squirm.“I don’t understand.”

“I just… I wanted to handle the terms of our breakup while we were both civil.”

Well.

That was the wrong thing to say.

If she’d thought Alex looked crazed before…

This time when Alex runs a hand through her hair, she’s so rough that bits of her hair stay up, creating a completely disheveled look as she looks from Kara to her lap and back again.

“You—you’re breaking up with me?”

Kara blinks, her index finger slipping through the newly created hole in her sweater.“ _No_!You broke up with me!”

“What?! No I didn’t!When?”

“Last night.”

“I definitely feel like I’d remember that Kara.”

“Last night you said: “I’m done with this.” And then you stormed off.”

Alex drops her head in her hand and groans.“That doesn’t mean I want to break up!I was just angry.”

“Well what was I supposed to think?!What does “done with this” even mean?”

“It means I am done with this.As in, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.I shut down because I didn’t want to say anything I would regret.”

“Oh.”Kara mumbles, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.“Oh.”

“Shit.”Alex hits the steering wheel.“Fuck.”Drags a hand over her mouth.“Do you want to break up?”

“No.”Kara admits honestly, relaxing when Alex releases a breath of relief.“But I don’t understand; you seemed pretty upset when you found out I was an alien.”

“What?No!I wasn’t upset about you being an alien; I was angry that you lied about it.I mean thinking back maybe you felt like we hadn’t known each other long enough to reveal something like that but I… I don’t know I thought telling you that stuff with my dad would mean that we… were open somehow.And then when Maggie knew about it and I didn’t I just…”Alex shakes her head. “It never would have mattered to me that you were an alien.”

“Really?”

“I swear.”Alex says earnestly.“I think you’re wonderful either way and—mmph!”

Kara can’t help it.She has to reach over the console for Alex’s face; has to kiss her now that she has permission again.She can still kiss Alex.They’re still together.

She wasn’t running and now Kara could finally be honest with her.

The laugh she releases startles her and she can only bury her face in Alex’s shoulder when it gets out of control.

“I’m from Krypton.It was a planet a few systems away.”She says in a rush, unable to stop the flood now that she knows Alex is ok with what she is.“My parents put me in a pod when I was twelve and sent me to Earth because our planet was exploding.”

“Wow.”Alex’s arms band tight around her and she uses one hand to pet Kara’s hair.“Ok, definitely not what I was expecting.”

Kara kisses her again.

“You’re not running.”Kara mumbles between desperate kisses.“I can’t believe you’re not running.I can’t believe I don’t have to hide anymore.We can be completely open with each other now.”

“Uh huh.”

“No more secrets.”Kara promises.“From now on, it’s whatever you want to know.”

Alex moves her kisses to Kara’s neck, firm and kind of possessive and wildly attractive.“Ok.”A sharp nip.“Is this why I can’t leave a hickie on your neck?”

“Yeah.”Kara giggles, clenching one hand in Alex’s already mussed up hair.“Yes and I’ll tell you all of it—my whole story.”She thinks of Eliza and how she certainly had overheard them fighting and how confused Alex’s mom must be about everything too.There’s no way Kara can leave her in the dark to hear a secondhand account.Not after their dinners and Eliza’s chocolate pecan pie.“And we can even sit down with Eliza and explain to her.”Kara beams, pulling Alex’s head back up and kissing suddenly unenthusiastic lips.When she releases Alex, it’s to see a chagrined look on her girlfriend’s face.“What’s wrong?”

“About my mom she’s… Kara she’s not as _amenable_ to the situation.”

“Situation?”

“She’s—” Alex’s lip curls up and she shakes her head slowly.“She’s uncomfortable with us dating.”

“Oh.”

“But I’ll talk to her!”Alex hurries to assure her, squeezing her hands and kissing Kara’s left palm.“We just have to… cool it in public a little.”

Cool it…

“You barely even touch me in public.”Kara notes, “we’ve never even kissed.”

Alex winces.“I know.”

Unbidden, Maggie’s words filter back through her brain; about how being out had been freeing.In a way, Kara had understood what she’d meant.Just a few seconds ago when she’d been kissing an Alex who’d _known_ who she was, it was like _finally_ she’d found something that was hers.Something that she didn’t have to lie about or to hide from.She’d fooled herself into believing that she could be herself; that Alex could want her as herself.

“What exactly do you mean “cool it” Alex?Am I allowed to hold your hand?”

“Kara—”

“Can we be seen together?”Kara feels her stomach drop when Alex clenches her jaw and looks away. “Right. So I pretend we’re broken up in public and I’m your girlfriend when it’s just us?”

“No!I just—It wouldn’t be forever.”Alex says, scowling and rubbing at her temple.“Just until I could convince Eliza that you’re—”

“Why does it matter what she thinks?If you’re not ashamed of me than why can’t we be together and work on convincing Eliza _together?”_

Alex doesn’t say anything for a long time.Picks at the leather bindings on the steering wheel.

“She’s my mom.”She finally mumbles.“I don’t know what else to say.”

~*~

Alex drops Kara at the Home not long after that.

Everything in her is telling Kara that she should have just cut the cord; released herself from this painful back and forth with Alex.She hates what’s happened to them.

At least Alex won’t have to worry about Eliza finding out they’re actually still together.With the way Kara is feeling right now, there’s very little chance of her slipping up with any affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note, this story does deal with Xenophobia and that runs fairly parallel to what's happening in the news right now so things might get triggering as Kara finishes her arc. Some of the topics that I wrote out were basically picked out of my own life experiences and thoughts to give Kara a voice so I want to warn you that if you do continue with this story, that will be a part of it. It's not a huge in depth thing but it's there.
> 
> I also promise that as always, this will end in happiness and fluff but I won't blame anyone for skipping out on this one. I think the scene I'm talking about happens in the next chapter which will be released next week. And, since it will be a heavy topic, I'll probably double post to move that along as quickly as possible. Story's done but it's a bitch editing two juggernauts at one time.
> 
> Anyway, stay safe and be kind. You're all awesome.
> 
> ~Chronicles
> 
> P.S. For anyone wondering: yes, Cat did let Streaky in. She didn't want Kara to be alone, allergies be damned.


	10. Just You and Me Within These Walls

The weekend passes relatively quickly.

Kara spends it in bed avoiding the world as a whole.

Alex tries calling and Kara responds with a text that she’s busy helping Cat.

Alex doesn’t push.

When Monday comes, Kara’s already got a bad feeling but pushes through it.Cat is always on her to meet her fears head on and she’s been trying, however much her fears seem to keep winning the war.

To try to cheer herself up, she allows Alex to drive them into school that morning; Maggie and Winn get out and Kara spends a good ten minutes making out with Alex in the relative safety of her car.Which… isn’t as great as it sounds.Now that Alex has drawn a line in the sand on what they can and cannot share in public, Kara’s brain is finding issues that never existed before.

This was by far not the first time they’d kissed in Alex’s car, but it was the first time that Kara found the space to be cramped and uncomfortable.Every time Alex tries to pull her closer, Kara inadvertently knocks against something and hisses with a pain she doesn’t even feel.Mostly to distract Alex from her now snapped off console cover and the just slightly bent gear shift.

It's stupid.

And annoying.

She’s annoyed with herself.

And she can tell Alex is frustrated, not with Kara but with herself… or the situation.Knowing what she knows about Alex, probably everything _but_ Kara actually.So Kara gives her one last kiss, a silent apology, and tells her to have a good day and wishes her good luck on her college midterms and means all of it.

Alex still looks upset though.“This isn’t forever,” she says, pressing her lips to the back of Kara’s hand and squeezing.“I promise this isn’t forever.”

Unfortunately, Kara’s fears come to life right before lunch.She’s called into the Principal’s office and is somehow unsurprised to see Cat and Mr. Jones alongside Armstrong and a tall man in a dark grey suit.

“Ms. Zor-El.” Armstrong gestures to the empty chair next to Cat.“Please take a seat.This is Superintendent Edge, he’s here to talk to you about an open investigation.”

“Investigation?”

Cat’s entire body looks like it was carved out of marble and even Mr. Jones, usually so placid, looks about ten seconds from throttling the men on the other side of the desk.

“Yes.”Mr. Edge answers, leaning forward with clasped hands.“It’s come to my attention that you caused a disturbance at the girls’ soccer game last Thursday.Can you confirm that you spoke to two members of the visiting team prior to the game?”

It’s a struggle not to clench her hands, to try to sit as confidently as her already battered mind can handle.“I didn’t speak to them, but they did speak to me and—”

“Let me make the question simpler than: did you have any interactions with the visiting team?”

Kara bites her lip.“Yes sir.”

“And did that interaction lead to a much larger altercation between one of our own players, Alexandra Danvers, and the opposing teams, Tammy LeFie?”

It’s a trap.Kara knows it’s a trap.

They don’t know what happened, they can’t.Maggie had shown up in the middle and the only other person there had been Kara and they weren’t asking for her story they were asking her to confirm what they had already theorized.And, if she does tell them what happened, she’ll be confirming that Maggie and Alex were definitely involved and definitely instigators on her behalf.No matter that “Tammy” and her friend had been the main agitators, an alien sympathizer was worth a lot less than a true blue American darling.

Running her tongue over the back of her teeth, Kara slouches back in the chair.

Well.

“I couldn’t say that sir.I wasn’t on the field so I have no idea what started that fight.I heard it was an accident.”

“It was no accident!”Armstrong hisses.Kara watches the way his neck seems to get bigger, the collar of his button up threatening to burst under the undo pressure as the disgusting man leans towards her with an accusatory finger.“Alex Danvers attacked that girl because—”

“Ms. Danvers has already given her statement.”Mr. Jones says—which is news to Kara, Alex hadn’t mentioned anything.“And she told the both of you that she acted of her own volition.Kara had nothing to do with this.”

“Ms. LeFie and Ms. Longordo both have very different stories.” Edge slinks back in his chair, much calmer than Armstrong, and levels his eyes on Kara.“Ms. Zor-El what is your relationship with Ms. Danvers?”

Kara’s blood goes cold.“We’re friends.”

She’s proud of her voice for not shaking.This isn’t her first rodeo, she knows how to lie when it matters and right now there are warning bells going off in her head.They can’t have Alex.She won’t let them.

“Friends…Well as you know we take all reports of harassment and assault very seriously and we investigate each one with a fine tooth comb.”Cat scoffs.Loudly.Edge looks at her briefly before dismissing her and returning his focus to Kara.“The only one in this room who was at the game was Mr. Jones and by his own admittance, he cannot verify what occurred before his arrival in the hall.Without a staff member’s word, we need to open a full investigation, and, during that time, you will be suspended from all future extracurricular activities.”

“What?”She sounds breathless, feels breathless.It feels like someone’s knocked her out of her own body.

“You will not be allowed to attend any practices, meetings, outings, or matches.”Edge clarifies. “You will not be able to join any new activities.As of right now, your only privileges as a student will be in the classroom.Once the investigation is over, we can revisit your participation.”

“But…”Her mouth feels sticky; her tongue dry and useless as she tries to form words.Shifts uncomfortably in her seat and tries to mentally ask the adults on either side of her for help.“The season will be over in less than three weeks.Most investigations take a month.”

“Pity.”Edge says, not sounding the least bit remorseful.“Maybe you should have considered that when you were inciting violence with another school.”

“Careful Morgan.”Cat’s eyes are narrowed to near slits but her voice, as always, is calm.“I said you could talk to her not throw around baseless accusations.”

“They’re not baseless Catherine.”Principal Armstrong is practically glowing as he happily dismisses Cat’s claims.“You can’t fight this one.”

Cat only hums and stands up.However much Armstrong and Edge want to act like she’s powerless, they can hardly misconstrue the clear dismissal in the move.And Kara won’t give them the satisfaction of staying behind.

Their exit, watched by several office staff who were either very sympathetic or very not, was halted in the lobby by none other than the soccer team.Maggie, standing front and center with her backpack gripped in one white knuckled fist, immediately launches into an explanation as soon as she sees Kara being escorted out of the office by the Superintendent.

“It wasn’t Kara’s fault!”Maggie says, rushing up to Edge and Armstrong.“I was the one rubbing it in their faces every time we scored, not Kara.This was about me!They’re just too pussy to do anything about it, so they’re going after Kara instead.”

“Ms. Sawyer watch your language.”The warning tone Armstrong injects into his voice is completely ignored.

“No!Fuck this!Esta mierda!Este tiene hace un palo en el culo!Cabron!”Maggie spins, grabbing a stone faced Vasquez’ arm and gesturing wildly at the three administrators.“Como se dice like huge fucking mistake?”

“I don’t know dude.”Vasquez says, crossing her arms and glaring at Armstrong _hard._ “You’re speaking Spanish.”

Eyes lighting up, Maggie begins a whole new wave of Spanish mayhem when Cat finally interferes with a sharp cluck of her tongue and a no nonsense tone. 

“Margaret that is enough!This is not appropriate.Both of you, let’s go.”Cat gives Armstrong a dismissive look.“Send Winslow out to my car please, he’ll be leaving school early today.”

Their guardian walks off without another word leaving them with no choice but to follow.For Kara it had been like watching a car accident: seeing the destruction about to happen, knowing how terrible it was going to be but yet unable to stop it.And then being forced to see the bloody bloody aftermath.

She should have known this was coming.

The one good thing she’d had left to her?There was no way she’d be able to keep it.Somehow, in the span of just a few months, she’d both gained and lost the relationship and the camaraderie that she’d so craved.If there’d been any doubt in her mind that Earth sucked or that Rao hated her or that she should just stop and quit before she really lost herself?They were all gone now.

She was done.

The universe had won.

Finally.

When they get to the car, Cat doesn’t slam the door or yell or even look remotely angry.She’s like a wall of ice and she waits patiently for both girls to load themselves in the car before she turns the key.

“My name is Margarita,” Maggie mumbles as Winn runs up to the car and slides into the backseat with Kara.“Not Margaret.”

Cat hums and pulls off onto the empty roads.“Well that sort of behavior doesn’t call for proper names now does it?”

Maggie slumps back in her seat to sulk.

Winn tries not to look too confused as he leans towards Kara and whispers, “what’s going on?”

Kara doesn’t answer.

She doesn’t pray.

She doesn’t cry.

She looks out to window and just… 

Sits.

~*~

Alex tries to see her later that afternoon.

She knows it’s Alex banging on the door because she can hear her even from her bedroom.Her voice only makes Kara angrier; reminds her of the way everything had gone so terribly wrong.

Luckily, Maggie is the one who’d answered the door.

If it had been Cat, she wouldn’t have let Kara hide.And Winn is too afraid of Alex to keep her away.

But Maggie gets it.At least on some level and she’s quick to body block the door and tell Alex to go away.

“I just want to see her Maggie.I need—she shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“And where the hell were you then?I text you and you didn’t show up!”

“I had _midterms_.”Alex hisses.

“Oh… as far as excuses go that one’s pretty good.”

“It’s not an excuse; we have to hand in our phones to take the test.I didn’t know what was happening until an hour ago.”

“Doesn’t matter.She doesn’t want to see you.”

“Maggie.She’s my _girlfriend_.”

“But just in private right?”

“Maggie.”

“This is technically publicly owned land so turns out you can’t be her girlfriend here.Maybe next time.”

It’s silent for a long time and Kara cautiously makes her way up the stairs, floating so she doesn’t alert either party to her snooping.She gets a glimpse of Alex through a gap in the door.Kind of wishes she hadn’t when she sees that Alex is very clearly hurting over being turned away by her best friend.

“Fuck you Mags.”Alex hisses.“Go t—fuck you.”

“Night Danvers.”

Alex stomps off and Maggie closes the door behind her.

“Thank you.”Kara whispers, still startling Maggie despite her soft tone.With everything that’s happened recently, it’s nice to not have to deal with more than one bad thing a day.She’s kind of grateful she’d had Maggie here to handle this one thing for her.

“You’re welcome.”

~*~

“If you cut slots into the wood like a puzzle, it bonds better.”Leslie says as she fixes the frame of Kara’s new bed to the headboard.“If you were to buy one of these, it’d be all artless screws and wood glue but this… you won’t need to buy a new bed for years.”

Kara shrugs, unable to see why this one thing was so impressive to Leslie.“I’m sure the next kid will appreciate it.”

They were in the basement again; it’s Tuesday afternoon and Kara was half listening to Leslie and half listening to the first round of the playoffs.Alex was benched but despite how strained Kara felt around them—stretched, flayed, broken—she couldn’t help but want to share in the teams’ accomplishments.

And…

Even with everything going on, Kara would never want to take soccer away from Alex.She wanted her to enjoy it as much as she always had.

“You planning on moving out soon?”Leslie asks her, fitting a screw onto the drill head.When she presses the button, she gets a weak hum and a halfhearted rotation.“Fucking Wilson.I told his lazy ass to charge these.”Huffing, Leslie flexes her fingers, smiling when sparks shoot into the base of the drill and it comes to life with a vigor.“Useless assholes.”

Her commentary, although familiar, does nothing to bring Kara out of the pool of melancholy she’s been submerged in for weeks now.Leslie was a welcome reprieve from Cat though.Her guardian hadn’t said much to Kara since the showdown with Armstrong and Edge.Kara had expected more of a fight, some anger filled speech that would outline a plan to take both of the men down a peg.Instead Cat had just seemed disappointed.In Kara.

And for the life of her, Kara can’t figure out why.

She hadn’t attacked those girls when they’d cornered her; she hadn’t done _anything_ to them, and she hadn’t even told Alex to do anything to them.That she was somehow being blamed for it wasn’t a shock.But that Cat seemed to agree that this was in some way her fault just made her want to lie down and never get up.

“I’ll be eighteen next year.”She responds, supporting the frame while Leslie attaches it.“You age out when you turn eighteen.”

“So?”

“So I’ll have to leave the Home.Social services will place another kid and the cycle will continue.”

They move to the other side.

“Uh huh.”Leslie tones.“And where will you live when you leave?”

Kara thinks of the tents, of the kid that looked like an Abercrombie model.It wouldn’t be ideal, but she was pretty sure she’d be able to handle life on the streets a lot better than a human.

“I’ll find a place.”

“You’re such a dumbass.”Leslie groans.“I don’t know what Cat sees in you.”

Kara balks, almost dropping the bed completely at the insult.“Excuse me?”

If she wanted an apology, she certainly should have known she wouldn’t get it from Leslie.There isn’t even a hint of remorse on the older woman’s face.Instead she looks bored of Kara, like Kara had been the one to bring any of this up in the first place.

“You were mopey when I got here and staring at your phone which means you’re mourning the relationship you still have; then you’re barely listening to anything I say because you’re probably trying to listen to the soccer team you claim doesn’t want you anymore; and now you’ve already buried your future in the dessert somewhere because you’re convinced you don’t have a place in the house that you currently live in.With the woman who commissioned me to _make_ you a bed you wouldn’t be afraid of breaking with a brand new mattress to boot.Did I get all of that?”

Kara sneers.“I didn’t ask your opinion.”

“Exactly why you’re an idiot.Every problem you currently have right now is your own making.You can easily get yourself out of this bullshit, but you’ve chosen to give up.It’s stupid and pathetic.”

Kara places the bed down carefully, satisfied when it doesn’t crumble to pieces.She’d been more than a little worried that her rising ire would be enough to shatter the thing.

“Thank you for your help with this but I think I’ve got it now.”Kara pastes on a smile, gesturing towards the stairs so that her message won’t be misconstrued.“I’ll find a way to pay you for the supplies.”

“Still with the passive aggressive bullshit.”Leslie says, shaking her head in disappointment.Kara doesn’t care how she feels, she only cares that Leslie is at least packing up her crap.“You can’t stick your head in the sand forever kid.Sooner or later you’re gonna have to fight for the shit that matters to you.I just hope you wake up and see that what you have now is worth that fight.”

There’s a lot Kara wants to say to that; she wants to yell that Leslie has no idea what it’s like to be in her shoes but that’s not true.And she wants to yell that Leslie probably hasn’t had to fight for a thing in her life, but she has a feeling the response would do little more than embarrass her.So instead she presses her teeth together, forcing the words to die on her tongue.They taste like chalk and all she wants to do is throw up all over the place.

“Goodbye Leslie.”She manages to press out, heart beating frantically as the woman finally leaves her room.

About thirty seven miles away, Vasquez scores the winning goal.

~*~

Kara texts Alex.

It’s almost two am but she needs to say this before she loses her nerve.She needs to end this now while she has a chance.Before she can chicken out.

|Kara: We should just stop.This isn’t working anymore, and I want to stop. _Sent 1:58 a.m._

She waits but she doesn’t get a response.

Doesn’t really expect one.

She hopes that will be enough and that Alex will just let this go.

~*~

Alex doesn’t respond.

Somehow that feels worse.

She sends another text.

|Kara: You’ll be going to college next year anyway.There’s no point in drawing this out. _Sent 3:17 p.m._

She locks herself in her room the entire day and refuses to answer her door for anybody.

~*~

The day after the breakup—the real breakup this time not the misunderstanding from before, finds Kara drowning her sorrow in a bowl of cereal.It’s a Wednesday and she doesn’t need to sleep so she’d been able to get to the table before anyone else was awake.Unfortunately, Cat had joined her a short while later with a cup of coffee and her tablet.As was becoming more and more usual, Cat had ignored her very existence.

Kara has no idea what Cat wants from her.

She hadn’t done anything wrong and she won’t apologize for that.

For years she has been; she’s been breaking herself trying to fit into the world of humans.Cat had made her believe that things could be different.That if she worked hard enough and did all the right things than she would be accepted one day.That it was _Kara_ who had to change.

But she’d tried and she’d failed and she was convinced that there was no happy ending here.There was no great love story waiting for her; no riding off into the sunset with a dream and a smile.

It had all been a lie.

And all the wishing in the world won’t change that.

Cat could be mad all she wanted; Kara was done playing this stupid game.

Later, she would blame it on her spiraling thoughts and mounting anger that Maggie had been able to sneak up on them.Maggie’s got her hair pulled back in a ponytail, dressed in leggings and a t shirt as she prepares for what is probably a morning run with the team.

The angry finger she points at Kara is probably meant to make Cat take her side in whatever argument is about to take place but, unfortunately for Maggie, Cat is a stone wall.

“She broke up with Alex.”

Cat doesn’t even look up from her tablet.“How tragic.”

“Did you hear me?”Maggie huffs, glaring at Kara.“She broke up with Alex over this bullshit and you’re just—just letting her fuck her life up.Aren’t you supposed to be like her substitute mom or some shit!?You should be helping her.”

Something in that rant seems to hit a nerve because Cat glowers at Maggie over the rims of her petite glasses, lowering the tablet and giving Maggie her full attention.“I think you will find that I am no one’s substitute for anything.Keira?”

“Yes Ms. Grant?”

“Did you ask for my help?”

No.And Kara doesn’t want it.She’d actually very much like to be left alone.

“No Ms. Grant.”

“Well.”Cat says, adjusting her frames.“That settles that.”

“No it doesn’t!”Maggie growls.“What they’re doing to her is completely unfair!”

“I agree.”

“Then _do_ something.”

“Why?”Cat asks, “this isn’t happening to _me._ I’d look a fool to fight a battle like this.”

Stomach dropping like lead, Kara lets her spoon dangle between her fingers.It shouldn’t be such a surprise how easily someone else’s words could make her lose her appetite.

Maggie however, isn’t done.“But Ms. Grant she—”

“Is a big girl.If Keira wants to allow life to happen _to_ her than that is her decision and I’ll respect it.Now.If you’ll excuse me, I need to call Ellen and arrange an interview.”

Once Cat is out of the room, Maggie turns her glare on Kara.

The fight she so desires isn’t something Kara can give her though.As angry as she is, she already knows how this plays out.

It’s pointless.

“What do you want from me Maggie?They hate me; no amount of the truth is going to change that.”

“And Alex?”

“Alex will be fine.”She mumbles, fingers tangling in her sleeves as she remembers her silent cellphone.“She’ll be better off anyway.”

Which is true.Being with Kara would only make Alex a target.It was better this way.

“You are such an idiot.”Maggie hisses before storming off.

Kara really wishes people would stop calling her that.

~*~

Kara cuts class for the rest of the week.

It’s the first time she’s ever done it and it feels invigorating not having to look over her shoulder or worry about what new surprise Belinda will spring on her that day.And honestly, it’s not like it matters.She’s barely passing her classes anyway thanks to the faculty’s very obvious bias.

And Cat doesn’t even say anything.Kara is sure the school had called her, but Cat never even mentions it.She’s been spending more and more of her time on phone calls for CatCo and so she probably doesn’t even register that Kara’s turning into a delinquent.

The only person who _does_ notice who is still talking to her is Winn but all he says is, “I’m really worried about you.”

“You don’t need to be.I’m fine.”

“I just… it looks like you’re cutting everyone out of your life, and I don’t know.I don’t want you to do that to me.”

Honestly Kara hadn’t noticed that was what she was doing, still isn’t sure that’s what’s happening but it gives her something to think about.Something other than the suffocating numbness that’s settled over her heart.Playing Mario Kart on the floor of Winn’s room is helping a little too.It’s a distraction if nothing else.

“I wouldn’t do that to you Winn.”Probably.“Why are you even worried about that?”

“It’s just…”He sighs and pauses the game which means this is really serious.“Maggie invited me to the game this weekend.It’s the last set of matches before the Championships.”

“Ok?”

“I want to go.Not just to like, get the experience but also… Maggie doesn’t have anybody.We’re her people now and since you _can’t_ go, I feel like I should. …also, it sounds like fun.”

It’s a struggle to summon a smile, but Kara somehow manages it.She doesn’t want Winn to feel guilty for caring about people now that Kara no longer can.

“Then you should go.You’ll have a great time.”

“You’re sure?”Winn presses looking heavily skeptical.“You won’t see this as me taking sides?”

“What sides?Maggie isn’t the one who kicked me off the team.No.”Kara shakes her head.“You going to the game is a good thing.I promise.”

They play a few more rounds and then it’s time for dinner.It’s Kara’s turn to cook and she makes pasta that turns out terrible.Winn and some of the other kids choke it down, but Maggie asks her to never cook again.Cat hadn’t joined them at all.

~*~

Alex shows up that Friday night out of the blue.It’s the night before their last playoff game and Kara’s first thought is that Alex needs her rest.Then she feels stupid for thinking that because Alex is _not_ her problem anymore.She repeats it over and over as she opens the basement window Alex had been knocking on and lets her slide in.

“Ow,” Alex winces, grabbing her side when her ribs knock against the sill.“Crap that hurt.”

Despite every part of her wanting to rush to Alex’s aid, Kara stays put and tucks her hands under her armpits.“What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk.You haven’t been at school so I thought I’d corner you where you couldn’t escape, and we’d have some privacy.”

How charming.

“Nice.”

“It’s your own fault.”Alex argues, the only sign that she’s nervous the red coloring on her ears.“You sent me those texts and then didn’t even have the decency to come to school so we could actually talk about it.”

“What is there to talk about Alex?I don’t want to do this anymore.”

The way Alex’s mouth trembles and then firms is a dead giveaway to how those words had affected her.When she slides her hands into her front pockets and rocks back on her heels, Kara knows that she’s extremely uncomfortable.

“When my dad died it wasn’t just an accident and it wasn’t just about me.Can I… can I tell you what happened?”

Whatever upper hand Kara had felt she’d had disappears very quickly at that news.She has no idea why Alex is sharing this but everything she feels for Alex is still strong.Strong enough to make her close the gap between them and take Alex’s hand in hers.

It's as warm as she’d remembered.

“You can tell me anything.”

She feels like such a fraud.

Alex nods, mouth quirking to the side for a second before she seemingly finds the strength to continue.“My dad was really good friends with John, remember I said that?”

Alex says Mr. Jones’ name weird, stretching the consonants so it sounds more like J’onn, but Kara still nods.The pronunciation isn’t important to the story.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah… J’onn is an alien.He—he gave me permission to tell you before I came over here.Before my dad died, he and J’onn were working on merging alien and human technologies to better the world.Green energy, atmospheric cleaners, securing the ice caps… you name it and they were theorizing on it.They let me help whenever they could, but my mom was scared of the attention that aliens could bring so she didn’t always let me hang around them.”Alex pauses, eyes taking on a faraway look as she tightens her grip on Kara’s hand.Kara barely feels it, the shock from knowing Mr. Jones was like her more than a little bewildering.“It was a pretty sweet gig.J’onn had gotten funding from some billionaire in South America and my dad could work from home most days; it was pretty—"

“That last night when my dad and mom were arguing about my tattoo, dad was supposed to meet J’onn to test out one of their inventions.There was this guy… um… Hank Henshaw.He was ex-army, some sort of special ops I’m not sure.He was tracking J’onn who was going by a uh… different name and look but anyway Henshaw found them, and they fought, and my dad died in the crossfire.”Alex points her toe, wriggling her foot a little to distract herself.“Apparently his last words were asking J’onn to look after me so J’onn changed his appearance and his name and relocated his whole life here. When he moved to Midvale it was as John Jones, retired army Colonel of the 97th regiment.He stopped working on green tech after that.”

“I’m so sorry Alex.”Kara says, cupping her face and forcing Alex to look at her.The brown eyes that she had fallen so hard for are full of tears and Alex looks so lost that Kara can’t help but hug her.“Your dad sounds like a really great guy.”

Alex returns the hug desperately, burying her face in Kara’s neck and fisting the back of her t-shirt.“He was.He was the best.”She shudders.“Kara my mom is a good mom.”

Of course it would come back to that.“I know she is.”

It feels weird to let Alex go when she’s still crying so Kara awkwardly holds on, allows Alex to take whatever comfort she can find from the now stiff embrace.

Alex’s grip tightens, turns desperate as she clings to Kara like she’ll disappear otherwise.“She’s weird about aliens because she still blames J’onn for what happened, and she’s scared of losing me.I just need a little time to convince her that the world’s changed; that anti-alien sentiment has gone down now and there are laws that protect people like you from—”

“No there aren’t.”

“What?”Alex stiffens in her arms, pulling back a bit and finally giving Kara an excuse to remove herself from the embrace.“What are you talking about?The 28th amendment grants you all the rights of a citizen.They didn’t have that five years ago.”

“Alex…”Kara shakes her head, truly wondering if Alex was this naïve.“What do you think would happen if Belinda got angry one day and punched me?”

“Well,” Alex starts, looking a bit lost once Kara cuts of contact, “considering that it’s assault, I’d hope she’d go to jail.”

“She wouldn’t.I would.She’d break her hand because I’m stronger than a human and can’t be hurt; I’d go to jail for assaulting _her._ ”

“No that’s—”

“Everything that happens around me is my fault.When you break a rule or get angry and do something stupid, you’re probably not that worried about consequences, but I am _terrified_ Alex.Every time.” Feeling a little off kilter, Kara tries to slow down but it’s like she’s possessed; like all the words she’d been choking down over the years are suddenly running to escape her mouth.“When Belinda put those soda cans in my locker, _you_ blamed _me._ You said _I_ should cool it.And that is my life every day.Every interaction.From people who care a lot less than you do.Even if I _did_ get hurt, the authorities would still find some way to say that I was the one in the wrong.And now because your mother is a closeted… anti-alien lady, I’m supposed to what?Hide who I am some more?That’s not going to _work_ Alex.”

It's Alex’s turn to fold her arms, to hug herself like she’s falling apart.Whatever part of Kara that had broken before and gone to Alex in comfort has vanished.She stays where she is.

Alex is acting like this is easy and it _isn’t_.This is the hardest thing Kara’s ever had to do besides getting in that pod.

It isn’t fair of her to behave like continuing this would be a walk in the park.

It wouldn’t be.

The world has already proven that a million times over.

Alex’s own _mother_ is now an obstacle, and with odds like that, Alex would eventually see how hopeless it all was.Kara would much prefer they end this now; before her heart breaks any further.

She’d prefer they end it, before Alex follows in her father’s footsteps.

Unfortunately, some of that heartbreak doesn’t want to be kept in and she unwittingly releases a ragged breath.Hand going to her forehead, Kara tries to inhale but finds her breath catching in her chest, like clothes on a hook getting tangled until her head throbs and her eyes _burn._

_Rao,_ she needs a pencil or something.Something to focus on and—

Then Alex is there, cupping her cheeks and pressing soothing kisses to her temple and holding up her phone?

“I’m sorry.”She breathes.“I’m so so sorry.”

“My head. _Alex._ ”Kara whimpers, keeping her eyes shut tight as the pain washes over her.The light from Alex’s cellphone was truly unforgiving at this hour.”

“I know honey, I’ve got you.”Alex whispers, fingers digging into the back of Kara’s neck and massaging.“I’ve got you baby. Is this helping at all?”

“A little. …why are you shining your phone in my face?”

“Oh!No.No I’m not I—I thought wood helps.With your headaches…”Alex’s heart is beating really fast now and it’s enough of a distraction to help cool the pain a bit.“You—I noticed you’d stare at like pencils when you… with the headache I mean so I got a phone case made of wood for… like just in case.”

Oh.

“That’s the lead I think.”Kara mumbles, slumping completely against Alex as the attack passes.“Not wood.It works with car batteries too.I don’t know why though.”

“Oh.”Alex pockets her phone sheepishly.“Uh, good to know.I kind of feel like an idiot now.”

“Don’t.”Kara protests, squeezing Alex gently.“That was… no one’s ever noticed I do that before.Except Cat but… it’s not like she carries lead around in case I need something to focus on.That was really sweet.”

“I love you Kara.”Alex says softly, breath warm and tingling on Kara’s ear as Alex pulls her closer. Apparently Alex was taking this moment of calm and running with it, Kara’s too tired to stop her. “And I know that this world isn’t fair to people like you; I’m not an idiot but I—I don’t understand why that means we can’t be together.I don’t get why we have to let the world into our relationship; why it matters whether my mom knows or not.This is between _us_ not them.”

“I don’t _want_ to be a secret Alex.”Kara shakes her head, refuses to acknowledge that Alex had just said she _loved her_ lest she really break down.Her head hurts enough as it is.That doesn’t stop her from nuzzling against Alex’s shoulder, nose seeking that sweet spot she’d often found helped alleviate her anxiety attacks.As a result, her voice is largely muffled by Alex’s grey zip-up.“I can’t live like that, wondering what behavior is ok as an alien _and_ as your girlfriend.You think that it will be this easy fairytale kind of thing but that’s not what will happen.One of us will slip up and someone will find out and then we’ll both be in trouble.The world doesn’t want us together.”

“ _I_ want us together.”Alex presses, her own voice now just as thick and clogged up as Kara’s.Everything in Kara hurts at the sound of her, at the choked out plea.“Please Kara.I don’t want to lose you.It wouldn’t be forever; just a few days and—”

“You’ve _had_ a few days.”

“Kara, I swear please.I swear that I will fix this if you give me a chance. _Please_ honey,” Alex leans back, tipping Kara’s head up and kissing her softly, ardently.“Please. I love you.I love you so much.Please don’t push me away.”

Kara thinks it’s the words more than anything, how just that afternoon it had been _Winn_ begging her not to push him away.And Kara doesn’t see why they’re fighting this, why they seem to want to keep her in their life when she’s proven time and again to just be this toxic entity that ruins everything she touches, but they do.And it isn’t like Kara doesn’t want _them_ too.They’re the only good thing she has left but…

She knows how temporary good things can be.

She hates that she can’t be strong here.

She hates that she’d lost this battle the second Alex had knocked on her window.

As it is, she can’t really form words after that.The breakdown that she’d been pushing off for days—maybe weeks, comes hard and heavy.

This time it’s Alex picking _her_ up, grunting in surprise at Kara’s weight before shuffling over to her new bed.Alex lays her down tenderly, hands cradling Kara like they’re afraid to let go, and then crawls in next to her and pulls her close.There are soft promises, whispered declarations of love, and accolades Kara knows she doesn’t deserve.Alex says it all anyway.Talks until Kara’s fallen asleep to the sound of her voice and Alex’s warmth completely surrounding her, chasing away her headache and the cruel thoughts that have been invading her mind.

Even if only for a little while.

“I had this dream when you slept over,” Alex whispers, “that you were floating away, and I was the only thing keeping you here.I’m not sure if that’s really a thing you can do but Kara, please know that you have so much to stay for.Don’t let them poison everything.You have so many people who care about you honey.So many people who’d help you if you let us.”

Kara doesn’t sleep the whole night, not like that first night she’d spent with Alex.She still wakes up feeling marginally better than she had before but she’s alone, the spot where Alex had lain is long since cold indicating that she’d left some time ago.

Which was to be expected.

If she’d snuck out to see Kara, odds were she hadn’t exactly asked Eliza’s permission to stay out passed curfew.

She’d had to leave.

Kara tries not to let her absence sting.

The things that she wants…

It hurts to want them.

When she reaches for her blanket to cover her head and wallow again, her fingers close on something soft and kind of fluffy.Closer inspection finds that she’s somehow been covered in a grey zip-up hoodie.Still feeling grumpy and angry, she pulls the sweater to her nose and inhales.

The world still sucks and she still thinks Alex is a stupidly wonderful jerk and she _hates_ Belinda and Armstrong and a whole slew of other people but that doesn’t mean that she can’t smile and just lay here with her girlfriend’s scent tickling her nose.

And, in that small moment, she maybe hurts just a little less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys,
> 
> Just a quick mood dampener: This chapter is longer because I don't know when I'll have an opportunity to post again. The US has just gone...bonkers and I'm in a hotspot for Covid and the BLM protests. Yesterday morning there were police messing with the poles on the street and we lost internet for about an hour and I'm hearing this isn't an isolated incident. It seems silly to worry about posting a fanfic chapter in the midst of all that but I think it's because this is something within my control.
> 
> Anyway with the way things are going, there's a chance that you won't hear from me for regular update times. If you do, whatever we'll sweep it under the rug. If you don't, don't freak out just yet. I'll hopefully be back soon.
> 
> Stay safe and be kind.
> 
> ~Chronicles
> 
> p.s. on a lighter note, next chapter is the climax! 0.0 And congrats to anyone who guessed J'onn's backstory! Woop woop! :) :) :)
> 
> P.P.S: I forgot to add a translation! Ok, so just a quick disclaimer, I'm Honduran but I grew up around a lot of Puerto Ricans and then in college my roommate was Colombian and just... my Spanish is kind of all over the place. And I'm no longer fluent since I have no one to speak Spanish to right now soooo... Maggie's words may not be perfect? But, the way I intended them to be written translate to:  
> "“No! Fuck this! This is shit. This guy has a stick up his ass. Asshole. How do you say like huge fucking mistake?"


	11. It was hopeless after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: 
> 
> I've been sitting on this chapter (since May 20th) for a while for a few reasons. The most affecting of which is the current state of affairs in the US. When I first started this story, racism obviously existed but the more recent killings hadn't yet happened. So, since I shape a lot of Kara's alieness around my own feelings of exclusion as a woc and as 2nd gen, I didn't think too hard about it.
> 
> This chapter contains a scene with police. It's fairly brief and non-violent but they are admittedly not shown in the best light. And again, that is from my own experiences. I'm not part of the ACAB group and I'm not anti-cop and I debated on whether or not to take this out for weeks but then I just decided a few things.
> 
> 1\. This is fiction: everything goes in fiction and authors shouldn't feel bad about that.  
> 2\. Fiction is often based on real life and the people who experience the real life stuff shouldn't feel bad about that either. Real life happens, it is not a reflection of *everyone's* life, just the character's/inspiration's.  
> 3\. It *is* still a triggering thing and, even though I've never done this before just because of personal tastes, I decided to add two additional "**" to the scene and end scene so you will be able to discern and skip if you please. I will include a brief synopsis in the end note so you can still enjoy the story as much as possible. Hence ~***~ will be the marker.
> 
> Moving on!
> 
> Suspend your belief's about J'onn's abilities in this fic. I kind of dampened him down for creative purposes, he's still impervious just not as impervious as he is canonically? Just let me have this one!

Kara’s on the roof outside of her former room with an open yet untouched sketchpad in her lap.

When she’d first come here just a few months ago, this ledge had been her safe place.Cat hadn’t been too fond of her “risking life and limb”, but Kara had never met a fall that could actually hurt her.

And besides.

Being high up helped to clear her head.

Which she desperately needed right now.

The sun, just risen over the neighbor’s large palm tree, sends a welcome warmth over her skin.It’s not heat exactly, not in the way Kara thinks humans feel it anyway, but rather just a tingling sensation that starts in her toes, soothing the aches that have nestled into the crannies of her being.

|Kara: good luck. _Sent 6:27 a.m._

|Kara: today. _Sent 6:27 a.m._

|Alex: Did you sleep ok?I’m sorry I had to leave. _Received 6:28 a.m._

|Kara:it’s fine _Sent 6:28 a.m._

|Kara: thank you for the jacket. _Sent 6:28 a.m._

|Alex: You can add it to your collection. 😉 _Received 6:29 a.m._

|Kara: be careful today _Sent 6:31 a.m._

|Kara: alright? _Sent 6:37 a.m._

|Kara: no more fights. _Sent 6:37 a.m._

The last thing Kara needs is _that_ on her conscience.

|Alex: If they don’t want me to fight them, they’ll keep your name out of their stupid mouths. _Received 6:42 a.m._

|Kara: it’s a different team. _Sent 6:42 a.m._

|Kara: Alex. _Sent 6:42 a.m._

|Alex: Doesn’t mean I won’t lay them out. _Received 6:44 a.m._

|Alex: I know you don’t want me to get in trouble but I’m not gonna stand by and just let ppl talk shit about you. _Received 6:44 a.m._

|Alex: [photo attached] _Received 6:45 a.m._

The picture is a mess of yellow at first, until Kara’s eyes adjust to the small screen of her phone and she realizes that that is _her.Her_ blonde hair; _her_ curls; _her_ face set in what looks like an actually peaceful slumber if the open mouth and slight drool is anything to go by.Her cheeks fill with actual heat this time and she slaps a hand to her face in mortification.

Great Rao why does Alex _have_ that?!

|Alex: you’re so beautiful.There’s no way I’m letting anyone get away with hurting my girlfriend. _Received 6:45 a.m._

Taking a second to find her breath, Kara clumsily types her reply.She feels vastly uncoordinated in light of Alex’s… _affections_ and it’s a struggle to both keep her phone in her grasp and respond without breaking the glass.

|Kara: stop it! _Sent 6:48 a.m._

|Kara: just please be careful! _Sent 6:48 a.m._

|Kara: and _Sent 6:49 a.m._

|Kara: make sure to tell Mr. Jones to run Epona’s charge _Sent 6:49 a.m._

|Kara: it will work perfectly against bludhaven. _Sent 6:49 a.m._

|Alex: You’re such a nerd.I love you. _Received 7:01 a.m._

Kara blushes but doesn’t respond, slides her phone under her thigh and rests her head on bent knees.

It’s past time she starts figuring out her life; figuring out what exactly she _wants_ and if Alex actually fits into that.

She can’t imagine a world where she _doesn’t_.It’s only been a few weeks since Alex has entered her life, just the short lifespan of a high school sport, but she’s already at the point where the thought of _not_ having Alex around feels catastrophic.

And that might be the teenage dramatics that all of her teachers are always groaning about, but Kara thinks it’s more than that.Actually, in reality Kara is fairly certain that she might return Alex’s feelings which could have rather dire consequences.

For one, Eliza didn’t approve of “aliens”, even though her daughter said she was in love with one.

As much as Alex may not want to acknowledge it, Eliza’s approval of their relationship _would_ interfere with whatever they did going forward.

In Kara’s opinion, the entire _world’s_ opinion would interfere.

Alex didn’t see it that way.

She thought the relationship could stay just between them but Kara…

Kara wasn’t stupid.She knew that to humans at least, she lived life a bit loud.She’d never been ashamed of what she was, but she _was_ afraid of what humans would do to her if given the chance.She’d grown up on stories of alien experimentation. Her own father had done his own unethical experiments and, if karma was to be believed, Kara would be due some really not nice things on behalf of Zor-El.

After all, it wasn’t like he was around to receive the punishment.

Add that to the nagging feelings that her family had somehow been to blame, at least partially, for what happened to Krypton, for the deaths of an entire planet’s population, and she wasn’t feeling too great about what she did and didn’t deserve.

Alex thought she deserved a lot.

Kara wasn’t so sure.

She wants to see herself the way Alex does though; all those things Alex had said she saw in Kara… she wishes she was that person.

And, if she’s being honest, Alex isn’t even the only one who said Kara deserved good things.

There was Winn obviously.

And Maggie.

Even Leslie…

Definitely Ms. Grant.Even though her guardian had pulled away pretty harshly this past week.

Which is another thing that’s been nagging at Kara.

Or not really _been_ nagging, since she’s only just started to come out of the funk Armstrong and Edge had put her in, but definitely since last night.

Normally Cat would be lining out a plan of action but now… I mean, Kara _had_ told her she didn’t want any help but that didn’t mean she didn’t want any help!

It meant…

Gah!

Thoughts turning a little fuzzy, Kara slowly lowers her head onto bent knees as a throbbing flare of heat at the base of her skull slowly spreads throughout her brain creating a migraine behind her eyes.

As if reaching adolescence on a foreign planet wasn’t enough, now Kara can probably safely self-diagnose her headaches as chronic migraines!

But she’s pulled back to thoughts of Alex immediately when she moves her head a little and her cheek presses against soft metal spirals, the smell of wood and paper infiltrating her sinuses and soothing some of the pain.A quick peek shows the pencil tucked into her notebook’s binders. 

The sweet act of Alex trying to figure out exactly what helped Kara’s headaches and “power attacks” more than enough to make her heart melt all over again.

No one had ever really done that for her before.Cat had been the first to try to help Kara organize her abilities so she knew exactly what she could and could not do and how to control them, but… it was different with Alex.

There had been very few people in her Earth life that had ever made her feel like she was worth anything; like she was anything more than an inconvenience.Alex had been the loudest so far, but she hadn’t been the only one.

As low as she currently is, Kara can at least admit that there is _some_ good that came from coming to National City and…

And if she can admit that than she can also admit that she’s maybe a little angry at herself for letting Armstrong, and Edge, and Belinda, and her sheep minded classmates ruin that for her.And she knows logically that she can’t just _ignore_ it and let it go away; she’d tried that and had failed miserably when everything had piled up past her ears.

And she couldn’t fight it head on because the administration was against her too.

But maybe…

Her thoughts devolve a little when she picks up her pencil and starts randomly doodling.Ignores the fact that she’s doodling her and Alex’s names together, Alex’s smile and her eyes.

It’s clarifying in a way because she knows her mind is still working in the background for a new way to _live_ even as she thinks of a reason to want to.

And it’s not Alex exactly that she wants to live for, even though she is certainly part of it.

It’s more the way that Alex makes her feel; the way that Cat makes her think that she can do anything; the way that Winn makes things fun and Maggie makes her feel like she’s not the only mess.

Speaking of whom…

Maggie has now found Kara on the roof.It’s not exactly unexpected that they’d gone looking for her; it’s finally breakfast time and that is not a meal that Kara enjoys skipping.Her absence would have been obvious.

When Maggie climbs out next to Kara, she promptly hands over a muffin.

“Thanks.”Kara mumbles, taking a bite and watching the sun rise.

“It’s way too early for you to be outside.”Maggie complains.“And it’s cold as fuck.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Have you ever?”

“Yeah.”With Alex, Kara doesn’t say.Feels like she should; feels like she should acknowledge the fact she’s only ever been able to relax enough around Alex.

“Right.Well we’re about to leave for the game.Any words of wisdom?”

“You’ll do fine.Just… you know: kick the ball in the net.”

Maggie tries to flick her, but Kara slides out of the way; the last thing she needs is to be blamed for the lead scorer’s broken finger.

“Thanks genius.That was super useful.”Maggie shifts, stuffing her hands under her butt and stretching out her legs.“Since you won’t take this seriously, I will.I have some words of wisdom _I_ would like to share.You ready?”

“It’s not necessary.”

“Well here it is anyway; I’ve been thinking about what I said last week.When I ripped your throat out?”

“Yeah,” Kara sighs, “I remember.”

“Yeah well the thing is I was upset because I’ve been feeling so… I don’t know.Ever since that shit went down with my parents, I’ve kind of been gearing up for a fight you know?Like everything I should have said to myself back then, I want to say to you now.”

Their “therapy nights” as Maggie has taken to calling them involve a lot of talking on Maggie’s part, but she never talks about _the_ incident.She talks around it a lot and gives vague details but whatever conversation had actually taken place never makes an appearance.That Maggie has been thinking of what she would tell her younger self is news to Kara, but they’ve come far enough along for her not to turn her back on Maggie when it’s this important.

There’s been enough of that for both of them.

“And what’s that?”

“I wish I would have known how my life would have changed before I put that card in the locker.Now that I’m here on the other side it’s not so bad but… I think we can both attest to how short life is, how suddenly things can change.People die or they leave or they kick you out and it’s just… so much time that we waste trying to hold onto impermanence.I guess I just want to say that we should be who we are while we have time and we should… we should kiss the girls that we wanna kiss.”Maggie clears her throat and nudges Kara’s leg with her knee.“Do with that what you will.See you later.”

Then she’s climbed back through the window and left Kara with a hollow feeling in her chest.Her mother’s necklace is smooth under her fingers and Kara wishes with all her might to be back on Krypton where things made sense.

As usual, her prayers go unanswered.

~*~

Kara doesn’t come down for a long time, well after Winn and Maggie had already left.She spends the game cloud watching and half listening to the team win.Alex doesn’t play but she’s on the sidelines with Mr. Jones, supporting her team like a good captain would.

Hearing her voice is both a blessing and a curse.

Kara _misses_ her.

She doesn’t want to miss her anymore.

Her stomach is what brings her downstairs.Kara fixes herself three sandwiches and chomps down on them eagerly. Her appetite had been a little off recently so she’s been eating when she can.Before her belly decides it’s closing up shop.

That’s when she notices Cat, sitting out on the porch and tapping a piece of paper against her crossed legs.

Kara’s lived here for almost a year now and she’s _never_ seen anyone sit out on the porch.Not once.

Cat doesn’t even like to sit outside for long, claiming the sun hates her skin and she’s hiding from melanoma.The occurrence is odd enough that Kara starts to worry.Enough so that she sticks her head out of the screen door to check on her guardian.“Ms. Grant?You ok?”

“Hmmm?”Cat lifts her eyebrows, lazily turning her head to acknowledge Kara and giving a soft smile when she sees her.There’s an empty wine glass at her feet that sets off warning bells in Kara’s head.“Oh, yes.I’m fine just… enjoying the weather.”

Even Kara can hear that that’s a lie.Cat sounds like she’s in trouble.Like something is wrong but she doesn’t want Kara to know.

Well tough.

“Mind if I join you?”Kara doesn’t wait for a response, plopping down in the seat next to Cat and finishing off her last sandwich.She’s fine when Cat devolves to silence, watching the slow pedestrian traffic as people go about their daily lives.

It makes Kara wonder if any of them have any of the issues she has.

If any of them had tried kicking their girlfriend out after she’d said that she loved them.

“Did I ever tell you that I had a son?”

The news, and Cat breaking the peaceful silence, startles her. Bland as Cat’s words had been, Kara can only feel shock.“No Ms. Grant.”

“I do.His name is Adam.”Cat spares a glance, a warm smile on her face at some long lost memory.“He’s just a bit older than you are actually.”

Adam.Immediately Kara wonders what he looks like; if he favors Cat’s blonde hair and green eyes or if he’s a mixture of his parents.What does his _dad_ look like?

“Is he in college?”Maybe she could look him up online and get a picture.Winn called it cyber stalking.

A look of melancholy falls over Cat’s face, green eyes returning to the street beyond, fingers flicking against a cream covered knee.“I don’t know.I haven’t seen him since he was eight.His father… he thought it’d be best for Adam if I wasn’t around.”Cat sighs and the sadness in it makes the protests die on Kara’s tongue.No matter how untrue she found the words, she can’t imagine anything she would say would cure that pain.“When I took this job, it was honestly just for something to do.A colleague told me I’d be able to work on Catco _and_ collect a salary just from living here and keeping order.It didn’t sound too hard.And then I got Winn.”

Kara laughs, intrigued to learn more about those early years.Winn had been here since he was twelve, well ahead of Kara’s arrival.

“Did he break a lot of things?”

“All of the things.”Cat confirms, rolling her eyes affectionately.“It seemed like every day he was taking things apart.It took me weeks to figure out how to keep appliances around.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“That he could only take things apart if he knew how to put them back together again.We went to a Barnes and Noble and he bought about twelve books on electrical engineering and mechanics.Now I have an oven that cooks food twice as fast.”When Cat looks at her, there’s enough warmth in her gaze to make Kara need to look away.The blush that worms its way onto her face uncomfortable and weird when mixed with everything else Kara has been feeling.“I thought I’d gotten the hang of it.That being a mentor of sorts would be something I was good at.I figured if I couldn’t be a good mother for Adam, then the least I could do was try to be a good guardian to all of you.”

“You have been.”Kara says, pushing past her own squeamishness to give Cat a stern look.“You’ve been great.”

Cat bites her lip thoughtfully, the pamphlet she’s holding bouncing in her hand.Then she lifts it and Kara can see that it’s a brochure.For another group home in Gotham.

“I’ve been making some calls.”Cat says, her voice echoing in Kara’s head like a gong.“An… old friend owns this facility.He said he’d be happy to take you in.Give you a fresh start away from all of this.”

This is Krypton all over again; this is Alura shoving her in that pod and telling her to be brave.This is another adult telling Kara what’s best for her.

“You’re sending me away?”Kara croaks.

“I’m… _I_ have decided to find employment elsewhere.Things are starting to pick up at CatCo and this level of responsibility is no longer practical.”

“You’re leaving _and_ you’re sending me away.”

“Kara…”Cat shakes her head, the fragile smile she’s wearing crumbling a little around her eyes. “There was a reason my ex-husband didn’t think I was qualified to be a mother.If this experience has shown me anything, it’s that he was right.”

“No he wasn’t!Cat you’re—”

“You are in pain.”Cat grits, eyes focused on the bench between them as she inadvertently crumbles the brochure in her fist.“And no matter how hard I have tried to make things better for you, they just keep getting worse.I thought I could show you how to fight your way out of this, but I’ve just exhausted you.”

“Cat no… you… I’m fine.I swear I—”

“That isn’t true and we both know it.And I’d rather have you in Gotham than see them destroy every shred of light in you; I’d rather have you in Gotham than have you dead.So you’re going.End of story.”

End of story.Period.Final.

As in Kara was about to lose everything _again._ All because of Belinda Zee and her stupid prejudices and schemes.All this time and still the only ‘revenge’ Kara had ever enacted had been a stupid ketchup prank, and yet Belinda had persisted day in and day out to try to make Kara’s life hell.And for what?Kara hadn’t _done_ anything to her.The only crime she’d been guilty of was not being born on Earth.

And she couldn’t change that.

_Wouldn’t_ change that.She refused to be ashamed of her family the way that Eliza was so obviously ashamed of her daughter’s relationship.Kara was _sick_ of being ashamed.And she was sick of wondering what she could have done to make these people treat her differently because she knew now that the answer was nothing.

No matter what she did or did not do, the reality of the situation would stay the same.There were people that hated her for what she was.

But, and more importantly Kara was starting to realize, there were a still a lot of people who didn’t care.Who loved her because of _who_ she was.

And now Cat, arguably the most important of them all, is sitting here thinking that she’d failed Kara in some way when the reality is that Kara had failed her.Cat had been fighting for her since day one, but Kara had been… stupid.Reckless.Immature.The incident with the ketchup had been fun but it hadn’t solved anything.

Belinda had thousands of people listening to her stupidity, the lies she’d concocted about Kara for her own entertainment.

Kara hadn’t once tried to refute any of them.

She’d either acted out, kept silent, or hidden behind Cat when it was convenient.When Cat had said Kara was letting life happen to her… 

She deserved to be sent away.

She didn’t blame Cat for being too tired to handle her anymore, but Kara also wanted to stay.And she needed Cat to know that everything that had happened had been because of Belinda and Armstrong.Not her.

Kara should have never expected Cat to go this alone.

“Ms. Grant,” she starts, clearing her throat when her voice warbles.Kara has to fight not to shatter the wood under her hands, curls her palms over the seat anyway because she needs something to hold onto.“I don’t know what happened with you and your son, but I know that his life is emptier for not having you in it.”

Cat’s already shaking her head, already dismissing Kara’s words before she’s even digested them.“That’s sweet of you to say Kara, but it won’t change my mind.You deserve better than what’s happening here.”

Nodding, Kara sniffles and rubs her nose in her shoulder.“I’ll go to Gotham if you want but I really don’t want to.I want to stay here with you because… because you’re a really good guardian and I’m scared of losing you.And I’m sorry that I let things get so bad, but I promise I’ll try harder.”

“This isn’t about that.”Cat refutes, holding up a hand when Kara opens her mouth to protest.“Kara this isn’t about you trying harder.You shouldn’t _have_ to try harder and I can’t provide an environment that will give you stability and—”

“So?”Kara lurches forward, grasping Cat’s hand when her mentor lets out an exasperated breath and looks away again.“Ms. Grant _no_ one would be able to provide that with what I am.It’s like Leslie said, there are always going to be bad people in the world.You can’t protect me from that and sending me to Gotham won’t make it any better.Even if your friend can make it go away for a little while, it won’t be forever.Eventually I’ll have to learn how to face up to what this world is.”

“Kara… you should have at least some peace in your life.Even if it’s just for a little while.”

“You told me once that I should live by example.That I should always be true to who _I_ am and who my people were and I haven’t been doing that.I’ve been angry and petty and it’s only made things worse.That was _my_ fault not yours.”

There’s a heady feeling of desperation in her chest, something that Kara hadn’t quite expected.These last few weeks, she’d nearly completely shut down.She’d pushed away anyone who cared for her, refused to acknowledge how bad things had gotten.Foolishly she’d believed that if she didn’t have anyone who she cared about, it wouldn’t hurt when they inevitably walked away but this _hurt_.And not just because Kara doesn’t want to be alone but because of what she’s made the people who care for her think about themselves.

Catherine Grant was nobody’s failure.

She was the strongest person Kara knew; brave and fearless and smart.Cat was everything Kara hoped to be, and she thought that she was a terrible mother because of Kara’s behavior.Cat was an _amazing_ mother.Kara knew she was because this was as close as Kara had gotten since Alura, and Cat had become irreplaceable.

When Leslie had scolded her for whining about the things she didn’t have, Kara had acted out, but Leslie had been _right._ All this time she’d been calling the group home, “the Home” rather than acknowledging that it was _her_ home.That Cat and Winn and even Maggie now were her family.

And Alex had been trying; she’d asked Kara for a little time to work things out with Eliza and Kara had shoved it back in her face.And when Alex had come to apologize, Kara had tried to throw her out.

She _was_ an idiot.

And now she was standing on a precipice that would decide the rest of her life all because she’d allowed herself to believe the things that Belinda had said about her and made her feel about herself.That Kara was “other” and weird and gross and that no human would ever be able to love an alien.

None of that was true.

Cat loved her.

Winn loved her.

Alex _loved_ her.

None of them were the problem.It was Kara.It was all—

“I have an idea.”Kara breathes, excitement flowing through her at this new prospect.“I just had a thought and—Cat you have a newspaper and you’re always searching for truth and honesty, right?”

Cat eyes her like she’s a bomb, wary but focused.“Yes.”

“Belinda has power because she has the audience but so do you.All this time I’ve been scared of letting people know who I am because I was scared that would make them like me less, but it hasn’t.”She thinks of her late night talks with Maggie, hot chocolate, and faux star gazing.“The people who matter don’t care where I’m from, they care about who I am.Me as a person.Kara.”

There’s a long pause, Cat staring at her searchingly for several tense moments before she finally releases a breath through her nose and pulls Kara to her chest with both arms.“I am very happy that you have finally realized that.What’s this plan I see cooking in that brain of yours?”

Kara laughs breathlessly and presses closer, holding onto Cat for dear life.“I want you to do an article on how aliens are treated.I’ll be your source and we can show the world the truth: that aliens are just as human as anyone else.That we have feelings and hobbies and that we love.”Pushing her face into Cat’s shoulder, Kara tries not to let her own embarrassment stop her from saying the words she wants to—no needs to say.Cat should know.Everyone should know when they’re loved.“I love you Ms. Grant.You—not to make this weird, but you’re a really really good mom.”

Cat’s fingers clench in her hair and, beneath her ear, Kara can hear the way her heartrate jumps.

Several measured breaths later, Cat is pressing a long kiss to the crown of Kara’s head.“I love you too Kara.Very much.”

“Rao I’ve been such an idiot.” Kara complains, laughing and crying at the same time.She feels warmer than she ever has; remembers how warm being around Alex had made her and feels even dumber.“It wasn’t your fault what was happening Ms. Grant.I never meant to make you feel like it was your fault.But if we do the article then maybe—”

The happy glow that’s been building fades completely, the sound of tearing metal and panicked cries enough to pull Kara from the current conversation.

“Oh.”She breathes, pressing a hand to her chest.“Oh Rao.”

“What?”Cat demands, leaning forward when Kara pulls away completely.“What’s happened?”

Mr. Jones’ head hits the metal of the bus with a sick crunch, the bus drivers face not faring much better as the vehicle tumbles through the railing and into the rushing river below.

“Alex.”Kara whispers, hearing her girlfriend immediately take charge and run to the back of the bus.Belinda tries a window before Alex can yell at her not to and water rushes in.“Winn and Maggie…they’re in the river,” Kara realizes, turning to Cat with wide eyes.“I have to—Cat I have to—”

She can’t even get the words out, can barely remember launching herself into the air.All she knows is that one second, she had been on the porch and the next she’s in the middle of chaos.Cars are stopped around the scene, people milling about with phones and cameras as they try to get help for the trapped students below.

There’s one guy who’d been brave enough to climb down on some rocks, trying desperately to get the back door of the bus open while Alex pushes from the other side.

He fails, and the last Kara sees of Alex she’s yelling at the guy to go.

She’s actually so distracted by her girlfriend that she almost misses Belinda clambering out of the buses window and into the rushing water below.Buses are obviously heavier than teenage girls and so, while the bus lurches along the river and slowly sinks, Belinda’s body kind of looks like one of the cue balls Alex had introduced Kara to on its way to a hard break.

It’s a shame Kara had never really experimented with her powers before. When she grabs Belinda from the river, the girl spitting and fighting air, she can’t be as gentle as she wants.Hearing Belinda yelp in pain as Kara dumps her on the bank is alarming and distracting and not even a little satisfying and she doesn’t need that right now.

She knows she’s strong.

And she knows she can fly.

And she knows that breathing under water is not one of her special talents.

She’s just not sure how strong she is.

She’s really hoping it’s lift a bus strong.

The first shock of the water isn’t that it’s cold, luckily for Kara her imperviousness to extreme temperatures counts in the water as well, but the sheer force that pulls at her is like nothing Kara’s ever felt on earth.She has nothing to ground her except her own body, tries to think of herself as steel and moves her body like Alex had taught her.Arms and legs moving in sync.It’s slow at first but once she gets the hang of it, it’s like slicing through warm butter.

Maneuvering herself under the bus, Kara tries not to think about the coughing occurring above her, the screams, and desperate pleas for help.Alex is still trying to get the door open.

Kara pushes all of that to the back of her mind; focuses on the task at hand like Leslie had said.Painting isn’t about speed it’s about patience and skill.Kara doesn’t really have time for either so she’s gonna have to use half skill and half brute strength and hope for the best.

That line of thinking almost makes her rip the bus in half.

Trying to curse gives her a mouth full of bubbles that sends her into a coughing fit, and she panics and rushes towards the surface.

There’s a lot less banging happening on the bus by the time she gets herself under control and she shoots back under the water as quickly as she can.This time she goes all the way to the bottom, kicking off the floor with her slippers for momentum and spreading her palms as wide as she can to better distribute the weight.

Too slow, too slow.

Screaming in frustration, Kara pushes with everything she has and shoots into the sky, juggling the bus precariously at the sudden absence of the water’s weight and quickly flying over to the small overpass to set it down.It lands a little rougher than she’d hoped but her arms had been burning and, for some reason, she’d felt like she wouldn’t be able to stay in the sky.

Rushing had felt appropriate with those odds.

~***~

“Freeze!”Someone shouts.“Hands where I can see them!”

Exhausted, and legs shaking beneath her, Kara slowly turns to the crowd behind her and lifts her hands over her head.It feels stupid.Like something out of bad movie but Kara’s done running.She’s done letting people who don’t even know her make her feel small.

She’d done the right thing.

She knows she had.

The line of cops walking towards her with raised guns says otherwise and makes fear and anger build quicker than Kara can process.

“What’s happening to your eyes?”One yells, finger tightening around the trigger of their weapon.“What the fuck are you doing kid?”

Blinking, Kara begins to panic, almost slaps a hand over her eyes when one of the officer’s yells at her to keep them up.Everything feels out of control and she can feel the heat behind her eyes build, its excruciating.She can’t stop it.Can’t turn it off. Tries to squeeze her eyes shut but is too slow to stop a wave of _heat_ to fly out of her skull.

She jerks her head up, hoping beyond hope that whatever had just come out of her doesn’t hurt anyone.

The heat stops as quickly as it had come, barely a flash in all actuality but it leaves her even more shaky and exhausted and scared beyond belief.Her eyes _hurt._ Like actual pain hurt.Physically.

Her entire face is _burning._

And keeping her eyes closed is making it worse but she’s too afraid to open them; the alternative could be that she BBQ’s the humans in front of her.

“What the _fuck?_ ”Someone breathes.

Then the sound of a slightly depressed trigger.

“Stop!”Alex.Kara hears something metal groan and then a wet splash and running feet.When Alex’s hand presses against her stomach, Kara wants to cry.“Stop!She didn’t do anything wrong!Put your guns down!”

“Move kid!She’s dangerous!”

“ _She’s_ dangerous?!You’re the one with guns out in front of a bunch of teenagers and families.”Alex’s hand clenches in her shirt and she pushes Kara back, just a little.“Kara saved us.She lifted a bus out of the fucking water, and you want to shoot her for it?For saving your fucking kids?!”

“Alex.”Kara whimpers, unable to see now that the red has infiltrated her vision and desperately scared of what’s happening in front of her.She’d never been hurt on Earth before, but she knew what bullets did and she didn’t want to test the theory of invulnerability.

“It’s ok.”Alex murmurs, pressing her back to Kara’s front.“It’s gonna be ok honey.”

There are scattered murmurs through the crowd, voices that sound like maybe they’re agreeing with Alex, but the cops don’t lower their weapons.

“Step aside kid.We’ll deal with the alien and get to the bottom of this; for all we know it probably caused the accident.”

“She didn’t cause anything.”Winn’s joined them, huffing and coughing as he slides to Kara’s right side.“There was a huge pothole and it made the bus flip.”

“And when the driver hit his head, he blacked out with his foot still on the gas.”Maggie’s voice sounds to her right.“This wasn’t Kara’s fault.She’s a hero.You guys look like assholes.”

“You have five seconds to move and then we’re arresting all of you.”

Alex growls but Kara doesn’t want this to escalate.Knows enough by now to know that authority figures don’t like that authority to be questioned.This will end badly for all of them if Alex attacks.

“Go.”Kara whispers pleadingly, leaning close to what she hopes is Alex’s ear.“I’ll be fine.Just go.”

“I’m not leaving you.”Alex hisses, tone leaving no room for argument.

“Me either!”Winn pipes in.

“Thirded.”Maggie says confidently.

“Dispatch.”One of the cops calls into their walkie.“Send out a wagon we’ve got—what the hell?Put that down.”

“Nope.”Belinda isn’t close but she’s close enough.Sounds like she’s about five feet in front of them.“You want to take down the girl who just saved my ass, you better be damn sure I’m gonna take you down with her.Say hello to my 52, 317 followers on Instagram live boys.Smile: you’re famous.”

There’s a tense standoff, Alex’s hand warm and solid against her abdomen the only thing keeping Kara sane, and then the sound of shuffling.

~***~

“Alright, let’s everybody just calm down ok?”The lead officer lowers his gun before he commands the others to do the same.“Holster your weapons.”

Alex is cupping her face in the next second.“Hey,” she breathes, “are you ok?Open your eyes for me honey.Let me see you.”

“I can’t.”Kara cries, fingers pressing against her eyelids now that the immediate danger has passed.“Something’s wrong.I don’t know—I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You won’t.”Alex whispers, nose running along Kara’s cheek as she steps in closer and gently wraps a hand around either of Kara’s wrists.Not pulling, just there.“You would never hurt me Kara.I trust you.Just take a few deep breaths ok?With me.”

Following Alex’s breathing is a lot more difficult than Kara had anticipated but eventually she feels moderately more in control of herself than she had before.Enough to hesitantly open her eyes when the heat dissipates.

“Good,” Alex encourages, the gentle smile she’s wearing quickly morphing into a scowl. “What were you _thinking_ Kara?!That was a whole bus!You could have been killed and—” The sharp cut off is unexpected, as is Alex taking a deep steadying breath and shaking her head.“Sorry,” she says more calmly, letting her hands slide down and tangling her fingers with Kara.“That was the fear talking.I am working on that.Sorry.”

Despite everything Kara finds herself grinning.

And then her eyes are stinging, but with tears this time, because _Alex_ had been the one to almost die.

Kara had almost been too late and then—

Stumbling a little, Kara pitches forward into Alex who is largely unprepared for the full weight of a trembling alien to fall on her.Still, Alex manages to stay on her feet, but only just and probably only because Maggie rushes forward to help.The next few moments are a bit of a blur because Kara can’t stop crying and clinging and, even though Maggie and Winn join in the hug, Kara can’t let go of Alex.She desperately wants to hug her friends too but her body’s locked up and it’s all she can do to keep her breaths steady.

Ironically, the buildup of stress does not reactivate her heated eyes.

At all.

In fact, Kara feels pretty drained all of a sudden.

Alex kisses her temple and helps her over to a curb, off the street and out of the way.

The cops are still watching Kara but she’s too tired to watch them back.

When Alex sits next to her, she drops her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder and, for the first time in a long time, feels marginally ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who needed to skip:
> 
> Basically, after Kara rescued the bus, cops arrived on the scene and assumed she was the threat. Panicked and overwhelmed, Kara experienced a brief blast of heat vision into the sky. No planes or birds were harmed. The cops freaked out some more and Alex, Winn, and Maggie finally got off the bus and came to Kara's aid. There was a tense standoff but Belinda recording the altercation made the cops back off.
> 
> Also, Cat's side of this is NOT done. My girl's got layers!
> 
> Few more things: Things have finally kind of normalized in my life again, I'm back home, got my cat back, everything's copasetic, so I should be back to normal next week. No SWRD this week unfortunately, but the finale should be up hopefully maybe hopefully maybe hopefully definitely, on Monday? Maybe. Definitely.
> 
> Depends on how much food/liquor I consume for my birthday. Which is today. Since it is currently midnight and thus my birthday. *Xena Cry*
> 
> Lastly, I've seen all of your lovely comments and I promise I'm gonna try to respond. Just catching my breath friends. 
> 
> Byyyyyeeeeeeeee. :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


	12. How Do We Rewrite the Stars?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which decisions are made and conversations are had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton is life. I saw it on broadway and now I get to replay it in my living room over and over and over and over. I've watched it like 5 times. I'm watching it right now. It's awesome.
> 
> Musicals are the life blood that fuel the dreams of champions.

Cat shows up about thirty minutes later, having had a head start over any parent who wasn’t at the game what with Kara’s frantic mumblings back at the house.

The cops had given up trying to pin blame on Kara when the shock had worn off and everyone had come to her defense.Alex was right, saving the life of their kids did mean something to them and watching Belinda cry into her dad’s shoulder was only slightly weird because Belinda had feelings; who knew?

Mr. Jones had woken up shortly after Kara had landed the bus and had taken control of the situation, organizing the students and parents despite several paramedics trying to look him over.Now that Kara saw him, he did have a pretty large gash on his forehead.Hopefully whatever alien species he was would allow him a speedy recovery.Kara liked Mr. Jones and she knew Alex saw him as a second dad.She wanted him to be ok.

The driver was ok, concussed and unconscious but on his way to the hospital with strong vitals.And, other than a few wet lungs, all of the students seemed to be fine.There was still a line of them waiting to be seen, but so far no one had been seriously injured.Just bumps and some minor scratches.

Although Alex _had_ cut up her knuckles pretty badly trying to punch out the glass and Kara hadn’t been able to stop kissing the bandages. Worried even though she knew the damage was insignificant in the long run.

As soon as she sees them, Cat is out of her car and hugging Winn, Maggie, and Kara in turn.Fussing and complaining about the state of their clothes and the lack of towels.She of course had brought towels since Kara had mentioned water but she’s still illogically mad that no one else had any.

Mr. Jones isn’t letting anyone leave without him talking to a parent or guardian first so the trio plus Alex all squeeze into Cat’s tiny sedan to wait it out.Alex hasn’t been able to get in touch with Eliza; the phone lines are all jammed up, so she’s only been able to send a text into the ether and hope her mother somehow gets it.

Which leaves Alex to squeeze into the back seat of Cat’s old Prius with Kara and Maggie.Kara is exhausted and kind of cold and she really can’t wrap her mind around everything that had just happened so she’s pretty grateful when Alex bundles her up in the towels and cuddles her close.

Winn helps by putting up the heat from the front and turning the radio to some old classical station.Something without words or commercials or anything but music really.

Surrounded by her friends, gradually relaxing into the warmth and comfort they offer, Kara allows her eyes to close and nuzzles her nose at that spot behind Alex’s ear.The one that usually smells so strongly of her.

The scent is a little weak right now but Kara chalks that up to Alex’s time under water and—

_Stop._

She needs to think about something else.

Alex is ok.

They’re ok now.

She just needs to rest.

Or.

That had been the plan.

Her rest leaves pretty quickly when someone knocks frantically on the window Alex is pressed against and she looks up and sees Eliza staring at them with wide eyes.Kara is pretty sure her soul leaves her body.

_“Crap!”_ Kara whispers.

“Watch your fucking language.”Maggie sasses, but there’s no humor in her face as Alex opens the door and Eliza tugs her out of the car.

When Kara tries to release Alex’s hand, feeling terrible for having let Eliza catch them when she’d _just_ resolved to respect Alex’s wishes, her girlfriend holds firm and Kara has no choice but to scoot out with her or risk breaking Alex’s arm.

Eliza is crying, sobbing into Alex’s hair and then petting her face and rambling about the state of the city’s roads and then hugging her and blubbering her love.And it is kind of odd, how calm Alex has been through all of this, but she still doesn’t break down even though she has every right to.Instead, Alex holds Eliza with one arm, whispering sweet reassurances that she’s ok while rubbing a soothing thumb over the back of Kara’s hand.

Talk about multitasking.

It takes a while for Eliza to notice anyone not her daughter but when she looks up and sees Kara standing there awkwardly, the tears start anew.

The next thing Kara knows, Eliza is blubbering into _her_ neck with apologies and thank you’s and prayers to some god Kara doesn’t know.

Alex looks more than a little mortified.

~*~

Carpools are formed pretty quickly with Cat Grant at the helm.

Not every parent had a car or could come out to claim their child.As such Mr. Jones was conducting video calls with the help of the police and arranging for the parents that had made it to the scene to ferry everyone home.

Eventually the street is cleared, and Alex has to say goodbye.

Which sucks considering Kara still has so much she wants to say to Alex; apologies and excuses that she wants to get off her chest so that they can be together again because… on top of all of the other revelations of the day, Kara still hasn’t quite come to terms with the fact that Alex had almost died today.

That if she hadn’t been listening out for them like some sort of demented stalker, Alex, Winn, and Maggie wouldn’t have come home.

So saying goodbye so soon and with so much left unsaid and with absolutely zero privacy is a huge bummer. 

And Kara isn’t sure if she should kiss Alex in front of her mom and so hesitates and settles for an awkward hug.Alex counters that by tipping her chin up and slotting their mouths together.

“We should kiss the girls we wanna kiss.”Alex whispers, winking at Kara as she begins to walk backwards towards her mom’s car. “Leave your window unlocked.”

Oh.

Maggie had given Alex that speech as well.

All Kara can do is nod.

~*~

Of course, as much as Kara wishes that she could just go home and crawl in bed, Cat orders them all to the showers.

The home only has the two bathrooms, but Winn decides to be a gentleman and allows Kara and Maggie to go first.

And she’s thankful and marginally warmer and she pulls on Alex’s team sweatshirt and a pair of leggings and thick socks and has almost buried herself under her covers when Cat comes down the stairs.

Foiled again.

“May I?”Cat gestures at the unoccupied stretch of mattress along Kara’s side but refrains from sitting until Kara gives her the go-ahead.

At least she gets to cuddle her pillow.

“How are you feeling?”Cat asks, primly folding her hands in her lap.

“Tired.”Kara admits.“A little overwhelmed.”

“Well… you _did_ lift a school bus.The color alone exhausts me.”

Kara grins.“I’m sorry if I worried you.And that I rushed off.I was just… I just acted and I’m sorry.”

“Since I’ve taken this job, I’ve had to learn to live with a near constant state of worry.I’m used to this.”

The reassuring words work wonders on Kara’s unsettled mind, and she sinks a little further into her pillow.Slowly, with a look on her face that screams caution, Cat reaches out and cards her fingers through Kara’s hairline.And well, Kara’s mom had done that for her when she was a child and Cat… Cat isn’t her mom, but she _is_ the closest thing she’s got.

It's fair that Kara gets a little emotional.

At this state, she’s got very little control over what she’s thinking.Or, apparently, what she actually says.

“Are they going to come get me?”

“Who?”

“I don’t know… the FBI?”

Lips parting a little, Cat’s face morphs from clear confusion to a sort of melancholy in seconds.Or minutes.Kara isn’t sure, she’s really sleepy.

“Do you know why I left Metropolis?”

“Parking and absurd rental prices?”

Cat blinks.“Well… yes, but also… I know we say this a lot, but women really are treated as the lesser sex.Every story I had, every breakthrough and struggle, were all accredited to Perry White.No matter how hard I fought I was always in his shadow.”A rough exhale escapes Ms. Grant, aging her at least 5 years as her shoulders droop a little and a faraway look enters her eyes.If Kara wasn’t so tired she’d hug her.“I’d been bending myself in knots trying to make everyone else comfortable, trying to show them what a good “woman” I was and how willing I was to wait my turn, that I almost gotten stuck like that.So I left and started CatCo and it was the hardest decision of my life.I went from a floor packed with likeminded individuals who were just as passionate about the truth as I was to a group home full of teenagers with questionable hygiene.”

“We’re clean Ms. Grant.”Kara sighs throwing in an exaggerated eye roll for the full effect.

“That’s debatable.”

“Do you regret it?Coming here?”

“No.It’s been the most rewarding experience of my life.It taught me that when someone tells you that you should wait; that the times aren’t right for your success or that people won’t respond well to your needs, then those people are the problem.Not you.”Cat’s fingers curl around her ear and her thumb nudges Kara’s chin.“It taught me that I should do what I need to do to make myself proud.Even if it gets me in a little bit of trouble.”

It's a nice thought, encouraging even but Kara doesn’t have the same level of courage—or confidence that Cat seems to possess in spades.Her fear feels so stifling that she has to take a few deep breaths before she can respond, before she can even thinkof what to _say_.

“It’s different for me.They can… they can take me away.”

Cat snorts, brushing her thumb along Kara’s cheek bone and leaning in for emphasis. “I’d like to see them try.”

“We’re talking about the government Ms. Grant.”Kara mumbles, her own hand coming up to cover Cat’s.“Even you couldn’t stop them if they came here.If enough people said I was a danger.”

There had been rumors when Kara had been in the other Homes.About kids who misbehaved or stood out too much being “reallocated”.A boy three years Kara’s senior named Dick Grayson had assured her that those rumors weren’t true.He’d been one of the few bright spots of her time on Earth but, when he’d been adopted, she’d lost her only source of support.

Left to her own devices, her fears of being taken away had festered into an ugly thing that she was now tired and weak enough to show Cat.

It leaves a nasty feeling in her chest, something uncomfortable that makes her throat hurt and her face burn.

“You are a child.”Cat says, framing Kara’s face between two palms now.“No one with good sense would ever think you were dangerous.If that is what has you so scared then rest assured, you are _not_ alone in this fight.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Well.Doing nothing doesn’t seem to be making you very happy. I’d suggest trying something else.You should never let _anyone_ take away what’s yours Kara.”

Kara feels the tears start to fall but she’s too tired to do anything.And besides, she thinks her tear ducts are exhausted too because she barely produces more than a few drops before she’s done.Cat still squeezes her hand in solidarity, the sensation one of the last things Kara feels as her mind and her body finally begin to give out on her.

She feels a little bad about it because Cat clearly isn’t done speaking but she manages to stay awake long enough to hear a bit more.

“I would never allow anyone to take you from me.”Cat murmurs so softly Kara isn’t even sure if she was _meant_ to hear it.She kind of wants Cat to hold her; she could really use a hug. “If we had to fly to a thousand different planets to find one where you’d be safe, I’d squeeze into that pod with you.You don’t have to be afraid of being alone.Never again.”

~*~

When Alex sneaks into her bedroom later that night Kara is expecting tears, not cake. But Alex has at least a quarter sized portion of strawberry shortcake that she passes to Kara as she clambers through the window.

“Hold that.”She whispers, wiggling until her legs go in first.

Kara sets the plastic container holding the cake on her bed and hurries over to grab Alex’s lower half, easing her through the window so she doesn’t hit her ribs again.Once her head is through, Alex lifts her upper body to a normal position, but Kara doesn’t release her so Alex drops her hands to Kara’s shoulders.

“You’re strong.”Alex says, eyes twinkling in the dimmed lamp light.“Were you always this strong?”

“Yeah.”Kara breathes, nervously adjusting her arms so they’re banded along the tops of Alex’s thighs, supporting her butt.“Or on Earth I have been.”

She doesn’t tell Alex that as strong as she is, Alex feels kind of heavy.Which is weird because Kara had just lifted something like 40 times her weight and isn’t fat by a long shot, but she doesn’t dwell.Alex is here and Kara wants to give her all of her attention.She’s missed her so much.

Alex hums and brushes back a chunk of Kara’s hair.“Beautiful, kind, and strong as hell.My dream girl.”

Melting into the touch, Kara swallows the sudden lump that’s threatening to form and begins her apologies.“I’m so sorry Alex.You were right.We _are_ worth fighting for.I was just scared and—”

“Hey.”Alex interrupts.“I get it.I didn’t exactly inspire a lot of trust you know?But that’s why I brought cake; I thought we could talk this through this time.I um… asked my therapist for some advice so get ready for a lot of psych terms.”

Kara laughs and finally sets Alex down, leaning in to give her a small unsure kiss.When Alex returns it, she sighs in relief and drops her head to Alex’s shoulder.

She’s happy that she’s awake for this.Cat had allowed her a power nap that had lasted all the way until dinner and then she, Winn, and Maggie had been forced to wake up for dinner, no exceptions.And then they’d all gone on a small walk to work the rest of the day out of their systems.

The walk had been a good idea in Kara’s opinion and is probably the only reason she’d been able to stay up for Alex.

Ever since they’d parted ways on that bridge, Kara’s been going over what she wants to say to Alex, but she has no idea how to say any of it now.Which, she thinks, is ok.There’s been a whole host of times where she hasn’t known what to say or what to do and Alex has helped her through it.Alex has been supporting her since the day they met and she may not always do it perfectly, but she does her best and that, Kara is coming to find, means just as much.

“So what now?”

Trusting Alex means that she can give her some of this burden; some of this stomach knotting anxiety over how to proceed.

And of course, Alex does not disappoint.She kisses the side of Kara’s head and steps back so they can actually see each other.

“Now I tell you my first therapy thing.What do you want out of this conversation?”

“What?”

“If we’re gonna have this talk, we should have a goal. _My_ goal is to tell you all the reasons you don’t need to worry about being with me; I want to show you that we can be together _and_ be happy.”

Kara almost rushes to her, stops herself on the first step and settles for nodding.“I want that too.I want us to try this I just… I need you to understand what you’re getting yourself into.Because the things I feel for you are— and I just… I felt you slipping away and…”

“Kara, I’m not.”Alex cups her cheek, thumb stroking along the underside of Kara’s eye.“Ever.”She tilts her head towards the bed.“Sit with me?”

They do and, as much as Kara wants to cuddle up to Alex and let her touch alone ease the hurt in her chest, she knows they need to have this conversation if they’re going to have a real chance at this.So they sit opposite of each other and Alex produces two spoons and they dig into the cake.

“Ok so first,” Alex starts, “I think it would be helpful to know when you stopped trusting me—or not _not_ trusting me,” she recants when Kara opens her mouth to protest.“But just when—I don’t know, you started to think about ending things.Or like that was an option.”

Kara winces.“It wasn’t anything _you_ did it… I guess it kind of started because… when _we_ started, I mean like when you kissed me on the beach in the water?It was…”

There are words there that Kara wants to say but isn’t sure she should.The question she has now that she is no longer holding herself back is, exactly how much honesty is too much?She didn’t want to make Alex uncomfortable, but she isn’t sure what would be considered inappropriate.

“Was what?”Alex questions softly, lifting her fork to Kara’s mouth and forcing her to take a bite of the neglected cake.

“Was…”Alex _had_ said that she loved her.That was pretty big too right?“I’ve been on Earth since I was twelve years old and I kind of gave up on ever feeling at home on this planet.I still don’t but… I feel at home with you.”

Alex’s eyes glisten suspiciously, and she looks away, coughing into her shoulder and nodding.“Ditto.”

“That feeling… it was big.And I kind of just fell into it without looking.But after what happened with the soda cans, I realized that we weren’t… It just felt like it was temporary after that.Like we were on borrowed time or something.”

“Because of what I said?”

There’s a lot of lip biting going on on the other side of the bed and Kara has to force herself to remain still and not erase the troubled look from Alex’s face.She’ll have to use her words for that.

“A little but it was more Belinda.Or, not even just her but maybe everything?It was the portion of people who Belinda represents.People who hate aliens.I wasn’t completely sure you weren’t one of those people and I _was_ lying to you and even if you forgave me and you were ok with what we were the world wouldn’t be.All of that just sort of… collapsed on me I guess.”

“I’m sorry.”Alex murmurs, plucking at the blanket near her ankle.“I feel like I should have done more to show you that I was a safe place.”

“I don’t know what more you could have done.I was the one who didn’t tell you what I was.”

Alex blows out a breath.“So you… you just thought that I would side with Belinda’s mindset?”

“Or that you wouldn’t, and we’d be forced apart by someone else.I’m not sure if you know how many powerful people are anti-alien, and I refuse to put your future at risk.So part of it was me trying to protect you but it was also…”Kara scratches at her nose, fiddles with her fork and obediently opens her mouth when Alex shovels another piece of cake at her.At this point Alex was just feeding _her_ cake.It was distracting which was nice and perfect and helped make Kara brave.“It was also me trying to protect me.”She chances a glance up and sees Alex watching her intently, prompting a surge of heat to flood Kara’s cheeks.“It’s just I’ve been abandoned before and I didn’t want to be abandoned again.”

The cake is gone in the next second, closed and dropped on Kara’s floor as Alex crawls over the space between them and pulls Kara to her.

“I will _never_ abandon you.”Alex breathes.

The floor creaks above them and they both freeze, Kara pulling back just enough to mouth _Ms. Grant._

Alex has enough time to blanch before the door at the top of the stairs is opening.

“Alex?”Ms. Grant calls down.

Well, the jig as they say, was up.

Nose wrinkling in anticipation, Alex squinches her eyes and bites the bullet.“Yes Ms. Grant?”

“Does your mother know where you are?”

From the way Alex blushes, Kara is going to assume that’s a yes.

“Yes Ms. Grant.”

“Keira are you ok?”

“Yeah.”Kara calls back happily, something warm settling in her chest at how far they’ve come in just a few short minutes.“We’re just talking Cat.I’m sorry if we woke you up.”

“We both are!”Alex jumps in, making Kara snicker.

Cat hums.“This stays open.”

“Ok.”Kara replies, “Goodnight.I love you.”

The stairs creak and, for a second, Kara almost thinks Cat had left.Alex is watching Kara’s face to see if the coast was clear.It’s not.

Cat’s heart is still close, faint enough that Kara wonders how close but it’s there.

A throat clears from where Kara imagines Cat is.“You too.”

Kara smiles and spends the rest of her night allowing Alex to convince of her something she already knows will be the best decision of her life.

~*~

The argument that Alex presents her with is sound.And maybe that’s because Kara’s already convinced that she doesn’t want to ever let Alex go again, but also Alex had come _prepared._ She’d had a long talk with Eliza before coming here.And several more before that.

Apparently when Alex had been asking for a few days, she’d been asking Kara to let her bring the conversation to Alex and Eliza’s family therapist.Dr. Quinn generally did a better job at getting Eliza to think from a place outside of fear than Alex did and it had been the fastest and easiest way Alex had seen to get her mother to accept what had happened to her father.That it hadn’t been J’onn’s fault he was being hunted like an animal.That it had been Henshaw’s.

And, that if something _did_ happen to Alex, it would never be because of Kara.Even before the bus episode, Alex had trusted Kara to have her back.

If ever there had been trouble, even prior to the whole alien reveal, Alex had always believed that Kara wouldn’t run.That she’d stand by her in whatever way she could, even if that just meant calling for help.

That level of trust had been… it’d earned her more than a few kisses that night.

So Eliza was now onboard and, although she still worried, that was just the remnants of her own trauma and had nothing to do with _Kara_ herself.Which was understandable.Kara had more than enough pain to know what it felt like to never want to open yourself up to it again.Hopefully, it was something she and Eliza could work through together.

On top of all of that, Alex had also revealed that per Kara’s text about college, she had no plans on being the stereotypical senior who left their girlfriend behind for greener pastures.

“ _You’re_ my greener pasture.”Alex had whispered and then explained to Kara that living in the city meant her college was only a 35 minute car ride without traffic.

Because of costs, the fact that she still needed to finish her HS credits, and that she really enjoyed playing soccer, Alex still lived at home with Eliza.Now that she had those last two items figured out, the living at home was largely unnecessary.And, on top of that, Alex had been offered a full ride to National City’s Stanford campus for both her grades and her skills with a soccer ball.

In conclusion, even if Eliza hadn’t approved, Alex would have been on her own soon anyway and they could have been as open as they wanted.Alex already had her room mapped out, choosing a single in the shared four room dormitory layout.Kara would be able to visit and stay over whenever she wanted and—

“Safely.”Cat interjects, giving Kara a look from over the rim of her cup.“You can stay over once you’ve absorbed the practices of safe sex and can actually pass a human anatomy test.”

Alex blushes and laughs at her, but Kara scowls and sinks down in her seat.

“Ms. Grant!!!”And then softer and to herself, “I could so pass a test!”

They’re having a late brunch, the rather emotional happenings of yesterday taking a toll on everyone and more than giving them an excuse to sleep in.Even Kara had slept, tucked safely in Alex’s arms.

There had been a moment last night, where she’d asked Alex to stay and could have given Alex some of her own clothes back to sleep in, but she hadn’t really wanted to.The only reason she had caved was because, after Alex had wheedled it out of her that she was holding the clothes hostage, Alex had kissed her and said that she could keep her treasures.

It had been a loan, not a give, and Kara had secretly been pleased that Alex’s body would renew the scent.

Alex squeezes her hand, bringing it up to her mouth for a quick kiss.

“It wouldn’t hurt.”Alex teases, “And I could always tutor you.”

Kara _feels_ her face flame up, sputtering while Maggie cackles and Cat hums her approval.

Admittedly, Alex is blushing too, but she just looks so happy that Kara doesn’t even mind the embarrassment.She’d give anything to just have _this_ for as long as she lived.

“I’d like to talk about Gotham before we get too far down the road of happy endings.”Cat says, setting down her teacup and pressing her hands against the table.“I know we started talking about it and—”

“I don’t want to go.”Kara states firmly, avoiding the anxious look Alex sends her.“I know I was being a brat but that’s over now.I think I’ve figured out how to _exist_ and it would still take some time but—”

“Keira.”Cat chides gently.“I was talking.”

Kara ducks her head.“Sorry Cat.”

“You don’t have to go anywhere.I was actually hoping that you wouldn’t; originally, I got in contact with my friend Mr. Wayne for less… innocuous pursuits.”

“Wayne?”Alex asks, hand tightening around Kara’s and prompting her to look up.The look on Alex’s face screams “star struck”.“As in Bruce Wayne?”

“Yes dear, keep up.Now, Bruce and I both have a bit of a soft spot for children.We can’t stand them ourselves but recognize it isn’t their fault for existing.”

“You’re the sweetest.”Maggie interrupts, dropping her chin on her hand.“Just A+ charm.”

Cat ignores her.“As of Friday evening, Principal Armstrong, Vice Principal Lockwood, and Superintendent Edge along with several other staffers have been put on administrative leave pending the review of their response to complaints of harassment, bigotry, and assault.”

“What?”Kara breathes, eyes wide in shock.

“I’ve been building a case with Bruce’s assistance since the summer when we enrolled you.I had heard rumors of this sort of thing but since I’d never sheltered an alien, I’d never experienced it firsthand.Once I saw what they were doing to you, and the lack of proper care, I decided to nip that in the bud.…Plus, Dirk was _so_ annoying; he called me all the time for the silliest things.I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Alex kisses her temple, also breathing a sigh of relief.

“So that means the board will stop messing with her.”Alex says.

“It means that Bruce has decided to become a donor to the school and that if there are any more signs of bad behavior, regarding _any_ student, he’ll be more than happy to step in.You should be much safer now but...”Cat pauses, rolling her neck a little as she considers her words.Which means Kara probably won’t like what she says next.“I still have some… concerns.About your behavior and your response.”

Stomach, dropping like a stone, Kara has to fight to remember not to squeeze Alex’s hand too hard.“Ms. Grant I—”

“This isn’t a reprimand.”Cat interrupts.“I don’t want you to think I’m upset with _you_ but if you’re going to stay here—if _I_ am to remain your guardian, there are certain stipulations we need to agree to.”She looks at the other members of the house sternly.“All of us.”

Winn scowls, pulling his muffin away from his face and somehow still getting crumbs everywhere when he protests, “I didn’t even do anything!”

“You’re a troublemaker.”Cat dismisses.“Don’t think I don’t know about those bots you created.”

“Those are for _science_!”Winn hisses emphatically.“And if Belinda didn’t want her posts auto-flagged she shouldn’t be such a jerk.”

Before Kara can even begin to think of a follow up question to _that,_ Maggie waves a hand and brings the conversation back.“It’s really cool and all whatever you’re saying but can we get back to the group project I’m gonna have to take part in?Because I’m not really fond of group projects.”

Cat makes a noise in the back of her throat, shooting Winn one last warning look before continuing.“As I was saying, you— _we_ all have major issues that have as of yet, been unresolved.And, if we are to have healthy behaviors and reactions, then I think it would behoove us all to seek some therapy.”Next to Kara, Alex perks up and Cat sighs.“I admit I did get the idea from you Ms. Danvers.For all of your… self-control issues, you seem to be the least crazy of this lot and that’s saying something.”

Maggie balks.“Hey!”

“I’ve already talked to Bruce; he’ll be setting up a grant for the children in the foster care system to be able to get much needed mental health care.The city provides counselors but, with Bruce’s grant, we’ll be able to get you lot the care you deserve, not overworked and understaffed agencies who are barely holding it together.”

“Or,” Maggie drawls, “he could just dump some money into the system itself.Get those overworked and understaffed agencies the resources they need.”

Another noise, this one of interest, comes from Cat and she nods slowly as she mulls over that last statement.They all give her time; Kara’s still trying to figure out how a human therapist could even hope to begin to understand her deal and help her through it but then Alex picks up her orange juice and pulls her attention.It’s another second before Kara remembers that her girlfriend is human.

And Cat.

And Winn and Maggie.

Winn’s dad was in jail for a mass homicide and his mother had bailed on him as soon as the cops had shown up; Cat had an entire _son_ whose father had convinced Cat she was unworthy; Maggie’s parents had thrown her out because she’d dared to feel something for a person of the same sex; and Alex’s dad had been murdered by an alien hitman while trying to protect his best friend.

Kara couldn’t really relate to _any_ of that, but she didn’t need to relate to it to empathize with her friends.And even though none of them had lost their entire species and home world to global extinction, that didn’t stop them from listening and just being there.

Maybe she could talk to Alex about it later but… if that was Cat’s condition on Kara staying then she could live with it.

“I’ll admit that I hadn’t really considered that.”Cat finally says, folding her hands in front of her.“Neither Bruce or I really has much experience with…” she cringes a little and shakes her head as if the word itself has insulted her, “poverty I suppose.It may be beneficial to have all of you on these calls with me; Bruce is planning to expand his philanthropy outside of Gotham and maybe with some direction from the people who are actually affected, we can implement real change.”Cat nods to herself for a moment before quickly leveling them all with that stern stare.“But that doesn’t mean this changes anything.Single sessions once a week for us all, and then a group session every other week.If we’re going to live together, we need to learn how to communicate with each other effectively and I… would like to learn how to offer you… comfort.”

A sharp pull behind her navel comes on the heels of Cat’s words, forcing Kara upright and sending her lurching out of her chair.Cat shoots her an alarmed look, but Kara barely sees it before she’s dropped to her knees beside her mentor and pulled her into a hug.

She’s quickly joined by Maggie and Winn who basically dogpile Cat despite her blustering protests.

A few weeks ago maybe, Kara would have told Cat that it wasn’t necessary, that she didn’t need comfort but that’s not true.Alex had offered her so much of herself that when Kara had almost lost that show of affection, she’d gone off the deep end.There may have been extenuating circumstances, but the fact remained that everything Cat had just said was accurate.

And it was a mark of strength that Ms. Grant was also addressing her own limitations and not just Kara’s.

“I want you to tell my story.”

Already shaking her head, Cat tries to pull back.“Kara…”

“No, I mean it.You’re an amazing writer and what I was saying yesterday?About how Belinda has an audience?It isn’t just Belinda it’s people like her.It’s people who think like her who are the loudest and they get put in positions of power because everyone else is so quiet.But I don’t want to be quiet.I want to be louder than them.”

Cat sighs and gives up on getting out of the group hug, allowing her cheek to drop onto Kara’s head.“You won’t be able to have a normal life if I do this.You’ll be a symbol, a face people put on a movement.”

“That’s ok.I’m not scared anymore.”Kara glances to the other occupants at the table, a smile so big it hurts threatening to take over her face.Maggie, Winn, Alex, and Cat.“I have a whole army behind me.”

“And the might of my internet bots as well!I will destroy all of our enemies with _science!”_ And, because he’s very dramatic, Winn throws his arms out wide to emphasize his master plan that only he seems to get.Obviously though, he knocks over Cat’s mug of coffee and the glass bowl full of cut fruit.“Uh… oops.”

Affectionately, Kara sighs and knee walks over to the mess while Cat glowers at both the mess and Winn.

“I’ve got it.”Kara says, already reaching for a piece of shattered glass even though Alex has jumped up to presumably grab the broom.

“No, you don’t.”Cat scolds.“Let your grumpy cat clean it up.”

Collecting the shards in her palm, Kara sends an inquisitive look over her shoulder.“Streaky?”

“Obviously not Keira.”

“She’s talking about me.”Alex says, coming up next to her with the broom and dustpan.“Let me help honey.”

“It’s fine I’ve—ow!”

Alex drops everything and squats at her side, careful of the glass surrounding them.

“What?What happened?”

What happened is that Kara had felt pain. _Physical_ pain.It hadn’t been intense really but… it had hurt.And now, looking at the site of the “injury”, she can see a red bead of liquid gathering at her fingertip, slowly turning into a drop that travels down the length of her finger.

“I… I’m bleeding.”

Alex grabs a napkin from the table, covering the wound and bringing it to her mouth for a kiss.

“It’s ok.It’s just a prick.”

“Dude…”Winn whispers.

It makes Kara look up, chest beginning to heave in an attempt to get oxygen into her body.

Rao, she feels a little lightheaded.

Cat is behind her, one hand on the back of Kara’s neck while the other goes for her phone.

“What?”Alex questions, eyes darting between all of them as she begins to catch on that this is not normal.“Is that not a thing you do?”

_Shit!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh...
> 
> Next chapter guess who we see?
> 
> J'ONN!!! We'll get to understand what happened with the bus and also what his thoughts are. Long awaited conversation with him and another surprise guest! Super excited for you all to see it. I've been so busy professionally so I can't give you a hardcore update date anymore but it will be up, I promise. This story is fun!
> 
> I am inimitable, I am an original!
> 
> Also, I told ya'll Cat was a BAMF!!!!!!!!!


	13. Say You Were Made to be Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see folks... long time no see

Mr. Jones shows up before Mr. Wayne does.

Which makes sense.

Mr. Jones lived like 15 miles away and Mr. Wayne was approximately 2,407 miles away give or take a few dozen or so and accounting for different routes and plane trajectories and was a very busy businessman so obviously wouldn’t be here until like Tuesday maybe and—

Ok.

Kara was maybe freaking out a little.

Ok, she thinks as Alex brings her a cup of tea and takes the seat next to her, maybe a lot.Having Alex next to her helps, directing her and keeping her out of the crosshairs of a very fussy Ms. Grant is probably the only reason Kara hasn’t had a complete meltdown.Kara takes a sip of the tea and almost, _almost_ spits it completely out.The taste of burnt tea is strong and lasting and she isn’t quite sure what she’s supposed to do but she doesn’t want to upset Alex who has been so kind and caring throughout all of this so she swallows it down with a smile and doesn’t cave even when Alex grins back at her.

“That’s better right?”Alex says, rubbing her back and squeezing closer to Kara on the couch.

“So much better.”Kara chirps.

How could someone so cute have brewed tea so disgusting?Kara had once thought that everything Alex touched was surely gold but well… this has cured her of those illusions.

“Don’t lie to her Zor-El.”Maggie says from the floor where she and Winn have set up Winn’s laptop and are searching up alien diseases on WebMD.“Alex can’t make tea to save her life.She probably just poisoned you; according to this most alien species are allergic to leaves.”

Alex nearly knocks the cup out of her hand.

“She’s joking!”Winn yelps, steadying Kara’s wrist and subsequently the tea.“It doesn’t say that!She’s joking!”

They are not helping.

At. All.

Fortunately Mr. Jones chooses that moment to knock on the door and Cat rushes to the hall to answer it. 

Alex squeezes Kara’s hand.“John’s here now and he’s like a million years old.He’ll know what’s up.”

Nodding slowly, Kara forces herself to look up and almost immediately regrets every decision she’s ever made.Surely something she had done had caused this level of bad karma to just keep assailing her from all ends.There was simply no other explanation for Eliza Danvers to be standing beside Mr. Jones with a large bag hanging over her shoulder.

It doesn’t take a genius to guess what’s in that bag.

Eliza was a scientist.

Kara could bleed now; could be cut open.

“Easy.”Alex soothes, tugging her hand a little so that Kara will release her from the death grip.“Mom is here to help.”She turns to Eliza for confirmation, face stern and voice carrying an edge of warning.“Right?”

“Right.”Eliza says, agreeing easily and perching on the coffee table in front of Kara.“I hope I’m not intruding but J’onn told me a little bit about your species, Kara; what he knows and remembers.I have some theories on what could be wrong, but I’ll need to run a few tests.Would that be ok with you?”

It feels like every eye in the room focuses on Kara and she fights the urge to squirm, fails miserably and makes it all worse by biting her lip.

Rao, that hurt now.

“What kind of tests?”

“Mostly blood work.A quick set of vials should give me enough to come to a fairly conclusive diagnosis in a few hours.”Eliza wiggles her head.“And I’d like to do a physical exam, just to make sure you haven’t hurt yourself physically.That your abilities aren’t being blocked by a physical injury rather than a biological one.But only if you’re comfortable with that.”

Rao.

Blowing out a breath, Kara tries to steady herself.Feels her leg start jumping and feels Alex wrap an arm around her shoulders.She wants to hide herself away; has _just_ found the confidence to not need to anymore.She can do this.It’s a simple question.

Is she comfortable with it.

No.

Not at all.

Is it necessary?

Quite possibly.

Is she going to allow it?

Rao.

Rao.

Breathe, Kara.That’s really necessary now.

Geeze, now everyone was _really_ staring.

“With all due respect Dr. Danvers,” Cat, bless her, steps in right when Kara feels like she would have otherwise fainted.Hovering between the doorway and the couch, Cat may have been the smallest person in the room, but she was by far the most intimidating.At least at this moment.“I think we’d all feel better if you both shared what you already know about Kara and what theories you have about her current condition before we make any major life decisions.”

Surprisingly, Eliza doesn’t get angry.At least not outwardly.

Instead she pats Kara’s knee gently and smiles.“Of course, but I think J’onn should start since he has a better grasp on your culture than I do.”

There’s a slight grumble from the man in question and, when he steps forward, his body and clothing shifts and mutates until there is a very, _very_ tall green man where Mr. Jones once stood.His head is now more conical, and he’s got more muscles than anyone Kara’s ever seen in her _life._ But, other than now having all encompassing pupils, his face kind of looks the same.

If she looks closely enough, Mr. Jones still looks like Mr. Jones.

The benefits of shapeshifting.

Her parents had told her about Martians and she’d even met a few ambassadors when she was very young but after a civil war had broken out on the planet, they’d been banned.Kara has no idea what had happened after that.

“My name,” Mr. Jones says, voice marginally deeper and gravellier, reverberating around the room in a deep bass.“Is J’onn Jones and I am the last green Martian.Many years ago,” he continues, fixated on Kara as he begins his story.“Your people and mine had an alliance.We traded spices, books, and precious metals. Many of the greatest Kryptonian feats were achieved with the help of Martian scientists.Do you remember the Cla’trende?”

“Yes.”Kara breathes.“It was an AI designed to hypothesize the movements of space debris.In case of a comet strike or a meteor it would launch a defense system to keep us safe.”

“My wife M’yri’ah was one of the scientists on that team.She worked with your uncle Jor-El.”

The room fades around her, Kara barely acknowledging that she’s risen to her feet even as she hurries closer to Mr. Jones, her neck bending awkwardly to be able to look up at him.

“You knew my family?”

“Very well.I was very distraught to hear of their passing.”

“But I…”Shaking her head, Kara tries to speak around the sudden lump in her throat.“Why didn’t you say anything.I’ve been here for month and you… you _knew_ what I was.All of the teachers did.”

“I did know about your heritage, but I hardly believed that you would need any assistance from me.”Mr. Jones holds up a hand when Kara goes to talk over him.“I’ve already ruined one family on Earth, I didn’t want to step in unless it was absolutely necessary.”

“You doof.”Alex says from behind her, stepping up beside Kara and taking her hand again.“You didn’t ruin anything; Henshaw is the one who took my dad from me, not you.My dad wanted to help people; you both did.That makes you the good guy.And now you have the ability to help Kara and be a better guy so…”

“That’s not how it works Danvers.”

“Shut it Sawyer.”

“I’m just saying, him helping would mean he remains a good guy.It’s not like he’s curing cancer right now.”

Winn gasps.“Could you cure cancer?”

“Of course he can’t cure cancer Winn!”

Eliza pats Winn of the shoulder.“Don’t let Alex upset you, she asked him the same thing when she was younger.”

“ _Mom_!”

“Alright.”Mr. Jones holds up both hands and transforms back into his gym teacher persona.There’s a patient smile dancing around his mouth that Kara finds herself returning and she almost laughs when he winks at her.“Let’s settle in for Kryptonian lesson 101 shall we?”

“Oh my god this gonna be so cool.”Alex mumbles, tugging Kara back to the couch only to sit on the edge of her seat.“Ok we’re ready.”

“The first thing you should know, or already be aware of, is that Kryptonians studied everything.By the time I knew them, they had already plotted out every habitable planet within several solar systems.It was your uncle who told me that under the right conditions, a yellow sun would amplify certain genetic abnormalities in the Kryptonian DNA.”

Kara bites her lip, heart sinking a little as she considers his words because… “abnormalities?”

“A very long time ago,” J’onn says, “your people considered themselves to be more… brutal.They exhibited physical traits that most considered barbaric.“Super” abilities if you will.After the Trial of Minds, it was decided that neutralizing those abilities would lead to a more harmonic existence.A yellow sun has the power to reverse that process.”

“So everything that makes me… weird, that’s because of the sun?”

Mr. Jones furrows his brows and stoops down so that he maybe isn’t quite so formidable, and they can look each other in the eye.“Not weird Kara.Special.”

Alex brings their joined hands up to her mouth and kisses the back of Kara’s hand.“Perfect.”

“Your cells would act sort of like a plant.Absorbing the suns solar radiation and using that as a fuel source.”

“And” Eliza says following Mr. Jones statement.“We’ve also hypothesized that your cells store energy like a rechargeable battery.Which is why I believe that your heroic deeds from yesterday may have burned a lot more than just calories.”With a short shrug, Eliza wrinkles her nose and finishes, “You’re tired.”

Oh.

That… kind of makes sense.

“It’s perfectly natural.”Mr. Jones continues nonchalantly.“Most species on Earth experience some form of this when they have a physical manifestation of their abilities.It just requires rest.I know for myself, I enjoy meditation, communing with The One brings me a great sense of peace.Purpose.”

“You can do things?Like me?”

“Yes.And just like you, I get tired when I overexert myself.A word to the wise, try to keep something in reserve at all times.You never know when it will come in handy.”

When Mr. Jones glances at Alex, Kara feels her blood run cold.She knows they’ve _just_ had this argument but… what exactly had happened to Alex’s dad?Had Mr. Jones been too tired or… _depleted_ to help him when it mattered most?Kara would never forgive herself if she couldn’t help Alex when Alex needed her.It feels rude to ask about it with Eliza standing right there.

“J’onn is strong just like you.”Alex is saying, pulling Kara’s focus back to the here and now as her girlfriend gushes over her mentor.“Once my dad was trying to figure out how much he could lift, and we got all the way up to four train cars before it started looking a little suspicious.”

From the corner of the room Cat clucks her tongue.

Clearly she isn’t nearly as impressed with Mr. Jones as Alex so obviously is.

Stepping more fully into the room, she looks Mr. Jones up and down with a critical eye prompting him to stand up and fold his arms across his chest.Kara doesn’t blame him.She’s been the victim of those eyes before and she can honestly say she’s never felt more exposed.

“If you’re so strong and knowledgeable,” Cat asks, “than how did it fall on a seventeen year old to pull a bus—that _you_ were on—out of a river?”

“I may be strong and knowledgeable Ms. Grant but you’ll find that even I have my weaknesses.A Martian’s greatest asset is their mind, I knocked mine a bit too hard to be of any immediate assistance.Unfortunately I was… distracted.”

“By what?”

“Not what, who.”Mr. Jones sighs and drags a hand over his face.“Belinda Zee.”

A less intelligent person would call what comes out of Cat’s mouth a hiss.But Kara is very smart, and she would never suggest such a thing ever.

Ever ever.

“What does Satan’s gargoyle want now?”

“Long term?I’m not sure but at the very least, her issues seem to be largely… shallow.”Mr. Jones says before turning that heavy gaze on Kara.“I would still keep an out on her, for your sanity if nothing else.”His lips turn up at then end and the look he gives Cat is nothing short of respectful.“Although I doubt she’ll be an issue much longer.”

Her sanity.

Right.

Because she had _so_ much of that.

And what did he mean by that last line?Oh Rao, were they going to kill Belinda?Kara was a pacifist by nature but well Belinda _was_ really annoying and—

“A simple blood test should help me confirm my diagnosis.”Eliza says, stepping forward and laying a hand on Mr. Jones’ arm.“And if it’s not what I think it is… at least we’ll have a clearer picture of what we’re dealing with.”

~*~

Luckily, it _is_ what Eliza had assumed.

Not that she has anything to compare Kara’s cells too but watching how they react under artificial sunlamps is apparently just as conclusive.

It had been fairly cut and dry, or at least the blood part of it had been.Kara was the youngest member ever to be inducted into the science guild and, while those pursuits hadn’t exactly strayed into the biological studies, they had still been strong.And vibrant.And genius.And she had totally not expected her fear of needles to manifest itself quite so clearly.Alex had had to hold her _down._ It was completely mortifying!Especially since, once Eliza was done, the small injury had only stung for like thirty seconds afterwards.

Alex had given it her best shot, but she had still laughed at her.

Even Cat had rolled her eyes.

Surprisingly, only Maggie had seemed sympathetic and she had handed Kara a lollipop afterwards.Somehow that had made everyone laugh even harder.

Eliza’s physical exam was done in privacy thankfully and she didn’t ask Kara to remove any clothing, just prodded along her skin to check for injuries.Maybe Kara had winced a bit more than necessary when Eliza came close to her needle wound which had prompted a sort of awkward standoff before Eliza had said a very firm and very thorough apology.

Not about the needle poking but about interfering in her relationship with Alex.

Eliza doesn’t tell her what happened to Jeremiah and Kara doesn’t ask but somehow they both get teary eyed by the end of it.

When they step out of Kara’s room and everyone sees their faces, Alex is clearly torn on who to go to first but Eliza jerks her chin at Kara and makes the decision easy for her.

All in all, a terrible morning had turned into a not so troublesome issue.Kara just needs to allow her cells to recharge is all.

Which means more time in the sun.

At first Kara’s pretty grouchy about that.Time in the sun means time outside and she is _not_ a fan of putting herself in social situations that would only aggravate her later on.

But then Alex suggests a trip to the beach and Winn and Maggie look _so_ excited and…

Well the thought of Alex in a swimsuit is more than a little tempting.

The adults of course fuss but that ends pretty quickly when Mr. Jones suggests that the adults stay in and have lunch, get to know each other and all that, while he “listens in” on the children.

Invasion of privacy much?

“Don’t worry,” Alex soothes as she pulls out of the driveway.“He only really listens for the sound of screams.”

Which probably wasn’t as comforting as Alex thought it was, but ok.

They wind up back at Alex’s house for two reasons.

1.She needs a bathing suit; there’s absolutely no way, she says, that she’s undressing in front of Winn.

2.The Danvers have access to a small plot of private beach which means they’ll be relatively sheltered from the public—re: Belinda—for the day.

It’s a win-win.

And, when Alex comes downstairs in a bikini top and board shorts?Yeah.Yep.All of it was worth it.

Alex sets up a ginormous sheet on the sand for Kara and tosses Winn an umbrella to shade himself.

“Maggie and I are gonna go for a quick dip.”She says, kicking off her sandals and gesturing towards Maggie who’s already halfway to the water.“Will you be ok here for a while?”

“Yes.”Kara chirps, stretching out and basking in the feeling of the Sun on her skin. She’s got on a bikini that would normally send her into conniptions over the propriety of it all but, considering the whole idea was to allow as much skin to see the sun as possible, she figures the beach privacy will eliminate the Kryptonian prudishness she’s currently feeling.Besides, Maggie and Winn are family and this… This felt divine.

It also doesn’t hurt that Alex’s eyes keep going a bit fuzzy every time she so much as looks at Kara.That feeling is new and amazing.

It seems like barely any time has passed at all before Maggie is running over and wringing her hair out all over Kara’s chest.And normally that wouldn’t bother her but now that she’s got human level sensitivity, she realizes how _cold_ water is and lets out a sharp meep before scurrying over to Winn.

Maggie laughs.

Winn laughs.

Alex shoves Maggie into the sand.

It’s all very… normal.

And even though Alex has just emerged from the freezing beach waters herself and only has a towel to dry herself with, Kara still wedges herself between Alex’s legs and burrows into her arms.She’s feeling perfectly floaty right now, largely because Eliza had assured her there was nothing to worry about, but also because for the first time in ever, things seem to be looking up for her.

Alex’s chest jumps below her ear, the warm vibrations of laughter running along Kara’s cheek and making her smile even harder.

Not even Belinda could ruin this for her.

“So Kara,” Maggie starts with an impish grin, “are you a Top or a Bottom?”

Winn coughs, the chips he’d been stuffing in his face apparently becoming lodged in his throat.Maggie gives him a few rather violent looking whacks on the back before he’s back to normal.

“A what?”

“Don’t answer her.”Alex says, kissing the side of Kara’s head and tightening her arms just so.“Just pretend she doesn’t exist.”

But Maggie is not to be deterred.

“A Top is the person in charge in a relationship, usually mostly in the more uh _intimate_ areas if you know what I mean.”No.That very blatant innuendo completely flies over Kara’s head.She has to fight the urge to roll her eyes.“And a Bottom is the girl who gets to lay back and enjoy.”

Alex lifts her bottle of water to her lips but fakes out at the last second to squirt Maggie in the face.

“Highly inaccurate.Stop spreading propaganda.”

Maggie laughs and wags her eyebrows.“So you’re the Bottom Danvers?”

“You wish.”

“Prove it, do the Top test.”

“No.Fuck off.”

“Aw come on Danvers, the kids wanna see!”

“Hold on!”Winn yells, holding up both hands to stop the verbal ping pong match.“Is this test gross or vulgar?”

“Nope.”Maggie says, popping the ‘p’ with a sly grin.

“Then I wanna see.”Winn concludes, slouching back in his Pokémon beach chair.

And… Kara’s kind of curious too…

Alex groans and drops her head to Kara’s shoulder.“Not you too.You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am!I didn’t even do anything!”

“Your face.You’ve got that look.”

“That’s just my face!I can’t help my face.”

“Fine.”Alex says, scooting back and away from Kara only to stand up and round on her altogether.Now Alex is standing directly above her and is only barely gentle when she shoves Kara onto her back.“Just remember you asked for this.”

Gulping, Kara can only nod her head as Alex slowly comes down and braces her hands on either side of her head.Then she does _something_ with her torso and sort of float/melts the rest of her body down onto Kara’s, eyes locked the entire time.It’s an odd sensation, feeling inch by inch of Alex’s skin make contact with hers until their fronts are completely mashed together and they’re practically sharing the same breath.

It’s only Maggie’s sharp whistle that startles Kara back into reality otherwise she’s pretty sure she would have grabbed the back of Alex’s head and made out with her until she’d forgotten her own name.

“ _Alright_ Danvers.Guess I was wrong; you’re clearly the Top.”

Alex scowls and lifts off Kara, offering her hand in what is surely meant to be a chivalrous gesture but only really makes Kara realize how far gone her brain is.

“It was pretty obvious before that little display don’t you think?”

“Nuh uh.”That highly eloquent response comes from Kara and while it is admittedly not her most coherent moment, she stands by it.“I could do that.”Without waiting for a response, she shoves an exasperated Alex onto her back and takes up position.

Kara is the daughter of Alura In-Ze and Zor-El.The Great Scion to the House of El.Niece to Astra In-Ze the greatest Kryptonian General in _centuries._

She can totally be in charge of the… intimacy.

It doesn’t hurt that for the first time since she’s met Alex, she’s not afraid of hurting her in anyway.No super abilities mean no super injuries.This will be a cake walk.

Alex sighs and wiggles her shoulders a bit before holding her arms out for Kara.

She’s totally got this.

~*~

So.

Turns out having her powers would have really come in handy for that little trick.

Now Alex is holding a bag of frozen peas to her groin while Maggie laughs at them both from Danvers’ living room.Kara fusses over Alex’s wincing face, brushing away sand and dust to try to ease at least some of her girlfriend’s discomfort.

“I’m sorry.”She whispers, trying not to draw any more of Maggie’s attention.

Or Winn’s.

Winn had been just as annoying in trying to explain the aerodynamics of what they’re calling the “Top Move” to Kara so she could try again.

There’s no way she’s trying that again.

She’d broken Alex!

Her knee had gone straight into her—

Let’s just say that walking Alex back up to the house had taken some heavy lifting from all three of them and even then they hadn’t made it passed the kitchen.Now Alex is sitting on an uncomfortable stool while Maggie and Winn try to work her Netflix account.

Barely containing a whimper, she starts dusting at Alex’s shoulders before her fingers are caught and Alex brings them to her mouth for a kiss.She still looks uncomfortable but she’s smiling.Or grimacing.

Kara isn’t really sure.

“We’ll practice it.”Alex assures kindly, releasing Kara’s hand so she can grab her elbow and tug her closer until Kara’s bracketed by her legs.“You just need a lighter touch.”

“We should go to the hospital.”

“I’m fine.”Alex chuckles, winces, wraps an arm around Kara’s hips.“I’m fine.I promise.Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry.”She says again because she isn’t sure what else _to_ say, isn’t even sure where it’s safe to touch so her fingers sort of just flutter under Alex’s chin.Rao, how could she have screwed this up so badly?

“I forgive you.We’re good Kara I _promise._ C’mere.”

Kara goes.

Kara gets kissed.

Kara gets kissed again and again and…

“It’s all in the hips.”Alex teases, gently shaking Kara’s hips in example and wagging her own eyebrows ridiculously.“And we’ll need to get you some good stripper music.”

The laugh that bursts from her throat is purely Alex’s fault and Kara falls against her shoulder in helpless giggles as Alex places loud noisy kisses against her neck and face.It’s silly and graceless and there is absolutely _no way_ Kara is dancing to stripper music but…

Yeah.

This was nice.

It was perfect.

~*~

Monday comes faster than Kara had anticipated, and she absolutely hates it because for the first time since she’s landed on Earth, she understands the concept of “miserable Mondays”.

They’re absolutely horrid.

No powers mean that she’s experiencing the world as a human which _sucks._

She’s tired, moody, and completely not in the mood to socialize with _anyone_ but she can’t skip.Cat had offered and Kara had almost taken her up on it before remembering that one of her “group” projects was due today.

Whether Armstrong and his cronies were gone or not didn’t mean that Kara got to slack off.

No rest for the wicked.

The fact that she groans as she slams her locker shut should absolutely not reflect on who she is as a person.

Nor should the fact that she’d thrown on her comfiest clothes which just so happened to be a pair of sweats and Alex’s NCH Soccer hoodie.

And neither should her hair, hanging low on her shoulders and just barely brushed to be presentable.

Mondays just sucked.

She pulls on a beanie to emphasize her resentment.

She slouches through the rest of the day, giving a flawless if grouchy presentation right before lunch with only the knowledge that very soon she can get cuddles from Alex holding off her tantrum.

But before she even gets to the lunchroom, she’s confronted by who else but Belinda Zee.

Kara _almost_ punches her.

Just for existing.

Almost.

“Nice going turd.”Belinda growls, marching right up to Kara and poking a finger in her chest. _Ow._ So much for Belinda sticking up for her.“Thanks to you the whole team’s quit!Now we’re out of the championships and the boys team sucks so now what are we supposed to do!?”

Belinda, done with her screeching, shoves past Kara without waiting for an answer.

Not that Kara was going to give her one.

She’s still a little stuck on the whole “the team’s quit” spiel.

Because that was just absurd.

Crazy.

Unthinkable.

Somehow her feet lead her to the cafeteria anyway and like a sniper, her eyes lock on Alex immediately.

Alex who smiles at her.

_Beams_ actually.

Before realization slowly sinks in and Vasquez shoves her off the bench.

The whole lunchroom is abuzz as Alex stumbles over to her with a look that screams guilt, grabbing Kara’s hand and squeezing.

“Heyyyy, don’t you look pretty?”Alex tries, smiling charmingly teeth and all.

Kara stares.

Alex chuckles nervously.

Kara _glares_.

Alex swallows, winces, and drags a hand through her hair.“Ok don’t be upset but…”

Oh.

Kara is going to _kill_ her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be to hasty to judge anyone guys, i had to cut for time but there's obviously a lot more to the story.
> 
> Also, i got the "Top Move" from watching a very cute hilarious wlw tiktok that made me actually wanna try that zoom dating thing and get a gf. The girl in that vid did NOT injure her girlfriend but well, I thought it'd be funny.
> 
> There was another thing I referenced but I can't remember it. I can only remember that I've forgotten it. Which is annoying. But it probably has to do with social media references of some sort... whatever.
> 
> A few more chapters left. Maybe 3 if I'm lucky? My brain won't let me rest.
> 
> *cue Hamilton soundtrack* Why do you write like you're running out of time? How do you write every second you're alive, every second you're alive, every second you're alive?


	14. We're Bound To Break and My Hands are Tied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we get back to politics? Please--yo...  
> Every action has it's equal...
> 
> #hamilton on the brain

Kara can’t sleep.

She can’t sleep and it’s _cold_ and no matter what shape she molds her body into, she can’t seem to get comfortable.

Oh yeah.And her phone hasn’t buzzed in at least three hours!

No texts or calls or any other indication that the outside world is even still a thing.Armageddon could have happened with just this room still standing and Kara wouldn’t know because no one is texting her!

Not that _she_ had text _them_ but still.Shouldn’t her friends have some sort of Spidey sense that she needed them or something?Did she have to do all of the work here?

She can’t text Alex; mostly because her last text to Alex was to leave her alone, but also because Alex is a jerk!And Kara knows she’s been saying that a lot and that there isn’t even a tiny piece of her that actually believes that to be true but really… just because _Alex_ wasn’t a jerk didn’t mean that what she’d done wasn’t jerk behavior.

And honestly, Kara would normally be all up for a night of stewing in her emotions and waiting Alex out but as a mere mortal now, she finds that her energy levels are very easily depleted.

And that her inner body thermostat is set to a permanent “uncomfortable”.

Punching her pillow into submission does nothing, nor does glaring at her phone and groaning into the mattress.

She’s screwed.

And tired.

And _cold._

And—screw it.

If she can’t sleep, then neither should Alex!

It’s admittedly the first time Kara has ever snuck out but, seeing as she doesn’t have a car like Alex and it’s just shy of being eleven at night, she figures it would be pretty dumb to ask Cat if she could jaunt off to see her girlfriend.

Imagine that conversation, Kara thinks as she wiggles out of the window and hurries towards the bus stop.

Oh, hi Cat.You wouldn’t mind if I stepped out for a quick midnight stroll, would you?Me and Alex are fighting, and I want to give her another piece of my mind.Again, you say?We do tend to squabble quite a bit don’t we… but that doesn’t mean we’re like doomed or anything...Oh my _Rao_!Are we doomed?!What does that say about Kara?That even someone as amazing as Alex can’t make it work with her?!This is yet another example of—oh! This is her stop.

Hurrying off the bus before the doors can close, Kara takes a second to take in her surroundings.

Earth is… different without her powers.She’d been scared before, of secret labs and evil scientists, but now that she’s actually vulnerable she finds a whole new slew of things to be afraid of.Like the possum that’s locked its beady black eyes on her.If she runs the rest of the way to Alex’s house, she doubts anyone would blame her.That thing looked out for blood and then she’d been _chased_ by his friend Mr. Racoon and well… Alex is a jerk.

The one semi good thing about all of this is that Kara is at least decently well versed in climbing things.Belinda and her cronies had made it a necessary skill and so, absent her ability to fly, she sneaks around to Alex’s window and climbs up onto the roof.

Surprise, surprise: Alex is not asleep.

She’s at her desk hunched over a textbook in a Henley and sleep shorts eating twizzlers.

Somehow that all only makes Kara even more angry and she knocks on the window a little harder than intended.Hopefully Eliza didn’t hear her.

That would just put the cherry on top of this terrible day.

Alex looks up, twizzler held precariously between teeth and lips, eyebrows shooting into her hairline when she realizes that Kara’s at her window.

“I thought you said to leave you alone?”Is the first and decidedly unwise thing out of Alex’s mouth.

“Shut up.”Kara says, shoving her back so she can climb in and close the window behind her.Alex’s room is warm and wonderful and smells just like her but then, Kara remembers, Alex is still a jerk.“I’m still mad at you.”

“Just because you’re mad at me,” Alex starts, wheezing when Kara throws herself at her and catching herself on the desk with one hand, the other banding around Kara’s waist.“Doesn’t mean you can shut me out.That’s not how relationships work.”

“Whatever.”

“ _Not_ whatever.I’ve been worried sick.”

Kara sighs, both in annoyance and something else.Something a lot calmer and more centered now that Alex is holding her again.“You stopped texting me; how was I supposed to know?”

“You _told_ me to stop texting you, psycho.”

“You gave up your entire future for me!What was I supposed to do?!”

Actually, the way Alex had explained it this afternoon, the new principal, a Mr. Emil Hamilton, had called a meeting with all of the staff, and then the clubs and teams.Just to ensure a smooth transition.When it had been the soccer team’s turn, Alex had noticed Mr. Jones had been absent and, when she questioned it, had been told he’d resigned that morning due to administrative differences.

Alex had taken that to mean that Mr. Jones had been standing up for Kara and so she’d quit, right then and there, on the grounds that she wouldn’t play unless Mr. Jones came back.

And Kara.

Surprisingly, the entire team had followed suit and so NCHS’s undefeated soccer season was subsequently shot to hell.

Because of Kara.

“I didn’t give up my future.”Alex says, pulling back a little and nudging her nose against Kara’s cheek.“My scholarship stands, it’s mostly academic anyway.”

But Kara won’t be swayed by such platitudes or pretty brown eyes.“And what about the other girls?They might not be as settled as you are and—”

“And they made their choice.They chose to stand for what’s right.”

“But you can’t just—”

“Just what?”Alex gives up all pretense of being gentle, rears back and settles Kara with a glare that would make Ms. Grant proud.“Stand by you?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Seemed pretty simple when you jumped into a river after us with absolutely zero idea of if your plan would even work.You sure you want to start putting stipulations on who can save who?”

Feeling her cheeks heat up, Kara tries to duck her head, nearly all of the fight she’d arrived with leaving her.Alex has that talent to her; the ridiculous ability to make Kara feel like a jerk by poking holes in her admittedly faulty logic.The thing is Alex is also against Kara ever feeling bad about anything, so she doesn’t even get to hide her face before Alex is chuffing her under the chin and tipping her head back up.

“It’s different,” Kara says, words barely audible through her mumble.“I don’t want to be a thing you regret.”

“You’re not a thing.”Alex says firmly.“And I would _never_ regret you.”

“You love soccer.”

“I love you more.”

It’s not lost on Kara that Alex has no problem saying this even if Kara herself never returns the sentiment.Like it’s a fact that she holds with absolutely zero expectations.It’s incredibly mature and makes Kara feel like a child because _she_ has lots of expectations.They just so happen to all end terribly.

“And soccer doesn’t drive me insane, or kiss me, or come over in the middle of the night to see me.”Alex teases, a small grin working its way to her lips.“Soccer never had a chance.”

Allowing her hands to slide over Alex’s shoulders, Kara fiddles with the collar of Alex’s t-shirt.Thinking over her next words and concerns.She’s not as good at the talking things out as Alex is; she’s probably gotten better at it but there’s still that small piece of her that thinks any complaint, large or small on her part, would make Alex believe she wasn’t worth the effort.Which generally meant she wanted to just stuff a lot down and wallow in peace.Alex wallowed too but not when it was stuff that was about Kara or their relationship.When it came to Kara, she broke out every trick she’d learned in therapy.When it came to herself, she got angry and fumed and broke things.

Like noses.

Maybe they’re a lot more alike than Kara thought.Wallowing when they’ve done something wrong and lashing out when it’s in defense of the other.Even if that lashing is at the other person.

Maybe Kara can try out a bit of that maturity herself?

Leaning forward a bit, she hesitantly boops Alex’s nose with her own, smiling hopefully when Alex does that beautiful breathy chuckle that is all amusement.Major confidence boost.

“I don’t want us to yell at each other anymore.If I get mad at you, or if you get mad at me, I want us to… to think of it like something else is at fault and get mad at that.”

Alex sighs and squeezes her a little.“Fighting is normal honey.”

“I know!I just… I want us to fight better.I hate being mad at you… And I really really hate it when you’re mad at me.”

“Me too.To the you being mad at me part.And the other part.All of it.”

Kara bites her lip, a timid flare of optimism fluttering in her chest.“So we’ll be better?”

“We’ll be better.”Alex promises, sealing the declaration with a small kiss.“We’ll figure it out together.”

“El Mayarah.”Kara breathes, blushing when Alex quirks a brow in question.“It’s um my family motto.On Krypton.It’s… it means “Stronger Together”.I… that could be us, right?”

“Yeah.Yes.”

And if Alex gets a little misty eyed, well then so does Kara.

~*~

Alex sneaks downstairs to make Kara a sandwich.Or, well she doesn’t really sneak but she _is_ really quiet so as not to wake up Eliza.Her mother had pulled a twenty hour shift at her lab and Alex has been trying not to disturb her.

When she comes back, Kara is sitting on her bed with the comforter wrapped tight around her shoulders and she smiles brightly while making grabby hands.

Shaking her head fondly, Alex hands over the plate and slides onto the empty spot next to Kara.

“You’re really cute you know that?”

Kara, mid bite of her sandwich, smiles wider and opens her mouth wide to display her half-masticated food.

“And gross.”Alex says, smile still fond.“Extremely weird and gross.”

Finishing the sandwich in record time, Kara stretches her arms high over her head, pouting for a second when the blankets slip.Alex fixes them and pulls Kara tight to her side, fingers plucking at the shorts peeking through the opening.

“I like you in my clothes by the way.”

“I like you in everything.”Kara admits.Before realizing what she’s admitting and trying to stammer out an excuse.Something suitably not psychotic sounding.“I mean not _everything._ I’m sure you don’t look great in everything—not that I think you don’t look great!I think you’re gorgeous!I mean—”

“Kara?”

“Yes?”Rao, this was terrible.

“Shut up.”

The small measure of offense is barely verbalized, barely manifested in the form of a squeak, when Alex kisses her.Thoroughly.

The soft pressure of her lips is intoxicating, filling every cold place in Kara’s body, and making her tingle all over.Then there’s tongue and hands and _oh._ Alex flips her so she’s laying flat on her back.

“Go to sleep.”Alex murmurs, her mouth moving to Kara’s cheeks and forehead.“You have school in the morning.”

“So do you.”

“Yeah but I’m older and therefore much wiser.”

“Technically I’m like forty.”

Alex laughs and drops down next to her.“Sure you are.”

She is, but she isn’t gonna argue space travel and the time continuum with Alex so late at night.Alex would be all for it, but Kara was feeling her earlier exhaustion begin to creep in again.

“Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“What are we gonna do about the team?”

If Kara expected an answer, she doesn’t get it.At least not a quick one.Alex rubs a thumb over the skin of Kara’s hip, scooting marginally closer so they’re pressed together and then she just goes silent.

Kara almost gives up on her answering but then…

“We’re the winningest high school team in the state.In any sport.If word gets out that the whole team quit because of bigotry—”

“— _perceived_ bigotry—”

“—the school will have a lot of angry parents and bad press on its hands.I’m hoping they flinch before we do but I won’t fault any of the girls for caving.You’re right that their futures may not be as secure as mine; they have to make that choice for themselves.”

“And you?I won’t blame you if you go back either you know?It was really sweet that you even thought of doing something like that for me.”

But Alex is already shaking her head.Kisses the tip of Kara’s nose.

“I’ve made my decision.I chose the thing I can’t bear to lose; that’s you.I’m not gonna partake in any part of society that refuses to treat you right.”

A warm fluttery feeling battles with all of the worry Kara has for her human.She wants what’s best for Alex and Alex… wants what’s best for her.Unfortunately, those two things are not in alignment right now and it’s making Kara a little ill if she’s being honest.

And while she wants to argue that sitting out of _everything_ bad would only get you so far, that she herself is starting to believe that real change comes from partaking in conversations and debunking faulty logic and laws… Alex is an adult.Or _mostly_ an adult, and Kara needs to respect that she can make choices independent of their relationship together.No nitpicking the heroism gig.She needs to trust that Alex knows what she’s doing so… she tries to focus on the warm fluttery feeling.Basks in it.Nuzzles a little into Alex’s shoulder.

“Such a romantic.”

She _feels_ the heat flood Alex’s face and neck.

“Shut your face.Go to sleep.”

Kara does.

~*~

Kara doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to how it feels to wake up in Alex’s arms.She’s never felt this relaxed in her life even amongst the hushed conversation taking place over her head.Alex’s chest rumbles under her ear, sending wonderful warm vibrations through Kara’s head.

It takes a while for the words themselves to parse, but she realizes pretty quickly that Alex isn’t talking to her.

It takes a bit longer to realize that she, Kara Zor-El, is in very hot water.

“You have my number.”Alex says from between thinly pressed lips.Her hands are clutching the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles have whitened.“You could have just called me.”

“I literally climbed up to your window.”Kara grits.“What did you think happened?”

“That Cat drove you!Or Winn or Maggie or you called an _uber!_ I don’t know, I definitely didn’t think you’d risked life and limb to come see me in the middle of the night!”

“Please.It was barely—”

“Kara.You left the house by yourself without telling _anyone._ Do you realize how dangerous that is?”

“It’s not like Cat would have been ok with me leaving in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, but she’d be ok with you _taking the bus?!_ ”

Which seems to be the crux of this whole fiasco.

To Alex’s credit, Eliza hadn’t been very pleased with her either and Cat had already chewed her out something awful when Kara had finally seen all the missed calls that morning.

To _Kara’s_ credit, both of the adults had already let her have it.She really didn’t need Alex to join in the dump pile.

“I wanted to see you.”She mumbles morosely, pressing her forehead to the window rather than look at Alex’s incredulous features.

“And I would have come over!If you had just called me—”

“I _couldn’t!”_ The fact of the matter is that until she’d seen Alex, Kara had been nearly consumed with this dark sludgy feeling of doom.It had made her incapable of calling, or talking, or anything.She’d felt completely useless and untethered until she’d seen Alex in her window.It’s not like she hadn’t wanted to call her, she just—she couldn’t.“I couldn’t call you or talk to you or—I just—I needed to see you.I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

They pull up to a red light, the only sound in the car coming from Alex taking deep breaths.Kara hunches further into herself.

She hates this.

She hates that they can’t go one day without her messing up or—

“I don’t know about your life on Krypton; I’m not sure if your planet was… was dangerous like Earth is.And I don’t even know what you’ve experienced since coming to Earth but…”Alex takes another deep breath.The light turns green.The car moves forward.“From what I’ve gathered it doesn’t sound like you had a lot of… supervision.And if that’s the case than this must all be really different for you but… Kara there are things on this planet that could really hurt you.”

“I haven’t been hurt yet.In case you haven’t noticed I’m really strong.”

“Strong, not invulnerable.And you also don’t have your abilities right now.What you did last night, it really scares me.”

Kara feels her lower lip wobble all on its own.Feels her shoulders start shaking and then feels the car pull sharply to the right. Alex is tugging her away from the window seconds later, cupping her cheeks and pulling Kara into her shoulder.

“Hey,” Alex soothes, voice a gentle hum in Kara’s ear.“I’m—you said you wanted us to act like we were mad at something else right?So I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at… at the world for not being a safe place for you.”A kiss to her temple, blunt fingernails scratching through her hair.“I really wish that you _could_ go out on your own—that we both could, but that’s not the way the world is set up.Not yet.And I don’t want you to get hurt; that’s all me and Cat and even my mom, that’s all we’re saying is that we want you to be safe.We don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“… I got chased by a raccoon.”

Alex’s laugh is sharp and quick, grip tightening to an almost uncomfortable degree.

“Yeah.Yeah, they’re assholes.”

Kara pulls back and Alex lets her hands drop.

“Krypton was… it was sort of segregated.Real crime, the violent kind, it didn’t happen where I grew up.I didn’t… I could go wherever I wanted.Exploration was encouraged.”Alex doesn’t look very moved by this statement; her eyes are a little misty though, so Kara tries taking her hand.Alex responds by tangling their fingers together.“When I got to Earth, it was different but… I don’t know.No one ever seemed to really care what I did as long as I wasn’t breaking things.Most of the time, the adults preferred it when I was out of their hair.And Cat… she has curfews, but she was ok with it when you came over so I… I didn’t think it would be a big deal if I was just going to see you.”

Exhaling roughly, Alex brings their joined hands up to her lips and shakes her head.“I told my mom where I was going before I left; can you imagine how scared Cat was when she woke up and you were just gone?”

“I get it.”Kara grumbles, trying to pull her hand away.Alex holds fast and Kara wishes her powers would hurry up and get back.“I’ll just stay home next time.”

“I’m not your parent and I—I just got scared.Can you understand that?”

“Of course I can understand that!And you guys—now that I know it bothers you, I won’t go out so late again.I’ll just—I’ll—”

“Call me.”Alex says cupping Kara’s cheek insistently.“You call me and—Kara you don’t even have to say anything, and I swear I’ll come get you ok?I have a car, it’s not nearly as dangerous for me to drive as it is for you to sneak off.And we’ll talk to Cat together if that’s the scary part.”

Heart thundering in her chest, Kara tries to agree.Tries to just nod and smile and accept the peace offering Alex has gifted her but… it’s not that simple.It’s never that simple with her is it?

Rao, sometimes she annoys herself.Maybe Cat was right, and she _could_ stand to talk to a professional.Someone who would help her sort out the mess in her head because right now?Admitting that she’d been terrified Alex wouldn’t answer her phone or worse, that she’d tell Kara to go away?That was unfeasible.

It's like telling Alex how she feels about her; the words are there but Kara can’t force them out of her throat because what if they change everything?Change has almost never been a good thing for Kara, and she likes the way they are.She likes that Alex is touching her right now and trying to make her feel better.

She likes that even if they argue, Alex still kisses her and holds her hand.

She likes coming home to Winn and Maggie and Cat.Playing games on Winn’s Pi and testing recipes that Cat’s chef friend’s send her.She likes the long talks she has with Maggie about life and their dreams for the future and she just wants it all to just freeze.Just for a second so she can hold it close and make sure it doesn’t shatter in her palms.

Implode into nothing the way Krypton had.

But she can’t say any of that.

Her throat burns with the words, but she just nods and says, “ok.”

And Alex smiles at her like that’s what she’d wanted to hear so Kara smiles back and pretends that they’re ok.And there’s a voice whispering that this is how they splintered the last time, but Kara doesn’t listen.

She sits quiet and plays with the fingers of Alex’s free hand as they continue their drive to school.

_I love you;_ Alex had said.Like it was easy.

Like she meant it.

Like it could be forever.

_When did you lose trust in me?_

Trust.Alex trusted her, she said so.And Kara had said the same so why couldn’t she just _speak_?!

_Life is short and we should kiss the girls we wanna kiss._

Alex maneuvers them into a parking spot and flicks the keys out of the ignition.Cool. Calm. Collected.The polar opposite of Kara.

Every beat of Kara’s heart feels like touching a bruise.

Alex can make that go away.

Maybe.

At least a little.

Maybe the therapy can help with the rest.

All she has to do is tell her she’s not ok; that she needs Alex to—to tell her…

“Ready to go in?”Alex asks, grabbing her bag from the back and turning to Kara with a smile full of apology and nervousness.

She just needs to hear that they’ll be alright.

She needs to say something.

“Yeah.”

The moment’s already gone.

~*~

Alex being Alex, asks to walk Kara to her first class and Kara agrees.She feels like she could use a little space but there’s an itchy feeling in her skin that makes her want to stick close anyway.Like a match ready to just strike against something.It’s scary and uncomfortable and makes Kara really glad her powers aren’t intact.

She thinks Alex can sense it, if only because she keeps Kara close to her side, hands held tightly between them while Alex rubs her thumb along the inside of Kara’s wrist.

It helps.

But Kara’s first period is English AND she’s got a test sooooo her bad day just got a little worse.

“Hey,” Alex says just before they arrive at her classroom, pulling Kara into an empty alcove and cupping her cheek.From here they’re both tucked pretty much out of sight, away from the hustle and bustle of the main hall and it allows Kara to focus on the earnestness in Alex’s expression.Her touch.

“C’mere.”

The smile is on her lips before she can stop it and Alex winds up kissing mostly teeth but it’s just that— _that_ was so normal. _So_ _Alex._ How many times had she said that word before kissing Kara?It was just… normal.

Giggling is probably not a typical reaction when one had just been fairly despondent, but Alex only makes a disgruntled sound before trying to kiss her again.

That only makes Kara laugh harder before _she_ grabs Alex’s face and pulls her in for a tender kiss.

A proper one.

She loves her.

Loves her; loves her; loves her.

Is absolutely terrified of loving her.

The first bell rings and they pull apart but stay close, the moment enough for Kara to feel a bit more like herself.

She has so much stuff she needs to sort out in her head, a lot of unpacking to do but at least she’d had this small moment of normalcy.

Especially since she was about to meet her death; Executioner: English.

“Will you still date me if I fail?”

“I’d date you if you spelled your name wrong.My bar is very low.”

“Jerk.”

“Don’t say that, your bar is way lower than mine is I mean, have you _smelled_ me after practice?”

Kara had.Kara kinda likes the way Alex smells.At least she likes it before it starts to degrade into pure funk; for a little while there’s no perfume or body wash or even really deodorant.It’s just Alex.

“Your fine.”She dismisses, bussing one last kiss to Alex’s cheek before starting back towards the hall.“But I have to go before I fail for just being la—”

“Wait.”Alex tugs her back; bites her lip; grimaces; shuffles her feet.“I—I know I’m not great at the… the talking part of all of this and I know I didn’t say the right things back there but I… I need you to know that whether you sneak out again or not, or do anything against the rules or whatever, we’re gonna be ok.That’s not gonna break us ok?And it’s not gonna break you and Cat either.You’re gonna be just fine, honey.Everything’s gonna work out, ok?”

Well.

Dammit.

There’s no way Kara can take a test when she’s fighting tears is there?

“For someone who doesn’t know the right things to say,” Kara tries, voice wobbly and a little rough, “you sure do have a habit of saying the perfect thing at the best times.”

Alex’s shoulders ease, the tightness in her muscles going away near instantly.That little smile is back but before either of them can say another word, the second bell rings.

Crap!

The classroom door is literally just a few steps away and both Kara and Alex run towards it, stopping short at the sight of Kara’s teacher talking to a short blonde woman.

A short blonde woman who looks an awful lot like…

“Ah Keira, there you are.”Cat lifts an imperious eyebrow at the two of them, lips thinning in distaste.“I can see I was wrong in thinking Bend it Like Beckham was a good influence on you.”

Alex bristles.“First of all,” she ticks up one finger, “that was a great movie.And second,” another finger, “I’m sorry we’re late; I had to apologize for something before it festered.It was my fault and—”

“That’s quite enough.”Before the dismissal might have stung a little, but now Kara can see the way Cat glances around the halls.Time and place and all that.“I’ve officially reached my teenage melodrama quota for the month thank you very much.Kate?”

A very fit, very tattooed, very… _handsome_ woman steps up from where she’d been leaning against a set of lockers talking to the new school principal.Kara hadn’t even noticed them at first because of her test anxiety but now that she’s looking… she barely even tracks that the principal is walking over too.All she can see is the messy fringe with the fade and the leather jacket and the boots and _Rao_ the _tattoos,_ they’re—

A sharp jab to her gut has her looking up at a rather sulky looking Alex, the world coming back into focus like the whirlpool of a sink drain. Kara quickly realizes she’s missed whatever monologue Cat had been giving.

Also.

Alex is _not_ pleased.

“—has been decided that it would be better suited to move this investigation back to the school.Ms. Kane is here as a representative of the Wayne foundation, we have Principal Hamilton who will represent the school, and Alexandra, Maggie, and you will each be responsible for representing yourselves.Does that sound fair?”

Oh.

Oh boy.

“Uh…”Words are hard when the woman, Ms. Kane, is looking at her so expectantly.Alex’s heated gaze doesn’t help matters.Kara _definitely_ feels like she did something wrong here, she just isn’t sure what and being in the same room with both of them?Bad idea.“I have a test?”

“You can retake it.”Principal Hamilton assures her, his stocky form already marching down the hall.“If you would follow me ladies?”

Oh.

Boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that most of the actiony stuff has taken place, we can get back to Kara's development, yay!
> 
> This chapter saw her really start to try to get into the nitty gritty of her feelings around Alex. She knows she loves her now (obvious) but she still feels trapped (wonder why?) and she hates that she can't seem to get the hang of human relationships. It'll come together.
> 
> Few things:
> 
> 1\. Racoons are fucking evil and I don't care what anyone says about it. They're fucking terrifying and so are possums.  
> 2\. Chyler Leigh in a henley is my jam.  
> 3\. What is happening to Kara right now is known as the spiral. In earlier chapters she just straight up spiralled out into the stratosphere of her emotions. In this one, both her AND Alex are recognizing patterns and, even if they don't have all the tools to stop and correct the trajectory, it's still a big step. More next chapter.  
> 4\. Alex is unknowingly smooth af.  
> 5\. Bend it Like Beckham is a must see, Keira Knightley is just... *chef's kiss*  
> 6\. Kate Kane. Kate mfing Kane. I exaggerated a little, but I kind of feel like this was Kara's reaction to first seeing the Bat lady. Doesn't mean she doesn't love Alex but I mean... she has eyes.
> 
> Side Note: I haven't actually seen Batwoman on CW but I'm have seen Crisis and such so her personality will be based on that rather than comics or anything else. I like Ruby but I absolutely hate that batwoman wig. Idk why; maybe it's that it makes her head look weird? idk. It makes me twitch whenever i see it.
> 
> And that's it? Think I covered most of it. I probably have two more chapter of this and then dunzo.
> 
> Woop motherfriggin woop.


	15. All I Want is to Fly with You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things.
> 
> 1\. This chapter is much longer because it was supposed to be 2 chapters but there was no good place to split it. Hence me editing all of this and being delayed a few days. Enjoy my tears.
> 
> 2\. There is mention of weed in this chapter. Not sure that's triggering but you never know. Drug use.

Kara’s leg is jumping and she can’t make it stop.She’s not even that nervous about Principal Hamilton, whatever he decides she’s already kind of expecting the worse so that isn’t what’s making her so jittery.

It’s Alex.

Alex who is sitting next to her with a glower on her face, hands folded limply on her stomach as she slouches down in her chair.Her girlfriend looks very unapologetically like someone who does not want to be in that room, a look that isn’t helped by Maggie’s even more blatant fascination with Ms. Kane.Who is admittedly a very distracting presence, but Kara could really use at least a small measure of camaraderie in light of this very weird, potentially life changing situation.

She isn’t even sure what has Alex so… weird.She’s been standoffish ever since they’d bumped into Cat and Kara doesn’t think this has anything to do with Cat calling her Bend it Like Beckham.Kara has no idea what that was a reference to, but Alex hadn’t seemed to mind it’s use just the context and that would certainly not have sent her into this tizzy.Which leaves Ms. Kane and Mr. Hamilton…

Alex has never met Ms. Kane before, and she seems like a really nice lady so Kara can’t imagine that Alex has a problem with _her._

But Mr. Hamilton…

Alex _had_ quit the team because he’d fired Mr. Jones.Or rather, Mr. Jones had quit because Mr. Hamilton had been uncooperative but same difference.

And if Alex hated Mr. Hamilton then… solidarity.

Kara would hate him too.

She crosses her own arms and slouches down drawing a few raised eyebrows.

Ms. Kane snorts.

“Kara, Alexandra, Margarita,” Mr. Hamilton starts, eyeing Kara weirdly but forging on. “Thank you for joining us today.I hope we won’t take up too much of your time, but we’d like to get to the bottom of what occurred during the game against the Ravens.Can one of you walk us through what happened?Kara?”

“Well first things first, I’d like it if you addressed my friends with more respect.Everyone in this school knows that they prefer the names ‘Alex’ and ‘Maggie’.If you’re gonna be our new overlord, the least you can do is match tone.Even Armstrong called them by their preferred names.”

The shock on this guy’s face; Hamilton’s mouth has dropped open, his bushy eyebrows lifting and creasing his forehead with his shock.Kara would feel bad if she hadn’t already drawn her line in the sand.If Alex wanted this guy gone then Kara would make him feel _very_ unwelcome.

“And the second?”The question comes from Ms. Kane and, Kara isn’t quite sure how to respond to her.Alex hadn’t really reacted to her, had she?And Cat was friends with her cousin so… 

“Those girls are jerks.End of story.”

She juts her chin out for emphasis, agitated when Hamilton only gives Cat a bewildered look.Cat who is rubbing her forehead in exasperation.

Kara’s pretty sure Ms. Kane is laughing behind her hand.

Crap.

Maybe that had been the wrong move.

Embarrassed and uncomfortable, Kara begins to sit up, knee jumping even harder than before when Alex slides a hand over her leg, squeezing her thigh.The touch calms her instantly and she releases a slow breath and meets Alex’s steady gaze.

“What happened before Maggie showed up honey?”

“I…” So they were going with the full story?Not ignoring Hamilton’s existence?Humans were so confusing.“I was trying to set up the coolers for the team, but Belinda stopped me.She spit in one and called me a—a Troq and walked off with her friends.”

“Which friends were these?”Hamilton asked, taking out a pen and jotting something down on the large notepad laying on his desk.

“Uh Carol Baskins and Maria Reynolds sir.”

Alex takes her hand instead, tangling their fingers together.

Hamilton nods.“And what happened then?”

“They uh left and these two other girls… well they overheard everything I guess and they kind of… continued it?They called me the same thing and they wouldn’t let me pass.They said I looked normal for an alien and that… um how much detail do you want sir?”

This is extremely uncomfortable to relive those moments.It had been bad enough the first time!But at least no one is laughing anymore.And Alex isn’t quite so despondent either so… so Kara can do this if that’s what it takes.

“As detailed as you can be Ms. Zor-El.We’ve already heard from the other students involved but no one ever took your statement which is a large oversight that we need to rectify right away.Every detail you give us will allow us to pinpoint the accuracies between the stories and grant a final verdict.But it’s whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Whatever she’s comfortable with.

Right.

She thinks of the soccer team and Mr. Jones and what’s on the line.

Right.

“Right before she walked off, Belinda told me to drink the water she’d spit in.I think she was just teasing because she walked off, but I don’t really know.When that first girl, the blonde one, she was the first one to talk to me and she told me to drink it too only she was serious.She wouldn’t let me pass.And her friend, she’s the one who said I didn’t look like an alien and then she said her brother would um… have sex with me—OWWW!”

“Sorry.”Alex mumbles, dropping her hand like she’s been burnt.Alex definitely isn’t slouching anymore; she’s sitting up and listening with rapt attention but her entire face is red.Her _ears_ are red.Which means this is really affecting her.

Also.

Now Kara knows what it’s like to have your hand squeezed too tight.

It is _not_ fun.

She definitely needs to work on her strength because there is no way that Alex finds that comfortable when Kara does it.

“You alright Ms. Danvers?”Ms. Kane asks, and man does she have a nice voice.“You can step outside if—”

“I’m **fine** _Ms. Kane._ ”Alex mocks, clenching and unclenching her fists before retaking Kara’s hand much more gently.“I’m sorry Kara, you can continue if you’re ready.”

Ms. Kane looks highly amused.

Alex looks like she’s using every ounce of patience within her body.

Whatever is happening between the two women… Kara wants to fix it.For Alex at least.She wants to kiss it better the way Alex usually does for her but… well, they’re not exactly alone and Alex hasn’t shown that she’s much into PDA.Karaisn’t even sure if _she’s_ into PDA.

The whole thing is a mess.

“Uh…”

“You were saying that the second young woman made a sexual comment about you?”Hamilton offers helpfully, still scribbling on his notepad.

“Uh yeah.Yes.”

“And then?”

“And then… they kept blocking me, but Maggie showed up and they called her short which made her really mad but luckily that’s when Mr. Jones came and scared them away.”

“I see.Kara, did you at any point get into a physical altercation with either of these young girls?”

“ _No!_ ”It’s Kara’s turn to accidentally squeeze Alex’s hand too hard, to lean forward in her seat in protest.Alex doesn’t even flinch which is concerning in its own right, but Kara is a little distracted right now.“I swear I never—”

“It’s alright Kara, I believe you.Considering what you did with that bus, I’m fairly certain if you’d truly wished to hurt either of those girls, we’d be having a much different conversation.”He gives her an amused glance over his glasses, a small smirk on his lips before he clears his throat and taps a finger on his notepad.“Now that I’ve heard Kara’s part of the story perhaps one of you could—”

“I’ve got it!”Maggie chirps, for some reason scooting her chair closer to Ms. Kane’s.And then giving Ms. Kane a smile full of charm.“Hi.”

Ms. Kane hums.

“So, after those assholes were dicks—”

“Margaret,” Cat sighs, still rubbing her forehead.“Please show at least a modicum of decorum before these fine people come to believe I run a house of vagabonds and grammatical terrorists.”

Maggie rolls her eyes but sits up straighter.“After those young ladies exuded behavior unbecoming of a lady, I took it upon myself to teach them some manners.It was nothing physical, just some choice vernacular to give them a taste of their own medicine and anyway they gave as good as they got.I don’t know what they put in the water over in Artheim but by golly did those girls have a mouth on them.”

Looking more than a little pained, Hamilton turns to Cat with pinched brows and eyes that scream concern.“I am truly in awe of the path you have chosen.”

“Likewise.”Cat says dryly.“At least the children in my care are all exemplary.A feat they hardly share with the rest of your student body so if you really think about it, you are the one with the insurmountable mountain Mr. Hamilton.”

Ouch.

Even Cat’s eyes said back off, though her posture was loose, and her hands lay perched over a crossed knee.Whatever Hamilton had meant with his comment, he was entering very dangerous waters.

“Ms. Grant.”Hamilton says, clearing his throat as if he _knows_ that he pushed the wrong button.Then he turns to Alex, and the energy of the room returns to a more practical awkward rather than the suffocating awkward Maggie had turned it into.“Ms. Danvers can you explain what led up to the player’s injury as best you understand it?”

“Well—”

“It was an accident!”Kara blurts, drawing everyone’s attention with her outburst.Her palms feel really sweaty, but she can’t let go of Alex’s hand because she’s pretty sure her heart will explode if she does.“It was just a thing that happens during soccer matches.Futbal.That’s what it’s called like everywhere else, did you know that?”Swallow.Nod.It’s really warm.“That’s a good fact.You should um put that in your pocket just in case you ever need one.A fact that is.Because—”

“Kara,” Alex says, leaning towards her and grasping Kara’s elbow with her free hand.“It’s ok.Breathe.”When Kara follows that command, Alex smiles at her.Soft like she was never angry to begin with and something in Kara’s chest settles.Ok.They can do this.Breathe.

“Principal Hamilton,” Alex says, turning back to the man in question and dropping the smile.“Those girls were ribbing Maggie the whole game and I kept my cool pretty well but then that girl went after Kara and I honestly… I don’t even remember really deciding to kick the ball.I know it happened, but I can’t for the life of me tell you the steps leading up to it.All I really remember is that she called Kara a Troq and a whore and said her dad was gonna show her, her place.”

“As upsetting as that can be Ms. Danvers, I’m sure you understand that your actions were still a violation of school policy.”

“I do understand that sir but with all due respect, the former Principal decided my punishment would be suspension.And the California State public high school athletic association gave me a one game suspension and threw me out of the game in question.”

“This school has a strict no-tolerance policy for fighting Ms. Danvers.It would hardly be fair for us to be lenient on you in light of your admission.”

Alex makes a noise of disbelief, jaw working silently at this latest twist.

Oh heck no.

Kara was really sick of people going after Alex to get to her.

“With all due respect sir that sounds like a personal problem.”

Hamilton’s brows lift again but Cat reaches out and lays a steadying hand on her shoulder.

“Kara.”Her mentor says.

And fine, yes, Kara was supposed to be finding a better way.Ok.

“Sorry if that sounded rude but Alex wasn’t responsible for deciding her punishment.That was on the administration and they decided on something that I believe suits the ‘crime’ so to speak.Alex was upfront about what happened, she didn’t lie which means there is no new information here that would warrant harsher treatment.Further punishment on your part would be redundant, unethical, and frankly illegal.Sir.”

Hamilton leans back in his chair.“Quite the argument you’ve laid there Ms. Zor-El, have you given any thought into being a lawyer?”

“Hardly.The administration that the school board put in place last time wasn’t exactly trustworthy, so I’ve had to prepare for every eventuality.Your line of questioning was leading towards a hypothetical “what should we do now?” scenario and I thought I’d skip a few steps and save us some time.”

Alex is squeezing her hand again, but Kara can’t break her focus, needs to keep her edge in this.

If Hamilton pushes this, tries to bully the situation into his own way, she needs to be ready.Despite what she’d just said, they won’t exactly have ‘ethics’ on their side.And the law only barely.She’ll need to shape her argument so that he thinks they have both and, Rao help her, she’ll need to trust that whatever she says, Cat will back her up.It’s one of the scariest moments of her life.

Finally, Hamilton smiles and he nods approvingly at Cat.

“Smart young women you have here.”

“Well to be fair,” Kara says, hating that he’s addressing Cat and not the ‘young women’ in question. “Alex _is_ currently the top choice for Valedictorian.Sir.”

It’s Cat’s turn to lean back in her chair, looking for all the world like the cat who got the canary.Pun intended.

Hamilton huffs a sort of breathless chuckle.

It still seems a mite condescending.

After several beats of the tense standoff, it’s Ms. Kane, with raised eyebrows and an amused sort of non-smile who claps her hands and stands up.

“Well.I think I’ve heard all I need to.”She waves a hand at Kara.“There was very clear xenophobia going on at your school.This… Belinda was it?”

“Yes.”Kara says.

Ms. Kane nods.“Belinda.She clearly has a history with Kara, bullying seems to be her weapon of choice.Ms. Grant has shared several records of this behavior going unchecked and my cousin and I will not stand for that anymore.This incident requires action.”

“Of course,” Hamilton says, nodding slowly, contemplating.“I’ll have a conference with Ms. Zee and—”

“Not done.”Ms. Kane turns to Cat next.“You mentioned something about a teacher?”

“Yes.Mr. Harper: he was the teacher who “let it slip” that Kara was an alien.”

Ms. Kane nods again.“That’s against the law so I’ve just gone ahead and reported that.We’ll need the school’s statements about that incident as soon as possible Mr. Hamilton; the Wayne Foundation would like to avoid any mess with the media if we can.Improperly filed paperwork would be a pretty bad deal for us.”

“I can have the secretaries look but if my predecessor was so vile, what makes you think he actually filed it?”

“Don’t care if he did.I want you to look for it and I want you to know that if something like this happens again under _your_ leadership and there isn’t at the very least, a scrap of paper to say _why,_ you’ll be out of more than a job.”

The blood drains from Hamilton’s face.“Ms. Kane—"

“Not done and I’m a bit pressed for time so I’d appreciate not being interrupted again.”Ms. Kane says definitively, and wow has the room just gotten a bit hotter?“Ms. Grant also told me that this information slip caused Kara’s classmates to have to sign a contract where they all agreed to not spread the information they were illegally given access to is that true?”

“I had heard of that, yes.”

“And then during a school lunch period, on school grounds, Belinda Zee announced Kara’s heritage to the entire cafeteria.In front of faculty and staff.All of whom did nothing, is that correct as well?”

“I can hardly be expected to answer for the acts done before my arrival Ms. Kane.This incident was weeks ago.”

“While I certainly don’t blame you for what was done, I also wasn’t aware there was a statute of limitations on harassment Mr. Hamilton.Your entire staff is going to receive sensitivity training.Then we’re going to get behavioral specialists in here to teach the students proper etiquette. Mandatory.To be held within the next two weeks until they can ensure that such a _blatant_ act of abuse does not take place within these halls again.”Ms. Kane taps on Hamilton’s notepad.“Write that down please since you seem to like taking notes about things and all.This next one is gonna be a sting.Mr. Harper is to be fired immediately, whatever the outcome with NCPD, he is no longer welcome in this district.”

Hamilton grimaces but takes the note.“Anything else?”

“I’d like to know if you intend to take action on the Belinda situation?”

“Ms. Zee is a minor.”Hamilton says, eyeing the other minors in the room like he’s sharing heavily coveted intel.“The contract wasn’t really legally binding—”

“That sounds like an excuse sir, and the Wayne Foundation has very little time for those.Luckily, I have sourced a legal team for your purview.They will take you through all of the legal actions at your disposal but, if the Foundation feels that the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, for this or any other complaint hereafter, we _will_ step in.Are we all good here?”

“Nope.”Maggie chirps happily, popping the ‘p’.“What about the soccer team?”

“Oh.Right.I forgot about you.Uh, Mr. Jones can have his job back if he wants it; I saw no disciplinary complaints against him.”

“And Kara?”

“What about Kara?”

“I got suspended.”Kara says.“Pending the results of the investigation.”

“Well,” Ms. Kane makes a vague gesture with her hand and shrugs.“Investigation done; congratulations you’re innocent.”

“So I can be back on the team?”

Hamilton sighs and nods his head.“With full apologies from the entire administration.”

Slumping back in her seat, Kara let’s all of the stress from the past few weeks just… drain away.Next to her Alex is all smiles and even offers Mr. Hamilton a handshake, a gesture which is much more appropriate then Maggie _hugging_ Ms. Kane.

“I love you.”Maggie says.“You’re great.”

Ms. Kane pats her back awkwardly.“I’m too old for you kid.”

“That’s ok.I can wait a few years.”

~*~

“Well.” Cat says smoothing out her jacket and sending a calculating look towards Maggie.“Are you quite proud of that performance?”

Maggie sighs, leaning wistfully against the hallway wall and staring at the door Kate Kane had disappeared through.“I think I just met my soulmate.”

“Your soulmate was just released from the military.”Cat advises dryly.“May I advise giving her some time to reacclimate before you make any further declarations of love?Perhaps allow yourself to grow into a competent suitor while you wait.”

“You’re right.”Maggie nods, straightening up and whacking Alex in the shoulder much to Kara’s displeasure.“We’ve got work to do Danvers.As soon as the season is done, we’re hitting the SAT books _hard._ ”

Rubbing Alex’s shoulder is both to ease some of her girlfriend’s pain but also to sort of… ground herself to this moment.The whole thing that just happened in the principal’s office seems extremely surreal and Kara isn’t even sure it happened.It feels very much like it did not happen.It feels like…

It feels…

Kara closes her eyes, letting her hand slide down Alex’s arm so she can tangle their fingers together.Let’s her head drop onto Alex’s shoulder.It’s not PDA exactly but it’s enough to bring herself back.

“You ok?”Alex asks immediately, bringing her free hand up to pet Kara’s hair.

“Yeah.Just… overwhelmed.”

Alex responds with a sweet kiss to her hair.“You were amazing in there.Thank you for having my back.”

“Always.”She wishes they had more time to recover but, “what do we do now?”

It’s Cat who answers, tipping her head towards the opposite side of the hallway where a few girls from the team are trying and failing to be inconspicuous.Vasquez is among them and, when she sees they’ve been spotted, she gives up all pretenses on hiding and rushes over.

“So,” she says, “what’s the verdict.”

“I’m in love; Ms. Grant is a bawse; and we: —we’re goin to the championships!”

Vasquez whoops, scooping Maggie up and twirling her around before turning on Alex and wrestling her into a headlock.

“Yes!I fuckin knew you had a plan Danvers!”

Alex slaps uselessly at Vaz’ arms, face bright red as she tries not to get choked.“Not my plan!This was all Cat!”

Vasquez releases her and turns that giddy excitement on Ms. Grant, practically vibrating in front of her.“Ms. Grant you’re my favorite adult ever!”She turns to the rest of the team and calls out, “we’re back baby!Bonfire tonight to celebrate!”

There are several more whoops, Alex ducking behind Kara as her team runs over to converge on them.Unfortunately for her, Cat tugs Kara free from the chaos and Alex is left to be swarmed.

“Maybe I should help her?”Kara questions, biting her lip nervously when she sees Alex’s head disappear in the fray.

“In a moment.I just wanted to let you know that I found you a therapist.Your first appointment will be tomorrow afternoon after practice.Mr. Jones has agreed to drive you if that’s ok?”

“Oh.”Right.Kara had almost forgotten about the therapy. “I wouldn’t want to bother—”

Cat waves a hand, her eyes still critically tracking the soccer team as they run amok down the halls.“You wouldn’t be bothering anyone.His wife Myriah is apparently a very good psychiatrist.She’s retired but she’s agreed to take you on given your shared… experiences.”

Shared experiences.

Being alien.

That was… wow.Suddenly, and without even Kara having to say anything, Cat had just solved one of her biggest fears.Kara wouldn’t have to hold back with Mrs. Jones.Heck, Mrs. Jones probably already knew most of what Kara would be talking about.Most of her pain, the loss of her race and her planet, was shared by the Green Martians just on a different level.Genocide was only slightly different than annihilation after all.

Intentions of the aggressors and all that.

There would be very little reason for Kara _not_ to lay it all bare.And this is what Cat had been trying to drill into her head.About there being a solution for every problem.Kara hadn’t really believed it, hadn’t _understood_ until just now.She’d been afraid of exposing herself and, by allowing Cat to help her, Cat had found the perfect solution.

While Kara had been driving her mad with worry.

What must it have been like, to wake up and see her bed empty?Now that she’s looking, Kara notices Cat isn’t quite as put together as she normally is.Her eyes are just a tad too glassy, just a bit too dazed and far off.

“I’m sorry.”Kara says.She steps into Cat’s personal space and wraps her in a hug.As tight as won’t hurt.“I’m so sorry Ms. Grant.I shouldn’t have left without leaving a note—or just telling you.I should have—I messed up and I’m so sorry.”

Surprisingly, although honestly Kara should stop being so surprised by this woman, Cat hugs her back.Where Kara’s hug is tight, Cat’s is soft but every bit as warm.As strong.

“You’re grounded.”Cat sighs out, letting her cheek rest on Kara’s bent head.“For a month.”

Well…

“Yes ma’am.”That was fair.“I’ll come home right after school today; I’ll clean up and make dinner.You don’t have to worry about anything.”

Cat pushes her away, one eyebrow perched highly on her forehead as she holds Kara at arm’s length.

“Well I should certainly hope that you would be at this party you’ve just earned yourself rather than playing cinderella, Keira.”

“Oh… but…” ok now she was confused.“I thought you just said I was grounded?”

Cat blinks at her.Blinks again.

Nibbles her lip.

Glances aside for a moment before peering up at Kara in question.“Are you not allowed to go to parties when you’re grounded?”

Kara laughs, real happiness bubbling in her chest for the first time all day.Leave it to Cat.

Hugging her guardian again, Kara continues giggling joyfully.“I don’t know.We can make up our own rules though, right?”

Cat hugs her back.“Right.”

~*~

Both Winn and Maggie have a blast helping Kara get ready for her first high school party.It’s Winn’s first party too but he’s apparently already made himself a playbook for this eventuality.His outfit’s already been picked out, his hairstyle preplanned; he’s even got a few conversation openers jotted in permanent marker on his forearm.

“So it doesn’t wash off.”He tells them.As if that statement makes it make more sense.

“Ow!”Kara yelps when Maggie pokes her in the eye with a mascara wand for the _fifth_ time.“I don’t really need makeup.I’m fine without it really!”

“If you would stop flinching, it would stop poking you.”

“ _You’re_ poking me.”

“Just stay still.”Maggie orders, sticking out her tongue in concentration as she draws some sort of design on Kara’s eyelid.“I’ve got this.”

Later, when Cat finds them and sees Kara, it’s very very clear that Maggie did not “have this.”It’s very clear that Cat is doing her best to not look completely horrified.

“Well,” Cat says, words coming slowly and carefully as she walks into the mess of Maggie’s bedroom.“I support everyone’s fashion journey and I will happily accept this one if you—”

“Please help me.”Kara interrupts, shoving Maggie onto the bed and rushing towards Cat.“She’s been watching YouTube tutorials and they’re all from Halloween artists!”

“Hey!”

With Cat’s help both Maggie and Kara get some makeup tips that make them look a lot less Halloween costume and a lot more glam.

Simple glam, Cat calls it.

“There will be more than enough time for you both to drown yourself in glitter and rhinestones.Let’s start with the basics for now.”

Kara learns that Maggie’s parents had been very strictly against her wearing makeup but, while Maggie isn’t exactly a fan of it either way, she’d still wanted the experience.It makes it slightly more bearable that Maggie had intended to use Kara as her guinea pig.As much as she’s come to care about Maggie, she’ll even let her try it again.Just not when they’re going out.Or when Kara is about to see Alex.

She much prefers the simple elegance Cat had showed them anyway and, while Winn hadn’t been much help in the makeup department, he definitely knew his way around a wardrobe.Kara had been a little nervous about her limited clothing selection but between Winn and Maggie she’s pretty sure she’s found an outfit that would be suitable for her first foray into the wild side.

Given Alex’s reaction, when her girlfriend comes to pick them up later that evening, she at the very least looks nice.Alex’s eyes go a little wide and she grins widely when Kara opens the door.

“You’re too adorable.”Alex concludes taking in Kara’s navy sweater, pale pink top, and blue jeans.Kara had been a late bloomer but she’s pretty sure Alex’s gaze stays a bit too long on her newfound cleavage to be considered an accident.“Is that a varsity sweater?”

“It’s _your_ varsity sweater.I stole it last night.”Kara says cheekily, spinning a little and almost falling when the sole of her flip-flop catches the edge of the entry rug.Maggie had warned her against a dress since it would be cold, but Kara likes feeling the sand between her toes, so she’d stood her ground on these.

Much to her now falling regret.This would never have happened if she’d settled on sneakers.

Luckily Alex is there to catch her, to steady her, bashful grin in place.

“Careful.”

Kara’s response is to tug Alex in by the lapels of her very nice leather jacket and kiss her in thanks.The first sign that something is still wrong with Alex comes then, when Alex doesn’t fully kiss back.Kara doesn’t even have time to acknowledge how nice Alex looks in leather before she realizes the lackluster response she’s getting.

She wants to ask her about it right then and there, but Maggie and Winn come barreling down the steps at that moment.They each snag an arm around either girl and tow them out the door but not before Cat can yell out a reminder about curfew.Eleven she’d said, _it was after all still a school night._

With Winn and Maggie in the car with them, things feel more… tense.And it’d probably be rude to ask in front of Winn and Maggie anyway, right?

So Kara waits until they’re at the party, the bonfire already lit and blazing wildly on the sand of the beach.

She waits until Winn and Maggie take off towards Vasquez and the drink table.

She waits and she gently tugs Alex’s hand to stop her from going any further, cupping her cheek when Alex turns to her in question.

“Hey,” she asks.“What’s wrong?”

Alex makes a noise of denial, eyebrows crinkling in faux confusion.Kara knows its faux confusion because Alex only makes that sound when she’s hiding something.

“Nothing.I’m fine.”

To push or not to push?

“It’s just… you—is this about last night?Are you still mad at me for sneaking off because I really am sorry and—”

“No.”Alex shakes her head and steps a little closer.“No.I know you didn’t mean to scare us, and I know you heard me earlier.This isn’t about that.”

“Then what is it about?Are you mad about the sweater?‘Cause I thought you said you liked it when I—”

“I do.I reallydo.You look amazing I just—” Alex exhales, shoulders drooping, eyes dropping to the pavement of the parking lot.For a second Kara thinks she’s actually going to come clean but then Alex lifts her head and shrugs.“I’m just tired, I think.I was up late and… I’m just tired.”

A lie.

Alex is lying to her.

And once again Kara doesn’t even have the opportunity to call her on it because they’ve been spotted by the rather large crowd of partygoers.And Alex _is_ the star player so it’s not even all that weird when a gaggle of her fans break off and swarm them.

What is weird is when Alex lets them; when she lets go of Kara and allows them to hand her what looks like a beer and lead her towards the beach.

Which leaves Kara behind in the dust.

Perfect.

That hadn’t hurt _at all._

Kara stands there for a moment before deciding that for once, she’s not going to fight with Alex.Especially not in public.

Something is clearly bothering her, but Kara feels like she knows Alex well enough now to know that Alex will tell her when she’s ready.Whatever it is, whatever Kara has done, Alex will let her know eventually.Until then, Kara can try to enjoy herself.

So she lets herself wander.

Flits between girls she knows, congratulating them and receiving hugs of support from more than one.

Admittedly she’d been a little nervous that she’d once again be the outcast here but that wasn’t the case.Everyone was being super nice, and Belinda and her cronies were nowhere in sight.

This was her first party and she was going to enjoy it!

~*~

“All things considered,” Kara tells a girl named Sara Lance, a senior who was dating Kara’s favorite center back Ava. “I think I can count my first party as a win.”

Winn is laying to her left, munching on a cookie and staring up at the sky. Somehow the three of them (Kara, Winn, and Sara) had found their way to a secluded area of the beach and had lain down in a pinwheel formation.Kara had found Winn first and then Ava had wanted to introduce them to her girl because Sara was apparently too cool for parties and _then_ Sara had pulled out what she called “pot cookies” and well… the night had just gotten so much better from there. 

Ava hadn’t had any cookies, she’d asked Kara if she knew there was weed in the cookies and, when Kara had lied and said yes, had gone off to get them a drink for their cookies and then never returned.Kara wasn’t gonna complain; Sara was nice enough to share her cookies.

As far as she was concerned, cookies were cookies.

“I’m happy for you.”Sara says, hands cradled behind her head.“My first party I got plastered and slept with my sister’s boyfriend.”She nods when Kara looks over at her.“Yep.Family dinners sure are awkward now.”

For some reason that makes Kara laugh.And then laugh even harder.

“You’re really funny.”

“Yeah.”Sara says.“We’re gonna slow down on these though.”She waves the cookie in her hand before dumping it back in a Ziploc.“Here,” she pulls out a baggie of cookie dough.“I feel like your gonna need this.”

“Oh Rao you’re the best!”

The cookie dough is chocolate chip, the best kind of cookie dough in Kara’s opinion and Sara doesn’t even turn up her nose when Kara starts eating it with her fingers.

Fingers.

Finger food.

She’d just turned cookie dough into a finger food.

That makes her laugh again.

“Seriously Sara?How much did you give them?”

Maggie!

“Relax!They’re having fun!She’s got her cookie dough!”

“Maggie!”Kara chirps, holding up her treat and sitting up.“I have cookie dough!”

“I see that.”To Sara, “is that spiked too?”

“Of course not jackass, what do you think I am a monster?”

“You gave them drugs without telling them so yeah.Little bit.”

“Did not!I said, “would you like some pot cookies” and they said “yes”.How is that on me?”

“Because they’re nerds Sara.Clearly you could tell you were dealing with straight up squares!”

“Not a gatekeeper; just a proponent of a good time.”

Kara giggles and scoops up a fingerful of yum.Then she remembers: if Maggie and Winn are with her then…

“Where’s Alex?”

Maggie sighs and watches Winn watch the sky.“She’s drying off.Vaz brought her boards so they went for a night surf.”

“Oh.”More cookie dough.“Is she still mad at me?”

Maggie frowns and stoops in front of her.“You two are fighting?”

“I don’t know.”Kara admits mournfully, unable to meet Maggie’s eyes.What if she’s mad at her too?“She’s been acting weird, but she said she’s just tired.”

“Weird how?”Maggie asks at the same time Sara says, “she just needs to bone.”

“She kissed me weird… what kind of bone?”

Sara falls on her back laughing.

“She means sex.”Winn says, head slowly flopping towards Kara.Man, his eyes are red.“Alex wants to have seeeeeeeeeexxxxx—"

“Ok!”Maggie claps her hands.“That’s enough of that.”She pinches her nose when Kara and Winn break out into giggles.“Kara, a lot happened today right?She probably _is_ just tired.Alex wouldn’t just be a dick.Not to you.”

The concept makes Kara nibble her lip in consideration. Maggie was right, Alex _wouldn’t_ just be a dick to her for no reason. And Kara can’t remember anything she’s done _wrong_.Not other than her sneaking out incident.

So…

“Can I go see her?”

Would Alex be ok with that?If Kara interrupted her fun?Maggie would know; Maggie knew a lot of things.

“Yeah of course.She’s right over there.”Maggie points towards the fire where Kara can just make out a head of brownish red hair.“I’ll grab Winn and meet you over there.Alex is probably gonna have a cow when she sees you.”

Kara isn’t sure why she would, but she’s too distracted by her desire to be near Alex to question it.What if Maggie decided that she _couldn’t_ see Alex?The quicker Kara got over there the better.

“Alex!”She calls when she gets closer, barely catching herself when her balance goes a bit wide.Huh.Sand was so tricky.“Alex!”

When Alex is very suddenly in front of her, Kara blinks and then grins widely.

“Alex,” she whispers, “I think my powers are back. I just time traveled.”

“Uh,” Alex’s brow is pinched, hands framing Kara’s face as she tilts Kara’s head back and peers up into her eyes.“Did you have something to drink honey?”

“No.”Kara pouts.“Ava never came back.”

Alex rolls her eyes and pushes back a handful of wet hair.“Were you hanging out with Sara?”

How had Alex gone night surfing?Her t-shirt is dry and so are her pants.And where’s her jacket?

“Yeah!She’s awesome.”

Alex mumbles something that sounds a little bit like “itch”, but Kara can’t be sure.Still… maybe the mosquitos are bothering Alex?Kara can make them go away!

She hyper focuses, trying to use her abilities again to pinpoint one of the insects who have dared interrupt Alex’s good time.

Maybe Alex will see that by allowing Kara to stay by her, she could have a good, fun, itch-free night.

“Stay here for one second ok?”Alex asks, glancing over her shoulder at something.“I just have to get my jacket from that log, and I’ll be right back, ok?Two seconds.”

Or not.

“Ok.”

“Don’t pout.”Alex kisses her, once, twice.“I’m literally taking like fifteen steps away from you.I’m not taking my eyes off of you and I’m coming _right_ back ok?”

Well…

“Ok.”

While Alex is gone, Kara tries to swat mosquitos.They’re very fast and one of her swats takes her down to the sand, leaving her gasping and laughing in delight.

“Well I want whatever you’ve had.”A guy, a very tall very sweet smelling very athletic looking guy, hovers over her before just bodily picking her up off the sand.“You ok?”

Kara giggles.“Yeah.I just lost a fight with a mosquito.”

The guy laughs and Kara notices the way the light of the fire complements his dark hair tone so well.He was so pretty.

“Story of my life.”He leans in as if sharing a secret.“They seem to love my blood for some reason.”

Kara also notices that he hasn’t really let her go, he’s still holding onto her waist and his hands are very large and very warm.

It feels weird.

“Uhm… you should try lavender?Ms. Grant says mosquitos hate lavender.”

“Well maybe we could go get some lavender together?This way you don’t have to fight them quite so viciously next time.”

“Uhm.”Kara takes a step back, folding her hands behind her back.“I’m not sure.”

“Normally blondes aren’t my thing but I’m really feeling your vibe and—”

“Back off Max.”Alex, bless her, finally comes back and carefully maneuvers Kara behind her.

“Max” rolls his eyes.

“Ah, Danvers.To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Not a pleasure.Just saving Kara from your unwelcome advances.”

Max sticks his head around Alex.“Kara, were my advances unwelcome?”

“Yes.”She mumbles awkwardly, hesitantly reaching out a hand to tug on the back of Alex’s t-shirt.“Can we just go?”

“Oh please.I was just trying to be nice after she fell all over me.Honestly, do you see her?She should count herself lucky that I even—”

**_Wham_**!

Alex’s fist makes a thick thud sound as it connects with Max’s face, the guy going down like a sack of flour before he can even finish his sentence.It seems like Kara loses her hearing as soon as Alex punches Max because as she watches Alex continue to yell at the man, she can’t hear a word she actually says.And now they’ve drawn a crowd, and Kara can see who she presumes are Max’ friends pushing their way towards them.

The last thing she wants is for Alex to get hurt.

Superpower time.

She scoops Alex up by the waist, her girlfriend still yelling and pointing as Kara books it back to the car.

“The door Danvers!”Maggie yells, dragging Winn behind her as she races beside them.“Get the door open.”

There’s yelling from the party as Kara finally sets Alex on her feet to allow her to open the door and then with a screech of tires, they’re off.

Kara immediately spins around in the passenger seat, blissfully unaware of Alex telling her to put on her seatbelt as she drives them away from the mayhem.

“Maggie!”Kara is amazed, why hadn’t her friend told her this before?“You can time travel too?”

~*~

Marijuana is a very _very_ special plant; Kara realizes this when Maggie tells her that _no_ she had not time travelled; she had just lost time.Not only that but Kara had apparently run slow enough for Maggie and the rest of the party to just kind of be embarrassed on her behalf as she dragged a still screaming Alex through the sand.Maggie is laughing as she explains all of this, but Kara doesn’t mind.She wants all of her friends to be as happy as Maggie seems to be.

Allowing her head to loll towards Alex, who is still driving aimlessly, Kara puts on her best pout, can’t hold it, and has to swallow back her giggles.

“Alex?”

Alex sighs heavily.“Yeah honey?”

“I’m hungry.”

Alex clenches the steering wheel a little tighter.“I’m sure you are.”Softens as she pulls up to a red light and turns to brush some of Kara’s hair out of her face.“Pizza or taco bell?”

“Taco bell!”Winn yells, sticking his head between the two of them and nearly giving them both a heart attack.“I want a quesarito.”

Which is how Kara winds up cuddled between Alex’s legs on the sand of yet another, albeit emptier, stretch of beach.It’s not quite past ten yet so there are still people out for late night dog walks or strolls, but for the most part she and Alex are alone.

Maggie has taken Winn and his bag of treats to “walk it off”.

Now Kara gets to snuggle under Alex’s chin with a full belly and the moon lighting the night sky.She’s pointed out the star map that would lead to Krypton but staring at the sky is making her a little dizzy.Almost like she’s flying but not in a fun way, so she opts for staring at Alex’s hands, fingers curled loose and limp as Alex allows her to play with them.

“Are you mad?”

Alex exhales slowly.“Did you know there was weed in those cookies?”

“Kind of but… human drugs haven’t ever really affected me.I forgot about… um…my… something?”

“That makes sense.”Alex mumbles, “but for future reference, please don’t take anything from strangers.Especially not at parties.Powers or not.”

“Sara isn’t a stranger,” Kara laughs.“She’s Ava’s girlfriend.”

“She’s not _your_ friend.And I know you know Ava but still not enough to accept whatever she gives you.Especially at a party.”

“But they’re nice.”

“They _are_ nice.But if it had been anyone else, this night could have gone a whole other way.”

Kara wrinkles her nose, plucks at Alex’s ring finger. “But you’re the one who left me.”

“I know.”Alex holds her closer, as if that move alone can rewind time and make the events of the night change.“I know; that was a dick move.”

“Are you mad at _me_?”

“No.At myself.I—I’m not ready to talk about it but that doesn’t give me the right to leave you like that.I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry.It won’t happen again.”

“It’s ok I’m, used to it.I always get left behind.”Then she remembers: “My cookie dough!”

She’d left it behind!But!Alex had gotten her these little cinnamon things!She quickly snatches them out of a nearby bag and pops one in her mouth.

“Hey woah,” Alex lifts her hand from Kara’s grip and cups her full cheek.“Woah, that’s not—I’m not like everyone else.I’m not leaving you.We’ve talked about that right?”

Kara hums, taking in Alex’s face, her damp hair blowing in the cold night air.Cold is a new sensation for Kara, one that she kind of hates.Luckily Alex had been kind enough to wrap Kara up in her new leather jacket and she barely feels the change of seasons.The changes in their relationship though?She feels like she can see that a lot clearer.Like the barely there picture she’d had before is starting to make more sense because…

“I feel you slipping away.”

Woah.Where had that come from?

Eyes widening, Alex frowns and releases a slow breath.Then Kara’s treats are being taken from her and placed back in the bag and Alex is tugging her close and kissing her and _oh._

“I’m not.”Alex murmurs against her lips.“ _Ever._ You don’t have to be so afraid Kara.I’m not going anywhere.”

“But I keep messing up.”

“I mess up too.All the time and you still forgive me.”

“You deserve—”

“Don’t.Don’t do that.”

It’s Kara’s turn to sigh, to take advantage of Alex’s openness and snuggle closer.“Can I have my cinnamon thingies back?”

Alex gives them to her, and Kara resumes her mission to fill her stomach.

But Alex doesn’t let go and she’s kissing Kara’s hair and it’s like little specks of light wherever they touch.Kara wishes they could be even closer, that they could reach a point where they shared thoughts like the Green Martians.

Then Alex would just know whatever was wrong and Kara wouldn’t have to muddle her way through an explanation.

Alex would just know and they’d be ok and things would be—

“…But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.You’re not… you can look at other girls all you like.I don’t own you.”Alex concludes resolutely, staring off towards the water where Maggie was holding tight to Winn lest he jump in.

Oh.

Oh no.

Kara feels her lip wobble, feels a laugh bubble up even as tears spill down her cheeks.

“You’re so amazing.”Alex is.She’s the best.“I’m just… you mean so much to me and I wish I could tell you how much but I can’t cause I’m useless. “

“No, you’re not.”Alex wipes at her cheeks and even though there’s a grin on her face, her eyes are clouded with real concern.“Why are you crying?”

“’Cause I was thinking just now like what if we were Martians?That would be _so_ cool because then we could just read each other’s minds, right?We could read each other’s minds and you’d know how much.You’d just know, and I’d know, and we’d be together forever and that would be so amazing.”

“We’re already amazing honey.”

“But we’re not Martians, we’re just people! You’re a Gaian and I’m a Kryptonian and we’re two completely different species but you still love me.You still love me and I wasn’t even listening to you!That was rude. _I’m_ rude!I’m gonna do better.I promise I’ll listen to everything you say from now on.No more time traveling ok?”

Alex rolls her lips under her teeth looking oddly like she’s fighting a smile.She doesn’t have to.Kara smiles wider so Alex knows she can smile too.

“Ok.”Alex finally says, chuckling a little when Kara moves to her knees and straddles her.“No more time traveling.”

“I’m gonna bone you.”Kara declares, moving in to kiss Alex and missing completely when Alex ducks out of the way.Oh well, her neck will do.

“Wo-OAH!”Alex yelps, fingers digging into Kara’s hips. Kara doesn’t mind, her own fingers have found some very pliant flesh of their own and well… Alex’s breasts were just superb.“ _Fuck!_ ”

Hissing a little, Alex grabs Kara’s wondering hands and pulls them down into her lap, voice straining as if through great effort. “What—where did you learn that word?”

“Sara.”Kara says undeterred and leaving open mouth kisses in a trail down Alex’s throat.“Winn said it meant sex.I know how to do sex.”

She does.Sex-ed was _super_ easy.Lots of insertion points and some pumping action.How hard could it be?

“I’m going to _kill_ Sara.”

When Kara tries to touch her again, Alex tightens her grip and cuts Kara off with a hard kiss to her mouth.

“How about we slow down a bit, ok?”

“But why?”Kara feels kind of like a slinky, like she’s being stretched in all the best ways and it’s a little hard to focus on what Alex is saying.When it clicks though, she feels tremendously guilty.“Did I do it wrong?Did you not like it?”

“No that’s not—” Alex grimaces and starts over.“I liked it—a lot, but you’re not sober honey and I—I need you to be sober for this ok?If we’re gonna take this next step, I need to know that you actually want it.”

“But I do.”

“So then you won’t mind waiting until tomorrow.”

Kara remembers something, sits back on her haunches.“Wait…you don’t like when I look at other girls?I look at lots of girls.”

She’d been looking at Sara.Is that why Alex was upset?

Alex’s face, already flushed from the kissing, flames up and she groans and she releases Kara to drop her head in her hands.“Romantically. I meant romantically.”

“Oh.But I don’t want anyone else romantically.Just you.”

“Yeah?What about Kate Kane?”

Kara thinks about it but only because Alex had asked.It would be impolite to just dismiss the question.

“Ms. Kane _was_ nice to look at.She’s very handsome but…”Kara shrugs.“That’s all.I didn’t really want to talk to her even though she turned out to be really nice in the end.”She wrinkles her nose.“But I wouldn’t want her to kiss me or anything. _Oh!_ ”Kara palms her own cheeks in dismay.“Do you think she wanted to kiss me?Was I rude?”

Now Alex does laugh, light and airy and so full that Kara feels it vibrate through her skin, all the way down to her bones.Alex’s happiness is contagious, it’s everything, it’s all Kara wants for the rest of forever.

“No.”Alex busses a kiss to her nose and pulls her in even closer.“No honey, you weren’t rude.”

Kara shakes her head, fingers plucking at the collar of Alex’s pretty green shirt.“I don’t wanna kiss her.”

“You don’t have to kiss anyone.”

“I want to keep kissing you.”

“You can kiss me whenever you want.”Alex assures her with a smile, laying a halting hand on Kara’s chest when she tries to dive back into it. “But _just_ kissing ok?Even if you do know “how to do sex”, it’s not happening tonight.”

“Ok.”Kara can do that.

This time when they kiss, Alex is a lot more responsive and her hands are warm and perfect and leave tingles dancing along Kara’s skin when Alex sneaks them under her shirt.Kara’s head feels so floaty and it’s like the whole world is around them, floating around them in a pink bubble and Alex is there keeping Kara anchored in safety.

She loves her.

Loves her with everything she is.

Alex makes her _so_ happy.

When Kara giggles into their kiss, Alex responds in kind and… does that mean she makes Alex happy too?

She hopes so.

It would be such an honor to make Alex smile like that.She was so beautiful.Kara was so lucky.

“Oh Rao!”Kara pushes herself up, one hand on Alex’s chest to stabilize herself as a wild grin takes over her face. “Alex I totally get how you did the top thing now!”

Eyes widening, Alex shakes her head viciously before Kara can continue.“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do!It’s all in the hips, watch!”Kara jumps to her feet but is tugged back down easily by Alex.

“Slow down.”

“But I can do it!”

“OR, or,” Alex holds up a finger. “We could just get you home.”

Now it’s Alex standing up, pulling Kara’s wobbly form up with her, and waving a hand at Maggie.

“No.”Kara protests, clucking her tongue in distaste.“Get back down there and let me try.”

“Tomorrow.”Alex promises, leading Kara back towards the car. “When you’re sober.”

Kara growls and tries to dig her feet in.“JUST LET ME BONE YOU!”

“Oh my _god_!”

The sounds of Maggie and Winn howling in laughter behind them can be heard for miles around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara's backbone has been reinforced by the steel of her family! Yaaaasss Queen.
> 
> Hamilton is not from Alexander Hamilton even though I am obsessed (have been since 2016, there's no cure). He's a character from the cartoon and he starts off as goodish and then he's just an evil SOB. Hence this Hamilton is kind of ambivalent. Not really important but I wasn't sure if there'd be confusion since I totally name dropped Maria Reynolds in there and she IS from Hamilton lol.
> 
> Uhhhhh, Kate Kane comes in and bosses up and Maggie creams her pants. Age difference is only 3 years in my world but Maggie's still got some growing to do before she snags the Bat lady.
> 
> Alex is still slightly hurt over Kara's reaction to Kate and that's why she was acting weird, in case anyone missed that.
> 
> Ummm, Kara's powers are not back she's just high as a kite and is mistaking her attention span deficit for time travel. Happens to the best of us. (I am the best of us).
> 
> Winn did know what weed was btw, but he wanted to experience it all. Let loose.
> 
> Alex did not drink that beer. I realize now I never mentioned it after but in my head she politely turned it down and told her groupies that she had precious cargo to consider.
> 
> Also, the amount of patience that both Cat and Alex exhibited in this chapter was just astounding. Can we just applaud them for a sec? Hats off.
> 
> I think that's it?
> 
> I've got one more chapter in me guys. :)


	16. All I Want is to Fall With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to shorter chapters and... i lied. There's still one more chapter. This damn last one just keeps needing a more thorough development dammit. But I think for real for real. Next chapter will be the finale. For real for real.

The previous day comes back to Kara before she’s even fully woken up.Her limbs are heavy, and she’s warm and comfortable and perfectly content.Some might even say she’s a bit floaty.

Giggling at her own joke, she makes a conscientious effort to return to the bed, floating down to her mattress from where she’d been hovering in the air.

Well.Guess her powers were back.

And there’s someone in her bed with her, an arm that immediately circles her waist and pulls her against a warm body.

_Alex._

She remembers, with secondhand mortification, yelling at Alex about “bone-ing” her.Remembers Alex patiently trying to get her into the car and then later trying to get her to sleep.Kara had refused to even go into the house without Alex, and it had been decided that they all, Maggie and Winn included, would just camp out in Kara’s room for the night.Less of a chance of Cat catching two of her wards, whom she had entrusted into Maggie and Alex’s care, high off their asses.

To say last night had been an adventure would be minimizing in its truest form.

Poor Alex.

Truly.

Kara laughs now, but she can remember Alex wrestling her into pajamas.Or trying to.In the end Kara had refused to wear pants and all Alex had really managed, red faced and panting, was to get her into a soft shirt.Then she’d had to coax Kara into bed which had been much easier when Alex herself had gotten into it.

_“I love you.”Alex murmurs, kissing Kara’s cheek goodnight and petting her hair._

_Kara giggles.“I love your face.”_

_Alex snorts.“My face?”_

_“Yeah.It’s so wonderful, like I know you said your eyes are “just brown” but they’re like a nice brown.They’re so enticing you know?”_

_“Enticing?”For some reason hearing the word repeated back to her is hilarious and Kara only laughs harder when Winn joins in from the floor prompting Maggie to groan._

_Eventually they calm down, Kara’s floatiness leading her to the realm of dreams before she sleepily peers up at Alex and sees her watching her.That look is enough to set her on a whole new tangent._

_“And sometimes they’re green!They have this sparkle that just… And I love your lips.Not just cause of the kisses but you’re so smart Alex.I love listening to you.You have such a nice voice.”_

_“Thank you.You ready to go to sleep now?”_

_“No, cause I’m not done.I love your hair.I love playing in your hair and holding your head cause you have like a really nice head baby—"_

_“You are so high.”Alex squeezes her a little, another kiss to her forehead, more head pets.“Let’s just go to sleep ok?”_

_“I can’t.Alex?”_

_“Yeah honey?”_

_“My heart is too loud.”It is; Kara’s actually a little worried.“Is it supposed to be that loud?”_

_“It’s loud because it’s tired and it’s telling you to go to sleep.”Alex pulls her to her chest, combing Kara’s hair back with her nails.“Try mine, is mine too loud?”_

_Cuddling closer, Kara sighs and shakes her head.“No.I love the way your heart sounds.”_

_“Go to sleep ok?”_

_“Ok.Hold me.”_

_“I am.I will.Go to sleep.”_

Now that she’s awake, she _really_ appreciates everything Alex had done for her last night.Her heart feels so full—her belly so empty.

A quick peek at the floor shows that both Maggie and Winn are still fast asleep in a pile of blankets and pillows.Maggie also deserved a reward.

A nice reward.

A food reward for Alex and Maggie.

It’s fairly simple to extricate herself from Alex’s grip and sneak upstairs to the kitchen.The sun has only just begun to rise, so the house is still quiet.Even Cat won’t be up for another hour or so, but she deserves a good meal too.Kara resolves to make an easy, yet affordable, breakfast for everyone.

She starts the water for the oatmeal first since that will take the longest.Then she gets out the eggs; Cat was prone to getting the big batch from Costco to keep everyone fed so Kara doesn’t feel too much guilt when she takes out a dozen of them to whisk in a large bowl.She adds just a hint of milk for fluffiness and sets it aside to get some pans.

It's only after she’s set the oatmeal on a simmer, now heavy with creamer, vanilla, and cinnamon, that she hears Alex coming up the stairs.Kara remembers she’s only in a shirt and panties a second before Alex turns the corner, all sleepy eyed and tousled hair.

Too late now.

Besides… Alex had already received enough of a show last night that Kara can’t really say she has much left to be embarrassed about.Especially since Alex stops short before the entryway and just _stares._ Kara carefully removes the eggs from the fire, placing the still hot pan into the oven to stay warm and beginning to shovel up strips of bacon onto a paper towel to drain.But she’s also a Kryptonian with superpowers so it’s not at all a challenge for her to also get some of her own looks in.

And Alex is just too adorable.

Where Kara had been practically naked last night, and even now, Alex was wearing a long sleeved thermal, probably one that Kara had stolen from her at some point, and shorts.She’s also got on jet black socks that make her feet look smaller somehow.With her hair all mussed like that… Well: cutest girl in the universe right there.

As she’s dishing up the bacon, Alex sidles up behind her and places a wet kiss on her neck making Kara shiver.

“G’morning.”Alex mumbles, voice deep and scratchy with sleep.

“Bem :zeht khutiv : zhao.”

“… huh?”

Laughing, Kara steals a kiss over her shoulder. “I made you breakfast.”

“’mells good.Thanks.”Alex says, snuggling against her back and kissing her neck again.“How’re you feelin’?”

Kara hums and leans back in the embrace. _Maybe_ she tilts her head to give Alex better access. _Maybe._

“Better.”Kara says.She keeps her voice soft, wanting to help coax Alex out of her half awake state rather than jolt her out of it.She would have made coffee, but Alex didn’t drink it.Something about athletics and metabolism and blah, blah, blah.Maybe for Cat though?“I feel good.Relaxed.”

Centered, like her world wasn’t hanging on by a thread anymore.She hadn’t realized how rattled she always felt until she’s woken up this morning with an unfamiliar sense of calm.She likes this; this is nice.

“Mmm.Marijuana studies been showin’ really good promise as anti-anxiety medication.Could talk to Myriah ‘bout it.”

“Maybe… my powers are back though; I don’t think it will be very effective with me back at full strength.”

There’s a hand rubbing over her belly when Kara reaches into the cabinet for the coffee, trying not to get too distracted by the warm palm and the soft skin as she spoons out the required amount into the coffee machine.She almost swoons when Alex places a soft kiss behind her ear.

“Never know, maybe Kryptonians had somethin’ similar.Couldn’t hurt t’ ask.”Another sigh, the soft gust of breath tickling against Kara’s ear and making her close her eyes for a second.“You look beautiful by the way; ’m really happy you’re feeling better.”

Pressing a few more buttons to set the coffee, Kara gives the oatmeal a few quick stirs, pleased with the milky creamy texture it’s taken on and finally allowing herself to turn in Alex’s arms so they’re face to face.

“Thank you for last night.For taking care of me.”

Alex wrinkles her nose.“Kara—”

“I know.I know you’ll always take care of me and that you like it or whatever but… still thank you.You have no idea how much it means to me.What _you_ mean to me.”She leans in, allowing her nose to guide her, and nuzzles into Alex’s jaw, near her hairline. “And I’m sorry if I made you jealous.With Ms. Kane.I didn’t mean to look at her any way.”

Alex tenses, relaxes, grumbles.

“It’s ok.I guess she _was_ kind of cool in the end.”

“She was.”Kara agrees, leaning back to peck Alex on the mouth.“You’re cooler.”She grins impishly.“The coolest and I lo—”

“Is that bacon?”Maggie appears in the doorway as if she’s been summoned and Alex quickly pulls Kara tight against her as if that will somehow hide the fact that she’s mostly in underwear.“Holy crap is that _oatmeal?!You know how to make oatmeal?!”_

Pushing them both out of the way, Maggie leans over the pot and inhales deeply.Kara blushes to the roots of her hair at her indecency and—carefully—speeds out of Alex’s arms to throw on a pair of pajama bottoms.

Maggie’s arrival is apparently a wake up for the rest of the house because Winn stumbles in mere seconds later, followed by Cat who is already fully dressed and perfect and takes in the scene with a critical eye.

“I take it last night went well?”She asks, accepting both the hug and the mug of coffee Kara hands her with a smile.

“It was so much fun!And people were nice just like you said!”Winn gushes, rushing over to join the hug before rushing back to the food and stuffing his face.“They had food and a bonfire and Alex punched—”

“A strike!”Maggie interrupts.“Beach volleyball, we slaughtered the other side.Right Danvers?”

“Right.”Alex chirps, hiding her face in hair.

The chatter continues, happy and familiar and sweet.Kara thinks back to what she’d been about to say and can’t even be disappointed that it hadn’t worked out the way she’d wanted.This—this was probably just as good anyway.It was progress that she’d said it at all.

~*~

“Suicides!Everybody on the line, now!”

It’s a bit like coming home, hearing Mr. Jones’ gruff voice sounding orders.Even more so when the team groans and shuffles off to do as they’re told.They haven’t been on the field in at least three days where normally it would have been light practices to keep everyone in shape.Now Mr. Jones has the unenviable task of getting the girls’ bodies and minds to remember what a soccer game will actually feel like.And he’s only got today’s practice to work them very hard.

“You notice how Sawyer’s running?”Mr. Jones asks, eyes squinted and watching Maggie run through her sets.

Maggie is running next to Alex, the two girls clearly in some sort of competition with wide smiles and sweaty faces.

“I think she might have fallen wrong yesterday.She was sort of helping Alex wrangle me and Winn.”

Mr. Jones grunts, squints harder.

“It’s not twisted or broken but I don’t want to risk it.Pull her, get her to practice head shots.No footwork.”

Nodding, Kara sets down her clipboard and cups her hands over her mouth.

“Maggie!Come in!”

Nothing.A few girls lift their heads in question but Maggie, on the far side with Alex, just continues to run.

“Mags!”Kara calls, waving her arms.“Maggie.”

“Oy!Sawyer!”Vasquez shouts, spinning her body to run backwards and yell at Maggie behind her.“Baby Coach is calling you!”

As thankful as Kara is, it’s still a little embarrassing that Maggie had heard Vasquez who’s barely a foot away from Kara and not Kara herself.A dry chuckle from Mr. Jones only adds to that indignity.

“You’ll need to practice your yelling.”He says.“If you’re going to be cheering at the game.”

“Cheering?”Kara turns away from the sight of Maggie carefully making her way along the back side of the field.“I thought—am I not going to be calling plays?”

“That to.Although we have huddles for that.I’d imagine you’d want to show the team how much you… admire them.”It’s as close to a tease as Kara has ever heard from Mr. Jones and the wink he sends her nearly sets her face aflame.

_Rao._ She can only imagine that her face looks like a lobster right now.

“Hey Kara, Coach.”Maggie huffs, jogging up to them and saving Kara from further humiliation.“Everything ok?”

“Ms. Sawyer, correct me if I’m wrong but last time I checked we didn’t run while injured.”

Maggie stiffens, hands balling at her hips.“I’m fine Coach.I didn’t even—”

“You’re the best striker we have; it would be detrimental to our winning efforts if I had to bench you.”Maggie’s scowl deepens but Mr. Jones just rolls his shoulders and nods at Kara, attention back on the field.“Ms. Zor-El will lead you through upper body work, focus on headers for now.”Disgruntled, Maggie nods but stops when Mr. Jones’ holds up a hand.“And please teach her how to yell.That last display won’t do for Saturday’s game.”

When Maggie smirks and Mr. Jones’ mouth twitches, Kara knows she’s been betrayed.

~*~

Myriah is nice.

The room she had led Kara too is hardly what Kara would have expected from a therapist though.A bit too dark with the navy blue paint and antique looking furniture but as they’re sitting on the third floor of the house where the entire far wall is made up of glass windows and doors, the natural light is more than enough to offset that.

The doors are open now, the sheer curtains fluttering in the breeze and bringing strong whiffs of the farm and nature into the room.

Kara is sitting on the couch, slightly less anxious at the upcoming conversation since Myriah had the foresight to bring up scones, cookies, and a large teapot of the most delicious tea Kara had ever tasted.

“J’onn and I took the girls to Europe one year; had tea in every major city.”Myriah says by way of explanation.“You learn very quickly that Americans are completely useless when it comes to a good cup of tea.”

Kara grins.“Well, they did throw most of it in the harbor.They probably didn’t have any for enough time that the skill left them.”

There’s a small grin, dancing around Myriah’s mouth, her dark eyes sparkling with mirth.

This is nice.

Not at all nerve wracking.

It’s actually really easy to talk to Myriah; Kara learns more about that vacation and Myriah gives her little places she’d recommend Kara visits.In return, Kara tells her she’s never really vacationed anywhere.At least not on Earth.Most of the places she’s seen have been completely due to bouncing around foster homes or running away.And they’ve all been domestic US states.

Which leads Myriah to question which planets she’s been to and well… they kind of devolve from there and before she knows it, Kara has explained most of her life; both on Krypton and on Earth.Not everything; she skims over the painful bits but well… that’s probably to be expected.

At least Myriah doesn’t seem affected by her skimming, if anything she seems pleased that Kara has shared as much as she has.It’s all very… nice.

“What do you like to do?”Myriah asks, as Kara eats the last cookie.She’s leaning forward on the chair to Kara’s left, head propped up on a bent fist.“You’ve been all these places; do you like to travel?”

“No.”Kara doesn’t even have to think about it.“Traveling usually means permanent move.”

“Nothing is permanent.”

Kara guesses that’s true.Actually, she kind of knows that’s true, it’s just a huge bummer to hear it said out loud by an adult.An adult who, for all intents and purposes, has had a similar life to Kara’s.An adult who maybe she can actually finally ask about permanence and life and Alex…

“Do you have a hobby maybe?”Myriah asks next while Kara is still busy mentally vetting her.

“I design the plays for the soccer team.That’s fun.”

“Is that what you want to do?Design plays?”

“I like it.”Kara says, slightly defensive now.“I have friends now.”

Myriah only smiles kinder if that is even a thing.“I’m asking because the season will be over very soon, and you’ll need to find something new to occupy your time.And because I don’t think you’ve given much thought to what you actually _want._ What you like.”

Kara shifts in her seat.“I like Alex.”

“Alex is a person.It doesn’t sound very fun to occupy all of your time with a person.I’d go crazy is all I had to entertain me was J’onn.”

Here goes.

“What if that person… what if you needed to occupy your time with them because… because nothing is permanent?”

She uses Myriah’s own words because they’re easier, but it still makes her cringe, makes her leg jump at how broken and trembling her words feel.Like the jar of seashells on Eliza’s kitchen counter, a rattling mess of cracked open corpses.How fitting.

“Hm.”Myriah hums, leaning back and picking up her cup of tea.“Are you afraid of Alex breaking up with you?”

“She’s a human.She—I’ve learned that humans are very… fickle in their affections.They jump from thing to thing and break promises and hurt themselves over and over again all because they think they need this—this thing.”

“This thing?”

“Love.”

“Well I think we all want to be loved.Do you want to be loved?”

Yes.Desperately. _Permanently._

“Maybe.”Kara slumps forward, dropping her head in her hands.“It was different on Krypton; your perfect person was chosen for you.It was simple.”

Myriah hums again and Kara hears her shift but doesn’t lift her head to see what Myriah’s actually doing.

“That sounds horrible.”

“What?”That Kara does lift her head at.

“Having your perfect person chosen for you?”Myriah asks, shaking her head and taking a sip from her cup.“I never understood the way your people went about selecting life partners, it was always so… clinical.”

“That’s not—no, it took the guesswork out of it.”

“Oh?And what if you didn’t like your “perfect partner”?What if once you met them, you realized they picked their nose too much?”Myriah leans forward, eyes widening in concern and making Kara’s heart drop to her shoes in sympathy fear.“Or worse, what if they make a terrible cup of tea?”

And at first Kara is a little offended because Myriah seems to be making light of this, but also… Myriah seems to be completely serious.

“The Codex would have foreseen any compatibility issues.Your partner would have been perfect.”

“So, you’d classify yourself as perfect?Or at least perfect for someone?”

“I—” Kara flounders, hands clenching along her thighs.She thinks of Alex waiting for her to call, probably working on her bio-engineering midterm, and coughs.“Perfection is—” she stops before she can say impossible.It’d look pretty dumb if she’d just been raving about perfect partners only to say perfection wasn’t even a thing.Rao what was wrong with her?“Can we talk about something else?”

“If you really want to, but I think it’s important to strip off this layer of arrogance you seem to wear about Krypton.”

“Arrogance?I—I am _not_ arrogant!”

“Kara,” Myriah says patiently.“I’ve been doing this for a while and the number one red flag that always comes up with my patients is a lack of sincerity.You don’t want what you had on Krypton; you were still a child when you left.You’re still a child _now._ For thirteen years it was all you knew and, without sounding disrespectful, your people believed themselves to be Gods.That’s not exactly a healthy mentality to keep.Especially on Earth.So why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?”

“I—my people weren’t perfect I know that but—you can’t—you weren’t there so you can’t know.”

“Are you upset over what I said about Kryptonians being arrogant?”

Yes.

“Yes.”

“Is that all your upset about?”

No.Crap.What—her head hurts!Like really bad.Dropping her forehead to her palm, Kara grits her teeth and tries to talk through it anyway.Tries to make sense of the jumbled mess in her head and for _once_ just… figure it out.

Myriah tries again.“Kara, would you prefer it if you had the Codex here?If you still had the ability to have your perfect person selected for you?”

_No._

“No!Not if—” Crap.“No.I want—”

Oh.

“What do you want?”

Her headache dissipates leaving only a hollow feeling in her chest.No, not hollow more like… huh.Kara brings a hand up to her breast, fisting the material of her shirt and rubbing the area over her heart.That’s… huh.

“Kara?”

“Alex.”But also… “I want Alex to be my perfect person; I want to be _Alex’s_ perfect person.”

Myriah smiles, sweetly enough that it makes Kara smile a little too.“And what’s stopping that from happening?The Codex?”

“No, I—I don’t know.”

“Is it because she’s not Kryptonian?”

“ _No_!”Kara gasps, pressing her fist harder against her chest, some of the earlier agitation returning.“Alex doesn’t need to be—Oh.I see what you were saying now.”

“Do you?”

“I didn’t mean to say that Krypton was _better—_ I mean I know I _did_ say that, but I didn’t—crap, this is making my head hurt.”Head meets palm again.

“Do you need to take a break?”

“Can you just—can you explain this to me a little?I feel like it’s _right_ there but it’s still…”

“Sometimes when our feelings confuse us, we make sense of them with the most arbitrary things.Things that are shallow are a lot easier to handle than things that hurt.For you, losing Krypton is very painful.Just like losing Mars is for J’onn and I.There are people—family, that you can never get back.It doesn’t matter how much you wish it.”

Swallowing, Kara nods to show she’s listening but keeps her head down.Her eyes sting.

“And maybe, because that loss hurts so much, hurts so much you can barely breath some days, maybe it’s easier to just never open ourselves up to that kind of pain again?So maybe we make excuses for why things can’t work?And maybe putting an expiration date on everything good in our lives will help us prepare for its inevitable loss.Kara, can you look at me for a moment?”

It takes a while, and a lot of effort on Kara’s part but eventually, she summons the willpower to lift her head.Myriah’s eyes are deep and brown and kind.Patient and full of an empathy that Kara feels she hasn’t really earned.

“What are you feeling right now?”Myriah asks.

“Uh…” Kara licks her lips, blinks a few times, clenches and unclenches her fists, tries to get her damn leg to stay still.“My heart is beating really fast… it’s— I don’t like it.”

“Would you say you’re uncomfortable?”

“Yes.”

“Sad?”

“Yeah.”Her lips tremble and she can no longer keep the tears back, they itch as they fall down her face.

“Are you angry?”

Kara huffs.“Not right now, no.Usually though, maybe.”

“Me too.”Kara feels her eyes widen, locks in on Myriah with shock.“Losing almost everything you know and love?Anger is a valid response.”

“But I’m afraid.”

“That’s valid too.”Myriah assures her.“All of your feelings are valid; everything you feel Kara, you have the _right_ to feel it.I know you think you need to be strong, but keeping a part of yourself hidden?Locked away?That’s not strength, that’s crippling.You’re hurting yourself.”

Kara nods thoughtfully, smooths her hands down her thighs.“I—Earth—my life here, it’s starting to feel good again.”

“That’s good.That’s a _good_ thing.”

“Yeah…” her voice cracks. “I feel guilty about that.”

“Why?If I’d been lost to my family—If I’d had to send my girls to safety, all I would have wanted for them was that they were safe and happy.I have no doubt in my mind that your parents wanted the same for you.”

“Maybe.”

“Certainly.”

Kara looks at her again, feels her heart pound against her hand, through her body, thrum loudly in her ears.

“It feels like if I lose anything else, I’ll die.Like not even just die, just—fall apart.Like my body is held together by these thin strands that will just snap and leave me a bleeding mess if I—”

“If you lost Alex?”Myriah asks when Kara breaks off.

“Not just her.Mostly or—if it were Winn or Maggie too.Or Cat—” Kara’s voice breaks over the name, and she can no longer keep her body upright, slumps forward and allows her arms to catch her against the small table in front of her.Then she’s sobbing, hard heavy gasps of breath that leave her winded and pained and seeing stars.

She’s only marginally aware of being held, of someone petting her hair and singing to her.Mostly she’s just petrified of having that out in the open.As if she’s somehow spoken that outcome into existence.But with that fear comes relief, like this weight she’d been carrying around finally has a face to it.Something she can see and understand rather than just have this jumble of confusion all the time.

It's sobering, and frightening, and maddening all in one.

When she’s done crying Myriah tells her something that Kara holds close to her chest.

Mr. Jones drives her home.

Kara texts Alex because she’d promised she would and she’s beginning to understand that love is a two way street; she doesn’t want Alex worrying over her, but she does ask for some time.Alex’s response is heartfelt and kind and Kara doesn’t even finish reading it before she has to put her phone down.

Cat takes one look at her when she comes through the door and pulls her into a tight hug.She lets Kara take her dinner to go and somehow Kara winds up on the roof outside of Maggie’s window.

A little while after that Streaky finds her and yells at her until she lets him cuddle into her chest.The vibrations of his purrs take some of the acid out of her throat.

Some time passes, Kara isn’t sure how long, but she knows the moon had been out for some time when Maggie sticks her head out the window and tells her to come inside.When Kara does, Maggie helps her undress and puts her in some of her own clothes.Alex’s shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms.

Then Kara’s being pushed down into Maggie’s bed and Maggie is wrapping around her and stroking her hair and the words come falling from between her lips with provocation.

“I don’t want to be alone again.”

“You never have to be.”

It’s probably the first time Kara’s able to get to sleep without Alex and she isn’t sure what that means.

She’ll need to ask Myriah at their next session, until then she’ll think on what she’d said.

_“Being afraid of losing the ones we love is a very simple facet of loving.You can’t be afraid of the end, that’s inevitable; you can only do your best to milk the now.If I were you, I’d live as if the end was never coming.You’re an amazing young woman Kara; you’re worth staying for.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, So I'm like knee deep in fellowship writing so my updates have been really sporadic I know but that's not completely why this was delayed. The real reason is... I forgot my head canon for Kryptonian marriage and I needed the name of the machine that matched people. I originally thought it was canon, canon but I can find no traces of Kryptonian marriage anywhere; and so I said maybe I got it from fan-canon but a very cursory and frustrating search in a03 tags showed nothin either; and then I just gave up for a few days. Then today I saw a message from quicklymassiveinfluencer over on Tumblr that just made my heart grow like the grinch and I said, dammit we WILL post today. So I searched AGAIN, and low and behold I found it in a fic. Tis fan-canon that its the Codex. Hardy Har har. Anyway, thank quicklymassiveinfluencer for this being posted today otherwise I would have been hard at work on my 5th draft of real world work.
> 
> Lastly, just another fun point out, this whole chapter was done to get Kara's therapy in and get her to a certain headspace. The whole damn thing. That was the main goal. Yep. Definitely didn't lose any sleep over this one little scene. Gah!
> 
> ALSO one MORE fun fact: the first time I tried weed I literally thought I was having a heart attack. Asked my friend to take me to the hospital and everything. In other words, I was super chill about the whole thing and everyone wanted to hang out with me afterwards. :P


	17. It's not Impossible, Say that it's Possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The end. The big bambino. Just over 10k words because I REFUSED to cut it again.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> P.S. I only very lightly edited this because I did not forsee myself having the time to fully edit and i didn't want to sit on it any longer. Apologies for the inevitable typos and grammar faux paus.

Friday morning is met with several unexpected events.

For one, Kara wakes up sandwiched between Winn and Maggie on a very, very small mattress.Winn is in serious danger of falling off the bed all together and Maggie is lying half on top of Kara.Extracting herself is a task but when she does, and she can turn back and see the mess of friendship before her…

This is what love is.

Her conversation with Myriah yesterday… 

Kara presses a kiss to both Winn and Maggie’s foreheads, softly so she doesn’t wake them because Maggie would probably clock her for the affection, before walking down to her own room.

It’s still early.

The sun isn’t even out yet, but Kara doesn’t mind.Now that she’s awake her mind is racing once again with thoughts of what it is exactly that she’s _doing_ with her life.

The tasks of getting ready for the day act as a backdrop for her thoughts.Showering, brushing her teeth… they all fade to the back of her mind.

Myriah had asked her some difficult questions yesterday; had pointed out some very glaring flaws in Kara’s logic.

It makes her think of Alex and how Alex’s mood had largely begun to depend on _Kara’s_ mood.On Kara’s actions and words.

Some of that was to be expected considering how much time they spent together and considering that they were in a relationship but… Myriah was right.Kara’s increasing dependance on Alex wasn’t healthy.

In the beginning, when Alex had shown her the slightest interest, Kara had stuffed down what and largely _who_ she really was.She’d lied and omitted because she’d wanted the pretty girl to like her.And when Alex had shown that she _had,_ Kara had lied some more.

Of course, that had blown up in her face rather spectacularly but rather than running for her life like she should have, Alex had stayed.Alex had been the one to convince _Kara_ that they should fight for their relationship.

Alex had fought for Kara.

It wasn’t lost on her the war Alex waged on her temper had been largely won because of her love for Kara.Alex had been trying so hard, had given Kara so much that it was so easy for Kara to just bask in it.Even with her world blowing up and losing literally everything she’d ever known, Kara was still a Kryptonian.A Scion to one of Krypton’s Great Houses; the _youngest_ initiate into the Science Guild; a childhood prodigy.

She should have known better.

Alex was not a crutch.

She wasn’t this thing that Kara got to latch onto because she was afraid of the world and afraid of being alone again.

It was harder to see when she was completely in it but now that Myriah had forced her to take a step back—

Kara wasn’t even sure who she was outside of Alex.

Her daily preparation had barely taken any time at all; it’s still barely scratching the surface of four a.m., so Kara takes out a notebook and begins to write.

Things I love:

1.Alex

2.Cat

3.Winn

4.Maggie

The next part is harder.She’s exhausted her list of people but Myriah had challenged her to go beyond that.Beyond her personal relationships and think about activities.Kara almost writes Math down but… She’s _good_ at math, that doesn’t necessarily mean she enjoys it.What did she enjoy?

It takes a while but… Myriah hadn’t really limited her to Earth.

Things I love:

1.My parents

2.Astra

3.Uncle Jor-El

4.Aunt Lara

5.Kal-El (I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me)

6.Alex

7.Cat

8.Winn

9.Maggie

10.Science, Kryptonian Science with dad.

11.Going to the planetarium on Krypton and charting Stars

12.Soccer maybe, mostly.It feels sort of like a family, if a little rowdy.

13.I like being with my friends.I like Winn’s game nights.

14.Being around people I love.

15.Food.

16.Movie nights

17.Buffets

18.Cuddles

19.Flying

20.Drawing.Like with the soccer plays but maybe more?

21.Art

Sitting back on her bed, Kara pulls the notebook to her chest and lets her head fall back against the wall.The stars she’d painted on the ceiling twinkle back at her.

How had she forgotten she’d liked art?Or, maybe not forgotten but she had definitely let it slip away.All because the kids at school had said she couldn’t be a part of their art club.

She feels a smile tug at her mouth, weeks of Cat’s lessons finally clicking in her head.

Without even meaning to, Kara had allowed complete strangers to kill something she enjoyed.Well…

Kara flips to a clean page in her notebook.

Not anymore.

~*~

Deciding to go see Leslie had been the second unexpected occurrence of the day.

Kara had been sketching for over an hour—the lines and planes of Alex’s face of all things—before her thoughts had led her to some serious questions of her own.

Myriah was nice but she was still a new person in Kara’s life; it’d feel weird to seek her out.

And all of Kara’s humans were asleep right now because it was still really early but a quick listen had picked out one particularly grumpy heartbeat that had brought a smile to her face.

If Kara was going to be turning over a new leaf, she should definitely apologize to the people she’d crushed under the old one.

So: Leslie.

This time Kara leaves a very detailed note for Cat on her bedroom door before leaving, starting a pot of coffee so Cat won’t be too grumpy when she reads it.

The minute Kara steps into the construction office, a trailer set on large blocks of wood and brick, Leslie sets her to work.

There isn’t even a good morning between them, just Leslie shoving some tools at her and pointing to her truck.

They load up and Leslie takes her to today’s construction site, an office makeover.

As the morning progresses and Leslie wakes up more, Kara learns that her normal crew is finishing up a new house construction deeper in the suburbs.This office space was next on the list, but Leslie figured, since Kara had decided to show up unannounced, she might as well put her speed and strength to use.

They finish running the electricity by six, the dry wall is up fifteen minutes later.

Even Kara is proud of her work.

“You here for a job kid?” Leslie is looking over the blueprints, checking over what their next steps would be.

“No.I wanted to apologize.”But a job actually sounded like a pretty good idea.“The last time we spoke I was… my behavior was inexcusable.So: sorry. I’m sorry.”

Leslie peers up at her, blue eyes flickering to black for a second as she cracks her neck.“You talk it out with your girl?”

“Yeah.” There’s a sense of calm now when she thinks about Alex; a purpose that makes her feel lighter.“We have a lot more to talk about but yes.”

“Cat said you were back in school.”

“I am.”

Leslie grunts and goes back to her blueprints.“So, you’re in school and you’ve got your girl back and you still came all this way to… apologize.”

Was that a question?

“Yes?”

“The magic of Cat Grant.”

Although she tilts her head, Kara chooses not to comment on that and instead picks up Leslie’s knife.

“Woah—hey!Let’s talk this out super girl.”

“We forgot to cut out the hole for an outlet right there.”Kara says, pointing at the spot with the knife and fighting a laugh.“I was just gonna cut it for you since I can see.”

When Leslie doesn’t protest, Kara goes and does just that.It’s a nice enough distraction that she feels safe enough to admit, “I don’t want to be a leech.”

“You’re pulling your weight well enough right now.I wouldn’t call you a leech.A little too bubbly to be sure but—”

“I meant with Alex and my… family.”That was another thing Kara would have to kick.The whole stumbling over words she’d forgotten how to use.But Cat and Winn and Maggie?They were family now.Irrevocably.

“Ah.”

The knife in her hand is sharp, a pretty silver with a green handle that feels comfortable in Kara’s palm.Not too bulky; smooth.

It’s nice.

“Check this out.”Leslie calls.When Kara turns Leslie is at a table with a C-clamp holding down two wooden pencils stacked on top of each other.“I’ve got it on a pretty low pressure right now, they’re close right?Each doing their own thing.”

“Are you using pencils as a metaphor or—”

**_SNAP!_ **

Leslie spins the clamp, the metal tightening rapidly until the top pencil breaks, rather violently, into several pieces and splinters into the second.

Well.

“It’s only when we try to get too close, be _too much,_ that the pressure becomes unbearable and something breaks.”Leslie steps back from the table, hands landing proudly on her hips as she takes in her handy work.“I am killing this mentor shit.”

It is completely necessary for Kara to wonder how she’d wound up here.Completely necessary to walk back through her thought process.

“That was very… informative.”

When Leslie sees her face, probably wide-eyed with shock and more than a little concern, she scoffs.

“Oh come on, that is _exactly_ what you’re talking about.”

“Yep.”

“Look,” Leslie yanks up the pencil that is scarred with the body of its “lover” and wags the point of it at Kara.“The point is that you’re fresh and new and you’ve finally found people, so you latched.I latched too.It’s normal to latch.It’s the unending pressure that does people in.”

Hearing that Leslie might have had the same issues as she did, makes Kara relax and take a hopeful step forward.

“You latched?”

“Like a maggot.It was gross.I was disgusted with myself; started lashing out just to get more attention even though I already had a pretty sweet deal.”

Oh, that didn’t sound good at all.

“What happened?”

“Cat fired my ass.We had this radio show, pretty small but it grew like wildfire.”Leslie twirls the pencil, sparks flicking along her fingertips and a far off look entering her eyes.“Problem is Cat was the first good thing to happen to me and, when her newspaper started gaining more attention than my show, I had the pretty fuckin’ stupid thought that I needed to be louder somehow.One guess on who won that battle?”

“But you two seem ok now.”Kara says, carefully reaching out a hand and laying it against Leslie’s wrist.The erratic pencil twirling stops at least, though there are still a few errant sparks.“You’re friendly at least.”

“After.After I got electrocuted and lost everything that mattered to me and built this,” she gestures around her, “from the rubble.I know I can be a bitch but not even I would want you to take the path I did.Seriously, do you want _Alex_ to just be your friend?”

No.

No Kara definitely did not want that.

“So what do I do?”

“Skip some very painful steps and find your own things.”

Kara nods slowly.“That’s what Myriah said.That I should include Alex in my life, not have her be the whole of it.”When Leslie quirks an eyebrow, she continues. “Myriah is my therapist.We had our first session yesterday.”

“Ah.That explains things… good advice.”

When Leslie tosses the pencil at her, sans sparks, Kara’s first thought is homicide attempt.But also, Leslie is kind of smiling and Kara doesn’t think she’s _that_ far gone.

“I’d have thought you’d be a bit more skeptical of therapy.You seem…” Kata trails off, not at a loss for words, but more in shock of what she’d been about to say.Rude.That was very _very_ rude! “Never mind!Forget I said anything.”

Leslie’s glare is well earned.

“The only reason I haven’t fried your brain yet is because you can lay drywall and spackle damn near flawlessly in less time than a full contingent of sweaty men.”

“And cause we’re friends?”Kara asks hopefully, wilting a little when Leslie only continues to glare.

“We’re not friends.I don’t make friends with teenagers cause that’s weird.But I’ll be your boss if you’ve got any free time.”

Oh.

Soccer, as Myriah pointed out, was ending.The voice in her head chants Alex’s name, but another, stronger voice tells her this is for the best.She’s already missing her imaginary time with Alex even as she speaks.

“After the championships I will.”

“What do you even do for that team?Were you really all twisted up just because your girl played?”

“No.”Not entirely.“I design their plays and draw them up.And they’re my friends.”

After the support they’d shown Kara after the whole suspension fiasco, and even before that with Belinda—they’d _quit_ for her, she couldn’t count them as anything less.

Grunting, Leslie nods and reaches for her pocket, pulling out her wallet.

“Cat mentioned you like drawing.You any good?”

“Alex thinks so.”

“And what do you think?”Leslie asks, fingers dug deep in leather folds.

One thing Kara liked about Leslie, and one of the reasons she’d come to apologize so they could remain… cordial, was that she appreciated honesty.And she gave honesty.Leslie wasn’t big on “BS” as she would call it and so Kara’s next words were carefully considered.

“I’m good.I could be better if I had more practice or maybe some instruction but that will come with time.I was actually thinking of watching some YouTube videos for reference.”

Leslie clucks her tongue and hands Kara three twenty dollar bills.

“For your work today.You, Cat, and I should sit down and discuss terms of your employment, but I just partnered with Future Industries and we have an architect intern on the team, Asami Sato.I think you’d learn a lot from her and she’s closer to your age if you want a… friend.Better than YouTube anyway.”

Despite every cell in her brain telling her it was a bad idea, Kara dashes forward anyway and wraps Leslie up in a hug.

She gets electrocuted for her efforts, but it still doesn’t wipe the smile off of her face.

~*~

The third unexpected thing that happens is that, as Kara is walking to school after her impromptu meeting with Leslie, Alex calls her.

The way her heart flutters upon seeing Alex’s name on her phone’s screen isn’t even embarrassing anymore.

“Hey.”She answers, biting her lip a bit so that strangers don’t think she’s crazy for smiling so wide.“What’s up?”

“ _Nothing just um… are you ok?”_

Kara pauses at a crosswalk, waiting patiently for the approaching car to stop at the very clearly red light before stepping out into the street herself.It would never cease to amaze her that some drivers found it necessary to go 40 mph until the last conceivable second.

“I’m fine.I just had a lot of thoughts.”

“ _Yeah.Yeah, therapy can do that to you… I’m um, actually at your place.I wanted to surprise you, but Maggie said you already left.”_

“Aww,” Kara swoons, presses-a-fist-to-her-chest-knees-weakening-and-smiles-big-time-swoons.“That’s so sweet.”

Today is turning out to be really, really good.

“ _Not very effective though.Winn and Maggie are fighting over the front seat now.”_ In the background Kara can just make out a girly scream.“ _Maggie won.”_

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.I’m actually only two blocks away from school.”As soon as she says the word, something wet hits her skin.Once, twice, a lot of times.Kara glances around and speeds the rest of the way.“Correction: I am at the school.”

“ _Did you get caught in the rain? It was literally on every news station all night long.”_

To be fair, Kara had been busy with other things.Like her mental health.

“Barely.I might have cheated and ran the rest of the way.Can I meet you at your locker?”Kara may be a leaning towards independence but that doesn’t mean she has to give Alex up completely.

“ _The chem lab.”_ Alex says, the distant patter of rain coming through alongside her voice. _“I have to set up before first period.”_

“Great.I’ll see you then.”

~*~

The severe weather warnings come just as Kara hears Alex round the corner.The chem lab had been locked so, although Kara had wanted to set the lab up for Alex so they could have time to just sit, that had been out of the question unless she’d wanted to break the door.

Which she hadn’t.

Obviously.

Thought hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“Hey you,” Alex sighs, tense shoulders relaxing when Kara comes into view.She’s got on her leather jacket and hoodie, both speckled with raindrops but damn does Alex look good as she pushes the hood from her head.“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”Two steps and Kara’s in her arms, a sense of warmth and welcome enveloping her.“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk yesterday and that I missed you this morning.”

“As long as you’re ok.That’s all I care about.”

“I am. I promise.”

Alex squeezes her, one hand moving up to palm Kara’s shoulder.“Good.You want to talk about it?”

There’s a small furrow in Alex’s brow when she pulls back, her face creased with concern.And, when Alex brings a hand up to cup Kara’s cheek, Kara can hardly do anything else but melt.

It’s a fair question; the new normal is that when Kara has something on her mind, she speaks about it with Alex but she kind of doesn’t _need_ to talk about it.She’s just spent the morning talking about it.

She’s just spent the last eight hours or more _thinking_ about it.

Right now, she wants to talk about anything else.

Alex.

They can talk about Alex.

“Not really.”She says, taking Alex’s hand and kissing the palm.“I just want to spend time with you.How’re you feeling about tomorrow’s game?”

Alex’s concerned face turns into Alex’s frowny face very quickly.It would be adorable if Alex hadn’t gone so rigid in her arms.

But just as soon as the tension comes, Alex forces herself to relax simultaneously releasing Kara and digging in her pocket for the keys to the lab.

“With all these warnings we’re not sure we’re gonna have a game.If it rains too late or too heavy, we’ll be stuck with a wet field.They might have to bump us to Sunday.”

“Well that’s good right?We’ll have an extra day to prepare.”

“Not for practice.We can’t practice on a wet field.”Alex chews her lip thoughtfully as she crosses to the chemical cabinet.“Maybe go over strategy though.”

“Exactly.” Kara chirps, examining the glass cabinet for a second before speeding through the apparatus’s setup.The whirl of wind has Alex peeking over her shoulder to see what she’s done. Kara grins at her from behind an Erlenmeyer flask.“Positive thinking.Do we have time for kissing now?”

Alex huffs a laugh and turns.“Come ‘ere.”

~*~

The last and simultaneously good and bad thing of the day is that they get dismissed early from school.Alex runs over to Kara’s locker because she’s a worry wort and she doesn’t want Kara walking home in the oncoming monsoon.

“Gee Danvers, thanks for the concern.”

Maggie and Winn are in the backseat of Alex’s car and Maggie flips Alex off at the admission.

“Whatever Sawyer.”Alex mumbles, completely focused on the road.

Kara frowns in worry because Alex has been a little off today and it’s… disconcerting.

“Hey Alex,” Winn says, “it’s coming down _pretty_ hard out here.Are you sure Eliza’s ok with you driving in this?”

“My mom’s at a conference.It’s fine.”

“No it’s not.”Kara argues immediately, her frown deepening.“You shouldn’t be alone in this storm.What if something happens?”

“It’s just rain Kara.”Alex glances at her with a small smile, but she still seems upset.“I’ll be fine.”

“If that’s true then let me out here.I’ll walk in the “just rain” and be “fine”.”

Alex huffs.“You’re a bit of a brat sometimes you know that?”

Kara stares at her.

“ _Ugh!_ What do you want me to do? My mom’s not home.”

Reaching over, Kara gently scrapes her nails along the back of Alex’s head and neck, feeling the silky strands of her hair fall between her fingers.

“So stay with us.You can sleep with me tonight.”When Maggie begins to choke in the backseat, Kara ignores her in favor of soothing her girlfriend.Alex’s entire face is red along with her ears which means she’s really embarrassed.“Don’t be a jerk Maggie or I’ll tell Alex what’s under your bed.”

Maggie coughs louder and Alex whips her head towards Kara.

“What’s under her bed?”

“Don’t you fucking dare Zor-El!!!”

Kara grins.

~*~

The rest of the day is fairly uneventful.

The teachers had given them assignments before dismissal and, with Alex being the giant Nerd she was, they all crowd around the dining room table to get them done.

Alex’s argument was that it would leave them with a free weekend, but Kara can see that Maggie kind of wants to kill her.

Luckily, Kara had only had math and physics this morning, so she’s done with her work fairly quickly, but she stays at the table for moral support.At first she just doodles in her notebook but then she catches a glimpse of Alex’s intensely focused face and she begins sketching that.Seriously speaking, Kara doesn’t think she’ll _ever_ get over the way Alex’s ears curve perfectly into her jaw, the lines of her cheekbones, just—all of it.Alex’s entire being was a work of art.

But then she tells herself to reign it in.

Myriah had warned her about being consumed by Alex and, even though she may not have used those exact words, Kara was trying.

Because Myriah had said being the recipient of such devotion could be stressful and Leslie had said that Cat had dumped her over it.

She didn’t want to lose Alex and then _maybe_ be her friend again one day.

She needed to focus on something else.

Like…

Um…

When she sees Winn take a large bite of his sandwich she immediately turns away.The way Winn chewed was… not for the faint of heart.

Maggie looks too angry…

Maybe…

Kara’s eyes land on the chandelier and she nods.

Work.

Leslie had mentioned architecture and, Kara may be an alien, but she understands the basic principles well enough.

Draw a room to scale.

Sounds easy enough.

She starts with her room because she’d had a hand in building it out.It doesn’t take long, and she’s left bored once more.

But… maybe if she added on to it?

Kara’s always wanted her own bathroom.Boys smelled weird and Maggie had a thing about people touching her stuff.Cat obviously had her own bathroom that no one was allowed to so much look at.

If Kara had her own stuff in her own space, she could avoid them all.

She goes a little crazy because this is just for practice and fun so why not?

By the time she’s done figuring out the scale and design of the bathroom it’s time for dinner and Alex is standing behind her massaging her shoulders.

“That looks good but why do you need an ice cream maker in a bathroom?”

“Why wouldn’t you need an ice cream maker in a bathroom?”Kara challenges, dropping her head back and smirking up at her girlfriend.

Alex laughs and presses a kiss to her mouth.

“Touché.Come on, Cat says we have to set the table.”

“Why us?”Kara glances at the empty table.“Where are Winn and Maggie?”

“They went to take naps hours ago.We finished our homework, but you were so focused I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Oh.You left?”For some reason the thought makes her stomach turn but Kara forces it away.Alex is allowed to leave.She’s her own person.

“No.I was going over plays; they canceled the game, so I called J’onn and Vaz for some Captain/Coach review.”Alex points to the living room.“I sat on the couch so I wouldn’t disturb you.” 

Kara blushes and ducks her head.

Perfect.

This woman was absolutely perfect.

“Cat said you could add a bathroom?”Alex continues, indicating Kara’s sketch as she walks towards the cabinet and grabs dishes.There are several pots with steam wafting from them on the stove.Kara must have been really out of it.

“No.That’s just for practice.I’m going to be working for Leslie Willis when the season’s over.”

There’s a slight pause in Alex’s movements as she begins to set out the plates.

“Oh.I didn’t know you were looking for a job.When um, when did this happen?”

Kara doesn’t want to make a thing of it, so she just says, “this morning.” And leaves it at that.

There is after all still some details she needs to work out with Leslie and Cat, and she doesn’t want to jinx it.

“Oh.”

The way that Alex says that doesn’t feel very good, so Kara sets the utensils down and rounds the table to take Alex’s hand in her own.

“Hey, are you ok?You’ve seemed… tense.”

Unfortunately, a loud clap of thunder shakes the house, and they are very suddenly plunged into darkness.Alex squeezes her hand and Kara feels her fumble for something before the soft glow of fire flickers near her face.

Of course Alex has a lighter.

Of course.

Kara almost kisses her but then Winn squeals and there’s the sound of heavy thuds on the steps.

“Winn fell.”Kara says helpfully when Alex’s eyebrow ticks up.“Or Maggie pushed him, it’s uncertain.”

“I wouldn’t push anyone.”Maggie defends herself as she walks into the dining room with a flashlight under her chin.“That’s just violent.”

“She said she felt something on her foot and then jumped on my back.”Winn hobbles into the room with a grimace, his words coming in soft gasps and whimpers of pain.“Nearly took us both out.”

A moment later Cat sweeps into the room with her laptop.

“Winslow; can you fix the internet?”

“Definitely not.”Winn gasps, expression still set in pain even though Maggie’s given him a frozen bag of vegetables.

“It is so hard to find good help.”Cat says, scowling as she spins and exits the room.

Alex sighs and busses a kiss to Kara’s cheek.“Later.We should find some candles before Cat comes back and we can’t see well enough to fight her off.Help me?”

“Of course.”Kara says, leading Alex to the cabinet Cat keeps the emergency supplies in.“It’s this way.”

There’s a troubled feeling in her gut but Kara decides not to push Alex right now.They’re in front of Maggie and Winn and Alex hates speaking about her feelings to _Kara._ Forcing her to talk about it in front of her friends was too much.

Kara’s resolved to be a better girlfriend and the first step will be taking Alex’s wants and needs into consideration.

Even if it makes her uncomfortable.

Even if the last time Alex had seemed so tense and withdrawn was when she’d thought Kara was interested in Kate.

Even if it could be the simplest fix…

Kara can wait.

~*~

Kara can panic.

Alex’s _hand_ is on her boob.

_Alex’s_ hand!

_Alex_.

Alex Danvers super attractive soccer player, genius, and coolest person alive had _her_ hand on _Kara’s_ boob!

This was unreal.

In fact, for a short while Kara actually believes she must be dreaming, but nope.That was still the sound of a storm and Kara can still feel Alex pressed up along her back.Alex’s legs are bent, one of them thrown over Kara’s hip while Alex’s face is buried in the middle of Kara’s shoulders.Her arm is holding Kara tight against her and the hand, as previously mentioned, is tucked over Kara’s breast.

Palming.

Although, to be fair to Alex, _Kara’s_ hand was keeping Alex’s in place.

She isn’t sure what to do and Alex isn’t awake.

What if she wakes up and thinks that Kara had put her hand there?Or correctly assumes that Kara had _kept_ her hand there?

Given how nice it feels, Alex wouldn’t exactly be wrong in her assumptions, but Kara doesn’t want Alex to think poorly of her!She’s just started to grasp how to be a good girlfriend and now…

Rao.

In a move of great acrobatic stealth, Kara manages to slip away unnoticed and then quickly and quietly runs far, far away.

She’s cognizant enough to speed into new clothes and to grab her phone but immediately after that she zooms off to find Leslie.

It seems like a better option than to face Alex right now.

~*~

“We haven’t even spoken about your possible employment and you’ve already run off to work?”

Cat’s voice, tinny and far away, indicates that Kara’s on speaker phone which probably means that Cat is in her office.

Kara and Leslie had spent the morning reviewing the California labor laws for minors and had come up with a workable schedule for Kara to begin with.

“You’re the one who’s always saying I need to be more proactive.This is a start, right?”

“Now?You listen to me now?In the middle of a storm?”

“The powers back up Kitten, and let’s not forget I have a monster truck.Your kid is safe with me.”

“My “kid” left her guest alone.I don’t believe I instilled those manners in her, being safe is the least of her problems right now.”

Ouch.Ok.Yes, that _had_ technically happened, but Alex had Maggie and it wasn’t like she’d never been at the Home before.And Kara had totally meant to go back it’s just that by the time she’d gotten over her mild breast groping induced panic attack, she’d already been halfway through an electricity lesson with Leslie.

It had been a very inopportune time to learn that she liked creating something from almost nothing.Giving an entire house power just by connecting it to the street line?

Insane. 

“I called her.”Kara argues.“She text me back that she was on a conference with Mr. Jones again.”

“A team conference Keira.A team you are still a part of.We do not shirk our obligations simply because shiny new opportunities get flashed at us.”

“Yes Ms. Grant.I know that and I—I’ll talk to Alex when I get back.I’m done here but I just thought since I had Leslie here that we could—”

“Alexandra left a few minutes ago.I’ve already sent Leslie a list of demands, should she agree to them you can start work after Sunday’s game.”

There was a lot to unpack there, one of which being that Cat had a list of demands for Kara’s employment but the most important of which was--

“Alex left?”

~*~

Alex isn’t in the talking mood when Kara calls her on her way home.

“Hey.”

“Hey.Is everything ok?Cat said you left.”

Cat had said she left and Kara had pretty much dropped everything to race out of there and check on Alex.Not something she was proud of but hey, she’s not gonna get over her Alex addiction overnight ok?

“It’s fine.Where were you this morning?”

“I went into work.I left a note.”

She had; she’d just left it on Cat’s door.For Cat.Crap, she was really bad at this.

Alex grunts and Kara feels something heavy settle in the pit of her stomach.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Nope.Listen, I’m really happy you have a new job, and we should definitely do something to celebrate or whatever, but I have to focus right now.I know it may not be a big deal for you, but the championships are pretty important to me.”

Kara stops mid stride, the heavy feeling crawling up her chest and throat like oil, burning and choking as it progressed.

“It _is_ important to me Alex.”

“Maybe.”Alex dismisses, “but it’s like my last game at NC High so you know maybe more important for me but—you know what?I actually just remembered I had to check on something at the lab.Can I call you back later?”

“Yeah,” Kara mumbles, bites her lip, considers; “Or I could go with you?I can review the plays while you—”

“No that’s ok.I’m uh already on the road anyway so talking like this is dangerous.”

There’s something to be said about being an alien with super hearing capabilities.It’s ridiculously easy to tell when someone is lying.Kara doesn’t even need to go into the biological factors like sweating, or increased heart rate, or nervous ticks… no all she has to do is listen closely as Alex’s sheets rustle underneath her; as Alex flicks a ball over her head and catches it.

There is no car.

No sounds of driving.

“Ok.”Kara says because she isn’t sure what else there is _to_ say.“I’ll talk to you later I guess.”

“Bye.”Alex says and hangs up.

~*~

Alex doesn’t call her back.

When Kara gets to her room, she sees a small case on her night stand with a note attached.Curiosity and guilt drive her to snatch it up greedily and read Alex’s scratchy handwriting.

_For your headaches.Sorry about the size, they were my dad’s._

One line.That’s it.

That’s all she got.

Disappointed that the letter was so sparse, Kara instead reaches for the rectangular case, about half the length of her forearm and narrow.She’s wondering if it’s medicine from Eliza but, when she opens it, she finds something even more puzzling.

A pair of glasses, thick frames, kind of masculine but as soon as Kara touches them, she knows they’re different.

As soon as she bothers to _look_ at them, she knows they’ve been encased in led.She’s not sure how exactly Alex did it, probably a paint of some sort but…

Quickly, Kara puts the glasses on and, for the first time in her life on Earth, she knows peace.It’s not quiet, not by a long shot, but it’s no longer chaos.

Goodbye headaches indeed.

~*~

Sunday brings a bright and high sun, most of the wet from the rain having dried overnight.It’s a cool seventy five degrees and Kara’s temper is only slightly higher than that.

Alex hadn’t called her back last night.

Kara had text her and Alex had text back that she was tired.

Tired.

After all that—that—that _bull_ about Kara talking to her when something was wrong.Clearly there is something wrong with Alex.Anyone with any familiarity to her can tell that there is something wrong and for the life of her Kara can’t figure out what it is.

She’s fairly certain it has something to do with her, something she did because it’s _always_ something she did.

But she can’t fix it if Alex won’t let her.If Alex is just going to pretend they’re ok.

The fact that she now understands completely what Alex had been trying to tell Kara all these months is not lost on her, but she really doesn’t need the snide voice in her head telling her that she deserves this.

So to start: Sunday may be a beautiful day, but Kara is way too grumpy to appreciate it.

She throws on her clothes and carefully puts on her new glasses and prepares to be a total bear to everyone around her.

It becomes necessary, however, for her to put those feelings aside when she sees how nervous Maggie is.The extra day had been good for her, Kara had helped her put her ankle up and stretch it out to prevent further injury.Maggie had said it hadn’t been bothering her, but she was the sort of person to play injured for the glory, so Kara hadn’t really trusted her.

After she’s calmed Maggie down it’s a matter of Cat piling everyone into her car and heading down to the field for set up.Winn was in full NC High school attire with Maggie’s name written in duct tape over a white t-shirt he had tie died.He’s got face paint and a big finger and looks wholly enthusiastic.

Even Cat has gotten into the spirit of things.

Although she is clearly not as loud as Winn, she has pre-purchased a flag with Maggie’s number on it and she’s got it written in red on her cheek.It’s subtle but Maggie had almost cried when she’d seen it.

Kara nearly cries when Cat pulls her aside and tells her that she’s “proud of her”, and then shows Kara her own back.

Winn has Sawyer but Cat… Cat’s got Zor-El written—in much classier and neater marker—along her shoulders.

No biggie.

Not emotional at all.

When Cat drops her and Maggie at the field entrance, Kara immediately books it to the ice machines.She’s got to fill two tubs so that the Gatorade and water can cool adequately by the time warmups start.Mr. Jones has already told Kara he wants the team to stretch long, run hard, and cool off. 

A two day break before game time was less than ideal for conditioning.Especially because they’d already had the week off prior to that by protesting.

They’d need to really shock the girls’ bodies awake without injuring them.

It’s as Kara is hauling the coolers into the locker room that Mr. Jones pulls her aside and hands her a package wrapped in plastic.

It’s a full jersey set but with pants instead of shorts and printed along the back is _her_ name.Zor-El.Like it still means something; like she’s still a part of something even with her being an alien on a strange planet.

“You’re part of the team, you dress like the team.Go change Coach.”

Which is why Alex finds her fully dressed and biting back tears a few minutes later.

“You look good Zor-El.”Alex says after a long sigh and appreciative once over.“Suits you.”

Kara grins.“The glasses or the jersey?”

“Both.”Alex says, setting down her gym bag and walking over to push a strand of hair over Kara’s ear.“Everything.”

“Thanks.”Kara says, forgetting her anger for a moment in lieu of the overwhelming joy this gift has brought her.“You wanna trade a jersey after the game?Coach gave me two, so I have a spare.”

Alex’s eyes darken.“Definitely.”

And Kara kisses her, fully and passionately because she’d missed her and Alex had been weird and she’s so happy right now that she wants to _share_ that and Alex is right there and…

She loves her.

Wholly.

Completely.

When she pulls away, they’re both a little out of breath and Kara’s glasses are fogged up and there’s so much Kara wants to say to her but before she can, Mr. Jones comes out and orders everyone to the board.

It’s a blur of prep after that and sooner than she’d even thought possible the teams are taking to the fields.

She hadn’t had a chance to talk to Alex, but she’d seen Mr. Jones pull her aside and talk to her.

Kara can only hope that he’d been able to talk her down.The last time Alex had been off before a game, she’d broken a girl’s nose.

Very badly.

“You see that official towards the back, right corner by the fifteen?”Mr. Jones keeps his eyes on the coin toss, his scowl deepening when Vasquez calls heads and it lands on tails.

“Yeah.”

“He’s Harper’s brother, anti-alien and holding a grudge over Harper and what happened with Danvers and Sawyer at that game.I need you to work up a defense that will keep this fair.”

Kara’s already got her notebook out, biting her lip in concentration as her hand blurs over the page.

“Can’t we just report him?”

“Not without making him angry.Besides, he hasn’t technically done anything yet.The key is to deescalate these situations, beat them at their own game.”

“Yes sir.”

It’s easy to agree with Mr. Jones because he’s an adult; a three hundred plus year old adult alien refugee from Mars who has lost just as much as Kara has.

He’s got experience, knowledge, and maturity that she does not.

But by the end of the first half Kara’s done so many position shifts and zone switches due to injury calls that her head  _actually_ hurts.

The other team is ruthless, and it seems like unless it is a thousand percent flagrant, they aren’t going to make a call.It’s the most physical game of soccer Kara’s seen.

On top of that, Alex is playing scared.

She’s not doing too terribly but every time the defense converges on her, it seems like she panics.The last play of the game, Alex had literally taken one for the team and played like herself for five seconds, managing to kick a pass out to Maggie for a goal.

Unfortunately, the other team had missed the memo on sportsman like behavior and Alex is tackled to the ground like it’s a game of American football.

There’s no call on the play but, when the player that had tackled Alex uses Alex’s head instead of the ground as a means to push herself up, one of the refs gives her a warning.

A fucking warning.

Kara’s more than a little pissed and the boos from the crowd show that she isn’t the only one.

As the ref’s call the half, Mr. Jones tugs on Kara’s arm and subtly nods at where Vasquez and Maggie are helping Alex up and off the field.

“I’ll talk to the team, you take Alex.”

“Me?But—”

“Whatever it is going on between you two, settle it.She can’t fight two battles out there.”

And that pretty much settles that.

Score at the half 3-1 Bludhaven.

~*~

Kara catches Alex before she can go into the locker room and steers her into Mr. Jones’ office instead.The fact that she has the key tells Alex this is more than Kara sneaking her off for girlfriend duties.

“You need to tell me what’s going on with you.”Kara states, as firmly as she can.

“Kara… I am literally in the middle of a game and—”

“Tell me what is going on with you.Tell me!You said we were supposed to be honest with each other and now you’re upset and you’re not being honest with  _me!_ ”

Alex’s jaw jumps, clenching and relaxing as she looks off to the side.

And Alex may be keeping quiet, but she doesn’t quite manage to hide the wince on her face the movements bring.

Kara’s at her side in a second, her hand coated in a thin film of ice as she holds it to Alex’s bruised and scraped cheek.

Homicidal thoughts are extremely dangerous for any one person to have, let alone a person with Kara’s abilities, but she has them anyone.Vivid ones.

Of her punting that girl into the sun.

“ _Please_ Alex.I don’t know what I did wrong and it’s messing you up.I don’t want to be the reason you lose this.Not after you’ve worked so hard to get here.”Using her other hand, Kara tilts Alex’s face up, surprised to see that her eyes are rimmed red with tears.“I know how important this is to you.”

Alex grunts.

Shakes her head.

A deep breath and rueful laugh.

“You’re slipping away from me Zor-El.”Alex goes for aloof but then her voice catches, her chest stuttering a little when her emotions begin to overwhelm her.Kara begins pressing little kisses to her temple to try to soothe her.“You’re slipping away and I don’t know what  _I_ did.I don’t—it’s like after your session with Myriah you put me on the back burner and I—fuck—I—”

“No.”Kara soothes, kissing Alex again and again.“No, I’m not slipping away.Not ever.”

This conversation is so reminiscent of previous ones, only this time it’s Kara reassuring  _Alex._ Who would have thought they’d ever reach this scenario?

“Yeah you—I get that you didn’t want to talk that night but you were distant on Friday and then you got a job which is  _so_ great honey but you didn’t even talk to me about it—not that you need my approval but you didn’t even—” Alex stops long enough to dash hand under her nose, shaking her head ruefully.“There’s this wall now and I feel it but I don’t know  _why_ and—and then you were just  _gone_ when I woke up and—”

“Breathe.”Kara interrupts.“Take a breath.”

Alex does.

Alex takes a few steps away from her and rubs frustrated hands over her face, drawing another wince.

“I can’t do this right now.I can’t—”

“You were touching my boob.”

Crap.

Kara had  _not_ meant for it to come out that way.Crap.

“ _What?!_ ”

“Not like—when I woke up yesterday, your hand was on my—and it felt really nice but I freaked out over it because—I don’t know but I freaked and ran to Leslie to distract myself.”

Now Alex’s frustrated hands are raking through her hair and creating a completely distracting look.

“Kara I am so—”

“And I didn’t tell you about the job because it wasn’t set in stone yet and I’m trying—” Crap, she didn’t know how to word this.“Myriah asked me what I wanted to do after the season was over.”

“And you chose a job?”

“No.I chose you.”The way Alex softens melts Kara’s heart but that’s the whole point isn’t it?These dependencies?“I’ll always choose you but that’s part of the problem.I’m putting too much on you, way too much and you’re so amazing that you’ll just let me.You’ll break yourself in half in order to keep me happy and that’s not what I want for us.I needed to find my own things.Away from you.I don’t want to just be your friend.”

“You wouldn’t be—"

Alex tries to talk, tries to step closer in an attempt to pacify but Kara’s already on a roll.

“I would.Just like Cat and Leslie.”

“We are  _not_ Cat and Leslie! —wait they  _dated_ ?”

Kara talks right over her.

“I just get so scared sometimes because Earth is so different from what I know and what I’m used to and there are all these shows and magazines that tell you that your first relationship never lasts and your  _mine_ but I know how annoying I can be and how needy and I don’t want you to think that about me even if I think that about myself—”

“—Kara—”

“And it feels so temporary because you’re a senior and I’m still a junior and I know you’re not ashamed of me but what if one day you are?What if one day you  _don’t_ answer your phone?What if this all changes and you see me the way that other people see me or the way I see me when I’m not feeling great about me and what if that’s the real me—”

“—Kara! —” Alex steps forward, grabs Kara’s biceps and shakes but Kara can’t stop, can barely breathe now that this is all coming out.

“And I’m so scared all the time because I feel so much for you; I feel like you were made for me and I love you so much,” her voice cracks, Alex stills, she can’t stop.“And I love Cat and Maggie and Winn and the team and it’s just that the last time I loved people or had people that loved me my whole world exploded and I don’t want to go through that again.”

Alex’s eyes are wide, her mouth trembling as she stares at Kara in shock.

“I love you,” Kara whispers, feeling spent and tired.“I love you and I don’t think I’d survive it if I lost you.”

There’s silence.

A lot of silence.

Kara’s staring at the floor, her heart pounding in her ribcage.They’ve barely been in here for five minutes and she’d just…  _exploded_ like that.Just word vomit everywhere and this was supposed to be about making Alex feel better not unloading on her in the middle of one of the most important games of—

In the breadth of a second, Kara’s being kissed; she’s being kissed and guided backwards until her thighs hit the edge of Mr. Jones’ desk.And then Alex lifts her onto the sparse surface and kisses her some more and her hands are squeezing Kara’s thighs and it’s—

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

Her glasses clatter to the ground and somehow it’s still  _wow._

“Shit.”Alex says, pulling back and pressing her forehead to Kara’s shoulder.“Shit honey I can’t—shit.”

“I’m sorry I—”

“No!No, no it’s not… shit.”Alex pulls back and Kara gets a good look at her face: eyes tearing, face flushed, and a smile so achingly fragile that Kara feels it in her stomach.“You love me?”

“Yes.”Kara admits, swallows, and tries to tell her how much but it seems all of her words are gone.All but one.“Ardently.”

There may or may not have been a point in their relationship where Alex had gotten Kara mutually addicted to Kiera Knightley.

Alex moves in for another kiss but, although Kara would enjoy nothing more than making out with her girlfriend after such a life altering confession, they have other priorities at the moment.

“Alex,” Kara presses a hand to her shoulder to keep her back.“The game.”

The budding smile vanishes, taking with it the warmth of the moment as Alex sags and rubs her face again.

“We’re going to lose.They’re a better team.”

“No they’re not.”

“They are and number twenty five is too fast, I can’t make a move without her crowding me.”

Kara rolls her eyes.“She’s not fast, she’s close.”

The way Alex is stressing about this girl makes Kara’s earlier thoughts of homicide return.Maybe she wouldn’t kill her, but scaring her?Totally within her wheelhouse.

“What?”

“She stays on you and waves her body about to make it look like she’s everywhere but if you dropped back on her and did a spin, she’d be toast.”

Alex blinks, “ _what_ ?”

~*~

“Is it settled?”Mr. Jones asks when they’re back on the bench.

Alex is on the field, head close to Maggie’s as she delivers some message.

“Yes sir.”

Most of Kara’s focus now is on Alex, to see if their new strategy will actually work.It’s actually fairly simple but it would require a lot from Alex physically.Once they’d figured out their new strategy, they’d hurried back to the team for the last five minutes of the half and Kara had sped through a new defensive strategy to keep that ref off their backs.

The situation hadn’t looked great when the girls had first come off the field, they’d looked pretty defeated and more than a few of them were nursing some bruises and scrapes.

Whatever Mr. Jones had said to them seems to have given them a second life and Kara’s new strategy is met with fierce looks of determination.

Now they’re back on the field and Kara can  _feel_ the renewed energy.

Mr. Jones nods beside her and watches the kickoff.

“Good.”

The first few minutes are rough but then Ava manages a steal and volleys it down the field.When Alex gets the ball the defense tries the same tired pressure play on her but Alex ducks around number 25, levels the ball up to her chest and delivers a powerful pass to Maggie in a “get out of the way or be brained” kind of move.

Kara had believed this would alleviate some of her anger issues.

It does but only for a second because, while Maggie scores a clean goal off of that assist, the defense too slow to guard both Alex  _and_ Maggie, her own defender had tugged at Maggie’s arm when she’d fallen and taken her down with her.

And now Maggie isn’t really moving.

And Alex is kneeling over her and then frantically waving for help.

~*~

An ankle injury; possible tear.

That’s what their athletic trainer says anyway.

Kara’s got eyes and enough human physiology knowledge to know that it’s bad but not as bad as it could have been.She wants to beat herself up for not having seen it sooner.Maggie’s ankle had been a problem for a few days now and Kara hadn’t thought to look up possible injuries.

“Hey,” Alex is saying as the trainer, Beth, splints Maggie’s ankle.She’s got her best friend’s hand in hers and one ear on the field.“You got us this far doofus, don’t worry about the rest of it.”

“They’re gonna put your ugly mug on my victory tour.”Maggie says with such melancholy she deserves an Oscar.The tears are real, the melodrama used more as a way to make those very real tears less noticeable.“Tell my fans about me.”

“Whatever; we’ll bring the trophy straight to you as soon as we finish wiping the turf with these fuckers.”

They exchange an incredibly dorky and cute complicated handshake and then Alex heads back to the field.

“Kick them in the boobs!”Maggie calls out after her.

Alex shakes her head.“No, thank you!”

And they’re down their best striker.

~*~

10 minutes left in the game, score 3-2 Bludhaven.

~*~

The next play comes with five minutes left of play and it’s an amazingly insane bit of luck and skill that makes it happen.

After a missed goal attempt by Maggie’s replacement, Bludhaven begins bringing the ball up the field.They’re slower now but just as physical, maybe even more so as their exhaustion begins to set in.

They’d probably won all of their games by bullying up the score in the first half of the game and destroying the other team’s moral for the rest of it.

National City’s players may not be used to the brutish play, but they’d run their butts off all season, Mr. Jones emphasizing conditioning over everything.

Bludhaven honestly wasn’t even at fault for it, even Kara hadn’t seen Vasquez duck between a pass and perform a near faultless overhead kick about a quarter down the pitch.

She was way too far away for that to have been sighted correctly and yet, as luck would have it, Bludhaven’s goalie hadn’t known what happened until it was too late.The block is wide, the ball is true, and the ref’s whistle is barely heard over the screams of the crowd and the celebrating teams.

Kara’s own throat is becoming a little sore from all the yelling she’s been doing.

This is amazing!

This is nerve-wracking!

She’s going to vibrate out of her skin!

And then Alex looks at her and smirks and Kara’s heart feels so full and for the first time today, she knows things are going to be ok.

~*~

Score with four minutes, forty seven seconds left of play: 3-3 Bludhaven’s ball. No timeouts remaining.

~*~

The next two minutes stretch into eternity for Kara; there’s goal attempts and shoving and it even begins to drizzle a little.

Kara’s chewing on the edge of her nail when it happens.Vasquez had sent a pass to Alex, but it seems that at that moment Alex’s defense decided they had had enough.Alex gets tugged down to the dirt but, in her defender’s haste to kick the ball to her team, the girl slips on the turf and falls on Alex’s head.

The crowd groans in sympathy and a call is made.

Free kick to National City for the jersey tug; after injury time for Alex to clean her face.

Mr. Jones speaks quickly as Beth the trainer presses ice to either side of Alex’s nose. There’s a small trickle of blood but Kara can’t do much besides massage the back of Alex’s neck.

“Who wants to take the shot?”

“Maggie.”Vasquez states solemnly. “I’ve decided her ankle means shit to me.”

“Gee, thanks Vaz!”Maggie hits her with a crutch.

“Nia can do it.”Alex says, wincing a little as she gets cotton shoved up her nose.“I’ve had Maggie practicing with her.”

“Oh.”Nia, one of the younger players with a level of awkward Kara found endearing immediately begins waving her hands.“Oh no, I’m just a sophomore.”

“Why does that matter?”Mr. Jones asks.

“I—”

“Nia,” Alex interrupts, shaking out her head and wiping off the rest of the dirt and blood.“You can do this.You’ve practiced  _for_ this.Whether you miss or not, we’re still in this game.”

Maggie nods.“What she said.”

“Right.”Nia squeaks.“Right.”

“Hey!”Kara calls, stepping forward with her large sketchpad and marker.“The goal means nothing if we waste the last two minutes.This is what we’re gonna do.”

Maggie takes one look and slumps.“Fuck me.”

“That’s…”Alex trails off, head cocked in a near seventy five degree angle.

“What the fuck is that?”Vasquez asks, peering closer.

Kara grins and excitedly fidgets with the frames of her glasses.“I call it the Annexation of Puerto Rico.”

~*~

Nia makes the goal but unfortunately, Bludhaven is a lot more stubborn than would be enjoyable.

They score a goal on the conversion.

4-4 tied with fifty two seconds on the clock.

~*~

There are moments, short and maybe even a little inconsequential in the large scheme of things, but utterly and wholly breathtaking.

Kara’s pretty sure the entire stadium is holding their breath as the ball goes back into action for the last play of the game.

It’s a crazy play.

Absolutely nothing gives proof to this being able to work.

Before the Bludhaven goalie can even loft the ball down the field, Alex takes off, her short hair flying out behind her as her defender struggles to change course.

Ava catches the ball of her chest, fakes a pass to Vasquez.Vasquez steps in and gives Ava room to sidestep passed her defender. Ava kicks the ball in a beautiful high arc that chases after Alex.

It’s designed to be a copycat from the most used trick play in football movie history.Soccer doesn’t have the same rules or the same thought process so Kara had kind of hoped no one would expect a play like this.

As it is, Alex has a good three yards on any of Bludhaven’s players and she’s running like her life depends on it.

Kara clutches her notebook to her chest.

Mr. Jones’ hand lands on Kara’s shoulder.

Maggie is on her crutches, one hand clenched in the material of Kara’s jersey as she shakes her.

It’s insanely, eerily quiet.

And then the ball lands near the twenty yard line.

In front of and to the left of Alex who pivots wonderfully, catches the ball on her insole.

Alex isn’t a striker, but she is one of the most well rounded players on the team which is why Kara had chosen her for this last play.

Confidence? Check.

Skill? Check.

Girlfriend points?Of course not, but also check.

Alex takes the ball straight up the field; the Bludhaven goalie is alone, she comes out to intimidate, Alex fakes a kick, the goalie dives; open net, open net, open n—

Alex draws her leg back, the defense finally catching up but not soon enough and—

Goal!!!

The stands shake with screams and applause, chants of “Danvers” going down the line.

With five seconds left of play, there’s no way for Bludhaven to come back but those two sharp whistles from the officials that call the game have never sounded more beautiful to Kara.

5-4 National City.

~*~

Kara’s never won a championship game before so she’s wholly unprepared when the bench players dump one of coolers over Kara’s head.

They’d originally been going for Mr. Jones, but his serious face had steered them towards his assistant coach instead.

And at first Kara had taken offense, but then Maggie was there laughing at her, catching her glasses and wiping Gatorade out of her face yelling: “welcome to the team” as she gets her own cooler dumped on her.

Apparently, this is a bonding thing.

Alex is still on the field, being carted around on shoulders in a victory lap with Vasquez right next to her.They’re both covered in dirt and sweat; Vasquez has somehow lost an entire shin guard; Alex’s face is all scraped up and red.

She looks absolutely stunning.

Kara can’t stop looking at her.

And, when Alex’s gaze snaps to hers like a magnet, it’s second nature to begin running towards her, through people and streamers and confetti, notebook landing forgotten on the bench.

Alex barely has time to mumble, “put me down,” and set her legs before Kara is on her.And it feels like they rehearsed this a little, the way Alex’s hands automatically go towards her thighs to lift her up and the way Kara wraps around her in turn.

It’s like they rehearsed this.

But there’s no way Kara could ever have planned for a kiss this good; planned for the way Alex held her up; planned for the captivating little hitch of Alex’s breath moments before their mouths meet; no way to account for the cheers from the team, the good natured jostling, the immense sense of  _belonging._

It’s a high better than those weed cookies Sara had given her.

“I love you.”Alex gasps when she pulls away.“I love you and I want you to have your own things, but I also want you to share it with me. All of it.”

“But I—”

“You are  _not_ a burden.No matter what your head tells you, I will always want to know everything, and I will spend the rest of my life listening to you if you’ll let me. We are  _not_ Cat and Leslie, we are Kara and Alex, and we are  _forever._ Fuck the books and the studies and the bullshit movies, you are  _it_ for me Kara Zor-El.You’re my fucking happily ever after, got it?”

“Yeah.”Kara cries, threading her fingers through Alex’s sweaty hair.“Ok; I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

Barely able to breathe, let alone speak after such a speech, Kara does what’s left to her and kisses Alex again.

And again and again and aga—

A second cooler gets dumped on her—or more accurately on Alex but they’re attached at the mouth, so Kara gets wet too and she giggles at Alex’s look of affront.

Maggie’s up on Ava’s shoulders and she nearly drops the cooler she and Vasquez are holding and falls off she’s laughing so hard.

This time it’s water so it washes away some of the stickiness the Gatorade left behind.

And it’s loud and happy and Alex is so so beautiful.

And Kara can imagine them twenty years from now, as happy and in love as they are in this moment, but she knows that that’s still just a fantasy.It might be one she’s going to work very hard at achieving, but it’s not real and no one can ever guarantee her that it will be real.Those kinds of promises aren’t meant to be made and, after everything she’s lost, she wouldn’t dream of promising Alex a forever.

But she can promise that she’ll try.

And that she’ll fight.

And that any time she gets sad or angry or wants to shake some sense into herself or Alex, she’ll bring out this moment; this precious, beautiful moment of  _excellence_ and know that despite everything else, they’re a team and they’re in love and it’s perfect.

~*~

Of course both Eliza and Cat—because Kara’s fairly certain that Cat has been taking  **_Mom_ ** lessons from Eliza—had recorded the whole thing and Winn cuts the clips together and they all play the video as a gift for the couple…

Six years later at their wedding reception.

Fucking happily ever after.

~*~

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long road. I started this near the beginning of quarantine thinking we'd be out of it by summer. Silly me.
> 
> Now I'm neck deep in applications and I neglected this little guy for a month! Who knew!? Not me... Not me.
> 
> Anyway, in my time away I binged Legend of Korra on Netflix because I heard Korrasami was a thing. I was mildly disappointed that the fans had greater imaginations than the producers who think lgbtq characters kill kids or something BUT that is why Asami is in here. I've fallen in love with her and no one can take her away!
> 
> Kara tells Alex that she loves her ardently and I got that from Mr. Darcy telling Lizzie he loved her. Minus the heartache.
> 
> How was that for a confession though?! My girl Kara showed her hand! Get em.
> 
> The blackout incident, remember when I told you guys that I was terrified of rodents? Well, guess who jumped on their little brother's back one time and nearly broke him? This girl! Don't worry I popped his spine back in all by myself 0:). My poor parents lmfao.
> 
> The annexation of puerto rico is from my FAVORITE movie (i have a lot of favorite movies) The Little Giants! If you haven't seen it, you must. It defined my childhood. This play is a pass instead of a run though just cause i couldn't figure out faking in soccer.
> 
> How sweet were Winn and Cat with their colors huh? I really love how Cat shaped up in this story; i miss her so much. I hope they bring her back for this last season (fuck you cw).
> 
> Lastly, Kara going for architecture as her form of art expression is my new aesthetic. It's largely due to Asami and i *was* going to have Kar just design cars with her but then i said, nah. Kara's already got that thing going with Leslie. Build a skyscraper, not a suburb.
> 
> And I think that's it? This was really fun guys, now I've got to get back to my applications. I'll see you for secret santa!


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